Keeping Sole Physical and Residential Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Kansas

This is in regards to the custody of my 6 year old son. Since the Fall of 2013, I have had sole physical and residential custody of my son because my child's mother got arrested for 3 DUIs within a year and was going to be serving jail time. She has a total of 4 DUIs but the 5th DUI arrest she was found not guilty but still received a felony for a refusal to test. She got on house arrest in the 2014-15 Winter, so I began to let my son see her on weekends because he was a Kindergartner and on holidays.

There is no court order forcing me to allow her to see him but I do want my son to have a relationship with her. However, she is irresponsible and immature and I don't trust her to have joint custody of him. She doesn't put his needs before her own and isn't involved in his schooling or doing anything to nurture him. She lives with her mom and step-dad and 2 other male adults. There is a lot of drinking and marijuana that goes on at their house. (I don't think she smokes besides cigarettes though). He's been bitten by her pit bull twice since she's been out of jail, I've filed a report in her county about it. The first she told me 2 days later and did not seek any medical care, the second time she didn't tell me at all.

She doesn't read to him, educate him, discipline him or anything like that. She only gives in to whatever he wants so he gets spoiled over there and he runs the show. My wife and I try very hard to keep him on a schedule and make sure he is becoming well developed. I know I can't prove her to be unfit, Though she does throw tantrums in front of my son and does have depression and takes a lot of meds, Xanax and Adderall included.

I just don't want her to modify custody to try and get joint custody. It scares me. I don't mind them having a relationship but not enough for it to affect him. I have desired for her to make changes but she still values partying over quality time with her son. He won't get the care he needs with her. He just started 1st Grade and I invited her to Meet-the-Teacher night, but she went to the Lake of the Ozarks instead and posted selfies of her drinking and pictures with other guys partying. I have Facebook pictures to prove where she was that night. Will these be useful in court? I can give a long list of ways she's been an irresponsible parent.

How can I make sure she doesn't get more than every-other-weekend with my son? Right now, she legally doesn't have rights to see him at all. I just want to prepared for when/if she does take us to court. Thank you.

Keep safe copies of all the stuff you have....may or may not be useful.

Let me post it backwards, if you currently have sole custody of your child and you regard his being with his mother as not in his best interest or even his safety , just why are you allowing it?

Sole custody does NOT equate to dictating visitation. If there is no court order for visitation that is one thing. But sole custody doesn't allow one parent to ignore the other parent.

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Quoting Alexander17

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Kansas

This is in regards to the custody of my 6 year old son. Since the Fall of 2013, I have had sole physical and residential custody of my son because my child's mother got arrested for 3 DUIs within a year and was going to be serving jail time. She has a total of 4 DUIs but the 5th DUI arrest she was found not guilty but still received a felony for a refusal to test. She got on house arrest in the 2014-15 Winter, so I began to let my son see her on weekends because he was a Kindergartner and on holidays. There is no court order forcing me to allow her to see him but I do want my son to have a relationship with her. However, she is irresponsible and immature and I don't trust her to have joint custody of him. She doesn't put his needs before her own and isn't involved in his schooling or doing anything to nurture him. She lives with her mom and step-dad and 2 other male adults. There is a lot of drinking and marijuana that goes on at their house. (I don't think she smokes besides cigarettes though). He's been bitten by her pit bull twice since she's been out of jail, I've filed a report in her county about it. The first she told me 2 days later and did not seek any medical care, the second time she didn't tell me at all. She doesn't read to him, educate him, discipline him or anything like that. She only gives in to whatever he wants so he gets spoiled over there and he runs the show. My wife and I try very hard to keep him on a schedule and make sure he is becoming well developed. I know I can't prove her to be unfit, Though she does throw tantrums in front of my son and does have depression and takes a lot of meds, Xanax and Adderall included. I just don't want her to modify custody to try and get joint custody. It scares me. I don't mind them having a relationship but not enough for it to affect him. I have desired for her to make changes but she still values partying over quality time with her son. He won't get the care he needs with her. He just started 1st Grade and I invited her to Meet-the-Teacher night, but she went to the Lake of the Ozarks instead and posted selfies of her drinking and pictures with other guys partying. I have Facebook pictures to prove where she was that night. Will these be useful in court? I can give a long list of ways she's been an irresponsible parent. How can I make sure she doesn't get more than every-other-weekend with my son? Right now, she legally doesn't have rights to see him at all. I just want to prepared for when/if she does take us to court. Thank you.

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Her being out of town for back to school night is unlikely to matter to a judge at all. The child being bitten by the dog at her house WILL likely matter. Her having a different parenting style likely will not matter to a judge, marijuana being smoked in the house likely will, if you can prove it.

You have to be careful about what you "collect", because if you collect too many things that a judge will not be likely to care about, it will diminish the value of the things that the judge likely WILL care about.

Before she went to jail, the courts awarded her primary custody though we shared him 50/50. She has always exercised her control over me because she could. She always took me to court for everything, even back child support although I paid her but I wasn't smart and gave cash instead of documenting it with checks. I only say this because I know she'll take me to court again, she lives in the court system. I just want to be well prepared.

I let her see him because from what I can tell, it's good of the primary parent to encourage a relationship with the other. Is this wrong? I don't control her with visitation by dictating it. We don't have a court order. I allow her every other weekend and a little more time in the summer. I know she won't physically abuse him, mentally, possibly. But it appears to be incredibly difficult to prove a parent unfit. He would be better off without her, but it's up to the courts to decide that. Would it be better for me not to allow her to see him? How would that look to the court when she tries to get more visitation? I want to do what's best for my son.

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She said she wanted to be involved in school, I told her about meeting the teacher... She would rather go drinking instead of trying to be a part of his schooling, that wouldn't matter to a judge?

What is the substantial change in circumstance since you were awarded sole custody of your child?

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Quoting Ohiogal

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What is the substantial change in circumstance since you were awarded sole custody of your child?

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Nothing has happened yet...this is a "what if" scenario.

Yes, nothing has happened yet. I'm curious how difficult or easy it is for her to get anymore than every other weekend from the courts?

How difficult or easy would depend on what she actually files, why she files it, and when.

My assumption is she would, at the most, file for joint. She already asked me for it while she was still on house arrest and I turned it down. I can't trust our son is safe under her care or that she would be responsible enough to put his developmental and educational needs above her own.

I know it was mentioned that it isn't good to throw dirt at the other parent, but what if it was relevant to my sons safety. Her missing our son's Meet the Teacher Night to drink at the lake, (she posted a selfie with a beer bottle but it was covered in a coozie) and I just found out this past weekend, while my son was at her house, that she went to the bars and left adults at her house in charge where he got injured by her pit bull (minor injury, but I have 2 bites from that dog on file at the police station and she was supposed to get him trained). She posted on Facebook being 30mins away in another town at a bar while my son was there. Doesn't this show she is continuing her same lifestyle making her more susceptible to another DUI which would cause more psychological harm on our son? Or she could have the potential to drive drunk with him?