Emergency Hearing for Supervised Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mississippi

My husband and his ex wife divorced when their daughter was less than 2 years old (shes now 9). My husband was granted primary physical custody and they shared joint legal custody. My stepdaughter has lived with her dad and me only since this time. In 2010 his ex wife moved 4 hours away and made no new schedule for visitation (prior visitation was set up as standard Farese). The ex wife only had visits with the child 3-4x (due to her choice and schedule, not due to any withholding on my husbands part) a YEAR from 2010-2014 and MOST of those visits were in the grandmother's home. Last year my husband sought full physical and legal custody due to his ex being so far away and not being active in his daughter's life and not maintaining any kind of routine visitation as well as for neglectful and immoral behaviors the child was exposed to on the infrequent visits with the mother . It was agreed with the attorneys and mother signed papers before the court date that: the mother would see child for a weekend every 6 weeks, 1 week in June, 1 week in July, 1 week during Christmas holidays, even years she would get child for Thanksgiving. In the 10 months since the Modification, the mother has missed 3 visits and has failed to pay her portion of medical expenses on the child (both parents are responsible for 50% of ALL medical) and has violated the court order for appointed drop off times.

On the 1st 3 visits with the child after the Modification, child returned home sick and had to be carried to dr and treated for 1.strep, 2. pharyngitis and upper respiratory infection, and 3. flu. Mother was aware she and/or her boyfriend were sick when she picked child up each time and did not disclose this information until the child was returned sick each time. Even when we asked mother why she didnt disclose this information and make other visitation arrangements when there wasnt sickness in the home, her reply was "it was her weekend and she could do what she wanted..it was none of our business and we were responsible for taking the kid to the doctor when she was sick". We did not send the child to her sick, she RETURNED sick after exposure

After the 1 week visit in June (which the mother scheduled for June 26-July 5 bc she did not want 2 separate weeks of summer visitation) the child returned home and stated that during her visit she was not given meals and when she told her mom she was hungry she was told there wasnt any food and she was broke. Child stated she ate left over dipping dots for supper that night. She stated it was normal for her to not be given breakfast and to have to be hungry and miss meals when she visited in the mother's home. She said they did not keep food in the house so they had to eat out most times and if there wasnt enough money to eat out, they did without. (this is not the 1st time this matter has been brought up when the child visited in mother's home) She also stated her mother and her new husband screamed, argued and cussed in front of her all the time and she told them it made her nervous when they did that and her mother told her it only happened when she was around. She also stated the home was filthy with cat and dog vomit and feces in the floor not being cleaned up, leading to people stepping in it. She stated there was roaches in the clothes and that it was generally just filthy and smelly. Child has stated several times that the mom frequently gets angry and screams and cusses which scares her. she said her mom is always saying bad and ugly words about her dad and me (stepmom). she said she agrees with everything her mother says bc she is scared of her mother getting mad at her and cussing her. We sought advice on how to handle this (there is no mediating with the mother as she frequently cusses us out if we speak to her over any concerns the child has, so most communication is futile). We were told to report to Child Protective Services but we were trying to avoid doing so as to not cause a DHS war if no action could be taken on behalf of DHS. We were told to withhold visitation and let the mother sue for Contempt and then us counter sue for new Modification but we did not want to not exhaust any avenue possible and break a court order. We went ahead and reported to Child Protective Services and the mother cancelled her next visitation (which was Aug 14) This case is still open at this time and under investigation. CPS advised us to get an attorney for emergency hearing for supervised visitation and subpeona the dhs records (there are 2). Our attorney has been out of the office since this was reported ( a week and half ago). Our main question is, is the facts in these DHS reports given by my stepdaughter enough to prove the mother is unfit and either deny visitation or set up supervised visitation in the grandmother's home or something of this nature ?


Also prior to the modification that granted my husband full legal and physical custody, on the few visits the child had with the mother that was not in the grandmother's home (abt 1x a year), child was always returned early with the mother stating she could not afford child, child was too loud and messy, child was "trashing" up her vehicle and that she (the mother) needed a break. Also, the mother has a child from a marriage previous to being married to my husband (this child is 13) whom she also lost custody of due to neglect.

