Joint Physical Custody when Parent Live Several Hours Away from Each Other

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mississippi

My ex-husband and I have three children. I am the sole physical and legal custodian.

He had me served today and is asking the judge to modify our custody agreement. He wants joint physical and joint legal custody.

He is asking to have the children Thursday-Sunday, and I have the children Monday-Wednesday.

I can understand how this type of arrangement may work for people who live in close proximity to one another. However, he moved away and now lives about 2.5-3 hours away from where the children reside with me. I have never left the county we divorced in about 5 years ago.

I have always been the primary caretaker of the children, and they have always lived with me.

There have been no significant changes of circumstance in my home.

Is a judge likely will entertain an order that would require so much drive-time for the kids every single week? How would the kids attend school regularly in this scenario? My children are 6, 10 and 12. They have always thrived in my care.

Thank you so much for any advice.

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Any thoughts, anybody?

How far would they be from school?

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Quoting jr77

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mississippi

My ex-husband and I have three children. I am the sole physical and legal custodian.

He had me served today and is asking the judge to modify our custody agreement. He wants joint physical and joint legal custody.

He is asking to have the children Thursday-Sunday, and I have the children Monday-Wednesday.

I can understand how this type of arrangement may work for people who live in close proximity to one another. However, he moved away and now lives about 2.5-3 hours away from where the children reside with me. I have never left the county we divorced in about 5 years ago.

I have always been the primary caretaker of the children, and they have always lived with me.

There have been no significant changes of circumstance in my home.

Is a judge likely will entertain an order that would require so much drive-time for the kids every single week? How would the kids attend school regularly in this scenario? My children are 6, 10 and 12. They have always thrived in my care.

Thank you so much for any advice.

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Any thoughts, anybody?

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Dad may very well be awarded joint legal custody. But I don't see a timeshare like he's filed for working. Even at an average speed of 60mph, Dad still lives about 120 miles from Mom.

Is there a standard for changing legal custody -- in other words, does he have to prove any significant change of circumstances in order to get legal custody changed from sole to joint?

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Oh and yes...he is currently in violation of our decree by refusing to provide his address, but to the best of my knowledge...his current residence is about 140 miles away.

Why don't you want him to have joint legal custody? Seems like that would be a no brainer...

Has he expressed that he is intending to move back to the area?

I don't want him to have joint legal custody because he has a Cluster B personality disorder, is violent, of objectionable moral character and consistently shows terrible judgment in his life and the lives of his children. These were my initial reasons. The judge agreed.

For all of my children's lives, even before the divorce, I have always made all the important decisions in their lives. He simply was not interested. Right now, he has a financial motive to get joint legal (long story).

After the divorce, I obtained full legal custody and my children have done very well in this regard.

I see no reason to change something that works well.

My ex and I are not effective co-parenters. We simply cannot, and will not ever, get along. I do still try...I include him as much as possible in all decisions. I have never abused my position as legal custodian. I feel that someone needs to be the final decision maker though when two parents cannot get along.

I have consistently shown myself to be very good in being that person. My children are doing great. Why change what already works?

The status quo is working. Why change that?

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He will not be moving back into the area, no.

What is the long story? (I think it may be relevant to your case)

Basically, our oldest daughter has a severe need for braces. It falls into the "medically needed" category according to her Orthodontist. My ex-husband wants to use a charity program to get her braces..which would be fine and reasonable except that the waiting list is at least 1-2 years long before applying is possible (two possible programs) and both would require I travel great distances for every visit (10-14 hour trips, round, monthly) for up to a few years! We argued back and forth, ad nauseum, about this. I want to take her to a local Orthodontist...this will require only a small check out time of school (instead of missing a whole day), vastly less drive time, would eliminate the need for me find a babysitter for the younger two, and I would not have to worry about getting her in for emergency care for things like brackets breaking, etc. Plus her therapist recommends that waiting would be detrimental.

Basically I just don't think his idea is at all reasonable. Perhaps for a short-term thing that was not pressing...but not this situation.

I told him that I moving forward with the braces with a local Ortho. He would be responsible for half that bill according to the divorce decree.

He blew a gasket.

I told him that I tried to discuss it...and I did at length...we aren't going to agree. I am moving forward.

Quick as that...he wants shared legal. I got served. And his modification paperwork mentions the Orthodontist issue. It's the only specific thing mentioned.

He is trying to stop me from moving forward with her treatment because he does not want to pay his half. I have less income than he has, even when considering child support, but she truly needs them. Her teeth are a mess, and her therapist said she would benefit greatly emotionally with moving forward as soon as medically possible.

I have taken the time to enumerate my reasons, and I have considered all of his income issues and all of his suggestions. But ALL he hears is "money." Money is his "big motivator" in life more than absolutely anything else.

He wants the power to stop the braces.

I think he is also trying to stop child support by asking for the extra days/shared physical. He is becoming late more and more on child support and he owes his first ex-wife 50k+ in arrears. He absolutely hates paying child support though he only is ordered to pay me $415 a month for the three children. His involvement with the children up until now has been fairly consistent but minimal...though I offer him extra time/unlimited phone calls, etc. Suddenly he wants to have them more than I have them? He alleges no wrongdoing toward the children on my part. They are truly wonderful and happy kids with all their needs and many of their wants met, well disciplined, have regular medical care, good attendance, active in school...all is well here.

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Dogmatique, I just realized I missed your post. Sorry. The younger two have school almost right next door. The older goes to school about 3 miles south of here (along the beach)...their dad lives about 140 miles to the north of my home. So the distance between school and his home is considerable.

Then he's being 1000% unrealistic.

To begin with, there's no CoC. But more to the point, he hasn't really thought this through at all. 140 miles away + 50/50 timeshare = not happening.

How he'd convince a court that such a thing is in the best interests of the children, I don't know.

I don't understand it either. He has a lawyer...I can't imagine why his lawyer would advise him that this is reasonable.

My lawyer is outstanding, and I talked to him today on the phone. But he cannot see me for about two weeks. So y'alls advice is very helpful to me right now.

The braces thing is the first time I've ever attempted to get him to pay a single medical bill. But this bill will be significant...I told him I would get him the treatment plan, advice from her therapist, all the info on the payment plan...I'm willing to be an open book here. But he just won't part with a penny without a fight.

He also wants me to pay for his increased gas expenses for this increased visitation.

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Oh and he created the distance. I have never left the county. After he beat me up in front of the kids, he moved out of the house and directly into his girlfriend's...and she lived quite a distance away. Since she kicked him out (said he was a mooch), he has moved from pillar to post but always stayed well north of here. He thinks I should be paying half his gas to see the kids, and he has said this all along. I told him that if a judge says I must, I will. Until then, I have no order compelling me to do so...and I don't agree it's fair I do...so I have not.