Dividing Custody of an Infant Equally Between Parents

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA

We have a 10 month old daughter, she has been with me since day one, i have full physical custody. He has her every other weekend from friday night to sunday night, and one night for two hours during the week. The weekend he does not have her he sees her friday night for two hours and then on sundays all day because i work on sunday. He is off on the weekend. He now got an attorney and wants her 50/50. He wants her two days then me two days then him three days, then me two days, him two days and me three days. I do not at all think this is stable for our daughter. I will fight that in mediation and tell them no. But what would be a good schedule that i can offer. He does not want her on the weekends every weekend because as he said he has a life. (which you would think is his daughter) I am nervous to say no to what he wants because i feel as though this is a loosing battle because i do not have an attorney.

What's Dad's change of circumstance? Has his schedule changed?

yes, he works the same hours i do pretty much, except he is off on the weekends. he wants 50/50 though because he doesnt want to have to pay as much in child support is what he told me. and unforunately not in writing. but he wont even watch her like last weekend when i have to work on saturday and he was off. he said he has a life and im her mother i need to figure it out. so i mean he only wants to even see her when its his time right now.

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im just trying to figure out if a judge will even allow me to say that what is best for her would be staying with me four days and him three, just because two days here two days there and so on is not a stable home for her at all.

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Quoting raelynnsmommy51613

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yes, he works the same hours i do pretty much, except he is off on the weekends. he wants 50/50 though because he doesnt want to have to pay as much in child support is what he told me. and unforunately not in writing. but he wont even watch her like last weekend when i have to work on saturday and he was off. he said he has a life and im her mother i need to figure it out. so i mean he only wants to even see her when its his time right now.

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im just trying to figure out if a judge will even allow me to say that what is best for her would be staying with me four days and him three, just because two days here two days there and so on is not a stable home for her at all.

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I agree that what dad is proposing is a pretty bad arrangement for a 10 month old. It would be very confusing for the child. In fact, I would argue against any changes in the schedule at all. When the child is a bit older something like that might be more workable...but even then, I hate those kinds of schedules. Think about it? How would you like changing homes every two or three days? The only 50/50 schedule that I really like is week on/week off but again, that wouldn't be good for a 10 month old.

I'm not so sure.

This 10 month old is already spending full weekends with Dad. I can see him making a case, actually. Successfully.

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Oh jeez - yeah, it's California. Dad has a case.

I have to admit that my first instinct was to agree with LL. But after thinking about it, while I think that would be a problem for a school aged child, I don't think it will be as much of a problem for a 10 month old as one might think. Children are fairly adaptable; she's not going to remember the schedule she's on now, and if she grows up (at least for the next few years) with this schedule, it's going to seem normal to her.

If she were ten years old I'd be a little more hesitant. But ten months old? She'll be fine.

I did, too.

My reasoning might have been different though; if Mom had been the only caregiver I could see the court giving Dad frequent shorter periods of time. But with him already having EOW? Mom's going to need an attorney. Historically, CA seems to favor a more equal timeshare even for an infant.

so it seems that he will get what he is asking then, my thought maybe is doing 4 days and 3 days but i am not sure how to propose that. i am aware that ca does favor the mother, but also will not hesitate 50/50. she has been with me since day 1 though, and he now wants 50/50 so he doesnt have to fork out $600 for child support.

No, Ca DOES NOT favor the mother. Or the father.

And for heaven's sake, don't go into court blathering about child support. When the judge glares at you and says "It wouldn't be because he actually wants to see his child?" what are you going to say?

Whoever told you that CA favors the mother lied to you so don't go into court thinking you've got a slam dunk in your favor because you have a vagina. You're setting yourself up to be laying in a corner in the fetal position crying uncontrollably because things didn't go your way.

I think week on/week off is fine for a 10 month old. They don't care - and a parent is allowed to have a life outside their children. Just because YOU don't doesn't make dad the anti-Christ. It means that eventually you'll live your life solely for your child and then need therapy when your child decides that they have a life outside their parents and you feel neglected. Don't give the child a job that early. They're not your life long companion.