Teenager Wants to Switch Custody to the Non-Custodial Parent

I have sole custody, after 13 years of legal battles and four court cases (all ruling for me and her filing again), the NCP terminated her parental rights on demand on the custody evaluator she hired. The judge even clarified with her that she is losing all rights other then visitation and can not make decisions at all for the child in the future. She agreed and she repeated word for word that she was surrendering her rights.

Now my daughter is a teenager, she has some emotional disabilities due to the time she was in the care of her mother full time as a child. I've been dealing with them and with the support of the school, and special ed staff who have years of documentation that there is a problem every time she's up with her mother for visitation. The NCP lives in another state. This past year my daughter decided to not do anything at school and wasn't happy about having to have consequences and repeating classes. So during this summer's visitation they surprised me with my daughter wanting to stay up there.

The NCP did not want to do a power of attorney to make it a temporary situation as she suggested in the first place but to bully me into modifying custody to give her parental rights back. We tried to talk this summer but she kept saying how my daughter should be able to do as she pleases and have her freedom, she doesn't need parenting. I advised her that I was enforcing our agreement and that it's not in the best interest of our daughter. So now my daughter is aggressive and abusive stating that her and her mother will fight this. Prior to going up there we even discussed if she had plans to stay with her mother and she said no. I've raised her for the last 10 years with her mother having no contact except for visitation, even when the court ordered for awhile a phone line just for my daughter so her mother could call between certain times she never called. She has Facebook, three phones to contact my daughter, etc. and not a peep until right before visitation.

Also, while my daughter has been up there I have proof that her mother has been bribing her to stay which I can't post in detail here. There has been no significant change for myself or the NCP, no history of abuse, nothing. So I don't know what she can really hit me with next other then trying to get the court to listen to an emotionally damaged girl on who she wants to live with. Any suggestions?

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Quoting QuestioningParents

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I have sole custody, after 13 years of legal battles and four court cases (all ruling for me and her filing again), the NCP terminated her parental rights on demand on the custody evaluator she hired. The judge even clarified with her that she is losing all rights other then visitation and can not make decisions at all for the child in the future. She agreed and she repeated word for word that she was surrendering her rights.

Now my daughter is a teenager, she has some emotional disabilities due to the time she was in the care of her mother full time as a child. I've been dealing with them and with the support of the school, and special ed staff who have years of documentation that there is a problem every time she's up with her mother for visitation. The NCP lives in another state. This past year my daughter decided to not do anything at school and wasn't happy about having to have consequences and repeating classes. So during this summer's visitation they surprised me with my daughter wanting to stay up there.

The NCP did not want to do a power of attorney to make it a temporary situation as she suggested in the first place but to bully me into modifying custody to give her parental rights back. We tried to talk this summer but she kept saying how my daughter should be able to do as she pleases and have her freedom, she doesn't need parenting. I advised her that I was enforcing our agreement and that it's not in the best interest of our daughter. So now my daughter is aggressive and abusive stating that her and her mother will fight this. Prior to going up there we even discussed if she had plans to stay with her mother and she said no. I've raised her for the last 10 years with her mother having no contact except for visitation, even when the court ordered for awhile a phone line just for my daughter so her mother could call between certain times she never called. She has Facebook, three phones to contact my daughter, etc. and not a peep until right before visitation.

Also, while my daughter has been up there I have proof that her mother has been bribing her to stay which I can't post in detail here. There has been no significant change for myself or the NCP, no history of abuse, nothing. So I don't know what she can really hit me with next other then trying to get the court to listen to an emotionally damaged girl on who she wants to live with. Any suggestions?

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First, you are going to have to clarify something...

If a parent's rights are terminated, that means they are no longer the child's parent at all, legally. Which would also normally mean no visitation rights either.

However, what it sounds like you are describing is that mom gave up legal custody rights (decision making rights), not parental rights. In other words, you ended up with sole custody.

So which is correct?

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Quoting QuestioningParents

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...the NCP terminated her parental rights on demand on the custody evaluator she hired. The judge even clarified with her that she is losing all rights other then visitation and can not make decisions at all for the child in the future.

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Giving up custody rights is not the same thing as having your parental rights terminated. From what you have told us, unsurprisingly, her parental rights were not terminated.

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Quoting QuestioningParents

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The NCP did not want to do a power of attorney to make it a temporary situation as she suggested in the first place but to bully me into modifying custody to give her parental rights back.

