Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
What you are failing to understand is what "primary caregiver" means. YOU seem to think it is related to who is bringing home the bacon, paying the rent, or making possessions possible. That's NOT what it means in CHILD CUSTODY cases. What it means in child custody cases is this: who does the CHILD see as their primary source of security? A child knows nothing of rent or mortgages, knowsn nothing about where the food comes from (unless the food comes directly from mommy, then it's really obvious, huh?), and doesn't know that you are hard at work all day when you are gone; the child only knows that mommy is there, and you aren't. THAT is what the court is looking at in determining who is the "primary caregiver". The first person the child sees when they get up. The last person the child sees when they go to sleep. The person who gives the child the majority of their meals, their baths, and who kisses and bandages their boo boos. Notice how NONE of those things centers around money or who make acquisition of the child's needs possible - it centers on who has actually HANDS ON taken IMMEDIATE care of the child, from the CHILD'S point of view. In other words, as bad as it sucks, you can (and likely will) continue to be the primary source of FINANCIAL support, but given the circumstances you've described, mom has been the primary caretaker, and unless there's some MAJOR stuff you've left out, there's nothing here to even hint that the court would have any reason to change that.
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
Mommy is there and I'm not because of her actions, not mine. I've bugged her to death to see my son and she won't let me. She did allow me to visit him at her sisters house with her and her sister in the same room texting each other and laughing. Very petty.
I took my mom with me to that visit because I didn't want her saying that I hit her or something else. Not she refuses to let ANYONE come with me, so I decided it is in my best interest to not go over there. I do not need her to call the police and say that I hit her, or got angry or w/e else she could possibly make up.
It seems to this point Fathers get pretty screwed in custody battles. I am the only one that has to prove that I want to be a part of my childs life. She doesn't have to pay a single penny for anything, she just has to show up.
Amazing how flawed that is.
I know everyone is trying to help, and being 100% honest about what the courts will do will indeed help me, sorry for the rude / short responses. This is an extremely difficult time for me, and I feel like she is just finding another way to work the system like she has been since she was 18. Doing my best to keep it together, but not gonna lie, it is extremely difficult.
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
It is a bit unfair. But biology being what it is, the woman generally starts out as the primary caregiver, and that turns into status quo.
Just listen to your attorney, and do what she says.
Try your best to get over your anger and bitterness toward the mother of your child, as you will spend a lifetime dealing with her. The better the two of you can get along, the happier everyone (especially your baby) will be.
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
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Quoting
Qwik7
Mommy is there and I'm not because of her actions, not mine. I've bugged her to death to see my son and she won't let me. She did allow me to visit him at her sisters house with her and her sister in the same room texting each other and laughing. Very petty.
I took my mom with me to that visit because I didn't want her saying that I hit her or something else. Not she refuses to let ANYONE come with me, so I decided it is in my best interest to not go over there. I do not need her to call the police and say that I hit her, or got angry or w/e else she could possibly make up.
It seems to this point Fathers get pretty screwed in custody battles. I am the only one that has to prove that I want to be a part of my childs life. She doesn't have to pay a single penny for anything, she just has to show up.
Amazing how flawed that is.
I know everyone is trying to help, and being 100% honest about what the courts will do will indeed help me, sorry for the rude / short responses. This is an extremely difficult time for me, and I feel like she is just finding another way to work the system like she has been since she was 18. Doing my best to keep it together, but not gonna lie, it is extremely difficult.
Fathers who are married to Mom have more options, period. Because the husband is the presumed father, custody and visitation can go in his favor much more frequently.
If you're choosing to have a child out of wedlock, as a father your options are limited (at least at first).
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
Quote:
Quoting
Qwik7
Mommy is there and I'm not because of her actions, not mine. I've bugged her to death to see my son and she won't let me. She did allow me to visit him at her sisters house with her and her sister in the same room texting each other and laughing. Very petty.
I took my mom with me to that visit because I didn't want her saying that I hit her or something else. Not she refuses to let ANYONE come with me, so I decided it is in my best interest to not go over there. I do not need her to call the police and say that I hit her, or got angry or w/e else she could possibly make up.
It seems to this point Fathers get pretty screwed in custody battles. I am the only one that has to prove that I want to be a part of my childs life. She doesn't have to pay a single penny for anything, she just has to show up.
Amazing how flawed that is.
I know everyone is trying to help, and being 100% honest about what the courts will do will indeed help me, sorry for the rude / short responses. This is an extremely difficult time for me, and I feel like she is just finding another way to work the system like she has been since she was 18. Doing my best to keep it together, but not gonna lie, it is extremely difficult.
