Getting Custody When the Mother is Bipolar

My question involves a child custody case from the State of Texas. I am the father. Me and my girlfriend were together for less than 2 years. We have a child together that is a little over 5 months old. Me, her family, and anyone else that has met her or heard our stories is certain she has some form of bi polar syndrome. I have not been able to get her to go to a doctor and get diagnosed yet.

I spoke with a marriage counselor and she even suggested that i try to get her to go directly to a psychiatrist. She refused.

She gets mad over absolutely nothing. She just finds reasons to be mad, and then will drag out an argument over days. She has done things like talk to her EX, Steal my debit card out of my wallet even when she had money, one night when we had a fight, and i was sleeping on the couch, she picked up my son, laid him down on top of me at 3 am and said "here, take care of him. here's a diaper". then she walked back to the room and went to bed. I go to work every day, come home, take care of my son, still do chores around the house, and i rarely get anything out of her. Rarely ever to i get a cooked meal, clean house, etc. She is very immature and childish. I can never get her to stay at home by herself. If im working, and she is off work, she will immediately go to her moms. Or at the least, have her mom or sister come to my house.

sorry, enough about the relationship issues. more about my son.

Lately, since this last argument, we decided we were going our separate ways. However, she refused to leave the house. She found out when i called the cops one night that they could not make her leave due to the fact that we lived here together. even though we are not common law married. I left last night just to give her a chance to cool off. We got into a heated argument. I always record my arguments though. So i have recorded all of this on my phone. She was trying to make me leave, she locked me outside, and stayed outside with me. I was trying to get back through the door. i put my hands in the air to avoid putting my hands on her, but she grabbed me, pushed me, and shoved me out of the door way. i stated "im trying to get in the house to check on my son. i want to see my son!!" but she continued to push me away, with me stating "get your hands off of me. stop pushing me."
her mom showed up, and took her inside and starting lecturing and yelling at her. i didnt want my son around the yelling, so i went in and took him to another room. we ended up talking some more, and then she proceeds to yell, and cuss more. i stand up and tell her "stop yelling and cussing! your son is right here beside you!" she gets mad, stand up, gets in my face and says "you dont tell me what to F*** do, shut the F*** up, etc" her mom pushes her down in the chair. i once again take my son in the other room. a few minutes later, she comes and rips him out of my arms, with me saying "dont take him out of my arms. stop touching us. you are going to hurt him"

i eventually leave to give us both some time to cool down. i explain that i will be back tomorrow around noon, and then i want to spend time with my son. i didnt want to leave in the first place, but she wasnt going anywhere, so the fighting had to end somewhere. i didnt want my son to hear anymore.

i come back at noon, she is gone. i clean up around the house all day long. she comes back a little after 6. She ask what i am doing there, says i was supposed to be gone until tuesday (it is currently sunday) i explain to her that i told her i would be back today. she explains she thinks i said i would only be here for a little while, and i was leaving again. i explain again that i told her the day before that i wanted to spend time with my son. she didnt call me the whole day either. she once again tries to get me out of the house. the same situation as before repeats. she takes my son out of my arms, forcefully, yet again. i then go outside to make a phone call. while on the call, she decides that she is going to leave instead of me. which is a relief. i pick up my son and go to another room. she once again, forcefully takes him out of my arms. finally she leaves.

I HAVE ALL OF THIS RECORDED!!!!! I hope it helps me! My goal is to get primary custody, with her the visitation. She somehow blew, 400 in a week in a half, when i was still doing most of the purchases. she stole my card, and then still ask me to buy things for my son, and put gas in her car. MY son, i dont mind. I told her that i wouldnt give her cash, but i would bring the diapers to her. so thats exactly what i did. i didnt want to, but i ended up giving her 20 in cash. she stated it was for gas. I explained to her "NO. This is for my son!!!" I have all that recorded as well.

