Custody Rights of a Separated Couple

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NC

My husband and I have been separated for a month now. We have an 11 weeks old baby that I am breastfeeding. He wants to take the baby overnight. My question is he allowed too? He also wants to take him out of state approx. a 6 hours drive by himself, for 3 days is he able to do this?

He has as much right to overnights as you, legally speaking.

(And that will be the status quo until a court says otherwise)

Now, you're going to be told that you don't have to allow him access, and while that might also be true it's probably not going to endear you to family court.

Ask yourself a quick question. Say you were still together, but he worked opposite shifts. Would you still need to ask the question?

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Quoting IceCream20

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NC

My husband and I have been separated for a month now. We have an 11 weeks old baby that I am breastfeeding. He wants to take the baby overnight. My question is he allowed too? He also wants to take him out of state approx. a 6 hours drive by himself, for 3 days is he able to do this?

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I wouldn't take an 11 week old baby, on a six hour drive by myself, if someone paid me 5000.00 to do it. Particularly an 11 week old baby who is breastfeeding. There is no way that you could pump enough to last 3 days, and supplementing formula could cause all kinds of gastric issues for the baby.

Once the baby is a few months older, there would be fewer issues. You might be able to pump and freeze enough breast milk if you had 4-6 weeks notice...or you might not. I would see what the child's doctor says about the idea.

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Quoting llworking

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I wouldn't take an 11 week old baby, on a six hour drive by myself,

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That's you. Imagine all those babies who are on AIRPLANES that young. From one side of the country to another. From one continent to another. How in God's name do they handle those flights? What? The plane lands for a break every hour?

Doggie's question is COMPLETELY valid. If the couple was still together and they worked opposing shifts, what would happen then? If mom suddenly took ill and needed to be in the hospital, what would happen then?

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Quoting llworking

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I wouldn't take an 11 week old baby, on a six hour drive by myself, if someone paid me 5000.00 to do it. Particularly an 11 week old baby who is breastfeeding. There is no way that you could pump enough to last 3 days, and supplementing formula could cause all kinds of gastric issues for the baby.

Once the baby is a few months older, there would be fewer issues. You might be able to pump and freeze enough breast milk if you had 4-6 weeks notice...or you might not. I would see what the child's doctor says about the idea.

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Adopted newborn
Adopted infant
Formula-fed newborn or infant

You'd be okay with those children going overnight?

I really don't intend to harp on about it L, but I'm getting so very tired of the "Dad will have to wait" refrain.

No, he really shouldn't. Millions of parents have to deal with it. Mom works while Dad's in the military, or vice versa. Child is adopted. Married couple working opposite shifts. Mom breastfeeds exclusively until child is 3. Single parent has to work. The one thing in common, is that sooner or later (and preferably sooner), they HAVE TO ADAPT.

Just to switcharoo one more time:

What if Dad was primary? Why can't Dad be primary? Because he can't make milk? Bonding with the child should never be at the expense of the other parent's bonding time (with obvious exceptions).

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Adopted newborn
Adopted infant
Formula-fed newborn or infant

You'd be okay with those children going overnight?

I really don't intend to harp on about it L, but I'm getting so very tired of the "Dad will have to wait" refrain.

No, he really shouldn't. Millions of parents have to deal with it. Mom works while Dad's in the military, or vice versa. Child is adopted. Married couple working opposite shifts. Mom breastfeeds exclusively until child is 3. Single parent has to work. The one thing in common, is that sooner or later (and preferably sooner), they HAVE TO ADAPT.

Just to switcharoo one more time:

What if Dad was primary? Why can't Dad be primary? Because he can't make milk? Bonding with the child should never be at the expense of the other parent's bonding time (with obvious exceptions).

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Here you go talking sense again. If people thought like you, they'd actually have to agree that dad's are EQUAL to moms. Not just say it, but put their money where their mouths are.

And you KNOW that's not gonna happen. :rolleyes:

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Adopted newborn
Adopted infant
Formula-fed newborn or infant

You'd be okay with those children going overnight?

I really don't intend to harp on about it L, but I'm getting so very tired of the "Dad will have to wait" refrain.

No, he really shouldn't. Millions of parents have to deal with it. Mom works while Dad's in the military, or vice versa. Child is adopted. Married couple working opposite shifts. Mom breastfeeds exclusively until child is 3. Single parent has to work. The one thing in common, is that sooner or later (and preferably sooner), they HAVE TO ADAPT.

Just to switcharoo one more time:

What if Dad was primary? Why can't Dad be primary? Because he can't make milk? Bonding with the child should never be at the expense of the other parent's bonding time (with obvious exceptions).

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Yup. Fathers are equally as important as mothers. So what if the baby gets fussy. And babies CAN survive on formula. Lord knows mine did. People make way too much out of breast feeding and it's just a sorry fricking excuse to alienate dad and keep him out of the picture.

Amen, EA! My kids were both formula fed as well, and survived just fine.

My husband was also our daughter's primary caretaker from when she was 3 months old to 5 years old, due to my work schedule, and my also having gone back to college (in addition to working full time) when she was 18 months old. He did wonderfully.

I also grew up with a dad who was mine and my siblings' primary caretaker, and who was a much better parent than our mother.

There's no parenting gene that makes women automatically better at raising children than men.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Adopted newborn
Adopted infant
Formula-fed newborn or infant

You'd be okay with those children going overnight?

I really don't intend to harp on about it L, but I'm getting so very tired of the "Dad will have to wait" refrain.

No, he really shouldn't. Millions of parents have to deal with it. Mom works while Dad's in the military, or vice versa. Child is adopted. Married couple working opposite shifts. Mom breastfeeds exclusively until child is 3. Single parent has to work. The one thing in common, is that sooner or later (and preferably sooner), they HAVE TO ADAPT.

Just to switcharoo one more time:

What if Dad was primary? Why can't Dad be primary? Because he can't make milk? Bonding with the child should never be at the expense of the other parent's bonding time (with obvious exceptions).

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I am not discounting the importance of fathers. I am talking about taking a breast fed 11 WEEK old child out of town for three days.

An adopted newborn isn't going to be breastfed at all. Therefore its not an issue...but I still wouldn't drive six hours alone with the child.
An adopted infant is unlikely to have ever been breastfed so again, not an issue...but I still wouldn't drive six hours alone with the child.
Formula fed newborn or infant, again...I wouldn't do a six hour drive alone with one of them for all the money in the world. The baby might sleep the whole way, or the baby might cry the whole way requiring you to stop so often that the six hours turns into 12.

May I remind you that my issue was not overnights...it was driving six hours ALONE with an 11 week old infant, who is also breastfed...and gone for three days. That is a recipe for utter disaster for dad and the child. On top of that if the infant refuses the bottle (even with pumped breast milk) or has the very probable gastro intestinal problems from a sudden switch from breast to formula, mom won't be anywhere near to help rectify the problem.

You are talking to someone who voluntarily, not alone but with her husband chose to travel to Italy with an infant. An infant who was formula fed, who refused to drink the powdered formula mixed with the water in Italy and who refused all types of formula purchased in Italy for over three days...and I can guarantee you that it was the most miserable three days of my and dad's life.

This has nothing to do with overnights, dad's ability to have parenting time or anything related. Its about the utter stupidity, in my humble opinion, of any parent attempting to travel alone, in a car, for six hours, with an 11 week old, who is currently breastfed and without the mother, for a three day period.

I drove all the way from CA to LA with a 2yo toddler. Six hours with an 11 week old toddler is nothing. They'll both survive.

And you still make it seem as if dad is inept and mom is required in your last sentence.