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Paternity Rights After a Relationship With a Woman I Didn't Know Was Married

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  • 03-15-2014, 08:25 PM
    chombo
    Paternity Rights After a Relationship With a Woman I Didn't Know Was Married
    My question involves paternity law for the State of: Washington


    So I started dating someone who did not tell me they were still married when we became pregnant. They were living apart, but the divorce was not final. She got pregnant during this time. She also slept with someone else that I know of right around the time "we" conceived.

    So she went to her final divorce hearing and lied to the judge and told the judge that she was not pregnant. She didn't want to deal with her ex if she answered "yes" to being pregnant. After the birth, I signed the acknowledgement of paternity at the hospital. My name is on the birth certificate.

    Now kids mom and I are split up and she filed for Parenting Plan and Child Support. Looking back at our relationship I see many many lies. Can I challenge paternity at this point? She did commit perjury and lied to the judge after all. Isn't there a presumption that the child is the ex husbands since she learned of the pregnancy while they were still married?

    What are my options here? I haven't responded to the petition yet and there is a section on paternity in there. If I dispute paternity do they test the ex husband? Or because I signed the acknowdgement does that override? What are the costs to me?

    What are my options here? Anyone been through this?

    Thanks for any info
  • 03-15-2014, 08:47 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    How long ago is this?

    It's critical.
  • 03-16-2014, 01:19 AM
    chombo
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    She was still married when we met in october of 2012. She found out she was pregnant in december on 2012. Her last divorce hearing was January of 2013, a month later, where she lied to the judge and said that she was not pregnant. She did this because we were together and she did not want to have to deal with her "ex" even though they were still married.

    My son was born in September of 2013. (We lived together all of 2013) We broke up January of this year (2014) and she filed a residential parenting plan/child support petition in early February.

    So now here I sit, thinking back on all the times she lied to me, and wonder if maybe I should contest paternity. I haven't responded to the petition of the proposed parenting plan yet. There has been one hearing in this case so far, which was a hearing regarding an ex part restraining order she was granted in early february. SO there was a hearing earlier this month (March) and the judge ruled in her favor and put in place a temporary parenting plan with me getting supervised visitation.

    Let me know if there is any more clarification you need on this or the timeline.
  • 03-16-2014, 05:22 AM
    budwad
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    Quote:

    Quoting chombo
    View Post
    She also slept with someone else that I know of right around the time "we" conceived.

    After the birth, I signed the acknowledgement of paternity at the hospital. My name is on the birth certificate.

    I think you first have to ask yourself do I love the child, do I want to be part of his life, do I want to support my child for the next 18-21 years? If the answers are 'yes' then accept the Parenting Plan and Child Support.

    However, the child is only 6 months old and you have been out of the picture for two of those months. He probably has no clue who you are. So if there is any question in your mind as to paternity, I would say a test is in order.

    What you decide is for the rest of your life so choose carefully.
  • 03-16-2014, 08:56 AM
    chombo
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    My ex will never allow me a relationship with this child anyway. Even if I get my 2-4 hours a week, she will sabotage everything and make my life hell. If she senses she is losing control, she will move far away. She has tons of money and tons of family and friends with money. Sadly, I have written off a relationship with my kid. Partly I blame the asinine laws (2 hours for a visit for her own father is ok, but the kid can stay with a babysitter for 8 hours?)

    The situation for non custodial parents is sick.
  • 03-16-2014, 09:12 AM
    budwad
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    You made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. Challenge the paternity and find out if the child is yours. If not, you can walk away.

    The things we do for love. Sounds like a good lyric for a song.
  • 03-16-2014, 09:37 AM
    chombo
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    Im very aware I am going to have to pay her money. I have accepted that. I guess I was looking for advice as to whether or not I could contest paternity due to the fact that we have already had one motion in this hearing already. I read a statute that once you were involved in a parenting/support action and you have had a hearing you sort of missed the boat with regards to testing for paternity.

