Harassment: Letting the Air Out of Somebody's Tires

Quote:

Quoting chuckp7860

Dogmatique, I guess you don't have a daughter? Paragraphs, let's see. As I said, this is more than just letting air out of tires.

2 of 'em. They have children of their own.

Quote:

This started when the young man started dating my daughter and ask for my permission to marry her. At that point he was a perfect gentleman. As most would be. Then they both agreed to marriage counseling before they married but right off the bat he had her convinced that her ex was going to take her son away even though her ex never had any thought of that in fact most of his visit time with his son, my grandchild, was spent with his mother and not him. That's when he came into our house and told me that our house and yard was an unsafe situation and that is what her ex was saying and he agreed and they needed to move into together now. After I started questioning, a little upset I admit he got heated and it started into a heated argument that got so bad that I threw him out before I got really pissed.

You completely messed up on that one. I do have an inkling as to how it really became heated, and I'll address that later.

Quote:

That's when they moved in together so we embraced the marriage even though we thought she had no idea who he was.
They married and that is when we met his parents who even said they didn't look like they were in love but none the less. Shortly after marriage is when he started. You can't help but get involved when your daughter keeps calling ever few weeks wanting to know if she can move back in because he was throwing her out. This went on around 6 or 7 times here in our town.

Regardless of her lack of confidence, 6 or 7 times shows a pattern...and again that will be addressed below.

Quote:

I say he was a complete con artist since he had the service paying him disability for Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

You clearly don't understand how difficult it is to qualify for disability. Not that it's any of your business.

Quote:

Now I can't tell the Armed Forces what to do but to give a guy 50% disability for a health issue that was not caused by his military service is kind of fishy but I can't stop it.

It is not your business, but the pattern is becoming clearer by the second. Why do you think you have any say in your daughter's marriage?

Quote:

That is how good he is. He also takes anti-depressants and has heart palpitation, his claim, not mine. He does take some medication for it and he takes Zanax for it also. Calms him down?

And AGAIN this is NOT your business.

Quote:

OK, the first thing that happened because he had bad credit was he talked my daughter into helping him get a loan for around $20,000 to consolidate his debts. Then his car he could not stand so with her signing along with him even though he had the full time job, he traded it in for a new one. His car all ready had more debt on it than it was worth. Then because she would complain about her car having minor problems he said, let's trade it in, I can pay for it so they did. Now, that car actually had a better value but none the less was a new car with them, only a couple months into their marriage had 2 new cars.

And this matters....why?

Quote:

He didn't like his car though and he traded it in for another new car which put it in even worse negative debt. In the mean time he purchased 2 or 3 pistols. More fights and more throwing her out happened. This is when he started even more aggressive punishment against my grandchild. He almost didn't marry her because of him. Before they got married, they were playing and the child hit him in the face and almost lost it and told her he couldn't put up with her son and now, anything that happened involving the child, he step in with some serious punishment. Verbally abusive is what I expected since you could see the fear in the boy's eyes when he would scold him and tell him what he was going to do when they got home. Could not prove anything at that time but it started with no TV for days, no electronics for days and this was a 7 year old

Not. Your. Business.

Quote:

. No way to drain energy from him since he had no place to play or anything but still, I understand a lot of people punish their children but this is all ready a child of a divorce marriage is now getting it from every direction. School, parents and a step dad that was what I think, pretty demanding from him.

Nobody - including the court - cares about what you think.

Quote:

He got mad because my daughter had a job that my wife got her that made her drive your own car and we would let her drive one of ours but then we demanded the drive allowance that was paid for the vehicle and he hated that so they traded in her car for one she thought would be a good one even though we had all told him the one he was trying to get was not the right car but he got it anyway and my daughter had to take it. Now, 2 cars that are under water financially.

I'm completely astonished that you can't see what you're doing. Astonished and disgusted.

Quote:

Then came the visit he had to make to his parents in Ga. He went there to help them out but wound up staying there almost a week. That is when I had to baby sit his kids because he was gone and my daughter was still working and on the days she had to work, it was his time and I got the job. That is also the time the job came up from his dad's company. When he came back, they moved to Ga. Once there the fighting started again and that was a little harder. Here she was in a small town, no job now and a husband that is telling her over and over again that he wasn't for sure how he felt about her and he wanted her to leave. He also hated that the car they had purchased for my daughter had scratches on it and wanted to trade it in and did. Now this car was almost double what it's book value was after 2 trade ins. He also wanted a better gas vehicle and so he traded in his car that all ready had a good amount of debt in again and doubled it. About a $12,000 car now $23, 000 in debt. That is when he told her again to leave and this time he talked with his parents and they talked them into marriage counseling. Almost to late but they attended on before coming here for Christmas.

WHY are you so stuck on the vehicle?

Quote:

That is what I talked about in the battered wife syndrome. He would explode one day, then the next morning was showering her with kisses. He was told if he came here to spend Christmas at my 86 yr old mom's house he had to keep his marriage problems at home.

Unfortunately, the irony is not amusing.

