Can You Stop Paying Child Support if You Suspect Abuse

Im asking from the state of pennsylvania

Ok so its a super long story so ill make it as short as possible... My fiance and i have 3 children all together.. My daughter.. His daughter and our son we have half custody of both the girls.. From day one his daughter ( lets call her s) would be dropped off at our house looking filthy and smelling of pee. She would always tell us mommy doesnt give me a bath she would say she peed her pants yesterday and mommy never changed her.. She is only 3 well about a month ago i caught "S" humping her teddy bear AND our other daughter when i asked her where she learned that she stated "my baby boy" i asked her if she was "touched" and she said no he just lets me do that well i contacted the mother and asked about it and told her she needed to do something about it she never did alittle ago "s" told me and her father that her baby boy has been touching her privates i IMMEDIATELY contacted cps when i found out that her baby boy is her moms boyfriend cps told us to keep her from her mothers house well at this point my fiance stopped paying support because he refused to pay someone who is allowing that to be done... Well once we informed said mother that s would be staying with us she went on a rampage and called the cops on my fiance for not paying support and he went to jail the mother showed up at my house and took s and the whole time "s" was crying and screaming not to let mommy hurt her.. At this point i was pretty upset i called cps and they told me because she was no longer in my custody.they couldn't share any info with me so all they told me was mom was supposed to have her in the office in the morning well she never showed up who would've guessed.. "s" called me yesterday crying saying mommy and her boyfriend are still hurting her and to please come get her i called cps and police and they said there is nothing i can do but they aren't doing anything! My question is what the he!! Can i do to get her back? What can i do to keep our baby safe while hes in jail because of support... And is it possible for him to file for emergency custody while in there? Please help me.. My baby girl is being.abused.. Still!

The police do not arrest someone for support based on mom saying he said he was going to stop paying. That means he was not paying support to put her in a bad financial situation intentionally and had a warrant. It appears there is chain yanking both ways. You have no standing to do anything. You are a legal stranger.

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Quoting Disagreeable

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The police do not arrest someone for support based on mom saying he said he was going to stop paying. That means he was not paying support to put her in a bad financial situation intentionally and had a warrant. It appears there is chain yanking both ways. You have no standing to do anything. You are a legal stranger.

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Yes he had a warrant he stopped paying alittle over a month ago when the daughter said what happened because at that point we already knew she was spending support on drugs.and alcohol and then this whole situation was a breaking point for him and he refused to pay.. When we told her we were going to keep her during the investigation she said either drop the charges or im telling the.cops where you are.. We then told her no we will not drop it because its not okay for it to happen ahe.then called the cops

There ya go.

If I am following this.... Your boyfriend has chosen not to pay child support for a considerable time, and as a result a warrant was issued for his arrest. Following the issuance of the warrant, you made a report to protective services reporting alleged abuse. You did not report anything about the suspected drug use that your boyfriend used as his initial excuse for not paying the support. Your boyfriend used your report as a basis to refuse to comply with the custody order, and you are attempting to assert that report as an after-the-fact justification for his long-term failure to support his children. The mother then reported his location to the police such that he was picked up on the child support warrant.

Your boyfriend cannot exercise custody when he's in jail. If he wants to get out of jail and seek custody, he would be well-served to purge his contempt by paying mom the money he owes her. (I'm assuming he's only being held for contempt. If he's also charged with criminal non-support it gets more complicated.)

In terms of the abuse report, it appears that protective services has not found the report sufficiently compelling to justify emergency removal of the children from their mother's custody. If you made the report a month ago and they're content to leave the child with her mother, I'm skeptical that they have found the report to be substanatiated.

A three-year-old managed to find a phone, figure out how to call you, and place a call? That's pretty sophisticated for a kid of an age where most kids can't even remember their phone number.

No your not following correctly.. My boyfriend and i have had full custody of the.daughter for 3 months now he was not doing drugs the mother was (which waa reported and the.whole reason why we had her in OUR custody) he continued to pay his support on time to her even though we had the.daughter because it wasnt court ordered. When the.three year old said she was abused we took her to cps and the er they interviewed her AND did an exam.. The exam showed she was DEFINITELY molested and at that point the investigation started.. When the mother realized he wasnt paying support and there was a warrant she threatened to call the cops if we didnt drop.charges but at that point it wasn't our choice.. So she called cops. They arrested him.. And left the.daughter WITH ME the mother showed up and just took her.. Im 6 mo pregnant im NOT getting into a fist fight with.a crackhead on probation when i called cps and cops they said im not bio mom so i cant take her back. So all im asking is what the h e l l can i do for my baby girl because shes still being molested.. Oh and no she did not pick up a phone and dial my number im on speed dial on the disney cell phone i gave her so she can cal me when she needed me.

