Getting Custody Rights to a Child Born in Brazil

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

I need some advice....

My ex-gf is a dual USA and Brazilian citizen. She lived in the USA before and during the time we dated.
In summary, we broke up, she told me that she was pregnant, and then a few weeks later, I learned that she secretly moved to Brazil without telling me.
My daughter, Megan, was born in Rio De Janeiro in Dec., 2012. She is now almost 2.5 yrs old.
Mother refuses to travel to the USA to visit, despite my offer to cover all of her expenses.
I have been to Brazil 3 times now to see my daughter, and took a paternity test upon my first visit to Brazil, which really pissed off the mother.
Despite paternity test coming out 99.9% positive that I am the father, I am still not on my daughter's birth certificate. Mother has told me that a lawyer has been getting this done, but it's been almost a yr now, and I have received no news.
I have been paying mother monthly, according to the payment guidelines, despite a Child Support Order never being filed.

I am now wondering what my options are, since Brazil is too expensive to travel to much longer, and since mother refuses to travel to California to visit. Does anybody have any experience with this? If so what are my options? My goal is to (a) avoid child support court order, (b) see my child more than a few weeks out of the year so I can establish a relationship with her. I am still willing to pay for mother/daughter's travel expenses, but am wondering what methods I can use to encourage visitation.

Anyone who answers, thanks so much (in advance) for your help...I left out some details which I can also provide upon request.

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Quoting jsslive

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

I need some advice....

My ex-gf is a dual USA and Brazilian citizen. She lived in the USA before and during the time we dated.
In summary, we broke up, she told me that she was pregnant, and then a few weeks later, I learned that she secretly moved to Brazil without telling me.
My daughter, Megan, was born in Rio De Janeiro in Dec., 2012. She is now almost 2.5 yrs old.
Mother refuses to travel to the USA to visit, despite my offer to cover all of her expenses.
I have been to Brazil 3 times now to see my daughter, and took a paternity test upon my first visit to Brazil, which really pissed off the mother.
Despite paternity test coming out 99.9% positive that I am the father, I am still not on my daughter's birth certificate. Mother has told me that a lawyer has been getting this done, but it's been almost a yr now, and I have received no news.
I have been paying mother monthly, according to the payment guidelines, despite a Child Support Order never being filed.

I am now wondering what my options are, since Brazil is too expensive to travel to much longer, and since mother refuses to travel to California to visit. Does anybody have any experience with this? If so what are my options? My goal is to (a) avoid child support court order, (b) see my child more than a few weeks out of the year so I can establish a relationship with her. I am still willing to pay for mother/daughter's travel expenses, but am wondering what methods I can use to encourage visitation.

Anyone who answers, thanks so much (in advance) for your help...I left out some details which I can also provide upon request.

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You cannot have it both ways. Either you become the father legally, be responsible legally for child support, and get a legally enforceable visitation order (in Brazil, because Brazil has jurisdiction and will always have jurisdiction), or you don't, and mom remains 100% in control.

You could ask her very pleasantly.

Expect her to ignore you.

If she refuses to acknowledge your existence, there's not a thing you can do about it. From here, at least.

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Quoting jsslive

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California
I am now wondering what my options are, since Brazil is too expensive to travel to much longer, and since mother refuses to travel to California to visit.

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Talk to a Brazilian lawyer. Any legal options you may have are under Brazilian law, and this site deals with U.S. legal issues. Brazilian law is based on a civil legal system significantly different from U.S. law, so how things would work in the U.S. may be nothing like what happens in Brazil. But that said, there’s a pretty good chance you won’t get visitation without also being subject to a child support order, since that principle is pretty standard in both common law and civil code countries. And any vistitation order may well require you to visit the child in Brazil; there is no guarantee Brazil will allow you to have visitation in the U.S. because of the risk that you might not return her and leave her outside the reach of the Brazilian legal system.

Thanks for all of your replies. I should have been more clear. I have already been paying child support from the beginning. But without a legal court order. If having child support legally filed against me enables me to see my daughter, then I am fine with going that route. From what I have been told however, a child support order and visitation are 2 entirely separate things, so I am not sure how one equates to the other. If anyone has any insight into this, could you explain? (thx)

It is sad that a mother is allowed to prevent a child from having a father, provide that child with a worse life, alienate the child from her father as much as possible, and at the same time essentially extort the father for what is basically her monthly rent, which is essentially enabling her to live and stay Brazil. In my last correspondance with the mother, she told me that if I sent her enough $ for down payment on a new apt rental, then she would consider travelling to the USA this year to visit. And yet the law(s) apparently protect her in doing this? Am I missing something? What happened to laws being formed based on the "best interest of the child"?

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Quoting jsslive

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Thanks for all of your replies. I should have been more clear. I have already been paying child support from the beginning. But without a legal court order. If having child support legally filed against me enables me to see my daughter, then I am fine with going that route. From what I have been told however, a child support order and visitation are 2 entirely separate things, so I am not sure how one equates to the other. If anyone has any insight into this, could you explain? (thx)

It is sad that a mother is allowed to prevent a child from having a father, provide that child with a worse life, alienate the child from her father as much as possible, and at the same time essentially extort the father for what is basically her monthly rent, which is essentially enabling her to live and stay Brazil. In my last correspondance with the mother, she told me that if I sent her enough $ for down payment on a new apt rental, then she would consider travelling to the USA this year to visit. And yet the law(s) apparently protect her in doing this? Am I missing something? What happened to laws being formed based on the "best interest of the child"?

