Is Home Schooling a Reason to Deny Extended Visits

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Quoting Rainshy118

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He has never had the kids for more than two weeks at a time. If he doesn't have leave, he doesn't take the kids. His decision. He rented a room while living in this other state so he didn't bring the children to him. He always came to my state, where he owns a house and would visit with them in that house.
I am all for flexibility however I am not OK with my kids going away for 6 weeks for someone else to watch them. We have never left our children with strangers. When living within driving distance (10 hours) he didn't ever once drive down on a long weekend, in 3 years! I asked him to do that, he said that would require more maintenance on his car! He would only visit in Feb. June and Dec. 12-14 days at a time.

So now he moves to another coast, who knows what his living situation will be, more than likely rent a room...and I should be OK with shipping my kids off for weeks at a time. Change everything we have done in the past?
He is able to fly, he owns a home here. Why not continue the visits here instead of flying 3 kids there, to who knows where.

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If you have a problem with him dropping them off at a daycare while he is at work, then why not structure your school year so that the kids are on vacation and visit him while *he* is on vacation, too ? That way, he won't have to drop them off for "someone else" to watch them while he works, but personally spends time with them, when he has them.

BTW, I don't know what you have against day care, but many parents end up using these places at some point of time in their parenting journey. Especially if BOTH parents have to work and the family does not have the option of having one parent stay home with the kids.

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Quoting TroubledHell

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If you have a problem with him dropping them off at a daycare while he is at work, then why not structure your school year so that the kids are on vacation and visit him while *he* is on vacation, too ? That way, he won't have to drop them off for "someone else" to watch them while he works, but personally spends time with them, when he has them.

BTW, I don't know what you have against day care, but many parents end up using these places at some point of time in their parenting journey. Especially if BOTH parents have to work and the family does not have the option of having one parent stay home with the kids.

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I am a little confused...

If dad is on a ship most of the time, and is on duty 24 hours a day on his working days when off the ship, I am not sure that mom doesn't have a valid argument. It does appear that his leave time might be the only time when he can actually see the children.

However I do agree that mom should structure her home schooling in order to give dad maximum flexibility when he DOES have leave.

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Quoting llworking

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I am a little confused...

If dad is on a ship most of the time, and is on duty 24 hours a day on his working days when off the ship, I am not sure that mom doesn't have a valid argument. It does appear that his leave time might be the only time when he can actually see the children.

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Yes, if he is not around 24/7, then there is really no point in sending the kids to him. That is why I suggested that she structure her homeschool so that the school is not in session when Dad is on leave. If she doesn't want to do that, then that restricts the father's access to his children.

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If dad is on a ship most of the time, and is on duty 24 hours a day on his working days when off the ship, I am not sure that mom doesn't have a valid argument.

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I'm pretty sure her argument is crap.

One 24 hour shift every 5 - 7 days? That's better that my firefighter friend, who works 24 hours on, 48 hours off, and had a nanny when his kids were wee. His ex tried the same argument - why have the kids if he has to work at all? - and the judge wasn't having any of it. She called it nonsense, because that's exactly what it is.

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Quoting LawResearcherMissy

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I'm pretty sure her argument is crap.

One 24 hour shift every 5 - 7 days? That's better that my firefighter friend, who works 24 hours on, 48 hours off, and had a nanny when his kids were wee. His ex tried the same argument - why have the kids if he has to work at all? - and the judge wasn't having any of it. She called it nonsense, because that's exactly what it is.

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I still am not clear at all about what dad's time on the ship actually is, and what time he actually has ashore and his working hours during that time, and what his living accommodations are when he is not on the ship. (she mentioned him renting a room). I am basically riding the fence here...I don't think that we have enough information. I am not actually even sure what dad wants other than he feels that changing the parenting schedule gives him less flexibility.

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Quoting llworking

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I still am not clear at all about what dad's time on the ship actually is, and what time he actually has ashore and his working hours during that time, and what his living accommodations are when he is not on the ship. (she mentioned him renting a room). I am basically riding the fence here...I don't think that we have enough information. I am not actually even sure what dad wants other than he feels that changing the parenting schedule gives him less flexibility.

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So let me educate you.

He's not on board 24/7 every single day unless he's on an underway. While in port they work a regular workday with one 24 hour duty day once a week - week and a half.

The guys (and gals) can live on base if they choose to, but the Navy provides supplemental income for off-base housing.

Mom's arguments here against visitation are very weak, and dad has a strong argument that she's attempting to interfere with his visitation rights.

/former navy wife

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Btw, the educating bit wasn't meant to be snarky, simply informative.

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Quoting EA1070a

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So let me educate you.

He's not on board 24/7 every single day unless he's on an underway. While in port they work a regular workday with one 24 hour duty day once a week - week and a half.

The guys (and gals) can live on base if they choose to, but the Navy provides supplemental income for off-base housing.

Mom's arguments here against visitation are very weak, and dad has a strong argument that she's attempting to interfere with his visitation rights.

/former navy wife

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Btw, the educating bit wasn't meant to be snarky, simply informative.

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Ok, that was very helpful, thank you. Now the second step is what does dad actually want? In OP's first post she stated that dad wants to keep the "local" plan in place because it gives him more flexibility. Mom says she wants a plan that reflects the status quo. Does dad even want visitation at his duty station? Mom says that dad owns a home in her community and that is where he has visitation. She said that he typically rents a room at his duty station.

If dad intends to rent a room again, it might be difficult for him to find a landlord who would be ok with the idea that there will be some children also staying in the room for extended periods of time. Can he afford something more suitable at his duty station and still maintain his home in mom's community? I suspect that the issue of daycare for that 24 hour duty day is not a problem because I suspect that there is a whole network of Navy spouse's who provide that sort of extended daycare for other Navy personnel. However, can dad afford regular daycare for extended visits?

This thread has been all about what mom SHOULD give dad. However, none of us knows what dad actually wants other than the fact that he doesn't want to change the "local" schedule because he wants the flexibility he believes that it gives him.

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However, none of us knows what dad actually wants other than the fact that he doesn't want to change the "local" schedule because he wants the flexibility he believes that it gives him.

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It's not on us to determine what he wants. Mama came in kicking and crying "I don't wanna!", with the clear intent to interfere with Dad's parenting time. We told her tough tiddlywinks. Beyond that? S. E. P.