Emergency Hearing for Supervised Visitation

that was why i came here, because my husband is still waiting to hear from attorney. CPS didnt give legal advice, the worker just made the suggestion of what she would do in the same situation. thats why i was asking if this was grounds based on their suggestion and if he should proceed with keep trying to get ahold of the attorney and if there was grounds for supervised visitation. we dont want my husband to be in contempt, but we want the child to be feel safe and be taken care of properly. also, if her concerns are so great she no longer wants extended visits and had rather visit in the home of another family member when shes never expressed this before, wouldnt that concern and alarm any parent? my husband and i both want her to have time with her mother bc that is her mother no matter what, but the environment should be safe and clean and shouldnt child feel secure there and not scared of the anger and worrying over food? is that not enough since her visits are so limited? we dont want to over-maximize a problem but dont want to ignore a problem and it spiral into something greater. i dont think any parent would just say "well, this was a mess up, maybe it will be better next time" i think any parent would be genuinely concerned and want this resolved before child went back into this situation. it seemed like on previous posts, my concerns were being thrown in my face as none of my business when it is greatly my business

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thank you aardvarc. no the mother has never physically abused this child..the child is the one scared of this happening. as we are not there when visits take place all we have to go on is her word and the word of the mother's stepchildren who visit in the home also. they all claim the arguing and cussing frightens them and they have been threatened not to "tell their business" or they would be spanked. the child has seen her mother lose control in other situations and react violently. she has witnessed domestic violence between her mother and her husband previously. (no child was never physically harmed in these altercations, just a witness)she said at this last visit the pit bull chewed a CD and her mother starting hitting the dog and screaming obscenities and when her husband interfered she told him she would break the dog's "f...ing" neck..this frightened my stepdaughter to see her physically lose control. it scared her more of her mother's temper and when the arguing and cussing starts it frightens her even more of seeing a physical altercation (which she has witnessed her mother do before)

im guessing the reason the last visit was cancelled by mother was bc the CPS in her county was making a call on her at the request of our county and to make a walk thru of the home. since her visits are so limited, there is no evidence of neglect for the school to report. we document when she comes home wearing the same dirty clothes the whole weekend and such....once again we all have to fall back on the words of the child..i know children over dramatize but the child has never before expressed a desire to not go to her visits so it was quite alarming when she did so and told why she wasnt comfortable. she stated she even told her mother the arguing and cussing scares her and her mother told her it only happened when she was around. i guess my husband and i will send food for her visits so that if she isnt given any, she will have her own. its hard to believe the courts do not see her actually not feeding the child as neglect

we document each visit if the child expresses a concern or says anything happened that is worrisome..is our documents enough if needed in the future or would the school, CPS or counselors have to report also? just wondering if the things we have documented the child (and childs grandmother on occasion) has stated has went on would be credible or a he-said/she-said situation if the mother denied the child was telling the truth

Actually... no, it wouldn't worry me if my child decided she'd rather visit Aunty Lou instead of her other parent - and even less so if it turns out that the parent in question was the stricter parent of the two.

Children are odd little things. They also say the darndest things - and they have this innate ability to figure out what the grown-ups want to hear, and react accordingly. Let's not be naive, shall we?

Documenting each visit? Waste of paper. Seriously. I can sit here and make 50 documents for Mom to take with her to court. They prove nothing - except perhaps that the parent wastes time writing things down instead of actually doing anything about what they're writing down.

CPS are mandated reporters, as are school counselors.

I'll be brutally honest here. I think this is being far, far over-stated and to an almost unreal degree. I also think that Mom may eventually have enough to make a case that you and Dad are actually sabotaging her efforts to be a parent.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Actually... no, it wouldn't worry me if my child decided she'd rather visit Aunty Lou instead of her other parent - and even less so if it turns out that the parent in question was the stricter parent of the two.

Children are odd little things. They also say the darndest things - and they have this innate ability to figure out what the grown-ups want to hear, and react accordingly. Let's not be naive, shall we?

Documenting each visit? Waste of paper. Seriously. I can sit here and make 50 documents for Mom to take with her to court. They prove nothing - except perhaps that the parent wastes time writing things down instead of actually doing anything about what they're writing down.

CPS are mandated reporters, as are school counselors.

I'll be brutally honest here. I think this is being far, far over-stated and to an almost unreal degree. I also think that Mom may eventually have enough to make a case that you and Dad are actually sabotaging her efforts to be a parent.

