Visitation with a Stepchild

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Ohio

My husband and I are following thru with a dissolution of our marriage. Things have been pretty amicable, with the only major disputes being about money, and we are at a standstill there. I won't take anymore then half of the marital debt, and he wants me to not only take all of it, but he wants me to take on debt for the improvements on his house, from before we were married, that I have no claim to. The house is underwater, and has been since the day he bought it three years prior to our marriage, even with the renovations he has put into it.

He is not contesting anything with custody and visitation of our daughter. Infact, he keeps turning down things that I have offered him, and wants to keep it to the bare minimum. I have never asked for anything with his other 6 year old daughter because I know that I have no rights with her.

Now, just this morning I got a phone call from him. He has not formerly offered this thru proposals between our lawyers, but he indicated that he would be willing to give me 6 hours, in writting, with my step-daughter, during the time he has visititation with her on his weekends. (Which he knows this is my greatest wish, as I have been there since the day he first met her six years ago, and was her main caretaker during the time she was with us for her visitation with her dad.) In return, he would like me to take on more of the marital debt since without my income, and the fact that he is going to have to pay for his own health insurance and child support and a portion of daycare, he is barely making it. Currently, my husband is not allowing me to see my stepdaughter because he knows that it hurts me deeply, however, I have a decent relationship with her mother, and she is very supportive and lets us visit together once or twice a month on her time. I should also mention that my husband is not offering this to me because he thinks it's in the best interest of the child, he is only doing this because he needs the money, which he said on the phone today. His response when i told him that by keeping me away he is hurting her too and not just me was, "Life is tough, she will deal with it."

So here are my questions

1) Is what he has tentatively purposed even legal? I can look at this a number of different ways, and I worry that it could be boiled down to me buying time with his daughter. Which doesn't seem ethical. (Even though I would love to spend the time with her, since missing her is the hardest part of this divorce for me, I want to make sure everything is legal.)
2) My step-daughter's mother has sole custody, and my husband has standard visitiation. Does he even have the ability to offer something like that since he only has visitation?
3) If visitation with his step-daughter did make it into our paperwork, would that be enforceable down the road? I am concerned that if I take on more of the debt, and we sign the paperwork, that he would change his mind and just not let me see her, and I would have no recourse.

The only reason that I am considering this is because I know I have no legal rights regarding anything with my step-daughter, and he is basically dangling a big juicy carrot in front of me. Her mom one day could decide that she no longer wants to let me hang with her duaghter at any point, and my stepdaughter and I could lose our relationship. If that happens, my step-daughter and I would both be crushed. I have no illusion about being her mother, or anything like that, but I would love to be able to have guaranteed time with her. Even if it is only a few hours every other weekend. I would take what I can get.


Thank you very much for your time.

Sadly, unless you formally adopted the 6 year old, she remains a legal stranger to you. The child then presumably has two legal parents and those are the only two who will have legal rights regarding the child (unless certain conditions exist that may provide the grandparents an angle to seek visitation). Dad can neither gift nor sell you a "share" of the child for visitation. If the child's mother ALLOWS you to spend time with the child, she can certainly do so. Similarly, dad may be willing to allow you to visit during HIS time with the child. But you have no means to ENFORCE any agreement that dad might make because as a legal stranger to the child, you have no "standing" regarding the child. Dad can promise anything, but you have no way to hold him to it, force him to do anything he doesn't want to do, or punish him for not abiding by such an agreement. Dad can no more bestow visitation rights to you than he could make the Earth spin backwards. Don't let him play you. You'll come out on the loosing end, and God only knows what such games would do to the child emotionally. Dad appears willing to use the child as a pawn; let that act as a HUGE warning as to what he's capable of doing, saying, or promising, to get what he wants.

Thank you very much for your response. I had a feeling that was the case, as I have been able to tell from other posters that I am a "legal stranger", but hadn't been able to find anything where a step-parent was being offered time with the step-child. Normally the questions are for the other way around. I suspect that this is why he approched me about it directly instead of thru the lawyers, thinking that I would fall for it simply because of how much I want to continue to be a part of her life.

I appreciate your time aardvarc. Thank you again.

This is not entirely true.

According to R.C. 3109.051(B)(1), "A juvenile court may order visitation to a non-relative in cases involving a divorce, dissolution of marriage, legal separation, annulment, or child support proceeding."

If both Mother and Father are willing to give you custody, especially if Father is the one giving up the time, then there shouldn't be a problem. Just make sure it's inside of their custody order, not your custody order (with your child). However, you lose your standing once you divorce. The court might consider that the children are also half-siblings, and should maintain a bond.

It might be a whole lot easier to just work things out with Mother, though. And a lot cheaper.

Jellybeany, the operative word there is MAY. The court MAY, but is under no obligation to grant any visitation at all.

I do agree, however, that OP's best course of action would be to work things out with Mom. "Hey, I love your daughter a lot, we have become really good friends, and she and her sister are really close. Can we all be friends for the sake of the girls and their sister-bond?"

Boring but important part: http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3109.051 (the full text)

Divorce doesn't automatically take away standing.

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(2) A motion may be filed under division (B)(1) of this section during the pendency of the divorce, dissolution of marriage, legal separation, annulment, or child support proceeding or, if a motion was not filed at that time or was filed at that time and the circumstances in the case have changed, at any time after a decree or final order is issued in the case.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Boring but important part: http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3109.051 (the full text)

Divorce doesn't automatically take away standing.

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I don't disagree, but I think it would be a huge mistake on the part of this poster to agree to take on more than her fair share of the marital debt just to get some visitation with her stepdaughter, and I also think that her odds of getting enforceable visitation are pretty darned slim.

Dad only has visitation...therefore he doesn't have the right to legally confer anything to stepmom. The child's mother would also have to legally agree, and I doubt that any attorney would advise her to cooperate with the matter.

L, I said nothing at all about likelihood and/or enforcement.

Not a thing.

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Quoting LawResearcherMissy

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Jellybeany, the operative word there is MAY. The court MAY, but is under no obligation to grant any visitation at all.

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She's wondering if she has any standing to have custody of her stepchild. Others have said she doesn't have any standing being a stepparent. I'm saying that is wrong, that she MAY have standing.

That's correct, jelly.

The code is right there, and ultimately confirms what we said - she does indeed have standing to sue.

Now the likelihood of "winning", is a different matter entirely.