It's also completely natural for a toddler - yes, a toddler - to want to explore sexually.

And if that the child is asked by someone who doesn't have the training required to question a vulnerable child, it's entirely possible that the child ends up telling the adult what s/he thinks the adult wants to hear.

If anything - and I don't like having to say this - if there IS sexual abuse happening, the sequence of events (Dad stops paying, Dad - or worse, Dad's fiancee - decides that there has been abuse so he best get custody, Mom calls cops) may be enough to discredit virtually anything Dad and his fiancee allege regarding the child's welfare.

If it comes across as questionable to a bunch of strangers on the internet, you can more or less guarantee that it comes cross as questionable to a child services professional.

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Quoting mercedesndjon

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No your not following correctly.. My boyfriend and i have had full custody of the.daughter for 3 months now he was not doing drugs the mother was (which waa reported and the.whole reason why we had her in OUR custody) he continued to pay his support on time to her even though we had the.daughter because it wasnt court ordered. When the.three year old said she was abused we took her to cps and the er they interviewed her AND did an exam.. The exam showed she was DEFINITELY molested and at that point the investigation started.. When the mother realized he wasnt paying support and there was a warrant she threatened to call the cops if we didnt drop.charges but at that point it wasn't our choice.. So she called cops. They arrested him.. And left the.daughter WITH ME the mother showed up and just took her.. Im 6 mo pregnant im NOT getting into a fist fight with.a crackhead on probation when i called cps and cops they said im not bio mom so i cant take her back. So all im asking is what the h e l l can i do for my baby girl because shes still being molested.. Oh and no she did not pick up a phone and dial my number im on speed dial on the disney cell phone i gave her so she can cal me when she needed me.

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She's not your baby - let's put that one to bed now.

And this actually makes it even more questionable. Your fiancee has had primary custody of the daughter, yes? In other words, she's spent far more time with Dad than with Mom, yes? You realize Mom's going to trot straight off to court, using that CPS finding (if it exists) and give the court little option: it's either Mom getting custody, or the child goes into the state's care. That is their ONLY option.

Dad's messed up BIG time.

I'd like to know exactly how CPS made the decision that she was molested. Interviewing and examining a toddler is excruciatingly difficult for professionals.

And I'd like to know what the final report said (given that these things don't happen overnight)

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Quoting mercedesndjon

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No your not following correctly.. My boyfriend and i have had full custody of the.daughter for 3 months

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The reason I'm not "following" that is because you told us, "My daughter.. His daughter and our son we have half custody of both the girls". You need to be accurate.

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Quoting mercedesndjon

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now he was not doing drugs the mother was

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Read more carefully. Nobody suggested otherwise.

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Quoting mercedesndjon

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he continued to pay his support on time to her even though we had the.daughter because it wasnt court ordered.

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No, quite obviously he did not because had he done so he would not have a warrant for nonpayment of support. His ex- didn't manage to get him picked up and held indefinitely in jail for nonsupport over one missed payment - and again, if that's what he's being held for, he can get out by paying the money he owes.

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Quoting mercedesndjon

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And left the.daughter WITH ME the mother showed up and just took her

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Because you have no custody rights, dad is in jail, and... I'm not sure what I'm supposed to make of your contradictory claims about who had custody.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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It's also completely natural for a toddler - yes, a toddler - to want to explore sexually.

And if that the child is asked by someone who doesn't have the training required to question a vulnerable child, it's entirely possible that the child ends up telling the adult what s/he thinks the adult wants to hear.

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All of that is true.

If protective services did order a medical exam, the "exam showed she was DEFINITELY molested", and they still took no action against the mother or boyfriend, they have to have encountered a problem with your story or the child's.

I would still like to hear more about the three-year-old's mad telephone skills.

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Quoting mercedesndjon

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he continued to pay his support on time to her even though we had the.daughter because it wasnt court ordered.

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So dad was arrested for non-payment of child support when child support was not even ordered?

Contradictory isn't the word for this story.