    It's strange how people jump to conclusions when a man talks about child support that he immediately isn't responsible and is trying to dodge something. It's flat out untrue. My biggest problem with this whole thing so far is the presumption of the state of what constitutes "reasonable visitation." It's absurd. I spent a majority of the time parenting my kid, and now the babyshitter gets 8 hours per day but I get two hours twice a week? How is that just or fair? The reasoning is that children need continuity and I understand that but why wouldn't they encourage continuity with...oh i don't know....the dad??

    I realize its a separate issue but the whole system is ridiculous.
  • 03-16-2014, 09:51 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    Quote:

    Quoting chombo
    View Post
    She was still married when we met in october of 2012. She found out she was pregnant in december on 2012. Her last divorce hearing was January of 2013, a month later, where she lied to the judge and said that she was not pregnant. She did this because we were together and she did not want to have to deal with her "ex" even though they were still married.

    My son was born in September of 2013. (We lived together all of 2013) We broke up January of this year (2014) and she filed a residential parenting plan/child support petition in early February.

    So now here I sit, thinking back on all the times she lied to me, and wonder if maybe I should contest paternity. I haven't responded to the petition of the proposed parenting plan yet. There has been one hearing in this case so far, which was a hearing regarding an ex part restraining order she was granted in early february. SO there was a hearing earlier this month (March) and the judge ruled in her favor and put in place a temporary parenting plan with me getting supervised visitation.

    Let me know if there is any more clarification you need on this or the timeline.


    You're already involved in a suit and there's a temp parenting plan in place - yes?

    What is it you want to know then?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote:

    Quoting chombo
    View Post
    Im very aware I am going to have to pay her money. I have accepted that. I guess I was looking for advice as to whether or not I could contest paternity due to the fact that we have already had one motion in this hearing already. I read a statute that once you were involved in a parenting/support action and you have had a hearing you sort of missed the boat with regards to testing for paternity.

    It's strange how people jump to conclusions when a man talks about child support that he immediately isn't responsible and is trying to dodge something. It's flat out untrue. My biggest problem with this whole thing so far is the presumption of the state of what constitutes "reasonable visitation." It's absurd. I spent a majority of the time parenting my kid, and now the babyshitter gets 8 hours per day but I get two hours twice a week? How is that just or fair? The reasoning is that children need continuity and I understand that but why wouldn't they encourage continuity with...oh i don't know....the dad??

    I realize its a separate issue but the whole system is ridiculous.



    Reality check:

    It would appear that you've acknowledged paternity - is that right? If you have, you've missed the boat.

    You're completely off base with visitation. I have no idea what you've read, but it's a crock. You know why, right?
  • 03-16-2014, 11:05 AM
    Mr. Knowitall
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    As you appear to have access to the child, you can conduct a DNA test. You can decide for yourself if you want to pay for one that would potentially be admissible in court, or if you prefer to use a cheaper test that may not be admissible but is likely to nonetheless be highly accurate. I you are the biological father, you can get used to the fact that you're not going to have your name removed from the birth certificate. If you're not, you can discuss your options with a local lawyer, given that you're well past the deadline for rescission of an acknowledgment of paternity without going to court.
  • 03-16-2014, 12:27 PM
    chombo
    Re: Washington State Paternity. She Was Married and I Had No Idea
    No why? Why am I off base with how I feel about this? Why am I off base for how I feel regarding my visitation. Is it wrong that I feel that I should have more than 4 hours total a week with a child that I mainly raised? Does this make me a bad person?

    It seems like since this process started I am a bad person no matter what I do. If I back off Im abandoning, if I fight Im harassing, if I want more visitation time than somehow that is against the best interest of the child. Why is it wrong of me to think that I should have more time with my own kid than the babysitter has? Why is that hard to fathom?

    Edit: My original thread title is wrong. We didn't have an affair. We lived together for a year and raised the baby until we split up when baby was 3-4 months old. I don't know how or why i wrote that title. Sleep deprivation I guess. When we started dating she was still married. That was the point.
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