My 14 Year Old Refuses to See His Father

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: WA/OR

Hello. My son is 14 years old. In the past year he has refused to visit his father. The last time we had parenting time looked at, my son was 7. So, it gets a bit complicated. I live in Washington, his father lives in Oregon. I moved from Oregon 2 years ago. I actually moved closer to his Father when I moved here. Father is not a nice guy. He is abrasive and uncouth to say the least. My son is easily offended and finds the things his father says to him to be out of line. He asks him about very personal, private matters. I've had several reports that his father is back on meth and to confirm that, he had a heart attack about three months ago. He is only 38 and in descent shape, no family history. I begged my son to give his dad another chance, since major health issues can really change the way a person views the world. He agreed, then changed his mind. He won't go. Another little piece to this...My son has high functioning Autism and possibly schizophrenia (we're still figuring that part out.)

When he goes to his dad, he returns violent. He will throw massive tantrums, hitting me and my oldest daughter (she's 18) He screams and puts holes in the walls. He is at this point unmedicated because we don't know what to medicate for. When he stopped seeing his dad, by his choice, the tantrums completely went away. His grades went up and he became an all around happier child.


Now his dad is messaging me and calling me. He is using foul language and calling me terrible names. He's threatening to have me arrested for kidnapping (I have sole custody) He keeps telling me to cancel the child support and says that my son can just get out of his life. I have told him not to call or text me again. I am filing an antiharrassment order on Monday. I have a home phone that I set up specifically so that my son can call his dad. This leads me to my question,

Can my son elect not to see his father? Given that his father has a history of violence and my sons mental health deteriorates after seeing him. Also, the things he says borders on sexual harassment. He says things about me to my child as well ("It's your mom's fault that your disabled.") I plan to file a modification of parenting time along with the anti harassment. I would like to know if I can protect my son in that same order and if my son can chooses not be in a negative environment. I have three other children (not the same father) and their safety can be compromised every time he sees his dad. My youngest is 9. When my son comes home he hides ion his "safe place" for about two daysm until my son calms down.

Thank you much,
Any help is appreciated.

No, he can't choose not to see his dad. Your son needs intensive counseling, and you need to follow your visitation order if you want to stay the sole custodial parent.

Is there a counselor willing to testify that visitation is not in your child's best interest? Or that supervised visitation would be better?

I can get that, I'm sure. We also have neighbor of his that will testify to drug traffic coming in and out of his apartment. He lives in my hometown, where my parents still live.

I don't often suggest this route, but if the situation is so bad I'd be filing for a modification, and getting a professional to assess the situation and testify on your behalf. A GAL will be appointed, too, if you request it - and you need to request that.

This is not going to be cheap, so you need to at least sit down with an attorney to discuss your options.

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Quoting SarahPrince

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I can get that, I'm sure. We also have neighbor of his that will testify to drug traffic coming in and out of his apartment. He lives in my hometown, where my parents still live.

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No no no - his neighbor isn't going to help.

Why?

Because he knows there's drug trafficking going on and hasn't bothered to inform anyone...well, he's hardly credible.

She's a scared little old lady. She went to my mom and begged her not to let her grandson (my son) go to that place anymore.

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I'll get a GAL. I have a very limited income. I'm a disabled veteran and live on my VA benefit. I think there is a place here in town that helps with this stuff though.

There should be a self help "center" (some more equipped than others) in every county in WA.


Try these:

http://www.washingtonlawhelp.org/

http://www.ccvlp.org/ (that's specifically Clark County)

http://www.probono.net/oppsguide/org...awyers_Program <--- also for Clark County)

See if any of these help.