Quote:

---

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mississippi

My husband and his ex wife divorced when their daughter was less than 2 years old (shes now 9). My husband was granted primary physical custody and they shared joint legal custody. My stepdaughter has lived with her dad and me only since this time. In 2010 his ex wife moved 4 hours away and made no new schedule for visitation (prior visitation was set up as standard Farese). The ex wife only had visits with the child 3-4x (due to her choice and schedule, not due to any withholding on my husbands part) a YEAR from 2010-2014 and MOST of those visits were in the grandmother's home. Last year my husband sought full physical and legal custody due to his ex being so far away and not being active in his daughter's life and not maintaining any kind of routine visitation as well as for neglectful and immoral behaviors the child was exposed to on the infrequent visits with the mother . It was agreed with the attorneys and mother signed papers before the court date that: the mother would see child for a weekend every 6 weeks, 1 week in June, 1 week in July, 1 week during Christmas holidays, even years she would get child for Thanksgiving. In the 10 months since the Modification, the mother has missed 3 visits and has failed to pay her portion of medical expenses on the child (both parents are responsible for 50% of ALL medical) and has violated the court order for appointed drop off times.

---

And? Visitation is a right and NOT an obligation. Furthermore, did dad provide insurance information and invoices showing what was covered? How has she violated the court order for drop off? By how much?

Quote:

---

On the 1st 3 visits with the child after the Modification, child returned home sick and had to be carried to dr and treated for 1.strep, 2. pharyngitis and upper respiratory infection, and 3. flu. Mother was aware she and her boyfriend were sick when she picked child up each time and did not disclose this information until the child was returned sick each time.

---

Children get sick. Does the child ever come home from school sick? Is she ever sent to school when she is coughing or sneezing?

Quote:

---

After the 1 week visit in June (which the mother scheduled for June 26-July 5 bc she did not want 2 separate weeks of summer visitation) the child returned home and stated that during her visit she was not given meals and when she told her mom she was hungry she was told there wasnt any food and she was broke. Child stated she ate left over dipping dots for supper that night. She stated it was normal for her to not be given breakfast and to have to be hungry and miss meals when she visited in the mother's home. She said they did not keep food in the house so they had to eat out most times and if there wasnt enough money to eat out, they did without. (this is not the 1st time this matter has been brought up when the child visited in mother's home)

---

What evidence is there of this? Has dad talked to mom?

Quote:

---

She also stated her mother and her new husband screamed, argued and cussed in front of her all the time and she told them it made her nervous when they did that and her mother told her it only happened when she was around.

---

All the time? Not believing it.

Quote:

---

She also stated the home was filthy with cat and dog vomit and feces in the floor not being cleaned up, leading to people stepping in it. She stated there was roaches in the clothes and that it was generally just filthy and smelly.

---

Really? Does the child clean anything? How many roaches has she brought home to dad?

Quote:

---

Child has stated several times that the mom frequently gets angry and screams and cusses which scares her. she said her mom is always saying bad and ugly words about her dad and me (stepmom).

---

So now mom only FREQUENTLY screams and cusses instead of ALL THE TIME.

Quote:

---

she said she agrees with everything her mother says bc she is scared of her mother getting mad at her and cussing her. We sought advice on how to handle this (there is no mediating with the mother as she frequently cusses us out if we speak to her over any concerns the child has, so most communication is futile).

---

You shouldn't be communicating with mom about anything. Dad should be able to attempt to communicate with her.

Quote:

---

We were told to report to Child Protective Services but we were trying to avoid doing so as to not cause a DHS war if no action could be taken on behalf of DHS. We were told to withhold visitation and let the mother sue for Contempt and then us counter sue for new Modification but we did not want to not exhaust any avenue possible and break a court order. We went ahead and reported to Child Protective Services and the mother cancelled her next visitation (which was Aug 14) This case is still open at this time and under investigation. CPS advised us to get an attorney for emergency hearing for supervised visitation and subpeona the dhs records (there are 2). Our attorney has been out of the office since this was reported ( a week and half ago). Our main question is, is the facts in these DHS reports given by my stepdaughter enough to prove the mother is unfit and either deny visitation or set up supervised visitation in the grandmother's home or something of this nature ?