Even when she has my son in her possesion, she only takes care of him about 20% of the time. the rest, somebody else plays with him, changes his diapers, clothes, etc. I drive him to the baby sitter EVERY MORNING. and pick him up EVERY EVENING. I always woke up in the middle of the night to feed him, gave him a bath every night, and i was the one that even taught him to sleep in his own room, and his own crib, without waking up in the middle of the night to drink a bottle.

tonight is sunday. immediately in the morning, i will start working on my case and seeing an attorney, JP, ETC. What kind of shot do i have with the proof i have, and also if she gets diagnosed with bi polar? i feel that she may be a danger to my son as this is getting worse!!!

i am a much better fitting PARENT than she can ever think about being, i have provided for him since he was born. tending to his every need. waking up in the middle of the night even when i had to work, while the mother on the other hand, did not work. and still always made me get up in the middle of the night to take care of him. on top of that, she would never stay home. for 4 months, until she finally got a job, she would leave and go to her moms every single day. things never got done around the house until i got home. but whenever i am home alone with him, i find it very easy to cook, clean, do laundry, and still take care of him. can she do that? no.

lets not forget to mention that the afforementioned house is in my name ONLY! i have a mortgage on it. in only my name. i dont have family here. she has her family here. she has places to go, i do not. and all of my childs belongings are here. so why should i leave?

As an unmarried father in Texas without a custody order, you have no enforceable rights of custody or possession of your child over the mother, who is currently the presumptive custodial parent.

The only way you can force a mental health diagnoses, and that is highly unlikely in your case, is to get the court to order a psychological evaluation of both you and the mother by a licensed psychologist. Since such things aren't cheap when done by licensed PhD's, be prepared to ante up several thousand dollars for the privilege of exposing yourself to the same and rather highly intrusive evaluation, with the likelihood a psychologist may have a different opinion than your friends and family on the mothers diagnoses, and may have issues with your own behavior in this matter. Some of which may suggest you are manipulatively instigating and taping arguments with the mother. And once you start getting into psych evals attorney fees also start to skyrocket. So unless you have fairly substantial means, you ain't going down that road, and the court will not be interested in non-professional opinions on the state of mom's mental health.

Contrary to your expectations, the reality for most unmarried fathers which most likely includes yourself, is that mom will remain the custodial parent and you will have visitation and the duty to pay child support for many years.

But you should certainly speak with an attorney to start the ball rolling on establishing your legal rights in this matter.

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Quoting chb1992

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of Texas. I have been in a relationship with this woman for a year and 2 months. We have a son together that is 2 months old. The child was very much wanted, but the relationship is going downhill fast. She had already packed her things and left about 3 times, and her family keeps pushing her to come back and work things out. She doesn't work. The hOuse, 2 cars, are all in my name. My job provides for everything. She hardly ever wants to stay home. Every day when I leave for work, she wants to go to her moms and spend the day over there until I get home. Then I have to meet her over there, wait sometimes 2-3 hours, then go home. This means chores usually don't get done until late, and then I'm up late working on this stuff, then go to bed late, wake up early for work, and do it all over again. She still gets me to wake up in the middle of the night with the baby a lot even though she doesn't work. But I do this aanyway. She somehow creates something to be mad about or raise a fit about every single day. Its always something. But it could be over something that I didn't even do. Very childish, immature, my way or the highway attitude. Her mind set (she has even spoken this aloud) is that I don't have a say so in what goes on in the household and with the child. She thinks I only have a say so in the money/finance department. I completely disagree. This is my child too, I have a right to raise him the way I see fit as well. I just know this is going to end, I just don't know when. When it eventually ends, she will have to go live with her parents. Here's the kicker. She would not have her own bedroom, musless my son have his own bedroom. They live in a very rough neighborhood. I witness drug deals, fights, have heard shootings and all kind of things there, and her dads truck was even stolen right out of his driveway! I do not want my child to grow up here. And she has no job, no money, and since cars are in my name, she won't have a car either. My question is: how hard would it be for me to obtain full custody of my son? And also, I can't stay in this relationship and suffer forever. But I want to do what's best for my son. If I end the relationship, will this have any bearing on me gaining custody of my son? I also have a few people that have offered to baby sit for me while I work. One of which has even offered to quit her job to do so for me full time. This person also has a 6 month old of her own, is a great mother, and had an excellent family. What can I do?

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It would appear that you're trying anything at all to make sure you get custody - all the while ignoring what is often the tie-breaker. That being, Mom is the primary caregiver.

Now that you've accepted that you can't use finances against her, please be honest here - are you going to sit and try everything and anything to prove your point?

This is from another thread of yours: http://www.expertlaw.com/forums/show...ht=#post815249

Of course I am trying to make sure I get custody! this is my son! im not like a lot of fathers out there. i DO NOT want to settle for weekend visitation. I want way more for my son than that.

