What Can You Do About an Out-of-Control Sixteen-Year-Old

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: North Carolina

I will try to be as concise as possible. My 16-year-old daughter is violent, has a history of assault on family members, poses a threat to her two-year-old brother, has dropped out of school, has no job, and only cares about spending time with her loser boyfriend. She is currently facing five felony and two misdemeanor charges for breaking into someone's home and stealing pretty much everything, is out on pretrial release, is still doing drugs, comes home drunk, and doesn't follow ANY house rules. She has already been sent back to jail once for violating pretrial conditions, but it took about a month of me nagging her pretrial worker before that happened. Since her case will likely be taken care of in about three weeks, I doubt they'll send her back to jail again.

I have had her involved heavily with counselors over the past year and a half, we have worked with the school system on dropout prevention, I filed an undisciplined juvenile petition against her, and nothing has helped. I even called Social Services myself last year to find out what I could do (their answer, "nothing, really.") Now that she's 16, I'm wondering what would happen if I simply refused to let her live with me. No other family members will take her in, due to her history of violence and her lack of trustworthiness and responsibility. A group home is not an option - we tried that earlier this year. It took three months to secure a spot for her, and when the spot opened up and she was scheduled to go, we experienced a major death in our family and the plans were put on hold. Now, it would take several months to line up a group home or out-of-home placement, and I just can't wait that long. She causes too much turmoil in our home and it is affecting my younger child.

Will I be charged with child abandonment and risk losing my 2-year-old if I kick my daughter out of my home? If so, what else can I do???

You cannot simply kick her out, not at 16. At 18, yes, but not 16. You don't have to allow her to live with you, but if you don't, you are responsible for seeing that she has a roof over her head and food to eat. If you cannot find an alternate placement for her with other family members or friends, you're more or less stuck as far as that goes.

Is Dad in the picture?

No, Dad has never been in the picture. Funny how he has never faced prosecution for child abandonment but as soon as I decide I've exhausted EVERY POSSIBLE OPTION, tired of getting black eyes and spending every day worried my child is going to murder me, I'll face child neglect charges.

well, given the felony charges, you may not have to worry about her remaining in your home.

You need to speak to the courts about her being an incorrigible child.

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Will I be charged with child abandonment and risk losing my 2-year-old if I kick my daughter out of my home? If so, what else can I do???

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you might.

If your state works like any I am familiar with, you had to accept responsibility for your daughter for her to be released to you due to the charges she is facing. Were you in court with her when she was released? Did you accept responsibility for her at that point?

If her boyfriend is such a problem, you need to issue a demand he not contact your daughter and look into a restraining order where the courts demand he not contact her. If he violates such an order he would be facing jail.

It sounds like you should have let them throw the book at her and let her sit the next few years out in jail.

If she is facing FIVE felony counts for robbery, there isn't a judge on earth who's gonna let her off the hook. You can pretty much guarantee she's gonna be doing some serious jail time, which is a very good thing. When you have an unruly child, and you can't seem to handle them yourself, law enforcement is one of the best options. I was going to suggest a program like scared straight, but i think considering the charges against her she will be living scared straight for real. There is no better disciplinary school on earth than jail. They do not under any circumstance put up with nonsense. If she thinks she can be wild and do whatever she wants in jail, she better think again. If they catch her acting out in jail it will be the worst day of her life. Another thing i can pretty much guarantee is that her boyfriend is mainly to blame. Teenage girls are boy crazy, and when they find a boy they really like, they start to revolve their entire life around that boy. But guess what? No boyfriends in jail. If she can be kept away from the bad influences like the boyfriend, be off the streets, not drinking, doing drugs, getting into trouble, i think then and only then she will be able to change. So i would view her possible jail time as a miracle.

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Quoting osbawise

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If she is facing FIVE felony counts for robbery, there isn't a judge on earth who's gonna let her off the hook. You can pretty much guarantee she's gonna be doing some serious jail time, which is a very good thing. When you have an unruly child, and you can't seem to handle them yourself, law enforcement is one of the best options. I was going to suggest a program like scared straight, but i think considering the charges against her she will be living scared straight for real. There is no better disciplinary school on earth than jail. They do not under any circumstance put up with nonsense. If she thinks she can be wild and do whatever she wants in jail, she better think again. If they catch her acting out in jail it will be the worst day of her life. Another thing i can pretty much guarantee is that her boyfriend is mainly to blame. Teenage girls are boy crazy, and when they find a boy they really like, they start to revolve their entire life around that boy. But guess what? No boyfriends in jail. If she can be kept away from the bad influences like the boyfriend, be off the streets, not drinking, doing drugs, getting into trouble, i think then and only then she will be able to change. So i would view her possible jail time as a miracle.

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Advice from fellow cons (particularly advice about not getting caught next time), plus easier access to drugs and alcohol? I doubt that's the education these parents want for their unruly child.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Advice from fellow cons (particularly advice about not getting caught next time), plus easier access to drugs and alcohol? I doubt that's the education these parents want for their unruly child.

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She will be taught respect, which is the number one thing she lacks. Can you think of a better way to learn respect than to be ordered around all day and obey orders? And if her fellow cons are giving her advice on how to not get caught, its gonna be some pretty shitty advice considering they got caught. And easier access to drugs and alcohol? There are no drugs or alcohol in jail. You must be thinking of prison, but i highly doubt they are gonna send that little girl to prison.

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Quoting osbawise

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There are no drugs or alcohol in jail.

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You can't count on jails to be drug-free.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Advice from fellow cons (particularly advice about not getting caught next time), plus easier access to drugs and alcohol? I doubt that's the education these parents want for their unruly child.

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Incarceration is not an outcome that is ideal -- far from it -- but it is nonetheless sometimes necessary. If the daughter continues to act out and commit crimes, she's apt to end up in adult court with all that entails. For felony offenses, North Carolina will charge her as an adult at age 17, and with crimes like burglary even at 16 there's a chance of the charge being referred to an adult court.

I used to be a wild child, really wild. Then i got thrown in jail. Needless to say it was the scariest, most miserable thing that had ever happened to me. And i had no problems after that. Haven't been in any trouble since that day, and that was long ago. Jail is never ideal, but its effective.

And I'm fully aware there is always the possibility of contraband slipping through the cracks. But trying to get your hands on that stuff in jail is going to be 10 times harder then it would be out on the street.