---

You are overstepping immensely. YOU don't have an attorney. YOU can't do anything in regards of visitation. YOU can't file for a modification. YOU ... see how this works. Send dad here. Oh and unless DHS has SEEN anything, then what is stated by the child is HEARSAY and inadmissible.

her rights for visits have never been denied, even when she refused to adhere to any schedule. any weekend she called and asked for visits she was granted ...yes dad has always insured child and mother has been apprised of each and every visit and provided copies of each and every bill.
yes children get sick, child is 9 years old and has been sent home from school 1x in 5 years..that was not willfully and knowingly taking a child into an environment and exposing them to sickness.

dad has tried communicating with mom any time the child has expressed concerns or worries and it has been futile. anger, aggression and screaming is her normal response. the child's 8 yr old stepsister stated that the child's allegations were true so unless 2 kids got together to lie, we believe the children.

and actually the child has stated she cleans what she can when she in the mother's home.

the child has always said her mom gets angry and cusses and from her interactions with my husband and her own mother i believe this. she states her mom and her new husband argue and cuss each time she is there. she has even told the mother it makes her nervous when they cuss and argue in front of her .

i am not the one communicating with the mother, the father is. however, this is a child my husband and i raise so her concerns and fears are my concerns and fears. we are married, we are as 1. he deals with the mother directly but any decisions made in our household affect everyone. thats being a family. we discussed these matters together and sought together how to best handle the situation. he will be the one taking any actions regarding an attorney etc

- - - Updated - - -

also, prior to the Modification, the mother asked to speak to me instead of the father regarding the child. it wasnt until after the Modification that she began communicating on a regular basis with the father. i no longer communicate with her at all. and actually when she cancelled the last visitation she called my husband and me both.

Have father log on as this is his LEGAL situation. And children that age are NOT presumed competent witnesses. What does dad do with the child when he is sick? Send her away so she won't risk getting ill?

ok, so we should just ignore this because shes 9 so shes probably not credible??? and the difference is, we dont purposefully expose her to sickness. the sickness isnt really the major issue anyway, its the lack of food, bathing and clean undergarments, and filth and the child being scared this anger and cussing is going to be turned onto her.

the question was, should this be pursued for supervised visits or should food just be sent with the child when she visits. any time she returns from a visit she is given a bath and clean clothes as soon as she gets home and any and all clothing, toys etc taken to her mothers and returned is immediately washed.

as far as the cussing and screaming, even though she has pleaded that this makes her unhappy, we should just tell her to suck it up and cover her ears bc some people are just gonna be vulgar and she has to be forced to witness it

Quote:

---

Quoting 1jessie1

---

ok, so we should just ignore this because shes 9 so shes probably not credible??? and the difference is, we dont purposefully expose her to sickness. the sickness isnt really the major issue anyway, its the lack of food, bathing and clean undergarments, and filth and the child being scared this anger and cussing is going to be turned onto her

---

What I am saying is that a 9 year old is NOT presumed a competent witness -- that is a LEGAL determination. If dad were concerned he would have immediately gotten this child into counseling at the first complaint the child made. Did he do that?

yes child has been in counseling. mother is vehemently against it and is refusing to pay her portion of bills over it.

Quote:

---

Quoting 1jessie1

---

yes child has been in counseling. mother is vehemently against it and is refusing to pay her portion of bills over it.

---

Well if the counselor is concerned, the counselor would have called CPS. And quite frankly, have DAD LOG IN to DISCUSS HIS LEGAL ISSUE.

fine. thanks for nothing. it was a simple question as to if he SHOULD pursue supervised visitation at this point. my husband did get the medical records from the counselor at school (which was set up thru her pediatrician) and the counselor was supposed to be meeting with child 1x a week but was only meeting 1x every 3 weeks -1x a month. child is ADHD and dyslexic. there was no direct questions abt the mother, just her general happiness and school work and the like. no specific questions regarding her home life or her feelings or the goings on in her home or the mothers. my husband felt this was ineffective and cancelled the counseling and informed the mother that he was seeking another medical opinion and she vehemently denied it being needed and has refused to pay the medical bills. child was taken to another counselor and forms were sent home to fill out and to school. the follow up eval was cancelled due the school did not return the needed forms prior to the eval appointment. child has pediatric appointment next month where this will be discussed and explore other avenues of mental health care

Quote:

---

Quoting 1jessie1

---

fine. thanks for nothing. it was a simple question as to if he SHOULD pursue supervised visitation at this point. my husband did get the medical records from the counselor at school (which was set up thru her pediatrician) and the counselor was supposed to be meeting with child 1x a week but was only meeting 1x every 3 weeks -1x a month. child is ADHD and dyslexic. there was no direct questions abt the mother, just her general happiness and school work and the like. no specific questions regarding her home life or her feelings or the goings on in her home or the mothers. my husband felt this was ineffective and cancelled the counseling and informed the mother that he was seeking another medical opinion and she vehemently denied it being needed and has refused to pay the medical bills. child was taken to another counselor and forms were sent home to fill out and to school. the follow up eval was cancelled due the school did not return the needed forms prior to the eval appointment. child has pediatric appointment next month where this will be discussed and explore other avenues of mental health care