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Dear Dogmatique, she doesn't like that answer. I have tried telling her that. But guess what? I am a meanie. She wants to find a reason to kick mom out of the picture is my honest belief. What say you? Then her and dad and child can be a happy little family.

the parent in question is actually not the stricter of the 2. child has no set of rules to follow in the mothers home according to the child and the grandmother. the mother has told my husband we have too many rules and are too strict...and yes children do over-maximize. im not being naive. the child has never not wanted to go and her stating this and saying she is not being fed and the screaming, arguing and cussing is concerning. and this is not the 1st time these concerns have been expressed by child or the grandparent. i did not say each visit was documented, the visits where there are incidents of neglectful and immoral behavior are. these have been discussed by the father with the mother in the past with her response is always to cuss and rant. there are several emails of this with him trying to discuss the issues and the mother just name calling and cussing instead of addressing the issues at all. its proven futile. if your honest opinion is that this is over stated, unfortunately u would be sadly surprised at how under stated this is. it is UNREAL the things that are said and done, that while as an incident it may seem like it isnt much but as a whole is quite disturbing. we do not try to sabotage her parenting efforts.. we make the effort for the child to know she is loved in both homes. we do not speak negatively of the mother to the child

any parent would report these allegations to CPS. now its just a question as to if the father should take this further or not. thanks for everyone's help . recording incidents as they occur and reporting neglect to CPS is not sabotage. if the child told her mother we screamed and cussed in front of her and she was scared and made her miss meals, trust me she would be on the phone with CPS as fast as her fingers could dial. no one is claiming the mother is physically abusing the child but there is concern over certain behaviors and the impact its making on the childs mental health when she is around it. anyway, we will just take it all to the attorney when he is back in office and get his opinion. i wasnt asking anyone to "take sides" , i was asking if there was enough for grounds or if we should leave it be for the time being now that CPS has the report and the child's own statement. thank yall. have a good day

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ohiogal, no its not that i want the mom out of the picture, no matter what u may believe. Mom needs to care for the child the way a mother should when she is in her care, not neglecting to feed, bathe and provide a clean home. yes parents argue, but does it have to be screamin g and cussing in front of the child when she says it makes her nervous and scares her bc she isnt accustomed to that type of behavior? i didnt say u were a meanie, but you throwing my concerns in my face saying its none of my business is simply untrue. this isnt the only child in question either. there are other children visiting in the home making the same allegations. i have children of my very own and it would definitely concern me if they said these things..if any child did. i apologize if yall think im not being honest here. im a good Christian woman and mother and we provide a Godly household for our children so these allegations are disturbing so think what u may. i sisncerely hope if yall are mothers that your children never come to you scared of another parent or that they are being neglected, even if its just for the week or weekend. u havent walked in my shoes or seen the effects this child has had and hopefully u will never be judged by strangers for having concern over a child who has been thru what this child has been thru, no matter how limited. mayb at this point there is no legal basis for my husband to ask for supervised visits but any good parent would exhaust as many possible avenues in the care of the welfare of their children. its so sad u think this is over stated bc its not.. Jerry Springer couldnt even make this stuff up..good day and i will pray for the strangers judging me..all i asked for was this considered enough for supervised visits or not and i answered each question or point made. obviously not and thats fine. just wanted to know bc we didnt want to be lax and this continue and escalate..no real parents would.

Let me chime in here. Your husband should ABSOLUTELY pursue supervised visits! Although I agree that much of the "evidence" is hearsay on your step-daughters part, it could very well be 100% true and it's dad's responsibility to protect his daughter and put her best interests at the forefront. Encourage him to continue to fight to reduce or eliminate mom's visitation. Do you think mom would be willing to allow you to adopt your step-daughter? It doesn't sound like mom is really into being a "mom" to her daughter anyway. Does she pay child support?

As for the comments about you overstepping your grounds or whatever being that you're only a "STEP" parent is mean and I'm sorry. I think we all know you know your husband is the only one who can legally do anything but that when you say "We" it means you're just supporting your husband in this emotional process. Please keep your head up, you're doing and questioning the right things. Even if your step-daughter is embellishing the truth here and there, the bottom line is lack of meals EVER is not proper parenting. The whole coming home sick is not going to fly in court so I'd let that go. If she was coming home with infections, bruises or something that shows neglect and abuse then maybe but the flu or strep just isn't going to make a judge rule in your favor.

Stay positive, be the best step mommy you can be and keep encouraging dad. Best of luck to you.

