Leaving USA with a Child After Separation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

I have a friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship and really is at wits end at how to safely leave the USA with her 6 month old baby.

She is a Canadian citizen living in USA with her husband who is here on a work visa. Things have been quite bad for her the entire time since she's had her baby with her husband abusing her emotionally and neglecting to care or show any interest in their child or relationship. She does not work as she does not have a work permit but her baby was born in the USA. Her husband refuses to sign permission for her to leave the USA with her baby even for visiting her family, and she is basically at his mercy for everything - he gives her an allowance, doesn't let her access the Internet or use her computer and treats her horribly.

She wants to move back to Canada and separate from this guy but is worried about her baby, as she needs his permission to leave the country. I don't know what to do to help but post the question here, what can she do to get out of this situation? He is using the baby as a way to control her and I worry it will only get worse over time

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And I don't know if this makes any difference but neither are American citizens(only the baby)

Quick question.

Is there a valid reason why Dad shouldn't have custody?

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Please remember, you've made no mention of actual abuse - and you would have mentioned it if it were present, yes?

She can file for divorce and ask for permission to relocate the child in the petition. She should also be, prepared to absorb the cost of dad visiting the child, whether it be him flying to Canada or you bringing the child back periodically.

Simply put, if she wants to relocate the child, she's going to need a court order to do so. The baby doesn't even have a passport.

I was going to say something else...but I shan't.

You know where I'm going with this, CC

Thanks for the replies

No physical abuse that I know of

The baby has a us passport, as for valid reason why the dad shouldn't have custody, not really sure there is other than he just doesn't care and is not really involved in the child's life as he's never home

And it seems messed up that she would have to pay for him to see the child, as she has no income and is essentially a slave to her husband. Both are here tied to his work visa

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Quoting Concerned9

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Thanks for the replies

No physical abuse that I know of

The baby has a us passport, as for valid reason why the dad shouldn't have custody, not really sure there is other than he just doesn't care and is not really involved in the child's life as he's never home

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Hang on a sec.

The baby couldn't have the passport unless they BOTH signed the application - in which case it doesn't make a whole lot of sense that it's suddenly an issue.

Can you perhaps expand on that?

The baby does have a passport as they both visited Canada earlier this year for a short trip to visit family. Things have been getting progressively worse since then however and he's using the baby to keep her here

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Quoting Concerned9

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The baby does have a passport as they both visited Canada earlier this year for a short trip to visit family. Things have been getting progressively worse since then however and he's using the baby to keep her here

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That, or he could want to have his child in the same country he's in. I know it sounds strange...

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Quoting CourtClerk

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That, or he could want to have his child in the same country he's in. I know it sounds strange...

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I get that but he won't even let her visit her family and judging by your signature I will take your comments with a grain of salt

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Quoting Concerned9

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The baby does have a passport as they both visited Canada earlier this year for a short trip to visit family. Things have been getting progressively worse since then however and he's using the baby to keep her here

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Okay, let's get practical.

Both parents are non-citizens.
Child is US citizen.

He's using the baby? For what, making tallow?!

I'm serious - how is he "using" the baby, when Mom is willing to take the child to a different COUNTRY?

She's not using the baby at all. Obviously.

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Quoting Concerned9

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I get that but he won't even let her visit her family and judging by your signature I will take your comments with a grain of salt

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Child, please. Get your head on straight.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Okay, let's get practical.

Both parents are non-citizens.
Child is US citizen.

He's using the baby? For what, making tallow?!

I'm serious - how is he "using" the baby, when Mom is willing to take the child to a different COUNTRY?

She's not using the baby at all. Obviously.

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She just wants to go back home where she can work and resume her life, and yes she wants to return with her baby and not be trapped in this situation.

He is using the baby to keep her here, otherwise she would have bought a ticket and left by now

You're missing the point.

Nothing at all is preventing her from leaving the country.

Taking the child, is another matter entirely. Why doesn't she let Dad have primary, and she can have visitation? I'm not sure why you don't see that as being a blatant sympathy ploy.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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You're missing the point.

Nothing at all is preventing her from leaving the country.

Taking the child, is another matter entirely. Why doesn't she let Dad have primary, and she can have visitation? I'm not sure why you don't see that as being a blatant sympathy ploy.

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The problem is that the father cannot breast feed nor is he interested in being there.

My question is really simple, what does she have to do to be able to bring her child back home to canada legally? No need to pass judgement or be snarky I am just looking for advice, I will update this thread after she discusses with a lawyer in case someone else runs into this situation and looking for help

If she wants the clear, unequivocal right to relocate the child's domicile to Canada, and she can't get her husband's permission to do so, she can file for divorce and custody.

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Quoting Concerned9

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The problem is that the father cannot breast feed nor is he interested in being there.

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Lots of people can't breast feed. They make bottles and formula for that problem.

Quite honestly, if mom wants to go home to Canada, she's free to go - but if dad were on this board, I'd be telling him to fight like HELL to leave that baby in THIS country. She isn't going to start traipsing this baby from country to country at her whim.

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Quoting Concerned9

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The problem is that the father cannot breast feed nor is he interested in being there.

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Oh no you di'nt! You seriously just said that it's a problem that Dad can't breast feed? REALLY? Good heavens - does that mean adoptive parents can't adopt? I mean they can't nurse the child (in this country).

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My question is really simple, what does she have to do to be able to bring her child back home to canada legally? No need to pass judgement or be snarky I am just looking for advice, I will update this thread after she discusses with a lawyer in case someone else runs into this situation and looking for help

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I predict the following: "Oh you're all wrong and she can leave with the child and Dad can't stop her and and and and you all suck so there and you all don't know the laws".

The mom should contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. Even though it seems some think emotional abuse is "no big deal" it is often worse than physical abuse and is often a precursor to physical abuse. The fact she is the primary caregiver to the child is relevant as to why she might receive custody. She might also want to speak with a local domestic violence advocate about ways to safely leave a relationship. They are free, well versed in emotional abuse as well as physical abuse, and hopefully will be prepared and willing to help her and address her needs as an immigrant. AARDVARC is also great site to find local resources.

It is not neccesarily safe to leave without preparation because there has not been physical violence. She should work with an advocate to develop a safety plan prior to filing anything. Domestic violence advocates have seen cases that go from emotional abuse to murder and some of the things you said actually concern me. If her husband is limiting her internet use, she needs to assume that he may be monitoring her internet use as well with some form of spyware.

I appreciate you trying to help your friend.

I'm not actually in disagreement. It's the custody issue - sure, Dad can be deemed abusive to her...but he's not abusive to the child. What we have is a very young child who also happens to be a US citizen.

Hang on. I had a thought.

I wonder what type of visas are we discussing. Yep, going in a specific direction with that question. A very specific direction.