Will Child Support be Based on Your Historic Income if You Move to Another Country

My question involves a marriage in the state of: Virginia

Due to my bad marriage situation(married for 14 years, two kids: 13 and 10 years old) and my bad health condition(with doctor record: some chance of getting liver cancer), I decided to leave US for good and go back to Asia to live with my parents. Both of us are naturalized US citizens.

My wife does not want money. She wants my blood. I am planning to give away every penny in my pocket to her and be able to peacefully leave US and work as a college instructor in my original country. Our house in Virginia has a net value of $210,000. I am planning to take my name out of the property and let she has it. Besides, I am planning to wire $1000 per month(about 90% of my income there) to her and kids in the future. My income here is $8000(before tax) per month. We are not divorced nor legally separated. She does not have a very good job. However, she takes cash in some her jobs.

She is filling all kinds of petitions she can: 100% child custody, child support, spouse support. She knows that I cannot show up in the court. She wants me be arrested when I come back to US one year later. So far I have been served the notice that the court hearing for 100% child custody is in December(I am leaving US in October, not sure if I will receive more notice before leaving).

I am concerned that the court will calculate the child support, spouse support based on my income in US and want me to pay them something like $2000 a month. When I come back to US one or two years later, will I get arrested? Can I argue saying the house value(let's say my share is $105,000) I give to her is more than the court asked?

Sorry for the long post. It is a bit complicated. Thank you very much.

When you choose to voluntarily lower your income, it is entirely reasonable for a court to set your support obligation based on what you would be earning but for your choice to earn less.

If you choose not to participate in divorce and custody proceedings, you can expect that your spouse will get a judgment that is far more favorable to her than it is to you.

If you choose not to follow the child support order entered by the court, there is a possibility of a child support warrant and even a potential for criminal nonsupport charges.

Thank you for your reply.

The fact is that my health does not allow me to work as computer programmer any more(I have US doctors' support).

Anyway, if I postponed all these for one year and I have worked in Asia for one year, will the math formula calculating support use my salary in Asia($1000 per month) or in US($8000 per month)?

Thank you.

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Quoting xsli2

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Thank you for your reply.

The fact is that my health does not allow me to work as computer programmer any more(I have US doctors' support).

Anyway, if I postponed all these for one year and I have worked in Asia for one year, will the math formula calculating support use my salary in Asia($1000 per month) or in US($8000 per month)?

Thank you.

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Postponed what? The divorce? Why would your wife agree to a postponement?

Bottom line, you have a good job here and your children are here, and I cannot believe that being a computer programmer would be harder on your health than being a college instructor. Why would you move away from your children like that?

You are talking in a very naive way. Believe me, I have given my life to my family.

My wife tortures me everyday in our 14 years marriage. For the sake of kids, I tolerated, tolerated. All because of that, my health is going down, down. I was not a healthy boy. My parents took very good care of me. My wife wants to tear apart of me. Believe me, just mention the mental pressure, I woke up 4AM every morning and could not sleep any more. But when it is time to get up at 6AM, I cannot get up, because I didn't have enough sleep. Every day is like that and I have not mention other factors. For example, when I am back home in the evening from work, she did not let me have dinner. She knows my health and she knows I need nutrients. I argued, I fought. Now she lets me have dinner. But at dinner time, she bangs dishes to the dinner table in angry mood. The atmosphere just makes me nervous and no appetite to eat. The dinner is about the only opportunity that she can hurt me because most time I am working in the office.

Every year, I moved out of our house temporarily, just to get away from her torture. Now kids are relatively big and I think I need to move forward.

She does not want divorce. If divorced, she cannot harass me any more. She does not want me be free. When I am back with my parents in Asia, the mental pressure is gone. I can sleep and I can eat. She does not want me escape. She is filing petitions of child support, spouse support because she know I cannot show up in the court.

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Right now, if there is really no other choice, I will ask the judge move the hearing date to the winter break and I have to fly back for the hearing. But her act is purely vexatious and I think the legal system should not be abused by her like that.