---

Dad has NO evidence of anything. He hasn't actually gotten the child into counseling -- if he had, the child would be in counseling. School input is NOT needed for counseling. Unless of course this is due to the ADHD and not based on the child's home issues (including those issues at mom). Without evidence dad will get nowhere. And thanks for nothing? I answered your questions with a lot of patience even though this is LEGALLY none of your business as you are a LEGAL stranger. Take your attitude elsewhere.

the counselor at the school is set up thru our local hospital's mental health facilities. they are hospital employees, not the school's. it was not set up thru the school's input, but thru the child's pediatrician. it takes place at the school as to not disrupt children's schedules or parents since the offices are located 30 miles away. the child was in counseling for several months, the counseling was just not taking place as it was prescribed. that is why he is meeting with the pediatrician to explore other avenues.
and yes , why "legally" this is not my "business", as a full time parent in the home helping raise and support this child, it affects our entire household and anything that affects this household is my business whether i get a legal say or not. my husband is not going to make any decisions impacting our home or family without discussing it with me. we have a God based marriage and while legally he has to be the one to take action, we discuss and make the decisions together. thank you for your time. my general question was, was the info provided enough for him to pursue supervised visitation for the child. obviously in your opinion it is not

- - - Updated - - -

t

Quote:

---

Quoting 1jessie1

---

the counselor at the school is set up thru our local hospital's mental health facilities. they are hospital employees, not the school's. it was not set up thru the school's input, but thru the child's pediatrician. it takes place at the school as to not disrupt children's schedules or parents since the offices are located 30 miles away. the child was in counseling for several months, the counseling was just not taking place as it was prescribed. that is why he is meeting with the pediatrician to explore other avenues.
and yes , why "legally" this is not my "business", as a full time parent in the home helping raise and support this child, it affects our entire household and anything that affects this household is my business whether i get a legal say or not. my husband is not going to make any decisions impacting our home or family without discussing it with me. we have a God based marriage and while legally he has to be the one to take action, we discuss and make the decisions together. thank you for your time. my general question was, was the info provided enough for him to pursue supervised visitation for the child. obviously in your opinion it is not

- - - Updated - - -

t

---

Its not in my opinion either, for what its worth.

ok thank you. we are just wanting the child taken care of and to feel safe when she is visiting and at this point she no longer feels so and it is concerning when a child is scared of a parent's anger being turned on them and when they say they are hungry and not being fed. thank yall for your time

If dad truly believes that his child is being treated as you claim, regardless of anyone's concerns, CPS should be notified immediately and to hell with any consequences. Failing to do so is not putting the child's welfare first, which is what should be happening.

CPS has been contacted twice. they state they cannot over ride the court order for visitation unless there is drug use in childs presence or she is being returned with marks on her body. CPS advised that my husband contact attorney for emergency hearing and have the CPS records subpeonaed as evidence in order to get supervised visitation. my husband and i were wondering if this and previous documentation of neglect and questionable morals would be effective for him to actually get supervised visits or if it would be disregarded since child's visits are so limited and this is not the child's customary lifestyle. child stated she no longer wanted to visit more than a weekend any more bc of it (child has never before claimed to want to stop or change visits until this happened). she even said she had rather it go back to being like before when her mother visited her at the grandmother's home. she said her grandmother did not engage when her mother started arguing and cussing so it was more peaceful and she felt less frightened of the anger being turned onto her.

- - - Updated - - -

CPS even asked if my husband was taking child to the next visit and he was uncertain..he did not want to bc of the claims but didnt want held in contempt. CPS was the ones who advised withholding visitation pending an emergency hearing and to let mother sue for contempt and told my husband to counter sue.

- - - Updated - - -

the mother ended up calling on the day she was supposed to pick child up and cancelled visitation. it was the assumption she cancelled due to CPS calling on her to do walk thru of the home and letting her know the report had been filed and a case was being launched

- - - Updated - - -

mother has a documented history of violence and aggression . and while this has not been turned on the child in the past, child has witnessed it on occasion with others and has seen it turned onto mother's other child. now child is scared of it being turned onto her

CPS advised him to stop visitation pending an emergency hearing and to countersue Mom?

Why do you think they didn't step in themselves? In such an "emergency"?