Quote:

He did for the most but the last day he exploded at my mom's house and she told him that he could not spend the night in her driveway after he wanted out of the house and not spend the night there so he took off with a loud tire squeal to his ex-wife's house and spent the night. The next day is when they had to return back home but my daughter was exhausted this time so my wife road with them to help her get some of her things and come back home with us. She was going to take one of the cars that he claimed he would pay for because he was ready for a divorce too.

Loud tire squeal? He was told to leave. I can understand his frustration....but more on that later.

Quote:

On the way back he would drive and be looking on the internet with his phone and after my wife told him a couple times to stop is when he started getting a little upset but kept his calm until they got there.

This is not new behavior, is it?

Quote:

He exploded again in front of my wife and she tried to stop it but he was mad again and they got some of her things and left. Once back here is when he told her that he wanted her back and after she refused is when he said he wanted the car back and would not pay for it. That is when we found out that my daughter had a credit card that they had to, the first day in Ga., place all the expense for transferring their cars over and it amounted to about $2000. So now she had a car that she could not pay for herself and it was way under water and a credit card so he told her to take it to his ex-wife's house. She wanted nothing to do with it and so we took it back to Ga. where we would get the rest of her things and leave the car with him since he wouldn't pay for it.

I feel tremendously sad for your daughter.

Quote:

He had all ready told her the police had told him since she got her things she had moved out and he was changing the locks and she could not go in the apartment which was bogus. She had her own key to the apartment and she was on the lease, in fact, most of the utilities were in her name. After leaving the car and getting her things she had all the utilities taken out of her name and is when I admit, I was a little pissed on what we had to go through and we let the air out of the tires. No damage, just let the air out.

In other words, you've decided that it's okay to tamper with someone else's car. A decent parent would not stoop so low.

Quote:

After getting really mad at her for entering the apartment without him there because he had gone to his parents house he cut off her phone. That is when he started texting my wife's phone because my daughter had told him all the utilities were out of her name and probably turned off the first business day since this was the end of the Holidays. He got mad enough to tell us that he was calling the police which he did but they could find no ability to do anything since there was no damage made to any vehicle when they arrived but he claimed he had someone that had seen us and he went the next day to a Judge and asked what he could do and told us if my daughter would take the divorce he wanted her to sign making her pay for most of the debt he was going to file charges against all of us and the only thing he could file it on was Criminal Trespassing. He did and that is what bring us to here. I guess we both did something for spite it's just mine cost no one anything. His could cost us at the least, the expense of traveling back to Ga. Most likely staying in a motel since by the time you get out of court you may not be able to make it the whole way back at around a 5 hour drive. Among maybe getting charges against us if we don't show up but I don't think the Judge is actually going to be able to charge us with anything but that is to seen.

Your behavior is appalling.

Quote:

I doubt I could do anything to him in court to sue him since he really only has someone that said they seen us letting the air out of the tires but he was driving it the next day so there was no damage which I knew that but I guess I want to cost him some money and time to have to drive back here to face charges. Now, if I had told this story and left out the one thing I did, most would say I had a case but I did do something that was an inconvenience to him if anything. I let his abuse to my daughter and grandchild get the best of me and I vented my anger but did nothing that really cost him anything. He was off work at the time so it didn't even cost him any time missed at work. It did cost us a lot of headaches and expense for going there twice. If we both had not done what we did then there would have probably been no problem but there is.

You're so out of line. I can't even find the words. Trust me, anyone who has at least one brain cell would tell you that you don't have a case.

Quote:

Like I said, the police could not file any charges so he went to a Judge who could only let him have a hearing to give his side of the story I guess and if we don't attend, something could come out of it because I am sure he will lie. He has to prove Criminal Trespassing which I understand is saying we went there and trespassed in my daughter's apartment with the intent to cause a crime. We went there to take a car back because he wanted it and we had to get all of her things and she needed help in order to get back here to get her son enrolled back in school after the break. We just let our anger get to us an and we did something against him for a change. He then made the choice to go another step again and file charges against his wife, her father and mother. Then asked her again if they could get back together even though he had all ready been told not to contact us or he could be jailed. Again, he has that abusive attitude and I guess I just wanted to set him in his place. I am older, I have had 2 surgeries and I am tired of squirts like him acting the way he has acted toward us and my grandchild. My daughter chose to be involved with him and that is her fault but my grandchild did not.
This will be the last post. I appreciate the degrading statements setting me in my place. Thanks.

I sincerely hope you read this.

You won't like it, but I believe it needs to be said.

Your daughter picked someone who reminded her of her Dad. It's very common. Sadly for her, you have shown yourself to be a bully who insists on having all the power. She has basically moved from one over-bearing, interfering, petty adult...to a replica who shares those bullying traits.

Her self-esteem is in tatters and she was damaged long before she got married and I doubt she's realized that the main difference between her husband and her father is age.

You need to own your part in this. You must recognize the pattern - and it's my sincere hope that you either get the help you need, or leave her alone so she can become her own person.

And yes, you are FAR too involved...and that does nothing but highlight your perception that everyone should do what you say. Very simply, you are toxic. I can only hope that your daughter gets back on her feet and decides to put YOU in your place.