Can You Terminate a Father's Rights as an Alternative to Sole Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

Please bear with the details, as I think they're important for context...

I had my son when I was 17 years old. He is 14 now. A few months after I gave birth, I broke up with his father (we were never married) because I felt that he was a danger to both me and my son. Besides being unemployed and unable to provide a penny in financial support, I had strong reason to believe that he was doing drugs and engaging in criminal street gang activity. I may have been young and naive, but having a kid made me grow up real quick!

I essentially gave my ex-bf an ultimatum - that if he wanted to see his son again, he needed to get his act together, get a job, stop with the drugs and gangs. Needless to say, he didn't do that. And after a few months of me not letting him see his son, he eventually just disappeared. I was left to raise my son on my own (better than having a gang member around), all the while earning my bachelor's, then master's, then starting a career.

Over the years, I would hear about my son's dad from mutual acquaintances. At one point I heard that he had gotten married, moved to Seattle and had a daughter. I had hoped, for my son's sake, that his dad was actually on the straight and narrow. I also thought it was about time, if he was actually working, that he start paying child support. We didn't necessarily need the money, it was more a matter of principle in my mind. In 2011 (my son was 12), I finally filed for support. But the court only ordered a $146 payment, since, it turned out, he had no record of actual income. Since then, I've received a total of about $500, most of which was intercepted by child support services. (Also it turns out that his wife has divorced him.)

I never filed for sole custody because my ex-bf didn't seem too interested in being a father anyway. The last time he saw his son was before the boy could even walk. But recently, he's popped back into our lives and is now demanding to see my son, despite still not paying support or being gainfully employed. My 14-year-old son says he doesn't want to see him, even though I have made it a point to never badmouth his dad.
All of the communication has been over email and text, and its getting to the point that it's somewhat harassing. He's very manipulative and blames me for "keeping him away from his son," "brainwashing him to not want to speak to him on the phone," stuff like that. Some of the messages are a little threatening. (He's also been posting some incriminating photos on social media-- of guns, crazy amounts of cash-- that leads me to believe he's still involved in illegal activities.) I also think he may be back in the Los Angeles area, which is a little too close for comfort. At this point, I just want to keep him away from us.

My question is this: Would it make sense for me to try and terminate his father's rights or file for custody, or both? Although my son is already 14, I want to make sure he's safe and I want to be able to tell his father that he has NO RIGHT to see him at all. I've also thought about filing a protective restraining order, but I'm not sure if it's really come to that yet. He hasn't tried to come to my house or anything. Any help/insight would be very much appreciated! Thank you!

You don't get to use a restraining order as a means to thwart Dad's rights.

Even if there was a RO, if Dad wants to see his child, the RO can be modified to allow parent/child contact.

If Dad wants visitation, he's going to get some form of visitation. It might be supervised, but "no visitation" at all is incredibly unlikely.

Sole custody won't prevent Dad from getting visitation and at this point, TPR just isn't likely at all.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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You don't get to use a restraining order as a means to thwart Dad's rights.

Even if there was a RO, if Dad wants to see his child, the RO can be modified to allow parent/child contact.

If Dad wants visitation, he's going to get some form of visitation. It might be supervised, but "no visitation" at all is incredibly unlikely.

Sole custody won't prevent Dad from getting visitation and at this point, TPR just isn't likely at all.

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I only mentioned the RO because I don't want to receive harassing phone calls/texts, etc. And if a judge decides that he's fit to see his son, then I understand there's nothing I can do about that.
Still, could you please specify why "no visitation" and TPR are unlikely? I forgot to mention that he's also a convicted felon (sexual assault charges). I figured that would make my case stronger in terms of showing that he's unfit and dangerous.

BTW- Thank you for your response! :)

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Quoting Liz27

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I only mentioned the RO because I don't want to receive harassing phone calls/texts, etc. And if a judge decides that he's fit to see his son, then I understand there's nothing I can do about that.
Still, could you please specify why "no visitation" and TPR are unlikely? I forgot to mention that he's also a convicted felon (sexual assault charges). I figured that would make my case stronger in terms of showing that he's unfit and dangerous.

BTW- Thank you for your response! :)

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Because unless dad is an axe murderer or has been convicted of serious offenses against children the judge will give him some form of visitation, even if its supervised visitation.

However, at this point in time, as long as you do nothing, dad has no enforceable rights to the child. If you file for an RO, or for custody, (you currently have sole custody by default), or attempt to terminate his rights, you will just cause him to end up with a visitation order.

Let him be the one to file.

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Quoting llworking

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Because unless dad is an axe murderer or has been convicted of serious offenses against children the judge will give him some form of visitation, even if its supervised visitation.

However, at this point in time, as long as you do nothing, dad has no enforceable rights to the child. If you file for an RO, or for custody, (you currently have sole custody by default), or attempt to terminate his rights, you will just cause him to end up with a visitation order.

Let him be the one to file.

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Ok, that pretty much answers my question. Thank you so much for your help!

Tread carefully.

If the court gets wind of your initial intent (and they can very often tell without having to ask), you just might end up as the visiting parent.

Be. Careful.