CPS cannot give legal advice. What type of documented history? was that ever brought in front of the court? If not, why not? And quite frankly DAD should be here. NOT YOU as you are NOT a party to this. Good grief. You just don't want to step back, do you?

yes the worker said if it were her, she would not take child to visit and to let the mother sue for contempt and then counter sue with the records. they said they could not step in and override the court ordered visitation unless there was actual marks on the child or drug use in her presence. she also said my husband could speak to attorney and try to get emergency hearing for supervised visits. she stated to ask for emergency hearing so that that hopefully court date would be set before next scheduled visitation if my husband were contemplating . thid was not their legal advice, it was suggested.

- - - Updated - - -

the documented history is in BOTH of her prior divorce decrees with her admittance of anger problems that have led to her acting out violently. DAD is working today and unavailable. as his WIFE AND PARTNER, I am helping him bc its my duty as a wife and mother to do all i can for my ENTIRE FAMILY. no, i will not step back from anything that affects my husband, our children or our home.

CPS did not give legal advice. the worker advised as to what she would do under the circumstances. my husbands attorney has been out of the office for 2 weeks bc he is also the county attorney and has had court dates so my husband has been unable to present this to him in order to get his opinion so thats why I am here seeking an opinion on the facts, not my legal rights or the such

- - - Updated - - -

im not asking in any shape, form or fashion to get legal advice on any rights for myself... however, put yourself in my shoes..if a child u consider as much as your own told you they were scared of someone's anger being turned on them and was not being fed and being hungry..would you not do all you could to try to help the child and protect them, whether they were "legally" yours or not?? especially since they had lived with you since they were 4 years old and you loved them as your own..u helped raise and support them, taught them morals and took them to church and guided them in a Godly manner, took them to school functions, doctor appointments, school shopping, etc etc etc u were the one who took off work and cared for em when they were sick, you held their hand and prayed each night with them...my legal rights is not the issue..i am doing all i can to protect my WHOLE FAMILY! family is not just a black and white issue..its shaded with gray and legal has nothing to do with bonding and care an support..i did not ask for legal advice for myself at no point..this affects my husband and a child we raise together so this is my concern no matter what a piece of paper states. legal words do not make a home or family

I don't think you're getting accurate information from CPS.

I do understand your concerns. I really do. You are, of course, a member of the household and yes, it's your family unit you're trying to protect. You can obviously tell that this is a hot-button issue, but it doesn't have to be.

Know what I'm saying?

The reality, as unfortunate as it may be, is that the legal system doesn't work on "ifs". It works on what has been documented. What that boils down to at the street level is that the court isn't prepared to act on what anyone thinks might happen, could happen, probably will or won't happen. It IS prepared to act when evidence is brough before the court that something has ACTUALLY happened. I understand how counter productive that sounds, and of course the first words out of any concerned parent's mouth is "does my child have to DIE before someone intervenes". The non-hysterical answer to that is "no". No, they don't. But there DOES have to be something that A) immediately and specifically involves the child and that B) has been documented to have ACTUALLY occurred. So, for example, mom had anger issues before the divorce, and dad is afraid mom's anger issues will boil over and impact the child. That's a valid concern. However, courts treat the right of a parent to access to their child with a respect higher than ANYTHING else within the legal system. That means that judges don't restrict or restructure a parent's access to their children without an INCREDIBLY apparant reason to do so. Not on what ifs, or what coulds. Has mom ACTUALLY physically abused the child, and where is that evidence?

So far all that's really here is the child reporting that they're hungry. I get hungry every day. See how little a court can do with that? And CPS has been involved. That means that people who are MANDATORY reporters of child abuse or neglect have put eyes on the child and have NOT opened a case of their own. That in and of itself is going to speak volumes to the court. Similarly, ANY professional licensed to work with children, such as at hospitals and schools, are ALSO mandatory reporters. Again, they've all seen the child. How many of them MADE a report that they had suspicion of abuse or neglect?

Quote:

---

mother has a documented history of violence and aggression . and while this has not been turned on the child in the past....