As per the previous post i made, there was a lack of incriminating evidence there. Yes i do believe my living situation is better, this is why she want to kick me out of the house. she knows i can use it against her. and yes, they live in a terrible neighborhood. ive seen drug use, fights, gun shots, vehicles being stolen, all kinds of things, right outside the house!!!

I don't believe that mom is the primary care giver. We both work now. I make substantially more money than her, so that i can provide more for my son. she has blown all of her money on nothing, and now still relies on me to take care of things for my son. which is ok, because i dont mind taking care of him, but how do you think you are going to take care of him on your own when you blow all your money? Also, since we both work, we have her mom watch the baby during the day. i take him over there EVERY day. i pick him up EVERY DAY!!! when i get home, i have had times where she literally sat in a chair, and ordered me to do chores. Laundry, Dishes, Cleaning, ETC. Then, still give my son a bath, and get him ready for bed. She may play with him for a few minutes here and there, but thats about it. So I believe that I should be the Primary Caregiver. I can arrange for other child care. infact, i already have that in place provided i get custody.


Even her own family believes she is bi-polar. They say it runs in their family. I really feel like it wouldn't take much to prove that. especially with some of the recordings and scenarios i have. I will post another thread of a scenario that proves her mood swing.

My goal here is to get Primary Custody. her having the visitation. I guess she would be ordered to pay child support, but im not even concerned with the money. I just want my son. She is not even trying to raise him. Shes letting everyone else do it. I feel like i have a lot of support to back up my case, and i know that the courts look at things like: Who has the better living environment for the child? Who can provide for the child better? Who's mental well being is in the best interest for the child? Plus, due to the fact that she has endangered my child, that doesnt help her any.

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I was researching and found this gentleman had some encouraging words.

http://www.jackrobinson.com/fathers-take-heart-you-can-win-custody/

I just want to issue one caution here.

"Bi-polar disorder" is a very specific condition, but the name is also one of the current buzz-words that everyone likes to use, but few people use properly. Many, many people who have been diagnosed with the condition are nonetheless perfectly capable of taking excellent care of their children. Many, many people who are accused of being bi-polar actually are not. Judges are aware of both these facts.

Since being bi-polar does not automatically translate into being unable to care for a child, unless your wife has been diagnosed as such it will NOT help your case to use that term, regardless of how many family members believe her to be suffering from it. Nor can you, or anyone else, force her to get a mental evaluation unless ordered by the court, and if such an order is granted the odds are very, very good that you will be required to take one as well.

That being the case, unless she volunteers (or agrees) to a mental evaluation AND is diagnosed by someone who is trained and licensed to make such diagnoses as being bi-polar, you may very well hurt your case more than you will help it by making that claim in court.

Just a suggestion.

yes i understand your point. maybe i used some wrong word play. I believe she has some form of bi polar, or some kind of mental imbalance. I believe she needs help and so does everyone else is the bottom line! and i am perfectly fine with going through test myself. i want the court to do this so that i may better my case.

For the umpteenth time, money has got absolutely NOTHING to do with who is the better parent.

Who has most overnights?

Do you understand that many, many bipolar parents have custody of their children?

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Quoting chb1992

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yes i understand your point. maybe i used some wrong word play. I believe she has some form of bi polar, or some kind of mental imbalance. I believe she needs help and so does everyone else is the bottom line! and i am perfectly fine with going through test myself. i want the court to do this so that i may better my case.

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So, this is all about winning? Alrighty then.

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Quoting chb1992

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Of course I am trying to make sure I get custody! this is my son! im not like a lot of fathers out there. i DO NOT want to settle for weekend visitation. I want way more for my son than that.

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Then why choose to HAVE your child with a woman that you don't think is capable of caring for your child? The court isn't going to buy that you're really THAT stupid. In fact, the court's default position is going to be that you CHOSE her, and therefore YOU, who knows her WAY better than the court, have already deemed her to be fit. In order to change the court's mind, you're going to need EVIDENCE, not supposition, not accusations, not phrases that you're picked up from pop psychology websites, but actual EVENTS, that have ACTUALLY occurred, before the judge is going to question your own judgment and subject your wife to that kind of testing. And, since you're the one who chose her, your eval is likely emminent too. See the court's reasoning there?

