Ex-Husband Refuses Custody Mediation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois

My ex is refusing mediation, even was kind enough to put his refusal and request that I take on mediation expenses on my own. I am now pro se.

Our divorce decree and multiple ensuing orders state very clearly that mediation is the next step if we can't come to an agreement. I tried the "let's talk about the upcoming school year re: Kid X's new and highly structured IEP for ADHD" and he said no, the week to week schedule is working just fine for him, and changing parenting was not an option for him. That was in OFW email as well.

I can't talk to him on the phone (he has a hissy fit), can't text him (same thing, hissy) and any time I have to be in his presence he acts as if I do not exist. I know this is about control issues - this person made 4X what I did last year but also refused to increase child support voluntarily.

Since I can only take a morning off to handle all these issues, how and in what order do I do so? I have to file a petition to increase child support, and yes, I am going to ask for a deviation from the standard 28% that Illinois uses, and yes, I am going to file a complaint about his refusal to mediate. Do I stick with mediation or does the request for changing parenting time go straight to the judge?

As always, I truly appreciate everyone's help.

Many thanks

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Quoting No_Angel

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois

My ex is refusing mediation, even was kind enough to put his refusal and request that I take on mediation expenses on my own. I am now pro se.

Our divorce decree and multiple ensuing orders state very clearly that mediation is the next step if we can't come to an agreement. I tried the "let's talk about the upcoming school year re: Kid X's new and highly structured IEP for ADHD" and he said no, the week to week schedule is working just fine for him, and changing parenting was not an option for him. That was in OFW email as well.

I can't talk to him on the phone (he has a hissy fit), can't text him (same thing, hissy) and any time I have to be in his presence he acts as if I do not exist. I know this is about control issues - this person made 4X what I did last year but also refused to increase child support voluntarily.

Since I can only take a morning off to handle all these issues, how and in what order do I do so? I have to file a petition to increase child support, and yes, I am going to ask for a deviation from the standard 28% that Illinois uses, and yes, I am going to file a complaint about his refusal to mediate. Do I stick with mediation or does the request for changing parenting time go straight to the judge?

As always, I truly appreciate everyone's help.

Many thanks

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I have reviewed your posting history some to get a better feel for what you are dealing with, and I think that you should just file for the modifications in child support and parenting time. If the judge asks you why you did not mediate first, you can simply inform him of dad's refusal.

However, I think that you are setting yourself up for failure with the child support if you are thinking about asking for more than guideline support.

I also think that you are missing something important about the parenting time. I do not think that you should ask for a change in the schedule. I think that you should ask that the right of first refusal clause be changed so that if dad is gone overnight, for even one night, that the children must be with you for that night. Dad is not going to fight that as hard.

Then, once you can document just how much time the children are with you because of dad's traveling for work, THEN you can request a modification in the schedule based on that, with good documentation.

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Quoting llworking

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I have reviewed your posting history some to get a better feel for what you are dealing with, and I think that you should just file for the modifications in child support and parenting time. If the judge asks you why you did not mediate first, you can simply inform him of dad's refusal.

However, I think that you are setting yourself up for failure with the child support if you are thinking about asking for more than guideline support.

I also think that you are missing something important about the parenting time. I do not think that you should ask for a change in the schedule. I think that you should ask that the right of first refusal clause be changed so that if dad is gone overnight, for even one night, that the children must be with you for that night. Dad is not going to fight that as hard.

Then, once you can document just how much time the children are with you because of dad's traveling for work, THEN you can request a modification in the schedule based on that, with good documentation.

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He's cagey about his travel schedule and the week on / week off rotation is going to be a disaster waiting to happen for my ADHD kid. New big school, 6th grade, easily overwhelmed. That is why I am attacking the parenting time issue.

Yes, my ADHD kid has a great counselor, every week. Yes, I have a great counselor too. No, they are not the same person. Stepdad helps kids regularly with homework as is job allows for it (works from home overnights). An adult is always present at home. They are the only kids in the household. Dad has two teenaged stepdaughters who torment my ADHD kid.

At this point, I feel as if any attack on Dad, including a one-night ROFR, will not go well for me.

Thanks for looking through the posting history. I'm dealing with some serious control issues.

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Quoting No_Angel

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He's cagey about his travel schedule and the week on / week off rotation is going to be a disaster waiting to happen for my ADHD kid. New big school, 6th grade, easily overwhelmed. That is why I am attacking the parenting time issue.

Yes, my ADHD kid has a great counselor, every week. Yes, I have a great counselor too. No, they are not the same person. Stepdad helps kids regularly with homework as is job allows for it (works from home overnights). An adult is always present at home. They are the only kids in the household. Dad has two teenaged stepdaughters who torment my ADHD kid.

At this point, I feel as if any attack on Dad, including a one-night ROFR, will not go well for me.

Thanks for looking through the posting history. I'm dealing with some serious control issues.

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I completely understand about your ADHD child, but reality check here....

If you think its going to be easier to change the custody schedule than to change the ROFR then you are living in fantasyland.