Motion for Relocation Filed by the Custodial Parent

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Kentucky

I have an attorney, however he is off until Tuesday and I was just looking at my options.
My child's mother (custodial parent who currently lives 100 miles away) informed me last night that their family is moving from their current location in KY to Fort Brag, NC, 9 1/2 hours away for her Husband's job in the National Guard. This is a voluntary move, he is not being relocated by the National Guard, he is just looking for a position. He has not had a "job" in the National Guard for 8 months and states that he cannot find one in KY or anywhere close, therefore they need to make the move to North Carolina. This is only a temporary position for her Husband's position, that will last 2 years. After that, he will have to find another job again. Also, Mom is wanting to homeschool the child and I do not agree with this as she is in no way qualified and I feel it would hurt my daughter tremendously. We have 50/50 legal custody.

Current visitation is every other weekend, every other holiday break, spring break, fall break and every other week in the summer for 4 weeks. Visitation has been set this way for 6 years. Child is 7 1/2 years old.
Obviously I am going to file an objection as I do not think moving my child 10 hours away, for only 2 years and then moving again, as well as home schooling her is the best option. Child's Mother mentioned that this job is good for her Husband's retirement, but I don't see how that helps my childs current situation. We provide a stable home for her here, all sides of her family is in Kentucky, she has friends and siblings here as well and she would be attending a school that ranks in the top 2% of the state.

I guess I am just looking for something to tell me whether this is something that I will have success at fighting, or if this is a far stretch and the courts normally always decide to side with keeping the child with the Mother. Either way, I am going to fight to keep my daughter with me, but just want some opinions on what all I should try to prove. Like say, I know my attorney will help, but until I talk to him I am just looking for guidance.
Thank you.

Dad, if you lived in the same community as the child now, then it would not be a far stretch, because the child would not have to change community, school, or be separated from friends. It wouldn't be a guaranteed winner, but it would not be a far stretch. However, based on the fact that you already live 100 miles away from the child, unfortunately, yes, its a far stretch. Its a stretch because the child will be uprooted either way.

What the judge will have to decide is what would be least disruptive to the child?...to move with mom who is her current primary caretaker, or to both move AND be separated from her primary caretaker. I think that you can pretty much guess the most likely way it will go.

However, the homeschooling issue is entirely different. You odds of prevailing on that are not guaranteed either, but you would at least have a decent shot at it.

You are probable better off to let your lawyer pick the points that may count .

I am not a fan of home schooling or some of its results ..and sometime people homeschool because local schools are lousy choices......and if you offer a top school if you were custodial... that may matter....but Id not tackle homeschooliimg by a direct attack on Mom...again, use your lawyer. And Id triple,check schools in her proposed relocation area as to outside measures of quality.

The fact that hubby's job might last two years or more or less is speculation .

Since it's the other parent seeking move away ..I might ask court for a lot of equivalent time with ALL expenses charged to Mom and all transit issues charged to her. OR offer to take over custody ..if that makes sense ....

I will definitely look into the schools in the area. You make a good point and that may be why she is choosing that.
As far as the 2 years, mom told me it was only a 2 year position. But they are not guaranteed to move back to KY after he is finished. However, she stated herself that this is a temporary position.

I will also ask for mom to pay for travel expenses as this is not my fault they are moving our daughter this far away and I think that's only fair. I understand it needs to be done for his job, but I have heard of transportation being handled by parent that is making the move so I will see what attorney says.
Thank you

Well Id not put much weight in Moms comments....but hey, if her move is only temporary , why not place the child with you in better local schools and revisit physical custody when and if she returns to KY?

The cost of long distance visitation is often far more than meets the eye..especially if the child requires an escort to fly or there are major drive times ...and why shouldn't the move away parent pick up the lions share of same ?

In addition to making mom responsible for travel expenses you are also going to want a long distance visitation plan that makes sense considering the distance. Obviously every other weekend won't work because of the travel time, but if the child does end up being home schooled you could possibly get more time than you might think. For example, you could ask for a full week every 4-6 weeks during the school year and 2/3rds-3/4ths of the summer.

If the child goes to regular school,look at the school calendars for the area to see how many breaks are available, including 3 or 4 day weekends and ask for most of those, as wells 2/3rds-3/4ths of the summer.