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If you oppose her proposal, you can respond by saying "no".

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Quoting QuestioningParents

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Any suggestions?

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For what? Again, if you don't want to modify custody, say "No." If mom wants to try to convince a court to modify custody, she can file a motion.

Sole custody, her decision making rights. She was warned by her custody evaluator though that if she proceeds with another court case she will have the courts terminate full parental rights as well for her. The custody evaluator submitted that filing with the judge as well because the judge was against fathers having sole custody (long standing proof with multiple lawsuits against the judge including almost fatal injuries of child in custody of a drug addict mother when the father wanted custody) and wanted to know why in this case it was happening. The judge even tried to take custody of the child herself while ruling in this case because she didn't trust the parenting of a father. We had both sides lawyers fighting that one and a frantic call asking where my daughter was because she had filed and ordered the Sheriff's department to pick her up. It was reversed by end of day and dropped. The custody evaluator the NCP picked and hired was good friends with this judge which was the main reason she accepted and upheld giving me sole custody. She also agreed with the custody evaluator after reading the confidential report (which neither party has seen, we only verbally spoke with the custody evaluator at the end of the evaluation with the lawyers present) that she would terminate parental rights if she filed again.

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Quoting QuestioningParents

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Sole custody, her decision making rights. She was warned by her custody evaluator though that if she proceeds with another court case she will have the courts terminate full parental rights as well for her. The custody evaluator submitted that filing with the judge as well because the judge was against fathers having sole custody (long standing proof with multiple lawsuits against the judge including almost fatal injuries of child in custody of a drug addict mother when the father wanted custody) and wanted to know why in this case it was happening. The judge even tried to take custody of the child herself while ruling in this case because she didn't trust the parenting of a father. We had both sides lawyers fighting that one and a frantic call asking where my daughter was because she had filed and ordered the Sheriff's department to pick her up. It was reversed by end of day and dropped. The custody evaluator the NCP picked and hired was good friends with this judge which was the main reason she accepted and upheld giving me sole custody. She also agreed with the custody evaluator after reading the confidential report (which neither party has seen, we only verbally spoke with the custody evaluator at the end of the evaluation with the lawyers present) that she would terminate parental rights if she filed again.

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The judge simply cannot do that. That would be a clear cut abuse of discretion and easily overturned on appeal. There is a due process that must be followed before someone's parental rights can be terminated. Threatening to terminate someone's parental rights if they exercise their right to file to modify custody, is a clear abuse of discretion. They can fine someone for filing frivolous suits if the suits are proven to be frivolous, they could even suspend her visitation rights if its proven that she is a danger to the child. However, terminating parental rights takes a totally different process and a very in depth one.

The judge was never supposed to take custody of the case since neither party lived in the state for six months but used the basis that we both graduated HS there. We had both just moved to different states, she to where the judge was, I in another state with my daughter, we came from another state. My home state reserved the right once we were there for six months, the state I left said you just move we can keep jurisdiction unless another state claims it so the judge did on the state the mother moved to without custody of our daughter. It was not over turned on 3 appeals either. It was during one of the appeals process that the appeals court bought up the motion that the judge had filed to obtain temporary custody of the child herself, which start that issue in motion. There isn't much this judge won't do, we've found out. Including on record reprimanding both of us for having children so young and that a man's mind is not fully mature until after 25 and since I was just 26 I wasn't mature enough to be a father yet. I'm tempted just to move jurisdiction now since she lived in the new state 7 years now, if she files for a modification. I want her to see her mother and encouraged her even when she didn't want to see or talk to her. But joint custody will not work again, we tried and failed miserably because she even fought yearly physicals, and checkups, dental health, school, etc. She didn't believe that our daughter should see a counselor, get medical care other then emergency, have any dental work done aside from cavities, no glasses though she really has to have them, and that school is not that important. Her opinion just last week when I talked to her and brought up allowing her to go anywhere unsupervised and unchecked might result in pregnancy was "who cares? we were young so if she gets knocked up it's ok". I've talked to my daughter enough though that I hope she's smart enough to not get pregnant, but she's a teenager with hormones too. I want my daughter to be safe, she will not graduate HS if she stays with her mother long term, her mother has even stated she doesn't care if she does or not. My daughter needs constant guidance and support because of her emotional disabilities, which she can't get at her mother's. So that's why I posted to get some guidance, she threatened to file two weeks ago and I have yet to be served. My daughter is trying to make me communicate over messenger only and will not talk on the phone, she insists that she can only speak to me via messenger. She is to fly home by next weekend because it's the end of the scheduled visitation period and time to return to school. Her mother has already stated she's not putting her on the plane and returning her, which I will file an order of assistance and fly up to pick her up myself if I have to. I just don't see why she doesn't get the point that every case she's filed against me has failed but she's trying again, I just have to think her prior meth use damaged her brain more then I thought (originally why I got my daughter, she was heavy into meth and her mother finally admitted it, handed my daughter to me because she'd been in her care while I was deployed when she should have been in her mother's care but she couldn't take care of herself).

