Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New York. Married to wife for four years. We never stayed together and we have one son together. I live in Georgia and I am military. Going through the divorce process and waiting on a court date for custody and visitation.
The question I am asking is when it comes to the best interest of the child. I have never been able to build a solid relationship with my son outside of visiting NYC every few months. As far as me living out of state how do judges look at that as far as building a better relationship with my son over summer vacation and holidays. I know I have equal rights and I know through federal law I have the right to improve the parent child relationship even though it is not bad.
Re: Married Separate Parents and 1 Child, Best Interest of Child
How old is your son?
Sure, you have the right to improve the relationship - but it's not going to happen automatically. Your rights don't, for example, mean that you get the entire summer and Mom has no real "down" time.
Re: Married Separate Parents and 1 Child, Best Interest of Child
Yea I figured most things would not happen automatically. So is there anything that I can use in court to help benefit me. Because she refused to live with me although the environment that I stayed in was safe.
Re: Married Separate Parents and 1 Child, Best Interest of Child
Well... what's your goal?
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
My son is 4 and my goal while he is young is to get summers, alternate holidays and times when he has more then 4 days off from. For example spring break.
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
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Quoting
Jonathan Halbert
My son is 4 and my goal while he is young is to get summers, alternate holidays and times when he has more then 4 days off from. For example spring break.
That is not going to happen in the short term, and is unlikely to happen as you envision it, in the long term. You are going to need to spend time with him more often in NY, before you start getting any time outside of NY, and when you start getting time outside of NY, it will be for one or two weeks at a time, to start.
The typical long distance schedule (which I believe is the best you can hope for under the circumstances) would be every other Thanksgiving Break, One week of Christmas Break, every other Spring Break, and anywhere from 1/2 to 3/4th of the summer. You might get one weekend a month on top of that, but probably only if you travel to the child's community for that.
In addition to that, you have to take into consideration that your child cannot fly alone, and it may be several years before a judge would even consider your child flying alone, even if the airline would allow it, so its going to take three round trip tickets for each visitation. One round trip for him and two round trips for the adults who fly with him. Therefore do ask for more frequency than you can realistically afford.
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
So even if I decided to take care of transporation and to make sure that son will travel with me. There is still a chance I will not get much in the case of visitation? So even with things I done in the past as far as traveling to new york for birthday and other events and the fact that she use to travel to my location once a year I will still be on the short end of the stick??
If i wanted to fight for more what can i do? Can I appeal the process if I feel there are not being fair?
THe only reason I say this is because of the refusal to stay with me.
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
Quote:
Quoting
Jonathan Halbert
So even if I decided to take care of transporation and to make sure that son will travel with me. There is still a chance I will not get much in the case of visitation? So even with things I done in the past as far as traveling to new york for birthday and other events and the fact that she use to travel to my location once a year I will still be on the short end of the stick??
If i wanted to fight for more what can i do? Can I appeal the process if I feel there are not being fair?
THe only reason I say this is because of the refusal to stay with me.
It is not about what is fair to either parent. Its is completely and totally about the best interest of the child. The child has only seen you a few times a year since birth...therefore, before the child spends extended time with you alone, the child is going to need to get more used to you being around. That means more frequent visits in the child's community for a period of time.
Then, the child needs to get used to be separated from mom (his constant and primary caretaker) for extended periods of time. That is why visitation in your community will start out with a week or so at a time.
Then, once you get past that, and are on regular visitation, you are simply not going to get all the child's extended time off...why?, because the child needs that kind of time with mom too. You might get most of the summer, but you won't get all the summer. You also won't get all of the child's 4 days off school holidays. You will get half of them.
You can only appeal the process if the judge makes an error of law or abuses his discretion. Deciding on a schedule that you don't like is neither.
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
Well thank you for your time. I guess the process will take time. Guess I will have to remain patient, but I am sure in due time it will pay off in the long run.
I have to bug you with one more question. As first as decision making when it comes to him, I.e. Traveling outside the country, religion and etc. Will I have the right in the decision making? Or all is released to her once everything is finalized.
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
Quote:
Quoting
Jonathan Halbert
Well thank you for your time. I guess the process will take time. Guess I will have to remain patient, but I am sure in due time it will pay off in the long run.
I have to bug you with one more question. As first as decision making when it comes to him, I.e. Traveling outside the country, religion and etc. Will I have the right in the decision making? Or all is released to her once everything is finalized.
The standard is joint legal custody which is joint decision making rights. Joint legal custody means that on major issues, the two of you have to agree. In normal circumstances that would mean that the two of you would have to behave like good co-parents on the major issues in the child's life...therefore discussing and debating and coming up with mutual agreements regarding how your son is to be raised as far as the major issues are concerned. However, even with joint legal custody neither of you get to take the child outside of the country without the permission of the other parent...or the permission of the court if the judge feels that one of you is being unreasonable on that issue.
If the judge believes that the two of you cannot be good co-parents its possible that the judge would not give you joint legal custody...or would give the primary custodial parent the final say if you cannot agree.
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
Is joint legal feasible enough living in 2 states rather far from each other? If mom remains the primary it is more likely that, while on paper they have joint legal custody, the judge may very well give mom either final decision making or sole legal on certain items such as schooling, doctors, medical, and such. Perhaps not items such as religion or other items that don't really affect daily life.
Just something to think about
Re: Building a Better Relationship With a Child During Visitation
Getting a passport generally requires joint permission or an equivalent court order.
Mom has a lot of points in her favor as the primary care giver ..even if it was due to her failure to live with you..as you see it. ( My mom was not always happy with where my father was stationed! )
I suggest you use best darn counsel you can afford...