I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Connecticut
Trigger warning, might go without saying but i'm saying it anyways.
All right i'm a little angry right now so I might be a little all over the place. It hard not to be angry in my situation.
I want to sue my parents, most specifically my father. I've been beaten by my father literally for as long as I can remember. I've always been the main target. Now that I'm nearly 19 i'm ready to do something about it. I don't even want money, I want them to acknowledge what they did to me was wrong.
The beatings started as the "normal" spanking. My mom often got mad at him for it because he often left red marks or hand marks on our rears that would last there for hours. By the time I was 10 it escalated. I can remember two situations where I was dragged around by the collar of my shirt. I vividly remember a time when he was driving me to school and I said someting and he went to punch me in my face. He hesitated at the last second so it wasn't that hard, but i guess it's the thought that counts. He later started beating me with a belt, over and over. One time I had two bruises going along down my thigh in the shape of the loop the belt made as he held it. When I was about 14 it was summer, I had gone out and as someone with very fair skin I sunburned pretty bad. It hurt just to move. He beat with a belt for what felt like a lifetime. I screamed as loud as I could and someone heard and a few moments after he stopped the police showed up at my door. they took pictures of the marks and arrested him. My mom bailed him out the next day, told me she thought I made those marks myself. My whole family was against me even though they'd witnessed what he was capable of.
He got probation, got some help for his acohol problem. He mostly stopped hitting me. Maybe i'm jsut bitter but I can't help but think the only reason was because he knew I wasn't taking it anymore and he didn't want to get in more trouble. Course my evidence comes from the fact that do this day he refuses to acknowledge the facts of that day. Maybe he blacked out since he was drunk off his rocker. But he keeps telling people he did nothing wrong, he tells them that he just spanked me. Like whipping someone with a belt so much they have bruises all over their legs and arms is the same as small hit on the bum.
I've seen several psychologists and therapists since that day by force from the state. I was diagnosed with mood disorder NOS. I'm putting my money Bipolar II and anxiety myself. I'm a recovering self harm addict (yes it's an addiction) and I've attempted suicide once. I've been in the psych ward 3 times and spent a half a year long stint in a state run Psychiatric hospital. I've been on Celexa, Abillify, Lamictol, Thorazine, and seroquel. I'm off all medication now, thought I should probably be getting something for this anxiety. I can't get a job because, I can barely leave the house. Loud noises scare me, hearing people yelling gives me panic attacks. My dad used to shout at me to stop crying if I was crying. Now if I hear those words I flip out. I'm afraid of doing ANYTHING not up to the standards of the person asking, so much so that i avoid the possibility altogether. Everytime I did a chore my dad would tell me I did it wrong.
I'm more than willing to see as many more psychiatrists as it takes if it means I got a case. Like I said I don't want money. I don't want a cent. All I want is for him to accept that he messed up and I want an apology. A really apology too. I want him to be bawling his eyes out begging me to forgive him.
If he doesn't I want a restraining order. If I can't get that then I'm moving out of the state and never talking to him again. He won't be walking me down the aisle at my wedding (not that I wanted him to anyways). He won't hear about anything I've done. And as far as his grandchildren will know, he's dead. Because he's dead to me and I'm done.
I'm sorry this is really long..
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
You'll never be able to force him to apologize, and neither can the court.
You won't get a restraining order, either - he doesn't represent a current threat.
You're of course free to never acknowledge his existence.
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
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Dogmatique
You'll never be able to force him to apologize, and neither can the court.
I agree with this. You cannot make him apologize. What you might be able to do is make him face the reality of his behavior, even if you never get to actually observe that yourself, but it could cost you tens of thousands of legal fees to make that happen.
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You won't get a restraining order, either - he doesn't represent a current threat.
I am not entirely certain that I agree on that one, because I am not entirely certain that the OP is not in the same household. If the OP is no longer in the same household I would agree.
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You're of course free to never acknowledge his existence.
Absolutely agree on that. It might really be in the OP's best interests to move away...possibly far away and never acknowledge his/her parents again. Or, possibly in only a minimal way.
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
Duh it makes sense they can't force him to apologize. :uncomfortableness:
I do still live in the same household. I'm planning on moving out pretty soon, perhaps in the next year or so.
I guess I just want to do something. You know?
No matter what I do it was always my plan my cut them off.
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
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suemyparents
Duh it makes sense they can't force him to apologize. :uncomfortableness:
I do still live in the same household. I'm planning on moving out pretty soon, perhaps in the next year or so.
I guess I just want to do something. You know?
No matter what I do it was always my plan my cut them off.
So move and forget about them.
There's one thing that I really do think you should read.
No matter how hard the temptation, don't put it out there on blogs, or FB. I'm not for one second saying that you would - but I do know anger and hurt can manifest in some ways that land you in legal trouble. So if you cut them off, stick with it. Or don't. But just don't feed the urge to vent online.
