Paternity Rights After a Relationship With a Woman I Didn't Know Was Married
My question involves paternity law for the State of: Washington
So I started dating someone who did not tell me they were still married when we became pregnant. They were living apart, but the divorce was not final. She got pregnant during this time. She also slept with someone else that I know of right around the time "we" conceived.
So she went to her final divorce hearing and lied to the judge and told the judge that she was not pregnant. She didn't want to deal with her ex if she answered "yes" to being pregnant. After the birth, I signed the acknowledgement of paternity at the hospital. My name is on the birth certificate.
Now kids mom and I are split up and she filed for Parenting Plan and Child Support. Looking back at our relationship I see many many lies. Can I challenge paternity at this point? She did commit perjury and lied to the judge after all. Isn't there a presumption that the child is the ex husbands since she learned of the pregnancy while they were still married?
What are my options here? I haven't responded to the petition yet and there is a section on paternity in there. If I dispute paternity do they test the ex husband? Or because I signed the acknowdgement does that override? What are the costs to me?
What are my options here? Anyone been through this?
Thanks for any info
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
How long ago is this?
It's critical.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
She was still married when we met in october of 2012. She found out she was pregnant in december on 2012. Her last divorce hearing was January of 2013, a month later, where she lied to the judge and said that she was not pregnant. She did this because we were together and she did not want to have to deal with her "ex" even though they were still married.
My son was born in September of 2013. (We lived together all of 2013) We broke up January of this year (2014) and she filed a residential parenting plan/child support petition in early February.
So now here I sit, thinking back on all the times she lied to me, and wonder if maybe I should contest paternity. I haven't responded to the petition of the proposed parenting plan yet. There has been one hearing in this case so far, which was a hearing regarding an ex part restraining order she was granted in early february. SO there was a hearing earlier this month (March) and the judge ruled in her favor and put in place a temporary parenting plan with me getting supervised visitation.
Let me know if there is any more clarification you need on this or the timeline.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
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Quoting
chombo
She also slept with someone else that I know of right around the time "we" conceived.
After the birth, I signed the acknowledgement of paternity at the hospital. My name is on the birth certificate.
I think you first have to ask yourself do I love the child, do I want to be part of his life, do I want to support my child for the next 18-21 years? If the answers are 'yes' then accept the Parenting Plan and Child Support.
However, the child is only 6 months old and you have been out of the picture for two of those months. He probably has no clue who you are. So if there is any question in your mind as to paternity, I would say a test is in order.
What you decide is for the rest of your life so choose carefully.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
My ex will never allow me a relationship with this child anyway. Even if I get my 2-4 hours a week, she will sabotage everything and make my life hell. If she senses she is losing control, she will move far away. She has tons of money and tons of family and friends with money. Sadly, I have written off a relationship with my kid. Partly I blame the asinine laws (2 hours for a visit for her own father is ok, but the kid can stay with a babysitter for 8 hours?)
The situation for non custodial parents is sick.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
You made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. Challenge the paternity and find out if the child is yours. If not, you can walk away.
The things we do for love. Sounds like a good lyric for a song.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
Im very aware I am going to have to pay her money. I have accepted that. I guess I was looking for advice as to whether or not I could contest paternity due to the fact that we have already had one motion in this hearing already. I read a statute that once you were involved in a parenting/support action and you have had a hearing you sort of missed the boat with regards to testing for paternity.
It's strange how people jump to conclusions when a man talks about child support that he immediately isn't responsible and is trying to dodge something. It's flat out untrue. My biggest problem with this whole thing so far is the presumption of the state of what constitutes "reasonable visitation." It's absurd. I spent a majority of the time parenting my kid, and now the babyshitter gets 8 hours per day but I get two hours twice a week? How is that just or fair? The reasoning is that children need continuity and I understand that but why wouldn't they encourage continuity with...oh i don't know....the dad??
I realize its a separate issue but the whole system is ridiculous.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
Quote:
Quoting
chombo
She was still married when we met in october of 2012. She found out she was pregnant in december on 2012. Her last divorce hearing was January of 2013, a month later, where she lied to the judge and said that she was not pregnant. She did this because we were together and she did not want to have to deal with her "ex" even though they were still married.
My son was born in September of 2013. (We lived together all of 2013) We broke up January of this year (2014) and she filed a residential parenting plan/child support petition in early February.
So now here I sit, thinking back on all the times she lied to me, and wonder if maybe I should contest paternity. I haven't responded to the petition of the proposed parenting plan yet. There has been one hearing in this case so far, which was a hearing regarding an ex part restraining order she was granted in early february. SO there was a hearing earlier this month (March) and the judge ruled in her favor and put in place a temporary parenting plan with me getting supervised visitation.
Let me know if there is any more clarification you need on this or the timeline.
You're already involved in a suit and there's a temp parenting plan in place - yes?
What is it you want to know then?
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Quoting
chombo
Im very aware I am going to have to pay her money. I have accepted that. I guess I was looking for advice as to whether or not I could contest paternity due to the fact that we have already had one motion in this hearing already. I read a statute that once you were involved in a parenting/support action and you have had a hearing you sort of missed the boat with regards to testing for paternity.
It's strange how people jump to conclusions when a man talks about child support that he immediately isn't responsible and is trying to dodge something. It's flat out untrue. My biggest problem with this whole thing so far is the presumption of the state of what constitutes "reasonable visitation." It's absurd. I spent a majority of the time parenting my kid, and now the babyshitter gets 8 hours per day but I get two hours twice a week? How is that just or fair? The reasoning is that children need continuity and I understand that but why wouldn't they encourage continuity with...oh i don't know....the dad??
I realize its a separate issue but the whole system is ridiculous.
Reality check:
It would appear that you've acknowledged paternity - is that right? If you have, you've missed the boat.
