Jurisdiction for Custody of a Newborn and Long-Distance Visitation Policies

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida and Illinois.
My husband left me and our child just weeks before she was born. We were living in the state of Florida. I could not support myself and my child in Florida so I moved us up to Illinois to be with family and create stability for us. My husband was aware of our move and told us to have safe travels on moving day.
I then filed for divorce in the state of Illinois in May. I told him I filed and then he filed two weeks later in Florida. Now the states are in the process of deciding jurisdiction. The baby and I had been in Illinois 5 months when I filed. My first question is...can Florida require me to move back to Florida if they claim jurisdiction and what are the odds of them claiming jurisdiction over Illinois? Also, my husband and I cannot agree on a visitation schedule because I am concerned with age appropriate visitation while he is concerned about his rights. Do mediators have to approve parenting schedules? My child is 9 months old and my husbands idea of visitation is him coming to Illinois to get her, take her to Florida for two weeks with out me and bring her back to Illinois. Please tell me this would never be approved by a judge. Everything I've read says to introduce him slowly. He is a stranger to her. He spent two weeks with him. I know this is a lot but I would really appreciate any guidance you could provide.

Where was the baby born -- Florida or Illinois?

In florida

You may end up having to fight this in Florida.

Florida cannot force you to return. But they can force the return of the child.

How can my child return without me? Wouldn't I have to be proven unfit for them to take her from me?

Quote:

---

Quoting Fightwithlove

---

How can my child return without me? Wouldn't I have to be proven unfit for them to take her from me?

---

You asked if you could be forced to move back. No, you cannot. But again, they can force the child to be moved back - with or without you.

And no, you don't have to be proven unfit. You and Dad stand equal before the court.

Obviously I'm not going to leave my child so I would have to move back with her and I didn't know something like that could be done since we were given permission to move, have been here 9 months and are settled for a life here. Is this more like an in theory they could but they most likely won't?

Honestly? It depends on how much of ... I'll be nice. It depends on how much trouble Dad wants to actually put you through.

Look. The child is 9 months old. You have been her primary caretaker her entire life, it seems. Typically the courts prefer to keep the status quo, and with the timing of Dad's filing (a "return" filing just before you've been there 6 months? Really, Dad? Come on now) he may have trouble persuading Florida to hold onto jurisdiction.

What you need to be prepared for though is bearing the cost of transportation to and from Dad's since you created the distance. It's not guaranteed you'll be ordered to do that, but it's not likely at all that Dad will be 100% responsible.

I don't want to shoo away every bad thing that could happen, but does that at least somewhat ease your mind a bit?

A bit yes...thank you! Any ideas on the visitation schedule?

It's tough trying to get a decent long-distance plan in place for a little one.

Ordinarily, when a married couple splits the child has had more than adequate exposure to both parents and when they (ideally) live close enough it's possible to have a really great, short-and-frequent visitation schedule in place. Overnights are rarely a problem, either.

But your problem is compounded too because she just doesn't know her Daddy. I personally don't think it's reasonable to have Dad pick her up for weeks at a time - not in this situation, at all. At least not for awhile. So what comes next depends largely on the answer to this question:

How civil are you and Dad at the moment? If it's "your mere existence is a boil on the armpit of Hades" from and towards either of you, then that's going to be significantly more difficult than when it's simply two parents who genuinely want the best for their child.

So... you know the guy. What's the current "temperature", if you will?

Quote:

---

Quoting Fightwithlove

---

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Florida and Illinois.
My husband left me and our child just weeks before she was born. We were living in the state of Florida. I could not support myself and my child in Florida so I moved us up to Illinois to be with family and create stability for us. My husband was aware of our move and told us to have safe travels on moving day.
I then filed for divorce in the state of Illinois in May. I told him I filed and then he filed two weeks later in Florida. Now the states are in the process of deciding jurisdiction. The baby and I had been in Illinois 5 months when I filed. My first question is...can Florida require me to move back to Florida if they claim jurisdiction and what are the odds of them claiming jurisdiction over Illinois? Also, my husband and I cannot agree on a visitation schedule because I am concerned with age appropriate visitation while he is concerned about his rights. Do mediators have to approve parenting schedules? My child is 9 months old and my husbands idea of visitation is him coming to Illinois to get her, take her to Florida for two weeks with out me and bring her back to Illinois. Please tell me this would never be approved by a judge. Everything I've read says to introduce him slowly. He is a stranger to her. He spent two weeks with him. I know this is a lot but I would really appreciate any guidance you could provide.