Alternatively, I will ask the judge to do video conferencing to save me a trip and speak in the court. Technically, this is doable through Skype or other software. But not sure the judge will allow that?

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Quoting xsli2

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You are talking in a very naive way. Believe me, I have given my life to my family.

My wife tortures me everyday in our 14 years marriage. For the sake of kids, I tolerated, tolerated. All because of that, my health is going down, down. I was not a healthy boy. My parents took very good care of me. My wife wants to tear apart of me. Believe me, just mention the mental pressure, I woke up 4AM every morning and could not sleep any more. But when it is time to get up at 6AM, I cannot get up, because I didn't have enough sleep. Every day is like that and I have not mention other factors. For example, when I am back home in the evening from work, she did not let me have dinner. She knows my health and she knows I need nutrients. I argued, I fought. Now she lets me have dinner. But at dinner time, she bangs dishes to the dinner table in angry mood. The atmosphere just makes me nervous and no appetite to eat. The dinner is about the only opportunity that she can hurt me because most time I am working in the office.

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I do not mean this unkindly, but how in the world could your wife prevent you from cooking yourself a meal and eating that meal?

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Every year, I moved out of our house temporarily, just to get away from her torture. Now kids are relatively big and I think I need to move forward.

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Which you can do, without quitting your job and without deserting your children.

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She does not want divorce. If divorced, she cannot harass me any more. She does not want me be free. When I am back with my parents in Asia, the mental pressure is gone. I can sleep and I can eat. She does not want me escape. She is filing petitions of child support, spouse support because she know I cannot show up in the court.

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Again, you could do the same thing in a separate home and still be present for your children.

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Right now, if there is really no other choice, I will ask the judge move the hearing date to the winter break and I have to fly back for the hearing. But her act is purely vexatious and I think the legal system should not be abused by her like that.

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She is not abusing the legal system by asking for alimony and child support. She has the right to do that. Your odds of getting a hearing scheduled during a limited window of time, like winter break, is not strong.

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Alternatively, I will ask the judge to do video conferencing to save me a trip and speak in the court. Technically, this is doable through Skype or other software. But not sure the judge will allow that?

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That really depends on the individual court. Some are more technically advanced than others.

Thank you very much.

I have another specific question and I think it's better to start its own thread because it is a specific issue. I will post it soon.

I need to go back my original country. I am an immigrant. You don't know what it is like. It means everybody in the world is a stranger to you. I need emotional rest, by just sitting next to my parents, relatives who all are with big smile. I can fully relax. My immune system and my nerves get a rest. I don't want to sit by myself inside a bedroom in US for hours each day. It's not good for myself mentally and physically. The court/law should consider the human side. It should not be a machine.

Plus, this change(I move to Asia) really puts my wife to re-think about what she really wants. If I just move to several blocks away, she cares a little bit, but not too much. I think this long distance separation will make her calm down and make a decision quietly. It's good for both of us and our marriage.

Then expect your wife to get what she wants.

I get the whole health thing My hubby has hypersomnia because of what he was doing for software development. This means he is always exhausted and it affects his health quite a bit. Is it easy? No. But he gets medical help and plows through so he can be a part of his kids' lives.

If you have no friends then find a support group that can help you adjust to living in the US. You won't be along since you will be able to see your kids.

It really sounds like you are running away from your kids rather than just running from your wife. Your kids will know you have done this.

Just my opinion

Anyway, thank for all your replies.

I have a feeling that the people responding here somehow are very mean-spirited. I don't know why. I have been to court twice. Easily defeated my wife because she lies a lot and these days(email tracking, text message tracking) it is very easy to show she is a liar.

The judge is a human. He is not a machine. Maybe I am just lucky. You guys treat the law as a machine. Maybe you guys have more experience. It's good to hear from you guys' warnings though instead to hear them from the judge on the court.

Thank you.

http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189228

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Quoting xsli2

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Anyway, thank for all your replies.

