How Can I Change the Frequency of My Son's Visits with His Grandmother

I definitely do not want to terminate visits. My husband would not have wanted this, but reducing them at times would be nice. Thank you for your comment and also the information, very helpful.

As the single parent of a special needs child, you need all the assistance you can get. Make her your ally rather than see her as an annoyance. Rather than using his running to the car without saying goodbye as evidence he does not need her, teach him good manners by reminding him to hug his grandmother goodbye and tell her that he loves her when you come to pick him up. From your comments, it certainly appears that your attitude is contributing to the stress you are feeling. Encourage their contact; a phone call when you are busy and need a distraction would be beneficial to all three of you; he could be the center of attention and tell grandmother about his day, she would feel involved, and you would have a free moment to catch your breath.

You might feel that less contact with his grandmother will not harm him but taking a loving person out of his life certainly will do so even if you do not recognize it. Things do not have to be legally mandated to be the right thing to do. There are few people in the world other than devoted grandparents who would drop whatever they are doing to take care of their grandchild on short notice. You may not like her or would chose her as your friend, but she loved your child's father as you love your child; her loss is greater than yours; be understanding. Treat her like you would want to be treated if you were in the same situation.

My advice is not legal; if you take it, your life and that of your child will be happier.

I do have a lot of support from my mother and cousins…even my sister in law but as a person that could help she is more of a hindrance than anything. There is some background that I have left out to prevent people from having a book to read. I do teach my son manners - even though he is running to get to my car, I do stop him and make him tell his grandmother bye and give her hugs and kisses. Even though she is not my favorite person, I am not going to project than on him. I only used that as an example to show that if I did decide to reduce her visits, he would not be in harm. I do text her pictures of him and update her on his progress in between visits. She gets invited to school functions and birthday parties. I am not a bad person; it's just that enough is never enough with her. It's an I give an inch and she tries to take the mile type deal. You are right, my attitude towards her does contribute to my stress, it's very hard for me not allow her to 'get to me'. I am working on doing better at letting it go, but its hard. She is a very manipulative and self -absorbed person - she resorts to threats and screaming/crying fits when she does not get her way. Her kids have always had the attitude, oh that's just mom and let her have her way. That is fine for them, but I don't want to continue to allow her that behavior with me to get her way against my wishes. It's hard to want to consider her an ally in this situation.
Thank you for reading my post and for your advice, I appreciate it.

I'm seeing red flags there.

It's great that you want to keep her in your son's life - but I see a clear case of manipulation that isn't going to get any better. What you describe is a grandparent who has no problem using a tantrum to get her own way, and that's not healthy for any of you.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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I'm seeing red flags there.

It's great that you want to keep her in your son's life - but I see a clear case of manipulation that isn't going to get any better. What you describe is a grandparent who has no problem using a tantrum to get her own way, and that's not healthy for any of you.

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I agree. Its absolutely NOT healthy. I would consider scaling back without actually stating that you are scaling back. Start missing a visit here and there giving a conflict in plans etc. as an excuse. Try to get the visits to be less "scheduled" and more spontaneous.

I have done that in the past, but she wants to make up the visits. She will ask for back to back weekend visits, longer visits, etc. I am going to try this again and do a better job of sticking to my guns. Thank you!

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It's getting worse the older she gets. She was an only child and her mother was the same way she is. She used to complain about her mom's fits! Karma anyone?!

You have told us that there is no order, so whether visits occur and whether there are any make-up visits is up to you. You are allowed to say "No".