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As per the previous post i made, there was a lack of incriminating evidence there.

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Then what are you planning to hang your hat on when asking for custody if mom has been the primary caretaker?

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Yes i do believe my living situation is better, this is why she want to kick me out of the house. she knows i can use it against her.

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Why do you think that? Your living situation being better means really NOTHING. Again, the number ONE factor, unless there has been DOCUMENTED incidents of abuse or neglect of the child, is who has been the child's primary caretaker? If that person is mom, she's got the upper hand, even if you live in a multi-million dollar mansion.

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and yes, they live in a terrible neighborhood. ive seen drug use, fights, gun shots, vehicles being stolen, all kinds of things, right outside the house!!!

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The court isn't likely to hold that against MOM. MOM isn't the one using drugs, firing guns, or stealing vehicles. Judges don't take children away from their primary caretaker JUST because they live in a bad neighborhood. (Of course you could always wiggle into more child support, if you're SO concerned. but AGAIN, courts dont take children from their primary caregivers because of factors like this; instead, the court will look to you to help improve the living situation so the child can STAY with the primary caretaker.) Be careful what you wish for and how to word it.

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I don't believe that mom is the primary care giver. We both work now.

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That's what the court will have to decide.

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I make substantially more money than her, so that i can provide more for my son. she has blown all of her money on nothing, and now still relies on me to take care of things for my son. which is ok, because i dont mind taking care of him, but how do you think you are going to take care of him on your own when you blow all your money?

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First, you need to get it out of your head that "Primary caretaker" has ANYTHING to do with MONEY. It doesn't. The "primary caretaker" is the person who provides the majority of the child's DIRECT, hands on, care. Who gets the child up in the morning, feeds breakfast, changes diapers, does the child's laundry, takes the child to the doctor, makes the child's lunch, takes the child clothes shopping, puts the child down for a nap, changes more diapers, feeds the child supper, puts the child to bed, oversees any school work, playdates, puts bandaids on boo boos, etc. Whoever does more of those tasks is the primary caretaker. NOT who makes the most money, or has the most money, or spends the least money. And you also appear painfully unaware that if mom is deemed to be the primary caretaker and retains custody, that mom's financial situation will change substantially once you're ordered to pay child support.

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Also, since we both work, we have her mom watch the baby during the day. i take him over there EVERY day. i pick him up EVERY DAY!!! when i get home, i have had times where she literally sat in a chair, and ordered me to do chores. Laundry, Dishes, Cleaning, ETC. Then, still give my son a bath, and get him ready for bed. She may play with him for a few minutes here and there, but thats about it. So I believe that I should be the Primary Caregiver.

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Those are the exact types of things the court wants to hear about. Again however, be careful how you word things. If you're doing things because she is ORDERING you to, that could be constued as her managing you, rather than you simply caring for the child of your own valition. In other words, if you give the court the impression that mom has to TELL you do so things, you're shooting yourself in the foot on the primary caretaker argument again. Either you take care of the child because you WANT to and know HOW to, or you're only mom's puppet and she's controlling the action, even if sitting on her butt. One will make you look great in court. The other won't. You're going to loose your own case if you spend all your time bashing mom - the woman you CHOSE to have a child with. You SHOULD be spending your time in front of the judge talking about YOURSELF and your relationship with your child. This isn't a "whoever parent bashes best wins" contest, and the sooner you get OFF that mind set, the better your case will be. You could win without ever saying a WORD about mom, but you can absolutely DESTROY your case by continually bringing up things that are not RELEVANT to the best interest of the child in an initial custody hearing and for which you have no PROOF.

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I can arrange for other child care. infact, i already have that in place provided i get custody.

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Much more productive use of your time, planning to care for the child.

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Even her own family believes she is bi-polar. They say it runs in their family. I really feel like it wouldn't take much to prove that. especially with some of the recordings and scenarios i have. I will post another thread of a scenario that proves her mood swing.

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Unless you and/or her family are trained psychologists or psychiatrists, your opinions mean ZERO. Nothing. Nada. The court won't even HEAR them. Her mood swings too mean NOTHING. MOST women have mood swings, especially at certain times of the month. For God's sake man, don't walk into court and make yourself look ignorant or vengeful. Because the big question the court is going to come away with is "why does this guy like to sleep with people that he thinks are so terribly screwed up...wow, he probably shouldn't be caring for a child...but mom on the other hand hasn't had any documented problems...better leave the child with her...". The sooner you understand that courts work on PROOF and ACTUAL EVENTS, not on your suppositions or accusations or "what ifs", the sooner you can formulate a legal strategy that might actually work in your favor.

