ExpertLaw.com Forums

Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful

Printable View

Show 40 post(s) from this thread on one page
Page 1 of 2 1 2 Next LastLast
  • 05-02-2014, 01:15 PM
    eastbay
    Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    My question involves a relationship in the state of:CA

    My now husband, when we were not married, cheated on me, lied to me, made a mess of our life.....sadly enough, I took him back and married him. Since he had a history of cheating, lying, secret email accounts, phone numbers, etc., I wrote up a 5 page fidelity agreement that we both signed, dated, and notarized.....It stated what he could and could not do, where he could go and not go, how involved he could get his daughter with our life, etc (ALL FROM THINGS HE HAD PREVIOUSLY DONE). To someone reading this agreement, it might sound as I was a controlling person but no one knows what I endured for 2 years. I realize that I was stupid for taking him back and believing him when he said he would change, my bad- but I really hoped for my happily ever after story.

    Long story short, he felt it easier to leave and file for divorce, than to abide by our agreement- although when he signed it, and he said that it didn't matter what I asked him to sign, because he loved me so much and could not live without me and would never do anything but right by us.
    ,
    So he left, moved in with his daughter- violation of our agreement, changed his address on some mail- violation of our agreement, changed his mail and icloud username and passwords - violation of our agreement. The agreement stated that if he were to ever break any of the items, that he would have to pay for my rent and utilities for 3 years. Again, he said he would have signed off his blood, as he was so devoted to me that he would do everything right and according to our agreement. The agreement is the only reason that I took him back and the purpose of it was that if he ever started to go off to the side somehow as he did before, that he would stop and if not for his love for me, but for the sake of not breaking the agreement, that he would stop and do the right thing.

    so now what?

    He says that he has had 5 lawyer look at the agreement and they claim that a judge would laugh at it....I am sure that is not the case, but that is what he claims....

    Is our agreement valid? it stipulates items to be or not be done and it has consideration- break it and pay for my rent and utilities for 3 years.

    I have 30 days to file a response to his divorce papers and although I know that this is something totally separate, I want some advise......I don't know how to respond but most concerned about the agreement

    Last note- what cause him to leave and file - one night just over 2 weeks ago, when he thought I was fast sleep, he did strange sexual things to me...I was wide awake and pretended to be sleep- I was both very frightened of who this person was that I was sleeping next to, and what is he engaging in during the day that made him perform these acts to me and if he had a double life. I move a couple of times and changed positions and each time he went dead still and waited for me to "sleep" again and then he started again....I was too shocked to say anything. In the morning, he leaned to me and made love to me, as we normally did in the mornings and I allowed it to happen because I was sure he would say something about what he did to me. He said nothing. Several times that day I asked him if we had sex the night before, as I was unusually sore in a couple of spots. He just looked me in the face and told me that no, we absolutely did not have sex- I asked an he answered the same at least 4 times. That day when I was at work, he received and deleted an email instantly (even deleted it from his trash folder). It so happens that I saw it as I had his email up on my work computer. When I asked him about it, he started to get angry that I always accuse him and I don't trust him, etc. I reminded him that because he had lied and cheated, we had an agreement that said he cannot delete emails and needs to be transparent. Since he was being so mean, I bought up the sex from the night before - he again denied anything and then I told him that I was in fact awake. He kept denying it until I finally told him that what he did to me was rape. Once I said that word, all of the sudden he recalled having sex with me and now tried to explain that he did bad and that he shouldn't have done that, etc. It the word RAPE that scared him so much that blew up to a fight and him leaving for the night to go to his daughters and then filing papers for divorce 2 days later (two weeks ago exactly)......If I had never said rape, the fight over the email would have blown over and all would be fine.....

    despite all this- I want to know about my agreement. I feel betrayed. I took him back after all that crap and he does this....and then files for divorce because it's easier than to be with a single mom and 2 kids.
  • 05-02-2014, 01:50 PM
    Disagreeable
    Re: Fidelity Agreement- Need Help
    The agreement does not appear to meet the requirements of a valid contract. Move on with your life.
  • 05-02-2014, 01:56 PM
    Mr. Knowitall
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    You will need to show your agreement to your lawyer.
  • 05-02-2014, 02:15 PM
    eastbay
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    Why would this not meet the requirement of a valid contract?
  • 05-02-2014, 02:21 PM
    CourtClerk
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    From my experience in the CA courts, not only would a judge laugh at it, but he'd show it to us in chambers for us to laugh at it as well...

    Long story short, he found it easier to leave and file for divorce. The only thing he did wrong was marry you in the first place. Someone who would (for whatever reason) try and come between a father and his child is beyond scum, UNLESS that child attempted to kill his other child. Anything else that may or may not have happened, YOU (as an adult) signed up for voluntarily because you married him anyway.

    You want a judge to OK a contract that would basically violate his civil rights and his right to privacy all because he has a scorned soon to be ex wife. Yeah... not gonna happen, but you've got 30 days to respond. You better hurry up.

    Good luck to your husband.

    BTW... how long were you married and are the 2 children his? There may be some spousal support and child support due. What is his income and what is yours?
  • 05-02-2014, 02:22 PM
    eastbay
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    And I am not sure why the thread is called: "Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful"- I never said he was unfaithful, this time around. I simple said that due to his prior actions, we put an agreement in place to prevent anything in the future- There are 17 numbered items in this agreement and it states that breaking any 1 of them means that the agreement has been breached.
  • 05-02-2014, 02:23 PM
    CourtClerk
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    Quote:

    Quoting eastbay
    View Post
    And I am not sure why the thread is called: "Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful"-

    Because that's what the moderators of this board decided it should be called.
  • 05-02-2014, 02:25 PM
    eastbay
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    You are obviously a man and thus defending a rapist and cheater. No one came between this person and his child- in fact, he got drunk several times and ran to my son to yell and scream-

    Thank you for your great advice.
  • 05-02-2014, 02:37 PM
    brownj12
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    Quote:

    Quoting eastbay
    View Post
    You are obviously a man and thus defending a rapist and cheater. No one came between this person and his child- in fact, he got drunk several times and ran to my son to yell and scream-

    Thank you for your great advice.

    I believe this is what CC was taking issue with as far as keeping him from his child.
    Quote:

    Quoting eastbay
    View Post
    how involved he could get his daughter with our life


    Also I am not positive but for some reason I was under the impression CC was female.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Confirmed, after pulling up an old thread where she and jk debated breastfeeding in bathroom stalls, CourtClerk is female (or at least was as of 2011)
  • 05-02-2014, 02:43 PM
    eastbay
    Re: Enforcing an Agreement Requiring Spousal Support if Your Spouse is Unfaithful
    If you have read their previous posts, they are all cynical and negative. This is supposed to be a forum for help and not to beat up someone that is already down. His daughter was a source of problems for us in ways that would take too long to explain. I NEVER kept him from his daughter but when I took him back, I simply asked that his daughter not know every single detail of our intimate life- I specifically put in the agreement, that my statement about his daughter in no way was to negatively affect a "normal" father / daughter relationship. If he was not a good father, I would have not wanted him in my life.
Show 40 post(s) from this thread on one page
Page 1 of 2 1 2 Next LastLast
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:11 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.4
Copyright © 2023 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © 2004 - 2018 ExpertLaw.com, All Rights Reserved