Can a Father Make a Child Visit for the Summer Against His Wishes

My son (12 years old) and I live in Florida. His father moved to California last year.
The visitation agreement in FL was alternating weekends and Christmas, and two week summer vacation with the father.
The father remarried and moved to CA and wants the child to go there for vacation, the problem is my son does not want to go. He does not want to be on a plane even if he is acompanied by an adult.
The father does not want to aknowledge my son'n decision and keeps bothering him every single day over the phone, and, his words, will keep doing it until he convince him to go.
My son gets very upset every day for this and his father does not want to stop. Also he works different shifts and his wife works until 9:00pm, I am worried about my son staying by himself in a place he does not know. He suffers from severe peanuts and other foods allergies and asthma.
What rights do I or my son have in FL to not make him go to CA against his will?
Why a vacation has to turn into a nightmare for my son?
Thank you

what does the court order say?

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Quoting Gigi0103

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My son (12 years old) and I live in Florida. His father moved to California last year.
The visitation agreement in FL was alternating weekends and Christmas, and two week summer vacation with the father.
The father remarried and moved to CA and wants the child to go there for vacation, the problem is my son does not want to go. He does not want to be on a plane even if he is acompanied by an adult.
The father does not want to aknowledge my son'n decision and keeps bothering him every single day over the phone, and, his words, will keep doing it until he convince him to go.
My son gets very upset every day for this and his father does not want to stop. Also he works different shifts and his wife works until 9:00pm, I am worried about my son staying by himself in a place he does not know. He suffers from severe peanuts and other foods allergies and asthma.
What rights do I or my son have in FL to not make him go to CA against his will?
Why a vacation has to turn into a nightmare for my son?
Thank you

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Presumably his father is aware of his allergies. In an emergency, CA has "ER" facilities to ensure your son gets immediate attention - just like in every other State.

Your son is 12. Now, I understand that the order likely hasn't changed since Dad moved. That's fine. But if Dad goes to court to modify, your son will be going to California to be with his father next year - no matter what he'd rather do.

This is where you have an excellent opportunity to teach your son a very important lesson. He needs rules, structure and boundaries. He'll push back, right up until you cave. But he needs to learn that you're the parent and YOU make the decisions along with Dad. He doesn't get to pick. He doesn't get to choose whether or not he goes to see his father. You don't let him choose not to go to school, right? Dentist? Same principle applies.

What rights do I or my son have in FL to not make him go to CA against his will?

Let's make one thing clear right from the word go. The answer to the above question is, None.

If there is a court order that says he visits Dad, then he visits Dad. End of discussion.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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This is where you have an excellent opportunity to teach your son a very important lesson. He needs rules, structure and boundaries. He'll push back, right up until you cave. But he needs to learn that you're the parent and YOU make the decisions along with Dad. He doesn't get to pick. He doesn't get to choose whether or not he goes to see his father. You don't let him choose not to go to school, right? Dentist? Same principle applies.

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wow is that harsh; comparing seeing his father to going to a dentist.
I know what you meant but it just hit me oddly.

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The father remarried and moved to CA and wants the child to go there for vacation, the problem is my son does not want to go. He does not want to be on a plane even if he is acompanied by an adult.

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why? What is his reason?

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The father does not want to aknowledge my son'n decision and keeps bothering him every single day over the phone, and, his words, will keep doing it until he convince him to go.

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well gee, don't you think his father would actually like to see his son? It's if he wasn't trying to convince the child to go that would worry me.

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Also he works different shifts and his wife works until 9:00pm, I am worried about my son staying by himself in a place he does not know.

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most people work now a days.

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He suffers from severe peanuts and other foods allergies and asthma.

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yet his father, who has been his father for 12 years, hasn't killed his child yet. Seriously, it sounds more like YOUR problem than your son's in that statement. It sounds a lot like an excuse to keep your child in your home.

It's turning into a nightmare because you are presenting it that way. You are instilling the anxiety. If you presented the trip as an exciting adventure, things might be different.

A 12 year old is old enough to fly by himself. Mine started flying at 5 to see grandparents.

You do not know that Dad is not going to take some time off during the 2 weeks so you are assuming that your son will be alone.

You should be telling him it is an adventure and to get an attitude adjustment.

You have created a problem where none should exist. You need to grow up too.

There is one little thing in this that bothers me...