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My goal here is to get Primary Custody, her having the visitation..

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Then you're really going to need an attorney. Not because mom necessarily has the upper hand, but because your APPROACH is going to destroy your case. Best to let a professional talk to the court on your behalf before you talk yourself OUT of the custody you want.

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I guess she would be ordered to pay child support, but im not even concerned with the money.

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If you have primary custody, yes, that would be the norm if mom is capable of working (and again, mom being able to hold down a job isn't going to help your argument that she's as dysfunctional as you claim).

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I just want my son. She is not even trying to raise him. Shes letting everyone else do it. I feel like i have a lot of support to back up my case, and i know that the courts look at things like: Who has the better living environment for the child?

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See, that's where you're making the mistake.

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Who can provide for the child better?

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Another mistake?

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Who's mental well being is in the best interest for the child?

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Right now, you're both on even ground there.

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Plus, due to the fact that she has endangered my child, that doesnt help her any.

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Endangered HOW? When? What was done about it? Who was called? Did social services intervene?

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I was researching and found this gentleman had some encouraging words.

http://www.jackrobinson.com/fathers-...n-win-custody/

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Well of COURSE an attorney who represents fathers trying to win custody is going to have "encouraging words". Duh.

You got some encouraging words here too, but we're not blowing smoke up your butt in hopes that you'll hire us. We don't benefit either way. We're just trying to give you some realistic expectations and to improve your approach to the problem. But DO make an appointment with SOME family law attorney. This is NOT likley going to be a winner for you if you don't have experienced professional representation. Your heart is in the right place, but you're attacking on the wrong flank.

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Quoting aardvarc

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Well of COURSE an attorney who represents fathers trying to win custody is going to have "encouraging words". Duh.

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The encouraging words on that site don't bother me at all. The lawyer is basically saying that if men are willing to make the effort to establish that they should be the custodial parent they will get a fair shake in court. That's a far cry from a, "The odds are stacked against you because of your gender"-type line that you sometimes see in "father's rights lawyer" marketing.

Thank you Aardvarc. As per the chores you spoke about, she has asked me to do chores around the house. I take care of my son because i want to. When we wake up in the morning, i go and get him out of bed. i check on him to see if his diaper needs to be changed. he doesnt eat right away. i lay him down in my bed while i go take a shower. sometimes she will wake up and just lay there, other times she will continue to sleep until i get out of the shower. then she goes straight to the shower. then i will go make him a bottle, feed him, and play with him for a few minutes. then it is time to get his things together so that i can take him to her moms house for the day. so i drive him over there, spend a few minutes with him, then go to work. then after work, i go pick him up, take him home, and spend some time with him. Occasionally once in a blue moon, i will actually get a cooked meal. but usually not. usually i will have to bring something home or make it myself. so i will try to clean up around the house a bit, do some laundry, etc, let my son play and watch tv for a little bit. then its time to give him a bath. i try to do this every night. she even stopped me from giving him a bath one night? i have no clue why. her only excuse was "he doesnt need it". i have been trying to make a routine for him. come home, play, eat, bath time, lotion and massage his little muscles to help him relax, usually finish his bottle, relax for a few minutes, and then its time for bed. so i put him to bed, and follow right behind him. normally, she beats me to bed. or is laying there doing nothing. anytime he wakes up in the middle of the night (which i had stopped him from doing while she was gone), she either doesnt want to deal with it, or she wants to give him a bottle just to shut him up. which is messing his routine up. he is past the age to where he doesnt need to eat at night time anymore. he may cry for a few minutes, just like the doctor told me. but if you have checked him and there is nothing wrong, and you pick him up and he immediately calms down, he is fine. let him get himself back to sleep. she wont have that. because she doesnt want to listen to it. she is just lazy. she made me sleep on the couch one night. apparently, he woke up. she came and laid him down on top of me at 3am, and said "Here, take care of him. Heres a diaper" and she walked back to the bedroom, and went right back to bed. after trying to rock him back to sleep for a few minutes, i decided to do as i had done before to get him to sleep through the night. just let him lay there for a few minutes. the first rule starts at waiting for 5 minutes, then checking on him. so i go lay on the couch and watch the clock. 2 minutes pass, then she gets up to get him and tells me "why cant you just do your job right? you are so damn lazy. god, you are uselsss" which of course upsets me. but its the middle of the night, and my son doesnt need to hear it. so i let it go. so she makes him a bottle, and of course he goes to bed. but he didnt need it. that wasnt my goal to take the easy way out. i was doing what i had already done before that worked great, just what the doctor advised me to do.

