Visitation Without Paternity

He has been served with custody papers because my lawyer advised me that because he and I both have informally acknowledged my son as "ours", he could take my son and there is little the police could do to get him back as the acknowledgement exists albeit informal.

Before he was served, I was applying for child support services through DHS because my son is on OHP and I can not, as a single mother, afford all the filing fees it is going to take to establish paternity and child support. Not to mention, I don't have the same kind of access as lawyers or the state to financials. Anyhow... once I filed paperwork for custody, I had to suspend that case (only one litigation apparently can happen at a time). He knows I suspended the case, agreed to it and then refused to sign an affidavit based on the premise that he "believes it's in our son's best interest" to reestablish the child support case. I offered to pay for a DNA test (that's what DHS is going to want anyhow) and he refused that too. He didn't flat out say no... he just refused to acknowledge that I offered to pay. And refused to give any reason as to why he's not cooperating.

Now... I'm giving him multiple chances at visitation and am trying to come up with a parenting plan that is reasonable for him to spend time with my son and reasonable so that my son can also maintain a schedule that has been established since.. oh, I dunno, birth and it's turning into a colossal failure. At what point am I starting to try too hard and he is actually just being unwilling to work with anything I come up with?! Keep in mind... this man is self employed and runs his own business as he is his only employee. He can write his schedule to be whatever he wants it to be and he's showing that he's not even willing to re-write his schedule for 2 hours three times a week to be with his son. What do I do here?

I have been trying to get her to get me the forms for a petition for paternity but have had no success.

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Oh and one other thing. My lawyer told me that it is unreasonable to pursue back child support from the date of birth. Is that right?! That seems completely unreasonable.

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She said "cannot"
Define absolutely no question? He has informally acknowledged my son as his. He refuses to go any further than that. In all likelihood probably due to the financial responsibility that comes with parenthood.

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Past reluctance to formalize paternity is documented as of Monday this week. As of March 3rd, I have it documented that he was willing to meet with a notary to sign a voluntary affidavit. Then, Sunday's scheduled parenting time went sideways because he messaged me that he would be arriving after it was scheduled to have been over. I told him we were unavailable. Monday then rolls around and suddenly, he's not wanting to sign the affidavit and wants me to reopen a child support case I had started with DHS back in January but had to suspend as custody papers were filed with the courts.

I really think that you need a different attorney. Things have turned into more of a complicated mess than should have been. You should not have filed the custody paperwork until after paternity and child support had been established through DHS.

Oregon will allow you to seek child support retroactive to the date of birth, but ultimately that's up to the judge.

Again, I really think you need to consult with another attorney - even 2 or 3. Many will provide free consultations.

Either you aren't understanding what your lawyer is saying, or you're being given some (IMO) questionable advice.

Mr. KIA is correct in that courts like parties to work together, but when your lawyer says that legally you cannot withhold visitaion even though paternity hasn't been established by the court, let alone custody or a parenting plan, and is essentially stating that you and "dad" are on equal footing? That doesn't seem correct to me. If you and dad had been married, that's a different story.

Please, go get a couple of consultations. Do NOT go in and ask if your attorney is correct. Go in and ask what his rights are as things presently stand.

My daughter is almost 7 her father started paying child support 3 years ago but we have no custody agreement I let her go when he asks for her but my question is if I let her go to finish the remainder of the school year which is 2 months can he get me for abandonment or try to get custody of her?

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Quoting Kristin meche

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My daughter is almost 7 her father started paying child support 3 years ago but we have no custody agreement I let her go when he asks for her but my question is if I let her go to finish the remainder of the school year which is 2 months can he get me for abandonment or try to get custody of her?

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Please start your own thread, and tell us the name of your state.