---

That's the crux of the issue. By your own version of events there is NO DOCUMENTED HISTORY of mother abusing the child in question. The court doesn't have a way to look into the future and apply a "what if", not when it comes to limiting parent/child contact, even supervision. Dad is certainly free to engage his attorney to ascertain if some relevant evidence can be culled from the situation, but going only on what you've told us, a judge is highly unlikely to order supervision.

that was why i came here, because my husband is still waiting to hear from attorney. CPS didnt give legal advice, the worker just made the suggestion of what she would do in the same situation. thats why i was asking if this was grounds based on their suggestion and if he should proceed with keep trying to get ahold of the attorney and if there was grounds for supervised visitation. we dont want my husband to be in contempt, but we want the child to be feel safe and be taken care of properly. also, if her concerns are so great she no longer wants extended visits and had rather visit in the home of another family member when shes never expressed this before, wouldnt that concern and alarm any parent? my husband and i both want her to have time with her mother bc that is her mother no matter what, but the environment should be safe and clean and shouldnt child feel secure there and not scared of the anger and worrying over food? is that not enough since her visits are so limited? we dont want to over-maximize a problem but dont want to ignore a problem and it spiral into something greater. i dont think any parent would just say "well, this was a mess up, maybe it will be better next time" i think any parent would be genuinely concerned and want this resolved before child went back into this situation. it seemed like on previous posts, my concerns were being thrown in my face as none of my business when it is greatly my business

- - - Updated - - -

thank you aardvarc. no the mother has never physically abused this child..the child is the one scared of this happening. as we are not there when visits take place all we have to go on is her word and the word of the mother's stepchildren who visit in the home also. they all claim the arguing and cussing frightens them and they have been threatened not to "tell their business" or they would be spanked. the child has seen her mother lose control in other situations and react violently. she has witnessed domestic violence between her mother and her husband previously. (no child was never physically harmed in these altercations, just a witness)she said at this last visit the pit bull chewed a CD and her mother starting hitting the dog and screaming obscenities and when her husband interfered she told him she would break the dog's "f...ing" neck..this frightened my stepdaughter to see her physically lose control. it scared her more of her mother's temper and when the arguing and cussing starts it frightens her even more of seeing a physical altercation (which she has witnessed her mother do before)

im guessing the reason the last visit was cancelled by mother was bc the CPS in her county was making a call on her at the request of our county and to make a walk thru of the home. since her visits are so limited, there is no evidence of neglect for the school to report. we document when she comes home wearing the same dirty clothes the whole weekend and such....once again we all have to fall back on the words of the child..i know children over dramatize but the child has never before expressed a desire to not go to her visits so it was quite alarming when she did so and told why she wasnt comfortable. she stated she even told her mother the arguing and cussing scares her and her mother told her it only happened when she was around. i guess my husband and i will send food for her visits so that if she isnt given any, she will have her own. its hard to believe the courts do not see her actually not feeding the child as neglect

we document each visit if the child expresses a concern or says anything happened that is worrisome..is our documents enough if needed in the future or would the school, CPS or counselors have to report also? just wondering if the things we have documented the child (and childs grandmother on occasion) has stated has went on would be credible or a he-said/she-said situation if the mother denied the child was telling the truth

Actually... no, it wouldn't worry me if my child decided she'd rather visit Aunty Lou instead of her other parent - and even less so if it turns out that the parent in question was the stricter parent of the two.

Children are odd little things. They also say the darndest things - and they have this innate ability to figure out what the grown-ups want to hear, and react accordingly. Let's not be naive, shall we?

Documenting each visit? Waste of paper. Seriously. I can sit here and make 50 documents for Mom to take with her to court. They prove nothing - except perhaps that the parent wastes time writing things down instead of actually doing anything about what they're writing down.

CPS are mandated reporters, as are school counselors.

I'll be brutally honest here. I think this is being far, far over-stated and to an almost unreal degree. I also think that Mom may eventually have enough to make a case that you and Dad are actually sabotaging her efforts to be a parent.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Actually... no, it wouldn't worry me if my child decided she'd rather visit Aunty Lou instead of her other parent - and even less so if it turns out that the parent in question was the stricter parent of the two.

Children are odd little things. They also say the darndest things - and they have this innate ability to figure out what the grown-ups want to hear, and react accordingly. Let's not be naive, shall we?

Documenting each visit? Waste of paper. Seriously. I can sit here and make 50 documents for Mom to take with her to court. They prove nothing - except perhaps that the parent wastes time writing things down instead of actually doing anything about what they're writing down.

CPS are mandated reporters, as are school counselors.

I'll be brutally honest here. I think this is being far, far over-stated and to an almost unreal degree. I also think that Mom may eventually have enough to make a case that you and Dad are actually sabotaging her efforts to be a parent.

