Getting Custody Rights to a Child Born in Brazil

If you choose not to try to establish your rights and choose not to obtain custody because you decide that you have better things to do with your money, and your child ends up being raised in poverty, guess what? That's not society's fault -- Brazilian or U.S. -- it's the consequence of your choice not to pursue custody.

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Quoting jsslive

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it is sad, because not once has anyone mentioned the importance for a child to have both a mother, and a father - a real support system in their life

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Yes, it's sad. It's sad because YOU had the chance to do that by MARRYING the mother and creating a unified FAMILY. Every culture on Earth has a process whereby couples unite to provide that stability for their children. You chose to make a baby without putting that family structure in place FIRST. That's on YOU.

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Being forced to live in a single parent home (raised without a father), in poverty (where mother has no income, job, or career), is absolutely not in the best interest of my child.

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Then marry the mother and the courts will have nothing to do with the mess.

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it seems there is nothing that can be done about it, short of spending thousands of dollars in legal fees, and thus putting my daughter in the middle of a long, drawn out legal dispute, which isn't good for anybody.

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Again, marry. Which is what should have happened in the first place.

Mr Knowitall, are you are attorney, by chance? If so may I ask you what you recommend I do? That was the reason I reached out to this forum in the first place. To get people's heartfelt advice. I have been told my own lawyers that pursuing legal action will cost lots of money, and will inevitably go nowhere, and will only create more hostility and volatility in my child's life, in my life, and in the mother's life as well. That is not in the best interest of anybody. If my child's life was in danger, then of course I would go this route w/o hesitation. But that's not the case. So my attorney's advice was to sit back and wait until one day, the mother realizes the importance of her daughter to have a father figure in her life, to avoid child support if at all possible, b/c under child support, it would be unsafe for me to enter the country (Brazil), which would potentially prevent me from EVER seeing my daughter again. I am not sure this is the best advice, so that is why I am here. And it sounds like you would disagree with this advice.

Mr Aardvarc, thanks for your viewpoints, I guess. I get it. Marriage (out of mutual love for each other) would have been ideal.

Please don't be under the impression that you won't be ordered to pay child support - even if you never see the child.

Could you please explain how a child support order would render you unsafe?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Please don't be under the impression that you won't be ordered to pay child support - even if you never see the child.

Could you please explain how a child support order would render you unsafe?

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Sounds like OP is afraid of what would happen if he fell into arrears in Brazil.

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Quoting jsslive

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Mr Knowitall, are you are attorney, by chance? If so may I ask you what you recommend I do?

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Given the facts you've shared, you're either going to need to talk the mother into agreeing to a custody arrangement that you find mutually acceptable, or retain a lawyer in Brazil to litigate the matter.

I hired a lawyer in the USA who specializes in International Family Law and he told me that (a) avoid a child support order if possible b/c if the mother is truly unpredictable, which is the case, then at any point in time she can tell the Brazilian consulate that she has not received child support payment from me, at which point I could be detained at the Brazil airport for an undetermined amount of time, while they take the time to do their 'due diligence', which could takes days/weeks/months. He said this has already happened to a few of his clients. He also told me that (b) hiring a lawyer in Brazil is the best bet but that from his experience, it would be a waste of time/money, because no good results will ever come of it. He further told me that (c) there is a Brazilian Law put in place called a Child Alienation Law which she is potentially violating but that to award that to an American citizen would be unprecedented.

In conclusion, he told me that the laws aren't fair for fathers, that sadly issues like this occur way too often, and that the only thing I can do, if I really want to see my daughter is to literally move to Brazil and establish residency there. That as long as I am living in the USA, then mother can both request child support, and not allow the child to see/have a father if she really wants to, and that there is really nothing that can be done about it.

Anyways, that was the advice that I got. And it sucks, b/c at the end of the day, it is an innocent child who is the real loser here, for no other reason than her mother's spite.

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Quoting jsslive

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I hired a lawyer in the USA who specializes in International Family Law and he told me that (a) avoid a child support order if possible b/c if the mother is truly unpredictable, which is the case, then at any point in time she can tell the Brazilian consulate that she has not received child support payment from me, at which point I could be detained at the Brazil airport for an undetermined amount of time, while they take the time to do their 'due diligence', which could takes days/weeks/months. He said this has already happened to a few of his clients. He also told me that (b) hiring a lawyer in Brazil is the best bet but that from his experience, it would be a waste of time/money, because no good results will ever come of it. He further told me that (c) there is a Brazilian Law put in place called a Child Alienation Law which she is potentially violating but that to award that to an American citizen would be unprecedented.

In conclusion, he told me that the laws aren't fair for fathers, that sadly issues like this occur way too often, and that the only thing I can do, if I really want to see my daughter is to literally move to Brazil and establish residency there. That as long as I am living in the USA, then mother can both request child support, and not allow the child to see/have a father if she really wants to, and that there is really nothing that can be done about it.

Anyways, that was the advice that I got. And it sucks, b/c at the end of the day, it is an innocent child who is the real loser here, for no other reason than her mother's spite.

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That makes absolutely zero sense.

Child support order = PROTECTION

You pay as ordered. You go to Brazil, and you have hard evidence that you've paid support.

No order = THEN Mom can tell whoever it is whatever she wants.

And I'm not even touching on the ethics. Laws are unfair for fathers? Seriously OP - you need a second opinion with an attorney who doesn't have his own agenda to push.

And, you had the option of not MAKING a child until you were in a LEGAL position to AUTOMATICALLY be bestowed with parental rights by being a HUSBAND before becoming a FATHER. Complaining about it after the fact isn't going to change that; this IS the way courts work in regard to parent/child/custody issues. We could have spelled all of this out for you BEFORE mom got pregnant; every detail of the situation is entirely predictable. Sadly, too many fathers don't bother wanting to know about how things work until there's a child afoot. Don't know why your parents didn't teach you any better, so, if you go on to have OTHER children, and you get to develop a relationship with them, do them a favor and TEACH them that they can't just go around making children and worrying about stuff like this AFTER the fact. It's one of the biggest favors you will ever do for their emotional and financial health.