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llworking
I agree with this. You cannot make him apologize. What you might be able to do is make him face the reality of his behavior, even if you never get to actually observe that yourself, but it could cost you tens of thousands of legal fees to make that happen.
I am not entirely certain that I agree on that one, because I am not entirely certain that the OP is not in the same household. If the OP is no longer in the same household I would agree.
Absolutely agree on that. It might really be in the OP's best interests to move away...possibly far away and never acknowledge his/her parents again. Or, possibly in only a minimal way.
I still don't see where a restraining order is appropriate. OP has alternatives.
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
OP might also find some excellent resources at www.pandys.org - an online community for survivors of various types of abuse.
(Run by an excellent team of folks, including licensed mental health professionals and respected authors.)
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
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Quoting
Dogmatique
So move and forget about them.
There's one thing that I really do think you should read.
No matter how hard the temptation, don't put it out there on blogs, or FB. I'm not for one second saying that you would - but I do know anger and hurt can manifest in some ways that land you in legal trouble. So if you cut them off, stick with it. Or don't. But just don't feed the urge to vent online.
I still don't see where a restraining order is appropriate. OP has alternatives.
Despite the fact that someone has alternatives, sometimes restraining orders are appropriate anyway. I would never suggest that a victim of true domestic violence should not get a restraining order just because they have "alternatives".
I am saying this not necessarily for this OP, but perhaps for others that might read this thread...and perhaps for this OP if things go bad.
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
If the OP was really abused and the abuse was that severe, I wonder why CPS didn't remove the children/ child from the home years ago
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
Honestly, I feel like Dogmatique is being pretty insensitive. Just move and forget about it? Because that's gonna be so easy right? You think after all this crap I can just pick myself up wipe my memories and poof all my problems are gone? I've been bounced around therapist after therapist, 3 psych ward visits, a long stay in a psychiatric hospital. I've got the mental illnesses. I've run away before. Been arrested before I didn't start doing badly in school until the worst of it started. I dropped out when I was 17. I have an extremely hard time trusting men in their 40s and 50s. I can't quite make a relationship with my boyfriend's father and that's putting a strain on things. Heck, I have trouble making healthy relationships in general. I have an extreme fear of doing the wrong thing or say the wrong thing to someone (that's usually how it started, if I said something that my dad interpreted as having an "attitude" it would set him off and it still does). And the only thing keeping me from pummeling people when they piss me off is Wicca.
You know as well as I do that if I had a loving and supportive upbringing my story would be a hell of a lot different.
It absolutely disgusts me that someone could suggest that I just forget about it. You really think it's that easy!? Oh I'm out of the house now, poof! Anixety, gone! Depression, gone! Fear of rejection, gone! Daddy issues, gone! All the weird irrational behavior, gone!!!
I'm never going to be able to forget about it. I'm going to be living with these facts for the rest of my life. I have literal scars on my arms and legs, physical reminders that I now have to look down and see every day for the rest of my life.
And then you basically tell me to keep my mouth shut online, for what reason? I wasn't aware talking about true events was illegal. Do you think i'm stupid enough to go making threats online? Do you think I'm stupid enough to put my name out there, plaster my father's name all over the place or something? Don't insult me.
The takeaway from your entire post was basically, keep my mouth shut, pretend it never happened and internalyze it.
And why? so I can finally let the lid off on my own kids? No thanks.
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If the OP was really abused and the abuse was that severe, I wonder why CPS didn't remove the children/ child from the home years ago
Part of it probably had to do with my mom being convinced that I made all the marks on my own. My mom also has stockholm syndrome or something. He abuses her as well. I've seen it, I've heard stories from my older brother. My aunts have been urging my mother to leave my father since before I was even born. I've learned at this point that she'd fight on his side no matter what he does. I no longer call her at work when my dad's doing his thing because I know her reaction will be "Well stop making him angry."
Coupled with the fact that after the investigation started I wasn't all that cooperative. It was drilled into my head that I should feel lucky to be where I am, that the system can't be trusted, that it's a lot worse than what was already happening. Plus the whole investigation was really stressful for me. All the questions, social workers, forced therapy. My whole family blamed me for ruining everything. It felt like everything was against me, I just wanted it all to go away. I wasn't exactly ready to tell these strangers about what was happening. They couldn't have had that much to go on.
And as far as I'm aware my father was fairly cooperative. He didn't drink when they were testing him, he abided by the protection orders, went to his meetings. Him and my mom put on this act everytime the social workers were coming. Everytime they were coming it was a day of cleaning the house and making everything look pretty.
But thanks for lightly trying to deny my experiences.
The advice on this site sucks. I don't know what I expected. The only actually helpful people to reply to this thread have been llworking and aardvarc. Thanks you two for actually showing some amount of sensitivity and understanding of the subject.
Re: I Want to Sue My Parents for Childhood Abuse
Keep going to therapy.
Good luck.