---

These are not mutually exclusive. He is the child's FATHER and he has RIGHTS just as you are the child's mother and you have RIGHTS. Most importantly, your shared child has TWO parents and deserves to know both. You do not get to dictate visitations to be what you think is appropriate. You need to research long distance parenting plans. The way to determine if a plan is fair is to decide if you would find the proposal to be fair if the parent defined to be primary custodian of the child were reversed. Based on your current attitude in your posting, your child is going to have a long childhood

Quote:

---

Quoting T53147

---

These are not mutually exclusive. He is the child's FATHER and he has RIGHTS just as you are the child's mother and you have RIGHTS. Most importantly, your shared child has TWO parents and deserves to know both. You do not get to dictate visitations to be what you think is appropriate. You need to research long distance parenting plans. The way to determine if a plan is fair is to decide if you would find the proposal to be fair if the parent defined to be primary custodian of the child were reversed. Based on your current attitude in your posting, your child is going to have a long childhood

---

Ok, that is just a ridiculous response considering the facts in this particular thread. The child is an infant, and dad is a stranger to the child by his own choice...so age appropriate visitation is a valid concern.

A standard long distance visitation plan would never be appropriate for an infant. You seriously need to think about the actual facts involved in a thread before you spout off.

Quote:

---

Quoting T53147

---

These are not mutually exclusive. He is the child's FATHER and he has RIGHTS just as you are the child's mother and you have RIGHTS. Most importantly, your shared child has TWO parents and deserves to know both. You do not get to dictate visitations to be what you think is appropriate. You need to research long distance parenting plans. The way to determine if a plan is fair is to decide if you would find the proposal to be fair if the parent defined to be primary custodian of the child were reversed. Based on your current attitude in your posting, your child is going to have a long childhood

---

This baby is 9 months old. Dad voluntarily removed himself from the situation and he has barely met the child.

This is one of the very, very few cases where I think that Mom is right to be concerned and she does need to look at parenting plans for an infant; taking a 9 month old from her ONLY caregiver and sending her to be with a someone who is, let's face it, a complete stranger for 2 weeks would be close to catastrophic for the child.

What am I missing here? I don't give a crap about what's nice and fair for the parents - I DO however give a crap about a very small infant who doesn't know her other parent from a hole in the wall.

I have been working with mediators and researching age appropriate visitation schedules. I would like my daughter to know her father however, he has had 10 months to show interest in her by coming to see her and has not done so. Instead he feels he is awarded rights to her just by being her father not because he has formed any bond with her. When trying to work on a visitation plan with the father I am confronted with "we are not getting anywhere, I'm not back down from my rights" his sole purpose in this fight is no win not to form a plan that is best suited for our child. So my concern is that I do not want a plan to be made and sent through court that is not safe for our child.. Thank you dogmatique you have been really helpful!

- - - Updated - - -

And he's financially capable to do this. In fact he went to L.A. For a week in jan instead of coming to see his baby. He get vacation at his job and has good steady income

Quote:

---

Quoting Fightwithlove

---

I have been working with mediators and researching age appropriate visitation schedules. I would like my daughter to know her father however, he has had 10 months to show interest in her by coming to see her and has not done so. Instead he feels he is awarded rights to her just by being her father not because he has formed any bond with her. When trying to work on a visitation plan with the father I am confronted with "we are not getting anywhere, I'm not back down from my rights" his sole purpose in this fight is no win not to form a plan that is best suited for our child. So my concern is that I do not want a plan to be made and sent through court that is not safe for our child.. Thank you dogmatique you have been really helpful!