---

Dear Dogmatique, she doesn't like that answer. I have tried telling her that. But guess what? I am a meanie. She wants to find a reason to kick mom out of the picture is my honest belief. What say you? Then her and dad and child can be a happy little family.

the parent in question is actually not the stricter of the 2. child has no set of rules to follow in the mothers home according to the child and the grandmother. the mother has told my husband we have too many rules and are too strict...and yes children do over-maximize. im not being naive. the child has never not wanted to go and her stating this and saying she is not being fed and the screaming, arguing and cussing is concerning. and this is not the 1st time these concerns have been expressed by child or the grandparent. i did not say each visit was documented, the visits where there are incidents of neglectful and immoral behavior are. these have been discussed by the father with the mother in the past with her response is always to cuss and rant. there are several emails of this with him trying to discuss the issues and the mother just name calling and cussing instead of addressing the issues at all. its proven futile. if your honest opinion is that this is over stated, unfortunately u would be sadly surprised at how under stated this is. it is UNREAL the things that are said and done, that while as an incident it may seem like it isnt much but as a whole is quite disturbing. we do not try to sabotage her parenting efforts.. we make the effort for the child to know she is loved in both homes. we do not speak negatively of the mother to the child

any parent would report these allegations to CPS. now its just a question as to if the father should take this further or not. thanks for everyone's help . recording incidents as they occur and reporting neglect to CPS is not sabotage. if the child told her mother we screamed and cussed in front of her and she was scared and made her miss meals, trust me she would be on the phone with CPS as fast as her fingers could dial. no one is claiming the mother is physically abusing the child but there is concern over certain behaviors and the impact its making on the childs mental health when she is around it. anyway, we will just take it all to the attorney when he is back in office and get his opinion. i wasnt asking anyone to "take sides" , i was asking if there was enough for grounds or if we should leave it be for the time being now that CPS has the report and the child's own statement. thank yall. have a good day

- - - Updated - - -

ohiogal, no its not that i want the mom out of the picture, no matter what u may believe. Mom needs to care for the child the way a mother should when she is in her care, not neglecting to feed, bathe and provide a clean home. yes parents argue, but does it have to be screamin g and cussing in front of the child when she says it makes her nervous and scares her bc she isnt accustomed to that type of behavior? i didnt say u were a meanie, but you throwing my concerns in my face saying its none of my business is simply untrue. this isnt the only child in question either. there are other children visiting in the home making the same allegations. i have children of my very own and it would definitely concern me if they said these things..if any child did. i apologize if yall think im not being honest here. im a good Christian woman and mother and we provide a Godly household for our children so these allegations are disturbing so think what u may. i sisncerely hope if yall are mothers that your children never come to you scared of another parent or that they are being neglected, even if its just for the week or weekend. u havent walked in my shoes or seen the effects this child has had and hopefully u will never be judged by strangers for having concern over a child who has been thru what this child has been thru, no matter how limited. mayb at this point there is no legal basis for my husband to ask for supervised visits but any good parent would exhaust as many possible avenues in the care of the welfare of their children. its so sad u think this is over stated bc its not.. Jerry Springer couldnt even make this stuff up..good day and i will pray for the strangers judging me..all i asked for was this considered enough for supervised visits or not and i answered each question or point made. obviously not and thats fine. just wanted to know bc we didnt want to be lax and this continue and escalate..no real parents would.

Let me chime in here. Your husband should ABSOLUTELY pursue supervised visits! Although I agree that much of the "evidence" is hearsay on your step-daughters part, it could very well be 100% true and it's dad's responsibility to protect his daughter and put her best interests at the forefront. Encourage him to continue to fight to reduce or eliminate mom's visitation. Do you think mom would be willing to allow you to adopt your step-daughter? It doesn't sound like mom is really into being a "mom" to her daughter anyway. Does she pay child support?

As for the comments about you overstepping your grounds or whatever being that you're only a "STEP" parent is mean and I'm sorry. I think we all know you know your husband is the only one who can legally do anything but that when you say "We" it means you're just supporting your husband in this emotional process. Please keep your head up, you're doing and questioning the right things. Even if your step-daughter is embellishing the truth here and there, the bottom line is lack of meals EVER is not proper parenting. The whole coming home sick is not going to fly in court so I'd let that go. If she was coming home with infections, bruises or something that shows neglect and abuse then maybe but the flu or strep just isn't going to make a judge rule in your favor.

Stay positive, be the best step mommy you can be and keep encouraging dad. Best of luck to you.