furthermore, 90 percent of diaper changed are done by myself. as are most feedings. even when she takes him to her mothers house, someone else is always holding him when i walk in. even her family has told me that one of them would always wake up in the middle of the night with him, or is always spending time with him while she sleeps, or just hangs out and does nothing. i would estimate that she may spend about 20 percent of her free time with him. she is more concerned about going and getting her nails done, clothes shopping, buying something else unnessecary. i cant remember the last time she gave him a bath instead of me. The only time she EVER actually steps up and does these things more than me, is when she gets mad at me and starts one of these 3-4 day arguments. then, all of a sudden, she wants to look good, or make herself feel better, and one day, one time, decided she would take him to her moms before she went to work. the first and only time she has ever done it. and she picked him up that day. and then when i got home, she acted like she wanted to do everything. now that she wanted to try and make me look bad. i actually asked to do the things, and she wouldnt let me.

i have a meeting in the morning with an attorney. she asked me a lot of the same questions about how involved i was in his life, and i explained to her the same things i have just written down, and she loved it. i hope it helps me along with other things that i have against her.

i know that the court can look at things in a really rough, cut and dry manner. but i sincerely feel like i would be a much better parent, and offer a much better life for him. Like i said, i want him to grow up in a nice neighborhood, not the Ghetto. and it is pretty bad! theres hardly no room there for them anyway. and her mother doesnt even know english, only spanish. same as her father. i have a nice big home for him to live in with his own bedroom, nice neighborhood, stability, etc etc.

also, today she came to get her things out of the house to leave. she said she had already spoken to an attorney. she put her attorney on the phone and tried to tell me that i could not see my son until i proved paternity. i informed him that my name was on the birth certificate. he tried to tell me it didnt matter.

my attorney said that basically this guy was an idiot. THEY need to prove that i am NOT the father before she can legally keep him away from me. i am on the birth certificate, which means i am the presumed father until proven otherwise.

lastly, she took EVERYTHING in my house that had anything to do with my son. pictures, all of his clothes, his crib, medicines, diapers, wipes, bottles, baby monitors, diaper pail, changing table, bottle warmers, diaper bags, lots of toys, etc. Now, some things were gifts from the baby shower, but on the other hand, probably 75 percent of the things that she took were items that either I purchased myself, my mom bought for me and him, or were given to me by co-workers. my attorney said she had no right to take all of those things. all the way down to the CURTAIN in his room. How Spiteful!!! even if i got the worst possible case scenario, which would be visitation, i still need things here to care for my child. i understand he needs some things right now until this is settled, and that is fine. i want him to be taken care of. BUT I need things here to care for my child as well! Now i have nothing!! She done it purely out of spite because she knows she can hurt me through him!

For the GAZILLIONTH TIME. Your pretty neighborhood DOES NOT MATTER.

You also need to understand that 99% of things mentioned in your last post do not paint an obvious picture. Why? Because you're talking from an emotional standpoint and that's not what you need. And your attorney needs to explain that while Mom can't technically keep him from you, until there's a court order you both still are equal - meaning there's not a darned thing you can do (as a practical measure) until a court order is ignored. And your attorney perhaps needs to explain to you that Mom's lack of English is absolutely meaningless - you were absolutely fine with things until very recently. You don't get to change your mind now.

Did you actually answer the question about who has the overnights? There's a reason I asked.

Well, as farad the over nights, we lived together for a year. But the whole time my son has been here, over 90% of the time,I was the one taking care of him at night, taking him to baby sitter during the day before work, picking him up before I go home, still taking care of him when I get home, giving him a bath, getting him to bed, etc. it was rare she done anything.

Given that you either cannot or will not answer, it would be better if you direct your questions and responses to your attorney.