- - - Updated - - -

And he's financially capable to do this. In fact he went to L.A. For a week in jan instead of coming to see his baby. He get vacation at his job and has good steady income

---

If you end up in front of a judge, he is going to quickly discover that he doesn't understand that its the child's rights that matter, not his or yours.

Quote:

---

Quoting Fightwithlove

---

I have been working with mediators and researching age appropriate visitation schedules. I would like my daughter to know her father however, he has had 10 months to show interest in her by coming to see her and has not done so. Instead he feels he is awarded rights to her just by being her father not because he has formed any bond with her. When trying to work on a visitation plan with the father I am confronted with "we are not getting anywhere, I'm not back down from my rights" his sole purpose in this fight is no win not to form a plan that is best suited for our child. So my concern is that I do not want a plan to be made and sent through court that is not safe for our child.. Thank you dogmatique you have been really helpful!

- - - Updated - - -

And he's financially capable to do this. In fact he went to L.A. For a week in jan instead of coming to see his baby. He get vacation at his job and has good steady income

---

He's right on one aspect - he does have rights simply by being her father.

Other than that, based purely on what has been said here, Dad is behaving like a prize prune and is very clearly not thinking about what's best for your mutual child.

Let's be honest, he's probably looking at a lifetime of Child Support and thinks that the more "time" he has with the child, the less he'll have to pay in support. It's not about the baby. So you mentioned in one of your last posts that you've now been out of FL for 6 months then stated 9 months? If it's 9 months then I'm thinking that would make IL the new residence. Do you have a lawyer? If not, I'd suggest you get one or at least speak to one in person and they will be able to give you a clearer picture of the battle you might be facing. I know you think this should be a slam dunk case since hubby gave you the boot and wished you well as you drove away. And it should be an easy case ... but somehow when money comes into play, the field becomes very muddy.

Quote:

---

Quoting christielyn

---

Let's be honest, he's probably looking at a lifetime of Child Support and thinks that the more "time" he has with the child, the less he'll have to pay in support. It's not about the baby. So you mentioned in one of your last posts that you've now been out of FL for 6 months then stated 9 months? If it's 9 months then I'm thinking that would make IL the new residence. Do you have a lawyer? If not, I'd suggest you get one or at least speak to one in person and they will be able to give you a clearer picture of the battle you might be facing. I know you think this should be a slam dunk case since hubby gave you the boot and wished you well as you drove away. And it should be an easy case ... but somehow when money comes into play, the field becomes very muddy.

---

Absolutely true.

Money = lotsa mud

I have 2 attorneys. One in Florida and one in Illinois. I have been in Illinois with my daughter for almost 9 months but I filed at only 4 months so I don't know if they will look at the date of filing or beyond that being that he has had no contact with her all this time. I have encouraged contact to the point of sending him flight prices but he is only interested in having her fly down to Florida without me as a visitation option. The other thing I am concerned about is that our judge in Illinois is brand new to family law. He's been doing criminal law for over 20 years but only 4 months in family law. So after I work with a mediator to create a parenting plan (since he is not willing to be involved in that either)..what will happen if he declines it?

Quote:

---

Quoting Fightwithlove

---

I have 2 attorneys. One in Florida and one in Illinois. I have been in Illinois with my daughter for almost 9 months but I filed at only 4 months so I don't know if they will look at the date of filing or beyond that being that he has had no contact with her all this time. I have encouraged contact to the point of sending him flight prices but he is only interested in having her fly down to Florida without me as a visitation option. The other thing I am concerned about is that our judge in Illinois is brand new to family law. He's been doing criminal law for over 20 years but only 4 months in family law. So after I work with a mediator to create a parenting plan (since he is not willing to be involved in that either)..what will happen if he declines it?

---

Then you will end up in front of a judge in whichever state eventually is decided to have jurisdiction, and the judge will make the decision for you. If you put a reasonable parenting plan proposal in front of the judge, with proper phases and dad does not, then its likely that the judge will go with your plan...or something close to your plan.