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Follow the logic...

When a child is born out of wedlock, everybody knows who the mother is, because the child comes from the mother's body. However, legally no one knows who dad is until dad's paternity is established either in court, or by whatever other legal means are available in the country where the child is born.

For the same reason, an unwed mother automatically has custody of her child when the child is born, just as married couples automatically have custody of their children when they are born. However, an unwed father must obtain court orders in order to have enforceable custody/parenting time rights.

So...when dad takes it to court to establish those rights, establishing paternity and child support go along with that. The judge is going to make sure that all of that happens, in the best interest of the child and of the state.

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Quoting jsslive

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Thanks for all of your replies. I should have been more clear. I have already been paying child support from the beginning. But without a legal court order. If having child support legally filed against me enables me to see my daughter, then I am fine with going that route. From what I have been told however, a child support order and visitation are 2 entirely separate things, so I am not sure how one equates to the other. If anyone has any insight into this, could you explain? (thx)

It is sad that a mother is allowed to prevent a child from having a father, provide that child with a worse life, alienate the child from her father as much as possible, and at the same time essentially extort the father for what is basically her monthly rent, which is essentially enabling her to live and stay Brazil. In my last correspondance with the mother, she told me that if I sent her enough $ for down payment on a new apt rental, then she would consider travelling to the USA this year to visit. And yet the law(s) apparently protect her in doing this? Am I missing something? What happened to laws being formed based on the "best interest of the child"?

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If you are voluntarily paying child support, she isn't extorting you.

Ans, as mentioned, child support and visitation are separate issues, but they are generally like two sides of the same coin.

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Quoting jsslive

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Thanks for all of your replies. I should have been more clear. I have already been paying child support from the beginning. But without a legal court order. If having child support legally filed against me enables me to see my daughter, then I am fine with going that route. From what I have been told however, a child support order and visitation are 2 entirely separate things, so I am not sure how one equates to the other. If anyone has any insight into this, could you explain? (thx)

It is sad that a mother is allowed to prevent a child from having a father, provide that child with a worse life, alienate the child from her father as much as possible, and at the same time essentially extort the father for what is basically her monthly rent, which is essentially enabling her to live and stay Brazil. In my last correspondance with the mother, she told me that if I sent her enough $ for down payment on a new apt rental, then she would consider travelling to the USA this year to visit. And yet the law(s) apparently protect her in doing this? Am I missing something? What happened to laws being formed based on the "best interest of the child"?

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You chose to make a baby out of wedlock. When a child is born to a married couple, the husband is presumed to be the father unless evidence is presented to the contrary and a judge agrees. Being out of wedlock, you have far more hurdles to jump to get to the same finish line.

She is not extorting you..your baby needs a place to live and food to eat. If you want to gain your parental rights you must establish paternity through the courts and if that means a child support order follows, so be it. Court orders protect everyone.

You'll have to talk to a lawyer in Brazil and deal with their laws.

There's another guy who posted here earlier today, he has the pregnant girlfriend who may leave for Ecuador (I think) and he's worried..I hope he reads this thread and realizes the urgency to act as soon as his child is born.

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Quoting jsslive

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Thanks for all of your replies. I should have been more clear. I have already been paying child support from the beginning. But without a legal court order. If having child support legally filed against me enables me to see my daughter, then I am fine with going that route. From what I have been told however, a child support order and visitation are 2 entirely separate things, so I am not sure how one equates to the other. If anyone has any insight into this, could you explain? (thx)

It is sad that a mother is allowed to prevent a child from having a father, provide that child with a worse life, alienate the child from her father as much as possible, and at the same time essentially extort the father for what is basically her monthly rent, which is essentially enabling her to live and stay Brazil. In my last correspondance with the mother, she told me that if I sent her enough $ for down payment on a new apt rental, then she would consider travelling to the USA this year to visit. And yet the law(s) apparently protect her in doing this? Am I missing something? What happened to laws being formed based on the "best interest of the child"?

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And likewise in the US, paying child support is not a ticket to see the child.

Yes. Everyone's comments make sense. At the end of the day, however, it is sad, because not once has anyone mentioned the importance for a child to have both a mother, and a father - a real support system in their life. It should be a child's civil right to have this. And it appears that the law (in cases out of wedlock) doesn't care too much about this either, since there is no mechanism in place that asks "What is in the best interest of the child?" The answer shouldn't be "it's all about the money."

Being forced to live in a single parent home (raised without a father), in poverty (where mother has no income, job, or career), is absolutely not in the best interest of my child. And yet that is the result that the law is going to produce. And sadly, it seems there is nothing that can be done about it, short of spending thousands of dollars in legal fees, and thus putting my daughter in the middle of a long, drawn out legal dispute, which isn't good for anybody.

Anyways, thanks again for all of your input. I appreciate it.