What Factors Will a Court Consider for Custody and Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oregon

I recently posted on here about the father of my son wanting to see him and my lawyer telling me I can't legally withhold him.

Here are some developments and questions I have:
1) we will be refining to petition the courts to establish custody, paternity and child support all in one fell swoop.
2) I am offering parenting time and he is simply refusing to communicate or show up.

So my questions are:
1) I have documentation proving that he refuses to voluntarily sign and affidavit or take a paternity test even though he's willing to unofficially acknowledge our son. Does this lack of cooperation look bad in court? Would this reflect poorly on me even though I'm the one who got the paperwork for the affidavit and offered to pay for a test?
2) I am offering visitation on a schedule and told him if he wants additional time to ask with 24 hour notice so I can schedule a supervisor. Will his failure to do so reflect badly on me? Am I not doing enough to try and foster a relationship between this man and my son? should I be doing more?
3) Is his refusal to work with me.or cooperate with me on any matter considered hostile parenting? Because I have to be honest.... I feel like he is going to shoot down anything I offer on basic principle.

1. He doesn't have to sign anything you draw up. His refusal to sign it has no bearing on anything and your drawing it up doesn't mean anything because it's not legally binding.

2. Visitation is a right, not an obligation. He's not required to use any of his parenting time, but at this moment, it's not even parenting time since he doesn't have a child.

3. Not doing what you want him to isn't anywhere near hostile parenting. He's only required to do what the court orders him to.

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Quoting CourtClerk

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1. He doesn't have to sign anything you draw up. His refusal to sign it has no bearing on anything and your drawing it up doesn't mean anything because it's not legally binding.

2. Visitation is a right, not an obligation. He's not required to use any of his parenting time, but at this moment, it's not even parenting time since he doesn't have a child.

3. Not doing what you want him to isn't anywhere near hostile parenting. He's only required to do what the court orders him to.

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The only thing I've asked him to sign is the affidavit that he said he WOULD sign. And he's refusing to do that or even take a paternity test. Which is fine I can ask the courts to order that. It seems to be the long way around to the end goal but that's his perogative I guess.

My concern is that no, he doesn't have to use the parenting time offered, but will his choosing not to do so look badly upon ME. Like perhaps I am not doing enough to foster that relationship?

I'm not expecting him to do what I want him to do. That never entered my mind. I am concerned about the fact that he refuses to communicate with me about anything and the long term impact this is going to have on my child. And how this reflects on me. Basically, what I'm trying to do is make sure I am doing MY due diligence to foster a relationship between father and son. What he does is of little concern to me (however frustrating it may be).

Segue: this was an unplanned pregnancy. I was on birth control at the time of conception. The same birth control that I've taken religiously for years. I understand my son has a right to both parents. And I'm ok with that. I just want my son to be safe.

No, the fact that he refuses to establish paternity legally and does not show up for the visitation you have offered does not reflect poorly on you. If it reflects poorly on anyone it reflects poorly on HIM.

Your concern is with yourself and how everything makes you look. Your concern should be about how this is affecting your child. That poor child, Dad doesn't care and all Mom cares about is herself.

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Quoting Mercy&Grace

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Your concern is with yourself and how everything makes you look. Your concern should be about how this is affecting your child. That poor child, Dad doesn't care and all Mom cares about is herself.

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I think that could be unfair. Clearly her attorney has frightened her into thinking that she cannot legally withhold the child from him (which is not true at this point since paternity is not established) and therefore its making her hypersensitive to nuances. I think that she is hyper afraid of losing her child if she does something wrong.

Where does she say anything about her concern about how all of this is and will affect the child ? I must be missing it.

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Quoting Mercy&Grace

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Where does she say anything about her concern about how all of this is and will affect the child ? I must be missing it.

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The child is 5 months old. Perhaps you should read her other thread.

Even when a child is 5 months old, most Mom's are concerned about how things such as this will affect the child in the future. They begin to ask questions very early and the truth is very painful for the child in situations like this. And the truth does come out.