Thank you all, I will definitely make sure all ducks are in a row regarding visitation, child support and all other parts of the agreement are settled before she leaves if the courts allow the move. Like say, not going in very optimistic, but I have to fight for my daughter. I don't see how stepdad's retirement is more important than my time and relationship with my daughter, but I know it isn't always fair. They do own a business currently where they live and I understand probably irrelevant to the courts, but they just spent thousands of dollars building an in-ground pool, fencing, landscaping, etc., yet they hurt so bad for money that they have to move 10 hours away for a job. Just venting, I know, and like say, irrelevant in court, just a frustrated Dad in fear if losing his daughter

Dad, Kentucky's relocation laws have changed in the past few years. Before, it was extremely difficult for the NCP to block a moveaway; he'd usually have to show that the move was not being made in good faith, and that his parenting time would be severely curtailed.

This has changed somewhat, and now an NCP with shared parenting - and that would be you! - isn't required to prove those two things. It's still not a slamdunk for the NCP, but at least it's no longer a slamdunk for the relocating parent (which was generally the case). "Best interest" is now the standard.

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(1) Unless otherwise ordered by the court, in any action in which the permanent custody or timesharing of the child(ren) is in issue, each party shall, not less than 14 days prior to the day set for hearing, provide the other party(ies) with a list of the names and addresses of every person and a short statement of the subject of their testimony, other than a parent or the child(ren) of the parents, expected to be called as a witness, as well as a list of exhibits to be entered.
(2) Relocation.
(a) Before a joint custodian seeks to relocate, written notice shall be filed with the court and notice shall be served on the non-relocating joint custodian. Either party may file a motion for change of custody or time-sharing within 20 days of service of the notice if the custodians are not in agreement; or, the parties shall file an agreed order if the time sharing arrangement is modified by agreement. See Pennington v. Marcum, 266 S.W.3d 759 (Ky. 2008) and Wilson v. Messinger, 840 S.W.2d 203 (Ky.1992).
(b) Before a sole custodian seeks to relocate, written notice shall be filed with the court and notice shall be served on the non-custodial parent. If the court ordered visitation is affected by the relocation, the non-custodial parent may file a motion contesting the change in visitation within 20 days of service of the notice.
HISTORY: Amended by Order 2012-10, eff. 1-1-13; adopted eff. 1-1-11

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(Full text here)

Here's what I'm seeing in your situation. I'm seeing a parent who is dangling the "it's only for a couple of years" carrot, knowing fine well that once this move goes ahead, there is literally nothing you can do to prevent the child from being relocated again.

The biggest red flag to me though is the National Guard issue. NG members are not commonly PCS'd and when it does happen it's generally due to specialized training/extended schooling and it's very short term. Because of this, you need to make it crystal clear that he does not have a job waiting for him.


Get thee to your attorney immediately.

Thank you for that information. I know courts used to always be pro-mom and more are starting to favor the Dad, it's just tough feeling like the under dog going in. My daughter has said many times she would love to go to school with her brother, my stepson, but then again she is only 7 and I am sure they don't take what she would like into consideration at this age.

Husband is definitely voluntarily taking this job. Nobody ordered him from the national guard, he simply wants to get however many years he needs to get with them so that he can keep his pension/retirement plan and I don't think that's fair to myself to remove her from me to benefit stepdads retirement plan. Yes, this should also increase his current pay, but like I said before, they own a business in their current city and are not hurting, whatsoever, for money.

a seasoned divorce attorney probably knows more about what matters in court than you or I do....if you want good odds..send in a paid gladiator.

Personally I also would be very suspicious about home schooling...but it's all too easy for mom to change her tune before she gets to court if she is alerted to potential problem?

If they are short of $ they certainly are going to run into $ problems to sustain any reasonable citation role.

Generally speaking a better job for the breadwinner parent/step parent translates into better options for child ..now I see your point..but again, how to arriculate it is better left to counsel.
As an aside, if mom is in the business and that helps child..then if she moves away and has no equal or better job lined up..how,does that benefit child? I get it that move is to make his pension plan work..and that a stretch as to how it benefits child...,

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Quoting Wildcat2015

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Thank you for that information. I know courts used to always be pro-mom and more are starting to favor the Dad, it's just tough feeling like the under dog going in. My daughter has said many times she would love to go to school with her brother, my stepson, but then again she is only 7 and I am sure they don't take what she would like into consideration at this age.