If you want equal rights from birth, then you need to be married before you procreate. :victorious:
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
I understand being married is the better way to go before kids, I still wouldn't change a thing, because I love my son more than anything. I lasted 27 years before I had my first kid, and am very glad he is here. Not sure why you feel the need to take a shot at me for not being married. Atleast I'm not one of these people who are 27 and have 12 kids I can't pay for and are on government assistance taking money from the hard working Americans. I have 1 child, and I make my own money, and have never had anything given to me by the government.
I guess I just don't see how that would matter. I know I am his father.
But at this point my lawyer said basically there isn't much I can do ... she holds all the cards. So I will let her continue to talk about me to people, while I keep my mouth shut. We go to court in a couple weeks over it, he said the judge will more than likely order a paternity test.
Just hope this moves fast, I miss my son something awful.
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
Quote:
Quoting
Qwik7
I understand being married is the better way to go before kids, I still wouldn't change a thing, because I love my son more than anything. I lasted 27 years before I had my first kid, and am very glad he is here. Not sure why you feel the need to take a shot at me for not being married. Atleast I'm not one of these people who are 27 and have 12 kids I can't pay for and are on government assistance taking money from the hard working Americans. I have 1 child, and I make my own money, and have never had anything given to me by the government.
I guess I just don't see how that would matter. I know I am his father.
But at this point my lawyer said basically there isn't much I can do ... she holds all the cards. So I will let her continue to talk about me to people, while I keep my mouth shut. We go to court in a couple weeks over it, he said the judge will more than likely order a paternity test.
Just hope this moves fast, I miss my son something awful.
Stop whining, then, about Mom having 'more' rights in an unmarried situation. That's by virtue that there were several people witnessing her giving birth. How many witnesses did you have whilst you were impregnating her? If you had been married, the marriage certificate serves as that witness. :wallbang:
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
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Quoting
Qwik7
I understand being married is the better way to go before kids, I still wouldn't change a thing, because I love my son more than anything. I lasted 27 years before I had my first kid, and am very glad he is here. Not sure why you feel the need to take a shot at me for not being married.
No sure why you feel the need to project.
Reality is what you've been told. Several times.
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Atleast I'm not one of these people who are 27 and have 12 kids I can't pay for and are on government assistance taking money from the hard working Americans. I have 1 child, and I make my own money, and have never had anything given to me by the government.
I guess I just don't see how that would matter. I know I am his father.
You don't. The only person who knows who the father may or may not be, is Mom. And you know why we insist on advising fathers to get the DNA testing done? Because not uncommonly, what you think doesn't actually reflect the truth.
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But at this point my lawyer said basically there isn't much I can do ... she holds all the cards. So I will let her continue to talk about me to people, while I keep my mouth shut. We go to court in a couple weeks over it, he said the judge will more than likely order a paternity test.
Just hope this moves fast, I miss my son something awful.
What happened to all of those friends of yours with 50/50? If it was that common, surely your attorney would have said something, non?
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
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Quoting
Dogmatique
No sure why you feel the need to project.
Reality is what you've been told. Several times.
You don't. The only person who knows who the father may or may not be, is Mom. And you know why we insist on advising fathers to get the DNA testing done? Because not uncommonly, what you think doesn't actually reflect the truth.
What happened to all of those friends of yours with 50/50? If it was that common, surely your attorney would have said something, non?
Reading comprehension :\.
I didn't say that my lawyer said I won't get 50/50, I said he said that she holds all the cards RIGHT NOW. We haven't been to court yet, so of course she does.
I will just stop responding now, I came here for help and all I am getting is people that seem to be looking down at me. I am a good Dad, I am doing everything in my power to get my son, and you all are not helping with advice at all. You are treating me like I am an unfit parent.
Good day.
Re: Very Worried Father Seeking Any Help Possible
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Quoting
Qwik7
Reading comprehension :\.
I didn't say that my lawyer said I won't get 50/50, I said he said that she holds all the cards RIGHT NOW. We haven't been to court yet, so of course she does.
I will just stop responding now, I came here for help and all I am getting is people that seem to be looking down at me. I am a good Dad, I am doing everything in my power to get my son, and you all are not helping with advice at all. You are treating me like I am an unfit parent.
Good day.
No one has been even hinting that you are an unfit parent. We are merely trying to get you to understand the legal reality of things.