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Quoting QuestioningParents

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The judge was never supposed to take custody of the case since neither party lived in the state for six months but used the basis that we both graduated HS there. We had both just moved to different states, she to where the judge was, I in another state with my daughter, we came from another state. My home state reserved the right once we were there for six months, the state I left said you just move we can keep jurisdiction unless another state claims it so the judge did on the state the mother moved to without custody of our daughter. It was not over turned on 3 appeals either. It was during one of the appeals process that the appeals court bought up the motion that the judge had filed to obtain temporary custody of the child herself, which start that issue in motion. There isn't much this judge won't do, we've found out. Including on record reprimanding both of us for having children so young and that a man's mind is not fully mature until after 25 and since I was just 26 I wasn't mature enough to be a father yet. I'm tempted just to move jurisdiction now since she lived in the new state 7 years now, if she files for a modification. I want her to see her mother and encouraged her even when she didn't want to see or talk to her. But joint custody will not work again, we tried and failed miserably because she even fought yearly physicals, and checkups, dental health, school, etc. She didn't believe that our daughter should see a counselor, get medical care other then emergency, have any dental work done aside from cavities, no glasses though she really has to have them, and that school is not that important. Her opinion just last week when I talked to her and brought up allowing her to go anywhere unsupervised and unchecked might result in pregnancy was "who cares? we were young so if she gets knocked up it's ok". I've talked to my daughter enough though that I hope she's smart enough to not get pregnant, but she's a teenager with hormones too. I want my daughter to be safe, she will not graduate HS if she stays with her mother long term, her mother has even stated she doesn't care if she does or not. My daughter needs constant guidance and support because of her emotional disabilities, which she can't get at her mother's. So that's why I posted to get some guidance, she threatened to file two weeks ago and I have yet to be served. My daughter is trying to make me communicate over messenger only and will not talk on the phone, she insists that she can only speak to me via messenger. She is to fly home by next weekend because it's the end of the scheduled visitation period and time to return to school. Her mother has already stated she's not putting her on the plane and returning her, which I will file an order of assistance and fly up to pick her up myself if I have to. I just don't see why she doesn't get the point that every case she's filed against me has failed but she's trying again, I just have to think her prior meth use damaged her brain more then I thought (originally why I got my daughter, she was heavy into meth and her mother finally admitted it, handed my daughter to me because she'd been in her care while I was deployed when she should have been in her mother's care but she couldn't take care of herself).

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Wow...mom's state should never have had jurisdiction...and now you are stuck with what sounds like a really lunatic judge that probably won't release jurisdiction to your current state.

Is the judge still on the bench?

Yes this judge is still on the bench, she might not release jurisdiction since my daughter is now trying to stay in that state and has been there for a month and a half.

In most a states a child does not get a formal vote in what they want to do.

It's not clear what your order says as to visitation..but my view would be when /if visitation is up you assertively seek return of daughter and full sanctions against NCP if she violates the order or interferes with your rights.

No doubt many a teen can play both sides and many a parent seeks to influence a child against the other parent. All that is par for life.....

I think you need to make some speed at this lest daughter becomes a resident of moms state due to delay ....6 months may be fatal to your point of view.

She's to fly home this weekend when her visitation is up. I told her mother no she cannot stay, that it would not be in her best interest and that I expect her to follow the custody agreement and have her on the flight back home, with a copy of the flight itinerary. If she's not on the plane I'm flying up the next day with an Order of Assistance to have the Sheriff's Department help pick her up and fly her back with me. I don't plan to let her drag it out so she can get the 6 months.