Husband is definitely voluntarily taking this job. Nobody ordered him from the national guard, he simply wants to get however many years he needs to get with them so that he can keep his pension/retirement plan and I don't think that's fair to myself to remove her from me to benefit stepdads retirement plan. Yes, this should also increase his current pay, but like I said before, they own a business in their current city and are not hurting, whatsoever, for money.

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He can accumulate those years without having to leave the State ...

My attorney will be back from vacation on Tuesday and I plan to ask him all questions necessary and can hope he has some good news that we have even a small chance in court with this. Mom will go from working now in their business here to being a stay at home mom. They are moving simply so StepDad can work for the National Guard.

How does to allow a relocation so that a stepparent who has no legal duty to support this child, can enhance his pension plan for his down the road benefit in any way benefit the child ?

Let him commute back and forth for two years if its that geat a deal for him?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Dad, Kentucky's relocation laws have changed in the past few years. Before, it was extremely difficult for the NCP to block a moveaway; he'd usually have to show that the move was not being made in good faith, and that his parenting time would be severely curtailed.

This has changed somewhat, and now an NCP with shared parenting - and that would be you! - isn't required to prove those two things. It's still not a slamdunk for the NCP, but at least it's no longer a slamdunk for the relocating parent (which was generally the case). "Best interest" is now the standard.



(Full text here)

Here's what I'm seeing in your situation. I'm seeing a parent who is dangling the "it's only for a couple of years" carrot, knowing fine well that once this move goes ahead, there is literally nothing you can do to prevent the child from being relocated again.

The biggest red flag to me though is the National Guard issue. NG members are not commonly PCS'd and when it does happen it's generally due to specialized training/extended schooling and it's very short term. Because of this, you need to make it crystal clear that he does not have a job waiting for him.


Get thee to your attorney immediately.

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The problem is that they already live 100 miles apart therefore the child will be uprooted no matter what. So, once again its back to what will disrupt the child's life the least...moving with her primary caretaker, or moving AND being separated from her primary caretaker.

I would be giving the same advice if the genders were reversed.

Primary caregiver or not, I am her Father, not a stranger to her. We have a great relationship and home life. I have never missed any time with her, never missed a child support payment, and have been to all school events she has had. I don't have to see her every day to still play a large role in her development. Her and I are extremely close and as the saying goes, she is a typical "Daddy's girl" and this will emotional hurt her greatly. I get that mom is primary caregiver, but I still believe that living with her father over moving every 2 years is much more in her benefit. Whether the courts agree or not, to me, it's common sense. My house, our neighborhood, her friends and family are here in kentucky. She is going somewhere where she will have zero family support and won't be familiar with anything.
I understand what you are saying, I just have to disagree that primary caregiver always wins.

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Quoting Wildcat2015

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Primary caregiver or not, I am her Father, not a stranger to her. We have a great relationship and home life. I have never missed any time with her, never missed a child support payment, and have been to all school events she has had. I don't have to see her every day to still play a large role in her development. Her and I are extremely close and as the saying goes, she is a typical "Daddy's girl" and this will emotional hurt her greatly. I get that mom is primary caregiver, but I still believe that living with her father over moving every 2 years is much more in her benefit. Whether the courts agree or not, to me, it's common sense. My house, our neighborhood, her friends and family are here in kentucky. She is going somewhere where she will have zero family support and won't be familiar with anything.
I understand what you are saying, I just have to disagree that primary caregiver always wins.

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Well, unfortunately the courts and the law don't necessarily agree with you. Like I said before, if you lived in the same community as mom I believe you would have a much better shot at it than you have now.

I understand that you feel that it would hurt her greatly to be that far of a distance away from you. However, have you tried to put yourself in her shoes and imagine whether it would be worse or better for her to be that far of a distance away from mom?

It is not appropriate to involve children in adult matters but I do think that any time a parent has to deal with an issue like this that they need to try as hard as possible to imagine it from the child's point of view, all directions, and to imagine what would really be best for their child. Obviously the very best thing for this child would be if no move were to happen at all. However, it does not appear that that is a realistic outcome.

All things being equal (both parents good parents) it has to be based on what is truly best for that individual child. So, we know that the child's life is going to be disrupted for sure...because one way or another she is going to be moving. What the judge will have to decide is which thing will be the least disruptive for her.

