Disagreement as to Long-Distance Visitation Schedule Following Agreed Relocation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Indiana

I have 2 children with my ex . They are 8 and 5yo. Our 8 yo is disabled ADHD and autistic. He and I seperated 4 yrs ago and he refused to help with our kids because I wouldn't do him sexual favors (sorry to be tmi but it's part if the explanation). We broke up because he had recieved his second child neglect charge on our child and I couldn't allow him to continue this abuse.

After we broke up I told him take me to court to see them I was in fear for their safety. He never did. He ended up going to jail for dealing cocaine. 6 months after he got out (jan 2015) state of indiana ordered him to pay child support because our children have Medicaid. He requested visitation. In march 15 they granted him 3 hrs every Sunday.

Now.... 3 years ago I met my fiancé he has been helping take care and raise our kids. We had a child together in January 2015. He is an over the road trucker and his job has moved his main run to New York . My attorney told me to talk to their father and try to come to am agreement for revised visitation and then file intent to move. We came to the agreement I would return every summer for 3 weeks and he to have the children for 10 hrs a day each day that I'm here. He is not capable to have them overnights due to his history of abuse and neglect 10 he's is even worrisome. I turned it in signed by us both and his attorney filed a prevention to relocate !

After he and I agreed on modified visitation ... Now we have to go to court . His attorney wants 1 week for spring 1 week fall 1week Christmas and 7 weeks summer! This is aman who left our infant at he alone while I was at work and can barely take care of himself ! And his attorney is asking for the kids to be with him 7 consecutive weeks ! That is far from best for our children and their safety ! He said if Their father is incompetent to fit the new schedule then I just have to stay here !!! How can I be punished and forced to stay because he is incompetent ?? He has literally only seen our children the last 3 months!! And is already 2000 behind on child support

That I also offered to drop or recur as we will non longer be on government assistance once we move and his attorney still will not withdraw the motion even with my exes agreement ! Has anyone else ever been through this??? If do please abt advice is helpful

So, what did your attorney say when you spoke with him/her/it? That's the only opinion you truly need to seek, as your attorney knows the local judge and how they'll most likely rule more than a bunch of random strangers on the Interwebs.

My attorney said the judge may let you move and he may not

I wasn't really asking someone what the judge will do ... Was more asking for anyone else who has gone through this what the outcome was for them.

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Quoting Adurham30

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My attorney said the judge may let you move and he may not

I wasn't really asking someone what the judge will do ... Was more asking for anyone else who has gone through this what the outcome was for them .

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Your ex's attorney is not abiding by your ex's agreement with you. That means one of two things. Either your ex changed his mind about the agreement or your ex's attorney is doing whatever he likes regardless of what your ex wants.

When your ex received official visitation of three hours every Sunday how did that arise? Was it something ordered by a judge or an agreement of some sort? He has had two neglect charges related to your children. I do not understand how his attorney thinks that he would get that much unsupervised visitation.

The 3 hours was ordered by a judge. They basically gave him the minimum allowed based on his criminal history and history of neglect. His attorney told him that if I feel he is unable to have the children unsupervised for that long then technically I just can't move ! Is that really even possible. I feel like me and the kids are being punished because of his incompetence

You need to be talking to your attorney, not his attorney.

What arrangement do you propose for long-distance visitation?

I don't talk to his attorney , this is all what his attorney told my ex and my attorney when they talked amongst themselves . I proposed that I would return to our state at my expense for 4 weeks and he could see the children 10 hrs per day each day that I'm here, which totals 280 hrs where as now he only gets 144. 10 hours a day even is stretching it because he does have history of neglect

If you don't talk to your ex's lawyer, then you're taking your ex's word for what his lawyer says. Do you trust your ex- to be honest about what his lawyer says, or for some reason believe that his second-hand claims about his lawyer's statements is more credible than what you're hearing from your own lawyer?

Your proposal is unclear. Are you talking about coming back for a total of four weeks, broken up over the course of the year -- e.g., 1 week for spring, 1 week fall, 1week Christmas and 1 week for summer? Are you proposing a single, annual four week visit, to replace weekly visits?

hint..to relocate to follow somebody absent marriage is not as powerful a reason as to be married to that person.....ask your attorney how the winds blow in your area on such points.

In general Dad is entitled to the visitations as in the order ...no matter how inconvenient they may be for you....until or unless you get the order changed....and he can leverage your inconvenience to get better terms his way as he sees them...and stick you with all,transportation costs if you are not careful.
Rely upon your attorney more than your emotions......

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Quoting Adurham30

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I don't talk to his attorney , this is all what his attorney told my ex and my attorney when they talked amongst themselves . I proposed that I would return to our state at my expense for 4 weeks and he could see the children 10 hrs per day each day that I'm here, which totals 280 hrs where as now he only gets 144. 10 hours a day even is stretching it because he does have history of neglect

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Serious question.

What can't he do within 3 hours unsupervised, that he can in 10 hours unsupervised?

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Indiana has a shifting burden when relocation is being litigated.

Here's a snippet:

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First, the parent proposing relocation must prove that the relocation is proposed in good faith and for a legitimate reason; then, if that burden is met, the burden shifts to the non-relocating parent to show why the relocation is not in the child’s best interests

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You can read more here: http://iclef.org/2014/03/trial-court-denies-mothers-move-to-hawaii-as-not-in-best-interest-of-child/

And here: http://www.lrcvaw.org/laws/inrelocation.pdf


Indiana used to have a handy little brochure dealing with the ins and outs, but I can't seem to find it offhand.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Serious question.

What can't he do within 3 hours unsupervised, that he can in 10 hours unsupervised?

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Indiana has a shifting burden when relocation is being litigated.

Here's a snippet:



You can read more here: http://iclef.org/2014/03/trial-court...rest-of-child/

And here: http://www.lrcvaw.org/laws/inrelocation.pdf


Indiana used to have a handy little brochure dealing with the ins and outs, but I can't seem to find it offhand.

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Realistically, in a circumstance like this one its not likely at all that an Indiana judge is going to deny your request to relocate the child. Generally the judge has to be willing to switch custody to the non-relocating parent in order to deny the request. Clearly the judge is not going to be willing to switch custody to dad. However, that is not a hard and fast rule the judge CAN deny your request, which is why your attorney isn't promising you a yes or no.

You can clearly demonstrate that the proposed relocation is in good faith and for a legitimate reason.

The reasons for an unmarried woman to follow her lover to his new location are far less compelling than a married woman's need to follow her husband and breadwinner . The judge might be old school.

The judge might permit the relocation but assign all costs of Dad exercising his rights to the move away party....be careful. you may be playing into Dads hands ....sometimes it is useful to sort out an outcome the other side does NOT want instead of wearing your heart on your sleeves...at least for barter purposes....

I agree, L.


I think Dad AND his attorney are playing fast and loose with Bully Mode.

Now with all that being said, I do see the Judge allowing Dad markedly longer visitation periods, unsupervised.

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Quoting HRinDEVON

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The reasons for an unmarried woman to follow her lover to his new location are far less compelling than a married woman's need to follow her husband and breadwinner . The judge might be old school.

The judge might permit the relocation but assign all costs of Dad exercising his rights to the move away party....be careful. you may be playing into Dads hands ....sometimes it is useful to sort out an outcome the other side does NOT want instead of wearing your heart on your sleeves...at least for barter purposes....

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And how is she playing into Dad's hands, exactly?