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He does not want to be on a plane even if he is acompanied by an adult.

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Is he truly afraid of flying?...as in phobia type afraid?

If that is the case, then there are counselors that can help with that...although you really have left it late. There are alternate forms of transportation also, although the distance would make those difficult...(bus, train, car).

Two weeks with his dad is NOT something that he can just say no to...not without getting YOU in some trouble...and even risking the loss of custody. However if he is truly afraid of flying (again, phobia type fear) that's a real problem because he could be put off the flight, or heaven forbid, put off the flight and taken into social services temporary custody somewhere half way across the country.

If its just...I don't want to go...and ordinary nervousness about flying, then you really need to make him go even if you have to find another way to get him there. If you think he has a true, phobia type fear of flying, then you need to get him to a doctor and counselor ASAP to try to resolve it, or you are going to be taking a lot of time off work to drive him cross country several times a year.

I strongly question whether a twelve year old who hasn't flown before could have a legitimate "phobia" type fear or anxiety issue. Mom may, though. It sounds like she's got plenty of issues and excuses for this child. Though he may benefit from counseling in general, these disorders aren't generally recognized in young children. They pretty much don't have the information and experience.

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Quoting comment/ator

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I strongly question whether a twelve year old who hasn't flown before could have a legitimate "phobia" type fear or anxiety issue. Mom may, though. It sounds like she's got plenty of issues and excuses for this child. Though he may benefit from counseling in general, these disorders aren't generally recognized in young children. They pretty much don't have the information and experience.

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At somewhere between 10-12 I had a bad phobia type fear about tornados. I had never been in one, but I was so scared of them that if there were any clouds in the sky at all, I had a very anxious day. It took a long while to get over it. I could see a child have a fear of flying if they had seen news about plane crashes...like the plane that got shot down over the Ukraine. That was pretty horrific.

I am not saying that he does for sure, I am merely saying that if that's an issue, mom needs to hop on getting him some help for it, very quickly.

if that's an issue, mom needs to hop on getting him some help for it, very quickly.

She sure does, because it's NOT going to get the kid out of visiting Dad.

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The father does not want to aknowledge my son'n decision

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Good. Because 1) he doesn't have to and 2) your son doesn't get a say in the matter.

A court order means ORDER. It's not a suggestion. Explain this to him, and get your head wrapped around it as well. Your son is 12, he is not in charge. He doesn't get to make a "decision" in this until he is 18.

I've read and re-read this several times this morning.

Mom -

If you don't act to quell this nonsense, you will be doing your son a great, great disservice. Do you really want to teach him that if he finds the right excuses he doesn't have to do X, Y or Z?

Think very carefully about this. And yes, much of this is about your fears and wants. You have to stop that.

Well, if it's a true phobia, it needs a diagnosis from a medical doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist before Mom can claim it's a legit reason to keep Junior from flying.

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Quoting llworking

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At somewhere between 10-12 I had a bad phobia type fear about tornados. I had never been in one, but I was so scared of them that if there were any clouds in the sky at all, I had a very anxious day. It took a long while to get over it. I could see a child have a fear of flying if they had seen news about plane crashes...like the plane that got shot down over the Ukraine. That was pretty horrific.

I am not saying that he does for sure, I am merely saying that if that's an issue, mom needs to hop on getting him some help for it, very quickly.

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but why did you have that fear? I suspect it is due to the adults around you expressed a great fear of storms and possible tornadoes.

I suspect mom is transferring her fears or anxiety onto the child and claiming the child has this fear. Children are taught to act in response to stimuli. There is no natural inherent fear of a storm or even flying so unless the child has experienced flying, the only reason to express fear is he was taught to fear it.

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Quoting jk

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but why did you have that fear? I suspect it is due to the adults around you expressed a great fear of storms and possible tornadoes.

I suspect mom is transferring her fears or anxiety onto the child and claiming the child has this fear. Children are taught to act in response to stimuli. There is no natural inherent fear of a storm or even flying so unless the child has experienced flying, the only reason to express fear is he was taught to fear it.

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That's what I think is going on, too. Mom's got Junior all riled up, and like I said, if she presented the trip as something fun and a chance to be like a grown-up, he'd have a whole different outlook.

Mom, if you are going to claim phobia, take Junior to a doctor asap Monday- or rethink what you're doing.