Whatever you do, do not limit your case to just being a challenge of the move. You need to also address parenting time and transportation. Make sure that what you design for you (should you lose) is the same plan that you would offer to her.

She is quitting work to move...how does that benefit child....next she may petition for a change in CS?

I grew up in part a military brat...parent was assigned to some far off places...not always popular with spouse ...sometimes parents lived apart and some of my current friends in teaching, medicine, mainstream corporations maintain commuter / long distance marriages....not everyone's cup of tea but there is no rule against a commuter marriage ...and so far we don't have much to support why stepfathers relocation means child is better off to move with step father....for a mere 2 +/- years and be disrupted yet again.

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Quoting llworking

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The problem is that they already live 100 miles apart therefore the child will be uprooted no matter what. So, once again its back to what will disrupt the child's life the least...moving with her primary caretaker, or moving AND being separated from her primary caretaker.

I would be giving the same advice if the genders were reversed.

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You've just made my point, actually.

She's going to move, either way. Hence the disruption. So, given that Kentucky doesn't appear to think too much of a "husband-kinda-sorta-maybe-has-a-job-9-hours-away-what-do-you-mean-he-can-get-a-job-locally" reason, I see nothing indicating that Dad would be a bad choice for custodial parent. The child knows the area, it's familiar home-ground for her. As Dad indicated, she'll know absolutely nobody and have no ties to the new location. Why not leave her where she's at least comfortable? Less traumatic, yes?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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You've just made my point, actually.

She's going to move, either way. Hence the disruption. So, given that Kentucky doesn't appear to think too much of a "husband-kinda-sorta-maybe-has-a-job-9-hours-away-what-do-you-mean-he-can-get-a-job-locally" reason, I see nothing indicating that Dad would be a bad choice for custodial parent. The child knows the area, it's familiar home-ground for her. As Dad indicated, she'll know absolutely nobody and have no ties to the new location. Why not leave her where she's at least comfortable? Less traumatic, yes?

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Completely agree and that's my point in all of this. Yes, I understand she will be leaving her Mom, but unfortunately this is a chance her Mom decided to take and I don't have to agree with it. I am simply stating that if we are looking for less disruption, it seems that keeping her in a familiar location, within an hour of ALL family members (other than mom), some right down the road, would be more beneficial. I would even be willing to set up some sort of visitation once a month for her extended family on her moms side who live a few hours away so that she still
Maintains those relationships. I am not at all trying to be difficult with the mother, I just will
Not accept that her moving somewhere, being homeschooled when she loves school and is a social butterfly, and moving somewhere with zero family when she has myself, my wife, her brother and soon to be sibling on the way, along with all of her family and extended family. I want her to have a stable and happy home and I know she has that here.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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You've just made my point, actually.

She's going to move, either way. Hence the disruption. So, given that Kentucky doesn't appear to think too much of a "husband-kinda-sorta-maybe-has-a-job-9-hours-away-what-do-you-mean-he-can-get-a-job-locally" reason, I see nothing indicating that Dad would be a bad choice for custodial parent. The child knows the area, it's familiar home-ground for her. As Dad indicated, she'll know absolutely nobody and have no ties to the new location. Why not leave her where she's at least comfortable? Less traumatic, yes?

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It depends entirely on the child as to which would be the least traumatic. That is my entire point. That is the decision the judge will have to make.
Mom of course will make the argument that being separated from her primary caregiver would be more traumatic...and its a very plausible argument. It all depends on what is best for THAT individual child.

Dad, you also have to be careful about something. Your stepson is not your child's brother. He is your child's stepbrother. That may seem unimportant in the overall course of things but its one of those little things that can lessen your credibility in court. Does she have any actual siblings at mom's? If she does, that would factor in as well.

Well, we are about to go through the adoption process as I have been around since he was 1 and his Biodad was never in the picture. So, I say stepson as "technically" that's what he is right now, but will soon be legally adopted son if all goes as planned. Yes, she has siblings at moms but they are half siblings who also get referred to as "brothers and sisters". My wife is pregnant and due in February so that will be her half sibling here. We won't bring up all of that in court unless necessary, but whether half, or step, they are still her siblings and all will be affected by this.