Thank u christielyn. Yes I'm aware much of the allegations is hearsay on my stepdaughter and her 2 stepsisters part. I didn't know how much or little that weighed in the court system due to their ages which is 8,9,and 14. I also wasn't sure how much trust to put in Cps findings since they have not visited the home while the child was actually there. The mother lost custody of her 13 yr old daughter due to neglect. She does pay child support. The amount has not changed since 2007 nor has my husband asked for it to be re-evaluated. My honest opinion due to her lack of involvement and the negativity she exhibits, she is not interested in the actual parenting and raising of her children, yet she doesn't think "another woman" should either. She is always informed and has been invited to participate in Dr visits, school events, pageants, etc and has expressed no interest. The only response received was when my husband informed her he was getting the child into counseling and she sent messages cursing that child had no need of it and is even currently in contempt for refusing to pay her half of those bills. I do not think she would willfully let me adopt the child unless she had no say in the matter. It's not that we don't want her in the picture, we just want the child cared for properly and to feel security in the home. Any time my husband has expressed any concerns her reaction has been negative and vulgar & when he refuses to respond to the cussing and ranting, she discusses it with the child and uses vulgar language abt me and my husband. We never discuss this with the child in order to keep her out of the middle of the adult situation. It's the parents place to work out the problems and concerns, not the childs. Any time she has asked any questions abt anything regarding the child, my husband has promptly answered her in a civil manner. Any messages she has sent me has resulted in the same but she takes it as an attack if she is asked anything. Texts and emails dating back all the way to 2010 has been saved and can attest to this. She is always apprised of the goings on in the child's life as I stated. .Dr appts, sickness, activities, report cards etc we are not trying to shut her out as was previously stated in another's opinion. We are simply trying to ensure the child's safety and well being

- - - Updated - - -

Thank u christielyn. Yes I'm aware much of the allegations is hearsay on my stepdaughter and her 2 stepsisters part. I didn't know how much or little that weighed in the court system due to their ages which is 8,9,and 14. I also wasn't sure how much trust to put in Cps findings since they have not visited the home while the child was actually there and they have goven her 24 hour advance warning before calling on her. The mother lost custody of her 13 yr old daughter due to neglect. She does pay child support. The amount has not changed since 2007 nor has my husband asked for it to be re-evaluated. My honest opinion due to her lack of involvement and the negativity she exhibits, she is not interested in the actual parenting and raising of her children, yet she doesn't think "another woman" should either. She is always informed and has been invited to participate in Dr visits, school events, pageants, etc and has expressed no interest. The only response received was when my husband informed her he was getting the child into counseling and she sent messages cursing that child had no need of it and is even currently in contempt for refusing to pay her half of those bills. I do not think she would willfully let me adopt the child unless she had no say in the matter. It's not that we don't want her in the picture, we just want the child cared for properly and to feel security in the home. Any time my husband has expressed any concerns her reaction has been negative and vulgar & when he refuses to respond to the cussing and ranting, she discusses it with the child and uses vulgar language abt me and my husband. We never discuss this with the child in order to keep her out of the middle of the adult situation. It's the parents place to work out the problems and concerns, not the childs. Any time she has asked any questions abt anything regarding the child, my husband has promptly answered her in a civil manner. Any messages she has sent me has resulted in the same but she takes it as an attack if she is asked anything. Texts and emails dating back all the way to 2010 has been saved and can attest to this. She is always apprised of the goings on in the child's life as I stated. .Dr appts, sickness, activities, report cards etc we are not trying to shut her out as was previously stated in another's opinion. We are simply trying to ensure the child's safety and well being when in her care.

- - - Updated - - -

And I'm not trying to say we are perfect parents and always make the right choices and never make mistakes in parenting..nor am I saying the mother just messes up and makes mistakes but this has been ongoing concerns for several years and has escalated in the past few months and we are just at ends trying to find a way to ensure the child's safety and security

- - - Updated - - -

And to further clarify the mothers lack of.involvement and her role as a mother, please know that she is supposed to get both her children for 1 week during Christmas holidays. How would yall react to her motherly role when she only sees the child 3-4x a year and calls to cancel her Christmas visit (the year she is supposed to have em Christmas day ) then proceeds to call the children Christmas morning to wish them merry Christmas & tell them she's at Disneyworld leaving the next morn for the Bahamas? Sound selfish to u?it sure does to me..I know this has no legal bearing whatsoever but this is the type of issues we deal with constantly along with the neglect and vulgarity. I only wish this was made up and that the child wasn't put thru these things.

And why is visitation considered a right not an obligation when mother chooses to enforce it or not...but it's an obligation to the father if the mother chooses to or not to enforce her time??