My Ex- Says I Can't Live in the Same Apartment Complex as Her

My question involves a marriage in the state of: South Carolina

Hi my wife unexpectedly left our home about a month ago. It left me in a very bad financial situation. She has a "friend" that is paying for everything for her. We were dependent on both of our incomes to make ends meet. We also have 2 children (12 and 6). Her friend paid for an attorney for her and I cannot afford one. I signed a separation agreement stating that I get have the kids Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and every other Saturday. So it is even on the time with them. I'm trying to not let my anger towards her get in the way and just don't want the kids to suffer so I figured 50/50 is best for them. In the agreement it was wasn't very specific at all regarding anything else. It did state that neither of us could go to the others home or work without first calling, etc. Here is the problem. The area we live in does not have a lot of rentals. With her leaving I cannot afford to stay in the house we were renting. I need something more affordable. Well in the kids school district there are 3 apartment complexes. I went to the first 2 and the rent was alright but they had no move in deals and the deposit was high. I just don't have that to pay. The only other place is the apartments that my wife moved to. I went there and they gave me a move in special and no deposit. Its not a huge property but its brand new and very nice. I didn't get an apartment right next door to her or anything but I am in the complex. When I told her she went ballistic and said she will not allow me to live there. I told her I don't care what she does in her life and tried to convince her to think it would be better for the kids. Well she told me yesterday that she went to her attorney and is filing a modification of our temporary separation agreement and asking the judge to not allow me anywhere on the complex property. I've already signed my lease and paid. I CANNOT afford a house on one income. Either can she that is why she got an apartment. Honestly it was the only thing I could get at the time. What are my options? PS-We have no history of any domestic violence, drugs, etc. Nothing at all. Thank you in advance.

UPDATE: Also in the separation agreement it said she would be financially responsible for our vehicle. It is in my name. I let her take it and I use a little second car I own. I let her choose which she wanted. The Tahoe she took is in my name only but she signed the agreement saying she would be responsible for it financially. I just found out today that it was repossessed last nigh for non payment.:( So on top of if the judge makes me move my credit is not going to be good either now!!!!

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Quoting RobinSC

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My question involves a marriage in the state of: South Carolina

Hi my wife unexpectedly left our home about a month ago. It left me in a very bad financial situation. She has a "friend" that is paying for everything for her. We were dependent on both of our incomes to make ends meet. We also have 2 children (12 and 6). Her friend paid for an attorney for her and I cannot afford one. I signed a separation agreement stating that I get have the kids Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and every other Saturday. So it is even on the time with them. I'm trying to not let my anger towards her get in the way and just don't want the kids to suffer so I figured 50/50 is best for them. In the agreement it was wasn't very specific at all regarding anything else. It did state that neither of us could go to the others home or work without first calling, etc. Here is the problem. The area we live in does not have a lot of rentals. With her leaving I cannot afford to stay in the house we were renting. I need something more affordable. Well in the kids school district there are 3 apartment complexes. I went to the first 2 and the rent was alright but they had no move in deals and the deposit was high. I just don't have that to pay. The only other place is the apartments that my wife moved to. I went there and they gave me a move in special and no deposit. Its not a huge property but its brand new and very nice. I didn't get an apartment right next door to her or anything but I am in the complex. When I told her she went ballistic and said she will not allow me to live there. I told her I don't care what she does in her life and tried to convince her to think it would be better for the kids. Well she told me yesterday that she went to her attorney and is filing a modification of our temporary separation agreement and asking the judge to not allow me anywhere on the complex property. I've already signed my lease and paid. I CANNOT afford a house on one income. Either can she that is why she got an apartment. Honestly it was the only thing I could get at the time. What are my options? PS-We have no history of any domestic violence, drugs, etc. Nothing at all. Thank you in advance.

UPDATE: Also in the separation agreement it said she would be financially responsible for our vehicle. It is in my name. I let her take it and I use a little second car I own. I let her choose which she wanted. The Tahoe she took is in my name only but she signed the agreement saying she would be responsible for it financially. I just found out today that it was repossessed last nigh for non payment.:( So on top of if the judge makes me move my credit is not going to be good either now!!!!

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Under normal circumstances I would say that its unlikely that a judge would tell you that you couldn't live in the same apartment complex as your stbx. However, the very fact that you have that clause in your separation agreement tends to indicate that there was a problem of some sort. Therefore there is no way to predict how a judge might rule.

Ok Thank you. I move in next weekend. Do you have any idea if a judge would be more prone to say I cannot live there if I haven't moved in yet? Or if I have already moved in by the court date, do you think there would be a better chance of not having to leave? I was told that clause is standard in the agreements. I don't know though. We did argue a lot for the first few weeks after she left and some things were said in front of our kids that we both wish we could take back.

