If Custodial Mom Goes to Jail, Should Child Be Placed with Noncustodial Father

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New Jersey
I recently learned that my ex-wife was in jail for 30 days. Rather than contact me, my 12 year old daughter was left in the care of her mother's live-in boyfriend. Legally, should I have been contacted and given the opportunity to take her during that period? Is there a law or statute in reference to this?

Some background information: We were divorced in 2004 and I have joint custody. I have always paid child support through the court. The divorce was extremely volatile and after several failed attempts to see my daughter, I am ashamed to say I gave up. My ex-wife's adult daughter called to tell me that my ex is an alcoholic, has been in jail several times for DUI and theft, and that DYFS is involved with my ex and my daughter. After learning this I attempted to make arrangements to see my daughter (with a professional who deals with re-unification) but my ex refuses to allow it. I also contacted DYFS who confirmed their involvement and that my ex had been in jail, but could not provide me with further information. I filed a motion (pro se) and the judge ordered the release of the DYFS records to me and gave us an appointment with a mediator to work out a visitation schedule. If my ex will not agree, we have an upcoming court date for the judge to decide a parenting time schedule. I have a stable life, do not drink or do drugs, have never been in trouble with the law, live in a 3 bedroom home and have been employed with the same company for years. She is allegedly an alcoholic, has been in jail, moves every year or two and does not work (she relies on state assistance).

Any and all assistance you can provide is greatly appreciated!

When was the last time you actually saw your child? Is your ex out of jail? If not how much time does she have left? What is she in jail for?

Thank you for your response! Sadly it has been about 7 years since I have seen my daughter. My ex was good when it came to caring for her children, but she is not a good person. She lies, cheats and steals to get what she wants. She was married before me and I later learned that she used to physically attack her ex husband when he came to pick up or drop off their then-young children. She even made an accusation of him sexually abusing his daughters, which was later determined to be untrue. She knows how to "play" the system to her advantage and somehow there are never any consequences for her actions, even though her accusations are always determined to be unfounded. I am ashamed to say I was young, stupid and quite frankly afraid of what she would do - physically or by false allegations. I am now fighting to do the right thing and become actively involved in my daughters life, no matter what my ex will do.

At the hearing the judge ordered 1) that we see a mediator to work out a parenting schedule. If she will not agree, which is likely, we are scheduled to see the judge later in the month; 2) that my ex mail me information regarding my daughters "health, education, and welfare" and 3) that my "request for an Order for the release of the Division of Child Protection and Permanency records involving (my daughter) to (me) is granted."

1) We see the mediator this week;
2) It has been over two weeks since the hearing and I have not received any information, as ordered by the court; and
3) Even after providing DCP with the court order, they continue to deny giving me any information. I have asked for this denial in writing. I have no idea when or why they became involved with my daughter. My ex indicated to the judge that my daughter is in counseling with DCF once a month, but DCF will not tell me why, even with the court order.

To answer your other questions:
Yes, she is out of jail. She was sentenced to 30 days and I did not find out about it until after-the-fact when her adult daughter called to notify me. Her adult daughter led me to believe that she was jailed due to theft and/or a DUI but I have no way to confirm it; she also indicated that my ex had been incarcerated in the past and is facing a possible 1 year jail term. I have searched every available "inmate" record for NJ and cannot find any record for my ex, but during my first conversation with DCP they did acknowledge that she had been in jail. Since I filed the motion for parenting time, my ex's adult daughter won't talk to me anymore - at the time she was mad at her mother and called in the best interests of my daughter but now she has reconciled with her mom and won't provide me with any more information. In short, she is out of jail (possibly will be going back) and I do not know the reason she was in there.

I am taking the necessary legal steps to reunite with my daughter, but my main concern at the moment is how DCF handled the placement of my daughter while her mother was incarcerated for 30 days. Don't they have a legal obligation to contact the non-custodial parent who has joint custody? Aren't they supposed to try to place the child with a family member before allowing her to be placed with a non-family member? Can they deny providing me with information regarding their involvement with my daughter, even after a judge has ordered it? Are there any laws or statutes pertaining to how placement of a child is handled when the custodial parent goes to jail?

Your assistance is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!

No. There are no laws that state that if the custodial parent goes to jail, the child must be placed with the non-custodial parent. Particularly when, regardless of the reason why, the child and the non-custodial parent have not seen each other for seven years.

Thank you. Is there a procedure DCP is supposed to follow? I understand she wouldn't be "automatically" placed with me, but because I have joint custody shouldn't I, at the very least, have been contacted? When the custodial mother has broken the law to the extent that she has to serve time in jail, is DCP allowed to let her choose who my daughter will stay with, without alerting any family members? I was under the assumption that they have an obligation to try to place a child with a family member first, and only after those options have been exhausted would they consider a non-family member.

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Quoting ams3095

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Thank you. Is there a procedure DCP is supposed to follow? I understand she wouldn't be "automatically" placed with me, but because I have joint custody shouldn't I, at the very least, have been contacted? When the custodial mother has broken the law to the extent that she has to serve time in jail, is DCP allowed to let her choose who my daughter will stay with, without alerting any family members? I was under the assumption that they have an obligation to try to place a child with a family member first, and only after those options have been exhausted would they consider a non-family member.

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Again, based on the fact that you haven't seen your daughter in 7 years, its unlikely that DCP would contact you. Did mom even have your contact information?

Yes, my ex has all of my contact info but I'm quite sure she didn't want me to know that she was going to jail. I understand I was wrong to be physically absent and I am trying to rectify that now, through the legal process. However, my absence does not negate the fact that I have legal joint custody and have always paid child support. Nor that there are many other family members -that are active in my daughters life- who were not contacted before she was left in the care of a "boyfriend".

I didn't "expect" that they would automatically place her with me, but it doesn't appear as if they explored any other options at all.

Let me rephrase my question - Is there a policy or procedure that DCP has to follow before they place a child when the child's custodial parent goes to jail?

No. There is not a policy or procedure that DCP has to follow before they place a child when the child's custodial parent goes to jail.

Not if you mean one that guarantees by law that you will be notified and considered for placement.

I hope this is now clear.

No, not one that guarantees I will be notified and considered for placement. Just in general, not considering my circumstances at all.

I would think that they can't just place a child with anyone, that there must be some type of procedure they have to follow.

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Quoting ams3095

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No, not one that guarantees I will be notified and considered for placement. Just in general, not considering my circumstances at all.

I would think that they can't just place a child with anyone, that there must be some type of procedure they have to follow.

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Yes, there is a procedure that they must follow. That procedure is to place the child in foster care unless the parent identifies family members of the child who could be eligible for placement if they pass the background checks...or unless family members of the child are aware of the situation themselves and step forward to put themselves in the running for placement. On top of that, if the person arrested was arrested with no children present, and doesn't tell the court that they have children, then the court won't address the children at all, and the children will remain with whomever has the children at the time of the arrest, unless that party gets the state involved because that party doesn't want to care for the children.

I suspect that in your situation the child was not present and nobody in the know disclosed that mom had a child. Therefore the courts would have no reason to investigate child placement.