The Other Parent Involved the Child in a Lie
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mississippi
I never get this personal, but I'm disgusted with the system here in Mississippi. If a father is consistently actively involved in his children's lives (and wants joint custody--doing whatever possible to minimize the negative effects of split households), don't take it for granted and treat him like shit by telling him how shitty of a father he is. Don't treat his children as a commodity ("no child support, no visitation" type stuff). Don't try to cut him out of their lives by purposefully withholding details about what's going on in their lives. Don't purposefully make him look like a bad parent to anybody, especially the child. This is to the mother's out there and the people that think a mother has to be a drug-addicted prostitute that beats her child to qualify her as a less-fit parent.
I had plans yesterday in place to take my daughter (Kori) to her first day of pre-school (Monday). Her mother (Desiree) cancelled Sunday night and said that Kori wasn't going. Well, I talk to my little girl this morning (Tuesday) via phone and ask her if she's excited for her first day of school. She said yes and etc, etc. Then I get there, we walk in, I meet the teacher, and the teacher mentioned how Kori was popular yesterday. Now I'm pissed (but I'm not showing it). So basically, that speaker-phone conversation I had with Kori this morning was a complete lie. She was encouraged to withhold information and lie to me! I'm disgusted. What's worse? After I expressed to Desiree that I wanted to be there on her first day, Desiree and her parents (that she lives with...again) kept it secret from me. What's ironic is that as we were leaving this morning, Desiree stated that she wants my daughter to be raised as a Christian (her pre-school is a church). I didn't say anything to avoid conflict, but yeah--looks like we're off to a good start, doesn't it?! What makes this even more aggravating is that Desiree's parents support her behavior and lies! Desiree's parents are also actively involved with this church, and now it appears to outsiders that I'm not as involved as I usually am. I've ALWAYS been involved... But now that Desiree lives with her parents again, she's had the nerve to say to me that she doesn't need me--and definitely shows it. So yeah, it looks bad because--One, I missed my little one's first day because it was kept secret from me. Two, I missed her open-house (my fault, but Desiree could have reminded me earlier in the day when I had texted her about what time I was getting Kori that night. She waited for 5 hours to respond--5 minutes before open-house started with a "Guess you aren't coming to your daughter's open house"). In my defense, that has never happened--It literally slipped my mind from all the fighting we had been doing those prior days and being consumed with work. Still, I know it's not excusable.
Mississippi needs to get with the times and stop treating mothers as the more fit parent when the mother doesn't want to give joint custody even though the father wants it--and has a pretty big chunk of awarded time of visitation. Sure, it is written in MS Code of 1972 Sec. 93-5-24(7) that the mother shall not be presumed to be the more fit parent over the father, but the judges are still not giving us men a fair shake and they do not follow that presumption. Basically, they call what I have visitation and still hit me with the standard 14% child support rate for 1 child (I'm non-custodial). Although it appears I have joint custody to outsiders, I don't. I have full visitation for 6 out of every 14 days (Desiree won't give me 7). It's really hard to keep food on the table, my child in new clothes, bring her to the zoo/other places, or invest into her future when I'm shelling out 14% of my pay for the 50 or so days per year that I don't have her (about $4000+). I do it because I don't want to risk losing my time with my daughter. I've heard that instead of adjusting child support, they will literally take away those visitation days from Kori and I. That's crazy! It's been this way for years! I only agreed to this arrangement based on my lawyers advice to stay out of mediation and have tons of lawyer's fees, so we've been riding on this very basic temporary order since Kori was 9 months old. The struggles I have as a single father are great, but somehow I manage to make ends meet. She never comes to me in a backpack and is always excited to see me--even has her own bedroom + play room. She never wants to leave and all of the daycares she has been to (many, not by my choice) state how she's very attached to me and favors me.
Even then, no matter how horrible or selfish Desiree is, Kori will never hear anything negative out of my mouth about her mom. Kori already hears it when Desiree curses me out on the phone about this or that. I know, because sometimes I will hear "Is that Daddy?"... Talk about heart-breaking. I wish had more control or equal treatment because I truly feel I am the more fit parent, and our bond with me is rock-solid. I've ALWAYS got her best interests at mind.
I'm sorry to vent, but this type of stuff is a conflict I've been dealing with since Kori was 9 months old. If I had the money, I'd hire a powerful lawyer that would genuinely recognize and be real with me, but I can't afford one that could keep up with her income (she makes much more than me) and her parents' income (they make a ton too). I'm not willing to go back to court if it will risk our current arrangement and cause us to lose valuable time together.
Is anybody here familiar with scenarios such as this in Mississippi? Is there anything I can do about this?