Coercive Litigation Over Child Support

My question involves a marriage in the state of: Oklahoma

I was hoping that someone else could provide some feedback or point me in the right direction. I've been divorced for 6 years, remarried for 5 years. My ex remarried about 3 years ago. There was no support order in place for the first 3.5 years while both girls lived 95% of the time with me. In 2013, my ex filed for full custody of my 14 and 17 year old girls, which we finally settled pre-trial in mid 2014. I have full custody of my youngest daughter. My ex has full custody of my oldest daughter. My ex exaggerated and lied to both the GAL and judge in extraordinary ways, but at least that part is over. I am constantly getting threats to "take me back to court" if I don't comply with his demands. The court room did not treat me favorably and he knows it. He even uses the judges name in his threats to add additional weight to his threats, almost as if he had her on speed dial (I know he doesn't, but that's how it feels). Now, less than 6 months after we settled, he's attempting to coerce me into increasing his child support and threatening that if I don't simply agree to his demands, he will take me back to the judge and also sue me for court costs, since "it's in the better interest of the children". I honestly don't even know what to think. I am already indebted to my attorney for over $4k (on a payment plan currently and have already paid over $10k this time and around $30k in the initial divorce) and can't afford more legal fees. But I also can't just lay over and do whatever he wants, as he'll be demanding more every few months. Currently, we're disagreeing over the fact that the insurance I provide for the girls is not included in the CS calculations. He's claiming less income and demanding more support. I'm fine with the change in income requirements, but also want to include the insurance that I'm paying for. He's demanding that because it wasn't included in the original calculation, he won't allow me to include the cost in the modified calculation. State law clearly allows that the custodial parent is given preference in who gets the credit. I'm not even asking that his insurance costs aren't included. I'm asking that both insurance premiums are included.

But to pay $1000's in attorney fees just to avoid an extra $150/month almost seems ridiculous. My current husband wants to fight it out in court, believing that this is only one "more" thing the ex will add. The ex is constantly finding ways to deduct from his responsibility and add to mine, so my current husband is probably correct about his beliefs.

I ran across the following article which almost perfectly describes my situation, other than I've never been physically abused.

http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/linda/linda.html

Yes, I've spoken to my attorney about it. He thinks we'll win the CS argument, but I want to argue that the only reason we're there (again) is because of his threats and refusal to adhere to state law. He won't stop harassing me until the court forces him to pay financially for bringing suit. But then I think my attorney has no problem racking up fees, whether we win or lose: he's getting paid.

Thank you!

So after the trial, which ended up with both of you being the CP of one child, you were ordered to pay child support? If yes, was it more or less within the guidelines? if no, I think we need a timeline.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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So after the trial, which ended up with both of you being the CP of one child, you were ordered to pay child support? If yes, was it more or less within the guidelines? if no, I think we need a timeline.

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I absolutely agree. However, I will also add that unless you are actually ordered to pay him more, you absolutely should NOT pay him more. On top of that he doesn't have any choice as to what is as isn't included in a child support calculation, that goes by state guidelines. So his statement that he will not "allow" something to be included is just BS.

The state child support guidelines are what they are. The net resources available for child support calculations are based on the guidelines, not whatever the current child support order said or how that amount was determined. I'm not sure if you two are trying to agree to some kind of increase and that is where this is coming from or whether he is threatening to modify the order to get you to voluntarily pay more. I'd suggest you at least take a look at the child support language in your state's family code.

Yes, the CS was generally within the guidelines. The only deviation was that I accepted not receiving credit for my portion of the insurance plan that I pay for through my company plan. He basically stated that I either accept the demand or we were going to trial. First, I couldn't afford trial and second, I didn't feel like risking custody of both girls over $100/month. My oldest was wanting to live with him. Custody is no longer an issue (/knock on wood) that he can hold over my head. However, once again, he's giving me the option of accepting his demands or "we'll go to court".

