My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Michigan
Daughter visits moms in the summer for two months. Every year for the last three years, she comes home with a 15-20lb weight gain. Mom says she 'can't get her off the couch'. I have before and after photos and this year will take to dr. to document. My goal is to use this as an incentive to get mom to help daughter be more physically active during summer and to eat better so I do not need to threaten legal action. We aren't tiny people but we are healthy and active and this weight fluctuation each year is not healthy either physically or psychologically. If this pattern does not change, do I have grounds to take legal action to shorten the visitation?
Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
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08-09-2014, 05:07 AMSharla1981Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
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08-09-2014, 05:10 AMBooRennieRe: 20lb Weight Gain Over Two MonthsShort answer: No.Quote:
Quoting Sharla1981
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08-09-2014, 06:13 AMadjusterjackRe: 20lb Weight Gain Over Two MonthsNo.Quote:
Quoting Sharla1981
This is something you aren't going to win in court and it's something you aren't going to win by coming down on your ex for it.
This is something you have to take up with your daughter and I can't see that going well either. After all, she's on summer vacation and you can't force activities on her if she just wants to veg out for two months. -
08-09-2014, 09:03 AMllworkingRe: 20lb Weight Gain Over Two MonthsI agree with the other responses...you will get absolutely no where with this in court. It is completely a non-issue. Take it up with your daughter.Quote:
Quoting Sharla1981
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08-09-2014, 01:42 PMMr. KnowitallRe: Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two MonthsYour daughter is how old? Her pediatrician has had what to say about the issue?Quote:
Quoting Sharla1981
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08-10-2014, 12:26 PMSharla1981Re: Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
Daughter just turned ten and this has been an issue since about 5 years old. Is everyone basically saying that parents don't have a responsibility to tell a child to not eat junk, not get a third helping, and to get outside and play? The pediatrician came down hard on me last year when we had school physicals, documented borderline high blood pressure and I had to explain that this problem only occurs after visitation in the summer. I have seen in other forums that childhood obesity is becoming a factor in custody cases and neglect cases which led me to think that maybe this could be raised as an incentive for the mom to get my daughter off the couch watching tv and to not be afraid to say 'no' when it comes to food. Yes, my daughter should show some self control but she only sees mom once or twice a year and uses this time to take advantage of her mom, and her mom doesn't know how to say no. Unfortunately, talking about it doesn't work, as evidence of the repetitiveness of the issue.
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08-10-2014, 12:33 PMcbgRe: Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
So your response is to make it even less time instead of, say, taking the time when your daughter is with you to TEACH her self control? Or to educate Mom?
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08-10-2014, 01:26 PMDogmatiqueRe: Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
I must have eaten the wrong Cheerios today because I can see this being a legitimate concern. When a pre-teen is gaining 15lbs in two months, I'd raise an eyebrow or two. Sure, the child can motivate herself....unless she's getting away with not doing so at Mom's in which case maybe yes, yes this does need to be looked at.
In her age group, we might expect 15 lbs over twelve months - but not two. Not. At. All.
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Quote:
Quoting adjusterjack
Wait, WHAT?! Parents can and should get that child off her backside and get her moving. Hell yes I'd be forcing activities. -
08-10-2014, 03:11 PMtex11Re: Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
During the school year kids days are active with school, extracurricular activities, and friends.
Unfortunately, many kids get highly sedentary once school is out for the summer, with only TV, internet, and their phones to keep them busy. In this case the custodial parent avoids (and fails to fully appreciate) this, since the child is often shipped to NCP a week or two after school lets out and gets them back shortly before school starts in August. It is often more difficult if NCP lives far away, since the kids lose being close to friends. Kids may get a bit depressed during summer on some levels unrelated to either parent, and be inclined to reach for more Cheetos and fast food than they normally would.
While it is a problem parents should do their best to address, it is really not a matter of child neglect in the legal sense. Nor is it a problem for the courts to resolve, since they are highly unlikely to order the NCP to put the kid on a diet, or order more exercise or summer activities, much less reduce visitation.
Few working single parents have the time or financial means to ensure their children are able to remain busy and occupied all summer. Best most can do is find things to do after work and on weekends.
Seems here like the custodial parent is being a bit overbearing and demanding on this issue, to the extent it may be harming his child's self esteem. Especially if taking before and after pictures and making a federal case out of this. And pressuring the child to quickly lose the added weight. Which may be more damaging than the summer weight gain itself.
It may be that instead of an attorney, dad should talk to a child therapist or pediatrician, without his child, to learn and understand what he can do to be more proactive, instead of reactive, on this matter. -
08-10-2014, 03:25 PMDogmatiqueRe: Child Gained Twenty Pounds Over Two Months
I believe we'll find that the OP is actually stepmom.
That aside, we're talking about a significant weight gain over a very short period. This is GREATLY different from the usual slow, steady weight gain of inactive teens. Shaming the poor kid is deplorable, of course, - but then none of us sensible folk would suggest such a thing.
(And of course, I'm not even touching on the pediatrician's concerns)