You're completely off base with visitation. I have no idea what you've read, but it's a crock. You know why, right?
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
As you appear to have access to the child, you can conduct a DNA test. You can decide for yourself if you want to pay for one that would potentially be admissible in court, or if you prefer to use a cheaper test that may not be admissible but is likely to nonetheless be highly accurate. I you are the biological father, you can get used to the fact that you're not going to have your name removed from the birth certificate. If you're not, you can discuss your options with a local lawyer, given that you're well past the deadline for rescission of an acknowledgment of paternity without going to court.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
No why? Why am I off base with how I feel about this? Why am I off base for how I feel regarding my visitation. Is it wrong that I feel that I should have more than 4 hours total a week with a child that I mainly raised? Does this make me a bad person?
It seems like since this process started I am a bad person no matter what I do. If I back off Im abandoning, if I fight Im harassing, if I want more visitation time than somehow that is against the best interest of the child. Why is it wrong of me to think that I should have more time with my own kid than the babysitter has? Why is that hard to fathom?
Edit: My original thread title is wrong. We didn't have an affair. We lived together for a year and raised the baby until we split up when baby was 3-4 months old. I don't know how or why i wrote that title. Sleep deprivation I guess. When we started dating she was still married. That was the point.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
You seem very confused about what you want. In your first post, you indicate that mom lied to you about her marriage, that there was a third man in the picture as well, and now you want to challenge paternity. Then you do a 180 degree turn and decide you aren't getting enough visitation time with the current order (which can change if you petition for more time). Which is it? Do you want to be in the child's life, or don't you?
You added your name to the birth certificate and probably signed an Acknowledgement of Paternity, so challenging paternity will be a bit of a hill to climb. I would recommend a family law attorney if that is the avenue you want to pursue.
If not, it still wouldn't hurt to let an attorney review the paperwork forwarded to you.
And simmer down, nobody is calling you a bad person.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
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chombo
No why? Why am I off base with how I feel about this? Why am I off base for how I feel regarding my visitation. Is it wrong that I feel that I should have more than 4 hours total a week with a child that I mainly raised? Does this make me a bad person?
It was your claim I was objecting to. Why didn't you ask for more time? If you did, why did the court disagree?
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It seems like since this process started I am a bad person no matter what I do. If I back off Im abandoning, if I fight Im harassing, if I want more visitation time than somehow that is against the best interest of the child. Why is it wrong of me to think that I should have more time with my own kid than the babysitter has? Why is that hard to fathom?
Goodness gracious me you're all over the place here.
Why was 4 hours ordered? Did you agree?
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Edit: My original thread title is wrong. We didn't have an affair. We lived together for a year and raised the baby until we split up when baby was 3-4 months old. I don't know how or why i wrote that title. Sleep deprivation I guess. When we started dating she was still married. That was the point.
What exactly do you want?
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
I was offered the standard "two visits, each being two hours long" So 4 hours total a week to be "supervised" by her Mom. I said screw that and asked for more. She got an ex part restraining order because I called her a few bad names through text when we broke up. That was stupid on my part but emotions were high. However the two supervised visits is what she offered before we started fighting over all this. I don't consider seeing your kid 4 hours a week being a parent. Perhaps some do.
For what it is worth I don't consider see in your kid 4 days a month being a parent either but I know guys make the best of a bad situation.
I want closest to 50/50 as possible with joint legal and physical. Chances of me getting that according to every lawyer I have spoken to? Less than zero.
So yes Im "all over the place" I have my child stolen from me so Im a bit upset. My apologies.
As far as Paternity goes, I don't know. I think the way everything happened was just very unfortunate.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
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chombo
Is it wrong that I feel that I should have more than 4 hours total a week with a child that I mainly raised? Does this make me a bad person?
Who has suggested that it would? What you do need to do is pick your path forward. If you go to court, taking the position that you want to give up your parental rights, what message do you think you are sending to the court about your interest in having a relationship with the child? And again, if you are the father that's going nowhere, so if you're at all interested in chasing that idea you need to get a DNA test and, given that you have waited past the rescission date for the AOP, if the DNA test shows that you're not the father it would make sense to retain a lawyer. If you are the father, get used to it because it's not going to change.
Quote:
Quoting chombo
If I back off Im abandoning, if I fight Im harassing, if I want more visitation time than somehow that is against the best interest of the child.
If you try to abandon a child you have claimed as your own, that's reasonably characterized as abandoning the child. Nobody has suggested that you not seek reasonable visitation.
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chombo
She got an ex part restraining order because I called her a few bad names through text when we broke up.
She did not get an ex parte restraining order over "a few bad names", without alleging more than that. Per statute, RCW 26.50.070, a petition for an ex parte restraining order must allege "that irreparable injury could result from domestic violence if an order is not issued immediately without prior notice to the respondent". Whatever she alleged, your next step following service of the ex parte order would be to oppose the entry of a longer-term restraining order at the full hearing scheduled by the court. If you chose not to do so, that's unfortunate.
Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
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Quoting
chombo
I was offered the standard "two visits, each being two hours long" So 4 hours total a week to be "supervised" by her Mom. I said screw that and asked for more. She got an ex part restraining order because I called her a few bad names through text when we broke up. That was stupid on my part but emotions were high. However the two supervised visits is what she offered before we started fighting over all this. I don't consider seeing your kid 4 hours a week being a parent. Perhaps some do.
Then your other posts are just a tad misleading. The reason you have supervised short time visitation is probably due to the restraining order. That tends to make the commissioner a wee bit reluctant to allow you longer periods of visitation.
You're not going to get a 50/50 timeshare at this point. So what's your backup plan?
For what it is worth I don't consider see in your kid 4 days a month being a parent either but I know guys make the best of a bad situation.