Child Support Notice Received Even Though a Different Father is On Birth Certificate

It is my business. What ever decision reached will have an impact on my family.

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Quoting Abradwell

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It is my business. What ever decision reached will have an impact on my family.

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Bottom line, if he is found to be the father, he WILL be paying child support. He can file for custody if he wants to, and he would likely get joint legal custody (joint decision making) but the odds of him winning a case for a 50/50 timeshare or primary residential custody are slim to none, and slim has left the building.

Even with a 50/50 timeshare the parent with the higher income pays some child support.

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Quoting Abradwell

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He is going to do exactly what the courts ask of him. And if he is the father we will be seeking custody. In the event joint custody is awarded, will he still be required to pay child support? The mother is only concerned with a paycheck and not creating a relationship between father and child.

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Ah, I see. The old "if I have to pay, I wanna have the kid!" syndrome.

While you're lying to yourself that Mommy is only concerned about a paycheck (and really - if you seriously think that child support actually comes close to what it actually costs to raise a child, you're dreaming) exactly where was your stellar husband when he failed to check where he'd left his little soldiers?

Hmmm? Oh.

Yes, he'll be paying support. No, he won't get custody. And the chances of him getting a 50/50 timeshare are miniscule. That should clear up your questions quite nicely, I believe.

Why is it so difficult to obtain 50/50 time share? Is it just the state laws? We offer a more stable home environment than the mother.

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I know what it cost to raise a child, we have one together. This happened before our relationship. She informed my husband she was pregnant then cut off all communication with him. Then claimed the child was someone else's, naming said person on the birth certificate. If he is the father, he would like to be apart of her life, not just write a check and forget about her. I was just looking for some insight on a subject I am
not familiar with. I didn't expect everyone to be so rude.

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And who wouldn't want to see and have a relationship with someone they helped create, whether he has to pay or not?

Abradwell, don't let the responses you've been getting get you down. Your topic is a very sensitive subject that some of us feel quite passionately about. Here's my uncondescending response/questions.

How old is this child? You mentioned that ahw was a product of a relationship before you married your husband and you now have a child together, so I'm guessing she is not an infant. So here's my non-legal feedback.

Unless mom was married to the guy she named on the birth certificate, he's not "legally" the father. My guess is she may have applied for some sort of government aid or tried to go after this guy for support on her own and he said "I'm not be the father" so a DNA test was done and sure enough he wasn't. Now she's going after the other guy(s) that she thinks could be dad (and as far as you know, there could be several others that are being tested as well). So do exactly what you're doing and have a DNA test done. I don't even think I would waste the money on a lawyer yet either since you (and of course you and everyone else knows that when I say "you" I mean your husband) can't do much until you find out if he's the father or not. If he is ..... he'd hire a lawyer and get visitation established.

You asked if it was totally out of the question to get 50/50 custody. Considering the situation (she's not an infant, he's not been in her life at all, and mom and dad obviously can't co-parent) I would have to venture to say it would be one heck of a long shot. He needs to start out by just introducing himself to her and taking it slowly. Don't assume that because your husband can offer her a "better" life means a court will think the same. No amount of money or size of your house or school system is deemed "better" so if I were you, I'd not play that card in court.

As for support .... even if your husband was awarded 50/50 it's VERY possible he'd still have to pay her support unless they both made about the same income. And, you and your child together will not factor into the amount he will be asked to pay. This child came before you or your child so they will consider her to be first in line for support. I know, it doesn't seem fair buts it's just how it goes. Also, your income wont be a factor in determining support either. They only look at his and hers.

I agree this whole thing absolutely does effect you and your child, however ... try and allow your husband to really be the leader here. Be his behind the scenes supporter but allow him and this woman to hash this out together. I know you're angry and disappointed but that coming out in mediation or court or whenever will not help his case. I say this to protect you and even out the odds in the long run. Should he be the father ... I would HIGHLY suggest you and mom try to be as friendly and understanding as humanly possible. It's ALWAYS in the child's best interest when everyone can get along.

So to sum it up:
1. DNA test and results
2. If he's the father then I'd hire an attorney and request visitation to establish a relationship
3. Keep the communication respectful and with the child in mind
4. Don't attempt to fight for custody unless you really feel mom is putting the child in danger. Otherwise you'll be spending money for nothing.

Good luck to you and your family. I hope this will all work out.

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Quoting Abradwell

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Why is it so difficult to obtain 50/50 time share? Is it just the state laws? We offer a more stable home environment than the mother.

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Because at this point, she has several years' worth of having sole custody and your husband is an absolute stranger. That is an incredibly difficult burden to overcome - and let's be honest, neither you nor him truly know how the child has been raised. It can't be that bad else the state would have been involved... right?

This child knows nothing other than her current environment. Is it really in her best interest to be snatched from everything she knows in order to go and live with a stranger? Or even half the time with that stranger?

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I know what it cost to raise a child, we have one together. This happened before our relationship. She informed my husband she was pregnant then cut off all communication with him. Then claimed the child was someone else's, naming said person on the birth certificate. If he is the father, he would like to be apart of her life, not just write a check and forget about her. I was just looking for some insight on a subject I am
not familiar with. I didn't expect everyone to be so rude.

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He's absolutely going to be allowed to be a significant part of her life. You will, too - simply by virtue of being his wife. I don't believe anybody has suggested otherwise, have they?

You were the one who brought up Mom just wanting a check. I understand you're confused, and you have no idea what to do with this information and your reaction is very common. But come on now - suggesting that Mom only wants a check is just silly.

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And who wouldn't want to see and have a relationship with someone they helped create, whether he has to pay or not?

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Having a relationship with his child does not equate to having custody.

I strongly suggest that you do take some time out for yourself. You have a lot to process here - perhaps moreso than your husband. And your husband needs to own his part in this; it's not as if she came out of the blue. He knew she was pregnant - he had soooo many ways of making sure he was there for his child from the get-go. He chose not to do that.

You just received notice of this yesterday, meaning dad just found out he has another (possible) child as of yesterday, but you know the mom only wants a check and that you can provide a better environment for this child...

How's that now?

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Quoting wess1881

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You just received notice of this yesterday, meaning dad just found out he has another (possible) child as of yesterday, but you know the mom only wants a check and that you can provide a better environment for this child...

How's that now?

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I'm not a betting gal, but dollars to donuts Dad has known about this for quite a lot longer than his wife ...

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Quoting Dogmatique

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I'm not a betting gal, but dollars to donuts Dad has known about this for quite a lot longer than his wife ...

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Might explain the tone of the wife a bit better.