I have a feeling that the people responding here somehow are very mean-spirited. I don't know why. I have been to court twice. Easily defeated my wife because she lies a lot and these days(email tracking, text message tracking) it is very easy to show she is a liar.

The judge is a human. He is not a machine. Maybe I am just lucky. You guys treat the law as a machine. Maybe you guys have more experience. It's good to hear from you guys' warnings though instead to hear them from the judge on the court.

Thank you.

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Okay you need to understand some very, very basic things here.

1. Lying is not illegal, and in family court the parties are almost expected to lie to the judge.
2. The judge is human, but if he has one very believable party before him and not the other, he's going to go with what the present party wants.
3. He IS human, after all.
4. You're not the only immigrant here who has gone through divorce American-style.

You have absolutely no idea what you're doing, and you have even less idea what happens during the divorce process in this country.

I suggest you learn - and fast.

Thank you.

"1. Lying is not illegal, and in family court the parties are almost expected to lie to the judge." --- hmm, how about perjury?

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Quoting xsli2

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Thank you.

"1. Lying is not illegal, and in family court the parties are almost expected to lie to the judge." --- hmm, how about perjury?

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Rarely, rarely prosecuted for events happening in family court.

OK. I don't expect she will be arrested on the court for perjury. However, if I can show that she lies about this, that, .. , almost everything, that will make the judge on my side, right?

She lies about EVERYTHING, without any sense of shame. I can understand people lie occasionally just to cover something. She lies from 1st sentence to the last sentence. When the judge pointed out on the court, she just stared at the judge, with an expression "what is wrong with you? Mr. Judge". In our daily life, she will just reply to me "You are such a liar. I never trust you". She always uses offence to replace her defence/explanation. In another words, she always accuses me the wrong doing when it is exactly she who did such a thing.

I am a scientist studying human brain. I believe that she needs medical treatment. I have asked the authority and they say there is no means to force her to see a psychiatrist unless she herself is willing to. I think this is not right. Should people wait for such a patient to pull out a gun and shoot?

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Quoting xsli2

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OK. I don't expect she will be arrested on the court for perjury. However, if I can show that she lies about this, that, .. , almost everything, that will make the judge on my side, right?

She lies about EVERYTHING, without any sense of shame. I can understand people lie occasionally just to cover something. She lies from 1st sentence to the last sentence. When the judge pointed out on the court, she just stared at the judge, with an expression "what is wrong with you? Mr. Judge". In our daily life, she will just reply to me "You are such a liar. I never trust you". She always uses offence to replace her defence/explanation. In another words, she always accuses me the wrong doing when it is exactly she who did such a thing.

I am a scientist studying human brain. I believe that she needs medical treatment. I have asked the authority and they say there is no means to force her to see a psychiatrist unless she herself is willing to. I think this is not right. Should people wait for such a patient to pull out a gun and shoot?

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And with that little diatribe, you've just made me doubt your own mental health. Expect the court to see what I'm seeing, and expect your poor wife to get everything she asks for along with full custody of the children.

You are dangerous.

It may sounds like I am personally insult my wife's integrity here, verbally. On the court, the evidence(pictures, video recordings, emails, text messages) speaks, not my words. I found it hard to believe she can get what she wants on the court through completely lying.

And of course, the fact that she does not view everything the same way that you do does not mean that she is lying. If she has a different opinion than you do and expresses it; if she honestly believes that what she is saying is true, then that is not a lie even if you disagree.

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Quoting xsli2

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It may sounds like I am personally insult my wife's integrity here, verbally. On the court, the evidence(pictures, video recordings, emails, text messages) speaks, not my words. I found it hard to believe she can get what she wants on the court through completely lying.

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No, she'll get what she wants because you won't be there.

Then again, you're seemingly intent on making this a walk in the park for her so...

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Quoting xsli2

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I am a scientist studying human brain.

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Oh, cool. Look up this word (as it pertains to psychiatry): Projection.

Then go look in the mirror.