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Quoting Wildcat2015

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Well, we are about to go through the adoption process as I have been around since he was 1 and his Biodad was never in the picture. So, I say stepson as "technically" that's what he is right now, but will soon be legally adopted son if all goes as planned. Yes, she has siblings at moms but they are half siblings who also get referred to as "brothers and sisters". My wife is pregnant and due in February so that will be her half sibling here. We won't bring up all of that in court unless necessary, but whether half, or step, they are still her siblings and all will be affected by this.

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Ok, but until you actually adopt the child and he becomes her half sibling also, you need to refer to him as her stepbrother. She obviously has no full siblings as you and her mother only had one child. Half siblings ARE her brother(s) and sister(s). Step-siblings are not.

The point I was getting to is that the siblings at her mother's house will factor into the situation as they are siblings with whom she also primarily lives and to whom she is also primarily bonded. Therefore moving to your home would separate her not only from her primary caregiver, but from siblings with whom she has a primary bond. You never mentioned them at all in the first two pages of this thread, and in fact emphasized that her only "family" where mom wants to move would be her mother. Her siblings are her family too. Be careful and do not make that mistake in court.

You are not going to fare well in court unless you identify all of the factors that will matter in this situation and address all of them.

For child support, ask that she be imputed her current income. Both parents should support their child and her choosing to be a SAHM does not negate that obligation.

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Quoting llworking

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It depends entirely on the child as to which would be the least traumatic. That is my entire point. That is the decision the judge will have to make.
Mom of course will make the argument that being separated from her primary caregiver would be more traumatic...and its a very plausible argument. It all depends on what is best for THAT individual child.

Dad, you also have to be careful about something. Your stepson is not your child's brother. He is your child's stepbrother. That may seem unimportant in the overall course of things but its one of those little things that can lessen your credibility in court. Does she have any actual siblings at mom's? If she does, that would factor in as well.

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I disagree with the first part - and you and I know each other well enough to realize there's going to be no meeting of the minds on that one :D

The second part?

Depending on who spins it the best, that is a potentially critical point and should have been clarified from the beginning!

It's definitely not something I was trying to leave out of the situation, I guess to me, as well as their mom as well, her relationships with all of her siblings are just as important. I see what you all are saying as far as primary bond, however her and her stepbrother have grown up with eachother for the last 7 years. Her other siblings are 2 months old and 2 years old. So, to be honest, she actually has more of a bond, and people on her moms side will admit to this, with my son simply because of the closeness in age and being around him for a longer period of time.
All family members will obviously be discussed in the courtroom, I just simply know my daughter and the relationships she has with her siblings and I am sorry, I just don't put one above the other. Courts may, we just don't.

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Quoting Wildcat2015

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It's definitely not something I was trying to leave out of the situation, I guess to me, as well as their mom as well, her relationships with all of her siblings are just as important. I see what you all are saying as far as primary bond, however her and her stepbrother have grown up with eachother for the last 7 years. Her other siblings are 2 months old and 2 years old. So, to be honest, she actually has more of a bond, and people on her moms side will admit to this, with my son simply because of the closeness in age and being around him for a longer period of time.
All family members will obviously be discussed in the courtroom, I just simply know my daughter and the relationships she has with her siblings and I am sorry, I just don't put one above the other. Courts may, we just don't.

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I am sure that she does have a strong bond with your soon to be son. They are of similar ages and he is he primary "friend" when she is at your house. That does not mean that she doesn't have a greater bond with the siblings she primarily lives with. 7 year old girls, in particular, are very bonded to babies and toddlers (when they are not complaining about them, LOL). The bond between my nine year old granddaughter and her 2 year old brother is incredibly strong. She is like a little second mother to him. She describes him as "charming"...LOL, when in reality he is anything but because he is in the middle of the terrible twos.

She also has a strong bond with her other half siblings who live elsewhere. However, while she would miss them if she did not see them as often as she does now, she would be devastated to be separated from her two year old brother.

The two year old, on the other hand, is more seriously bonded with his 4 year old "bubba" (brother) who lives elsewhere every other week (different mom). He is also seriously bonded to his 9 year old sister, but he is inconsolable for 24 hours after bubba goes back to the other home for that week. I don't know what "bubba's" primary bond is because I have no observations of the other home.

So, the reality is that its different for every child as far as sibling relationships are concerned.