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Quoting Shannon Kauffman

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The only thing I've asked him to sign is the affidavit that he said he WOULD sign. And he's refusing to do that or even take a paternity test.

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You previously told us,

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Quoting Shannon Kauffman

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He has been served with custody papers because my lawyer advised me that because he and I both have informally acknowledged my son as "ours", he could take my son and there is little the police could do to get him back as the acknowledgement exists albeit informal.

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He may be refusing to jump through the hoops you are demanding, but he has informally acknowledged paternity. If he chooses not to dispute paternity through the court action you've filed, it will be established based upon his agreement with your allegation that he's the father. It's only if he denies paternity that the court would order a DNA test.

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Quoting Shannon Kauffman

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My concern is that no, he doesn't have to use the parenting time offered, but will his choosing not to do so look badly upon ME. Like perhaps I am not doing enough to foster that relationship?

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Your reference to supervisors indicates that you're trying to force your ex- to only have supervised visitation, and who knows what other restrictions you are trying to impose. You should discuss your plan with your lawyer to see if it makes any sense, or if it's going to come across to the court as your attaching so many strings and conditions to visitation that it's not a sincere offer of contact or an opportunity to start a relationship.

What compelling grounds do you have to demand supervision? "The child is five months old" isn't enough -- if you've talked to your lawyer, you already know that.

I am absolutely concerned about my son's well being. It is madness that you would even question that. I am also absolutely terrified of stepping "wrong" in this because I don't want my son to be taken away from me. The father has, in past verbal altercations, threatened to take him from me, as well as having had that threat delivered by others in his family. I am trying to do the best that I can to provide opportunity for a relationship to blossom between father and son and I feel like I am failing, so yes, I am concerned with how I look because of that failure. He has been telling people that "I have been keeping his son away from him" even though he knows where I live, where I work, has my contact information, etc. I am AFRAID of losing my son. I am asking for advice, not to be told my poor child because I obviously don't care because I seem to be more concerned with how I look.
I grew up in a broken home and it was handled god awfully and it left me scarred. I am trying desperately not to have that happen to my poor five month old son because he doesn't know any better and deserves better.

- - - Updated - - -

There is an admitted history of drug and alcohol abuse on his part to our family counselor (when he chose to attend). In past verbal altercations, he has also threatened to take my baby because he was the "more fit parent". He also has a history of domestic violence that he was arrested for. In regards to me there has been a history of verbal, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse, though sadly, the only documentation that I have of it is a journal that I have kept. The father has been marginally present throughout my pregnancy and has had no contact whatsoever with myself or my son from July 9th of last year until late January of this year, even though I know that he has reached out to other people trying to get them to arrange a meeting. As such, I don't feel comfortable with him being alone with my son.

The only thing I have asked him not to do is to show up under the influence. And to smoke outside away from our son. I'm also trying to offer him parenting time outside of the proposed schedule but I am asking for 24 hours notice because I need to schedule a time/place/supervisor for them both.
No my lawyer has not told me that my reasoning for asking supervised visitation is not enough.

You believe the courts may give him custody, even though he never sees the child ? He is trying to frighten you and seems to be suceeding. Don't let him push your buttons. As far as the child abuse goes. It will take more than some old journal entries to prevent him from seeing the child. You would also need evidence, more than your word or that of someone you know regarding the drug abuse. He would more than likely have to do the drugs in the presence of the child. If he isn't seeing the child as scheduled, what makes you think that he is going to see more than originally scheduled ?

He actually admitted the problem to a licensed professional. Does that work towards substantial evidence?
I am not working towards no visitation. That I think is unreasonable. While I am not overly optimistic in this case, I do believe it possible for people to change for the better and be amazing parents. So I think he should have that chance. I personally don't feel like he's starting out on a winning foot but my feelings are immaterial. I can only hope things change because my son really should have a fair shot at his father.

I don't think he will make more of an effort to see his son. I mean, realistically speaking, my son will be 6 months old in 3 weeks and we're batting an average of once in 5 months so far? Those aren't winning odds for my son. At all. But I wanted to at least let him know he has that chance? Does that make sense?