Thank u christielyn. Yes I'm aware much of the allegations is hearsay on my stepdaughter and her 2 stepsisters part. I didn't know how much or little that weighed in the court system due to their ages which is 8,9,and 14. I also wasn't sure how much trust to put in Cps findings since they have not visited the home while the child was actually there. The mother lost custody of her 13 yr old daughter due to neglect. She does pay child support. The amount has not changed since 2007 nor has my husband asked for it to be re-evaluated. My honest opinion due to her lack of involvement and the negativity she exhibits, she is not interested in the actual parenting and raising of her children, yet she doesn't think "another woman" should either. She is always informed and has been invited to participate in Dr visits, school events, pageants, etc and has expressed no interest. The only response received was when my husband informed her he was getting the child into counseling and she sent messages cursing that child had no need of it and is even currently in contempt for refusing to pay her half of those bills. I do not think she would willfully let me adopt the child unless she had no say in the matter. It's not that we don't want her in the picture, we just want the child cared for properly and to feel security in the home. Any time my husband has expressed any concerns her reaction has been negative and vulgar & when he refuses to respond to the cussing and ranting, she discusses it with the child and uses vulgar language abt me and my husband. We never discuss this with the child in order to keep her out of the middle of the adult situation. It's the parents place to work out the problems and concerns, not the childs. Any time she has asked any questions abt anything regarding the child, my husband has promptly answered her in a civil manner. Any messages she has sent me has resulted in the same but she takes it as an attack if she is asked anything. Texts and emails dating back all the way to 2010 has been saved and can attest to this. She is always apprised of the goings on in the child's life as I stated. .Dr appts, sickness, activities, report cards etc we are not trying to shut her out as was previously stated in another's opinion. We are simply trying to ensure the child's safety and well being

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Thank u christielyn. Yes I'm aware much of the allegations is hearsay on my stepdaughter and her 2 stepsisters part. I didn't know how much or little that weighed in the court system due to their ages which is 8,9,and 14. I also wasn't sure how much trust to put in Cps findings since they have not visited the home while the child was actually there and they have goven her 24 hour advance warning before calling on her. The mother lost custody of her 13 yr old daughter due to neglect. She does pay child support. The amount has not changed since 2007 nor has my husband asked for it to be re-evaluated. My honest opinion due to her lack of involvement and the negativity she exhibits, she is not interested in the actual parenting and raising of her children, yet she doesn't think "another woman" should either. She is always informed and has been invited to participate in Dr visits, school events, pageants, etc and has expressed no interest. The only response received was when my husband informed her he was getting the child into counseling and she sent messages cursing that child had no need of it and is even currently in contempt for refusing to pay her half of those bills. I do not think she would willfully let me adopt the child unless she had no say in the matter. It's not that we don't want her in the picture, we just want the child cared for properly and to feel security in the home. Any time my husband has expressed any concerns her reaction has been negative and vulgar & when he refuses to respond to the cussing and ranting, she discusses it with the child and uses vulgar language abt me and my husband. We never discuss this with the child in order to keep her out of the middle of the adult situation. It's the parents place to work out the problems and concerns, not the childs. Any time she has asked any questions abt anything regarding the child, my husband has promptly answered her in a civil manner. Any messages she has sent me has resulted in the same but she takes it as an attack if she is asked anything. Texts and emails dating back all the way to 2010 has been saved and can attest to this. She is always apprised of the goings on in the child's life as I stated. .Dr appts, sickness, activities, report cards etc we are not trying to shut her out as was previously stated in another's opinion. We are simply trying to ensure the child's safety and well being when in her care.

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And I'm not trying to say we are perfect parents and always make the right choices and never make mistakes in parenting..nor am I saying the mother just messes up and makes mistakes but this has been ongoing concerns for several years and has escalated in the past few months and we are just at ends trying to find a way to ensure the child's safety and security

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And to further clarify the mothers lack of.involvement and her role as a mother, please know that she is supposed to get both her children for 1 week during Christmas holidays. How would yall react to her motherly role when she only sees the child 3-4x a year and calls to cancel her Christmas visit (the year she is supposed to have em Christmas day ) then proceeds to call the children Christmas morning to wish them merry Christmas & tell them she's at Disneyworld leaving the next morn for the Bahamas? Sound selfish to u?it sure does to me..I know this has no legal bearing whatsoever but this is the type of issues we deal with constantly along with the neglect and vulgarity. I only wish this was made up and that the child wasn't put thru these things.

And why is visitation considered a right not an obligation when mother chooses to enforce it or not...but it's an obligation to the father if the mother chooses to or not to enforce her time??