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Quoting llworking

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I absolutely agree. However, I will also add that unless you are actually ordered to pay him more, you absolutely should NOT pay him more. On top of that he doesn't have any choice as to what is as isn't included in a child support calculation, that goes by state guidelines. So his statement that he will not "allow" something to be included is just BS.

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I completely agree that it's BS, but as the judge actually stated in our initial hearings, "we can agree to anything, even if outside the guidelines". That statement from the judge seemed very indicative of how she was leaning in every decision, including custody. I don't believe that custody is an issue currently, but I don't doubt for a second that he will spend $1000's, forcing me to do the same and then blame me for being there in the first point. The judge sided with him on a ridiculous request, forcing me to pay $1000 of his legal fees in last year's battle. So, it's definitely top of mind when I'm choosing to possibly go back in front of that judge.

I also agree that he shouldn't get to choose whats included, but unless I'm willing to fork over legal fees and fight him on it, he's proven several times that he'll choose to simply not reimburse me for a medical expense or something. Generally less than $100 here and there, but it's beginning to add up.

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Quoting AdamK

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The state child support guidelines are what they are. The net resources available for child support calculations are based on the guidelines, not whatever the current child support order said or how that amount was determined. I'm not sure if you two are trying to agree to some kind of increase and that is where this is coming from or whether he is threatening to modify the order to get you to voluntarily pay more. I'd suggest you at least take a look at the child support language in your state's family code.

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Completely agree with you. The guidelines are what they are, unless you can't afford to fight it out in court to prove your point. I've read every line of CS code in Oklahoma and many guidelines from other states as I have researched this. My attorney agrees that we will win the CS argument. However, it's going to cost $2-3k in legal expenses, as papers will be filed and at least one day in court will be required. I have gone round and round with the ex stating I have no problem increasing my CS to reflect my increased pay (and his decreased pay), but if we're modifying the order at his request, we will now need to include my insurance in the numbers. However, when we run the numbers, including both insurance and income, it's basically a wash on the CS calculations and far below the 20% increase threshold, set by statute. My feedback to him has consistently been that we do not qualify for a modification, but he refuses to listen to anything I say unless it's obedient to his demands.

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And thank you to everyone who's spent the time to read this and reply. I appreciate your help, but more importantly, appreciate your thoughts and willingness to help me think through my options.

Why don't you use the state CS department to do some of the battle for you?

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Quoting SESmama

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Why don't you use the state CS department to do some of the battle for you?

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Yeah, why not just ask them to do a recalculation? You can initiate it just as easily as he can, and you won't need an attorney.

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Quoting SESmama

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Why don't you use the state CS department to do some of the battle for you?

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In reality, I don't want a modification. I'm fine just paying him what I'm currently paying. On top of that, I don't think we're even eligible for DHS intervention. Not long enough since our current order was placed and not enough change in support. In Oklahoma, it requires a 20% change, which according to my calculations, we don't meet. In my opinion, that's why he' threatening court. DHS won't help him, so I either obey his demands or risk paying atty fees in the courtroom again. It's so frustrating! I'm willing to risk court at this point, I think.

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Quoting Nell

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In reality, I don't want a modification. I'm fine just paying him what I'm currently paying. On top of that, I don't think we're even eligible for DHS intervention. Not long enough since our current order was placed and not enough change in support. In Oklahoma, it requires a 20% change, which according to my calculations, we don't meet. In my opinion, that's why he' threatening court. DHS won't help him, so I either obey his demands or risk paying atty fees in the courtroom again. It's so frustrating! I'm willing to risk court at this point, I think.

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You can always ask your attorney to request to the judge that your ex be ordered to pay your legal fees. You may not get it, but if the judge thinks that your ex had no justification for filing for the modification, you just might.

If you pay child support you are eligible.

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Who is eligible for CSS Services?
CSS Provides services to:
Custodians of children receiving TANF, State Medicaid, or Aid to the Blind or Disabled when at least one parent is absent from the home
Noncustodial parents of children receiving assistance from the CSS
Custodians of children not receiving assistance when at least one parent is absent from the home
Any person who is responsible for paying child support

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http://www.okdhs.org