Thank you

is there any history of domestic violence?

Absolutely not. Nothing at all. We really never even argued.

I do not see the judge getting involved. Motion for her to pre-pay all moving and lease related expenses if the court orders it.

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it. I'm just a little intimidated because she seems very confident and emboldened about everything because she has an attorney and I do not.

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Quoting llworking

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Under normal circumstances I would say that its unlikely that a judge would tell you that you couldn't live in the same apartment complex as your stbx. However, the very fact that you have that clause in your separation agreement tends to indicate that there was a problem of some sort. Therefore there is no way to predict how a judge might rule.

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They don't have the clause - that's what Mom is threatening to have added to their current separation agreement.

OP, I'm sorry, but this is sounding very much like Mom is trying to set the stage for her having custody and you getting the standard NCP visitation.

Im not sure if its clause. The only thing is that we cannot go to each others work or residence unannounced is all. I was told it was just a common thing in most separation agreements. I hope she is not planning that. Now that worries me since I'm not represented.

In some States, a restraining order is automatic when two parties legally separate or file a divorce action.

South Carolina is not one of those states.

But more to the point, an ATRO is not intended to keep the parties away from each other; it's intended to prevent either party from emptying the bank account and/or spending all of the money they have before the other spouse has a chance. Protecting the marital assets, if you will.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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They don't have the clause - that's what Mom is threatening to have added to their current separation agreement.

OP, I'm sorry, but this is sounding very much like Mom is trying to set the stage for her having custody and you getting the standard NCP visitation.

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He stated that there was a clause in their separation agreement stating that they could not go to each other's home or place of employment without making advance arrangements. It sounded to me like the separation agreement was already done. Apparently his stbx is using that clause to say that he cannot live in the same apartment complex.

That same separation agreement outlined their parenting time, so I honestly don't think mom is attempting to set things up for something different to happen, I think that its something else.

If that's the case, Mom can politely be told to pound sand.

Dad can live in right next to Mom's apartment and as long as he's not at her doorstep all the time, he's doing nothing wrong.

I'm not convinced though that Mom doesn't have an ulterior motive here.

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Quoting llworking

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He stated that there was a clause in their separation agreement stating that they could not go to each other's home or place of employment without making advance arrangements. It sounded to me like the separation agreement was already done. Apparently his stbx is using that clause to say that he cannot live in the same apartment complex.

That same separation agreement outlined their parenting time, so I honestly don't think mom is attempting to set things up for something different to happen, I think that its something else.

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You are right. She said she just doesn't want me to live that close to her. I understand but I'm just curious to how hard it is to just go and modify the order we have both already signed and filed. I really don't want to have to try and find another place. Also, with her not paying the car (that was in the agreement too, that she was responsible for it) my credit score is going to plummet and I will have a harder time qualifying, pay higher deposits, etc. if I can even find another place in the school district.

So she wan't you to live close to her. Let her move then.

That's what I told her. I guess I understand that she doesn't want me near her, I mean she did leave. She text me and said she cannot allow me to live there. She is very confident that the judge will tell me to move. I'm actually a little worried about moving in prior to the court date in case the judge orders me to move I really will have no place to go and in a terrible financial position. It just scares me how confident she is that I am going to have to move. Maybe it's because I don't have an attorney. I don't know.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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If that's the case, Mom can politely be told to pound sand.

Dad can live in right next to Mom's apartment and as long as he's not at her doorstep all the time, he's doing nothing wrong.

I'm not convinced though that Mom doesn't have an ulterior motive here.

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I don't disagree that she might have an ulterior motive...I just don't think its a parenting time motive. I think it might be a privacy/paranoia motive. If she is not lying about what her attorney said (and its quite possible that she is) I think that she just doesn't want him being close enough to observe everything that she does.

On the other hand, that clause in a separation agreement seems a bit odd to me...particularly in light of the fact that mom agreed to basically a 50/50 parenting schedule even though she had an attorney and dad didn't. So, if there were things that happened that made the attorney feel that the clause was necessary, then perhaps mom has reason to feel uncomfortable with dad living that close. Based on what the OP has said that shouldn't be the case, but we are only hearing one side of the story.

On these boards we have seen a lot of confident people, who are absolutely sure that the judge, or the government agency of your choice, or the prosecutor, or the unemployment office, will see things their way and rule in their favor. Quite a pity how many of them are wrong. :cool:

Does she understand that she's going to be co-parenting with you for a LONG time? Does she grasp that she has absolutely no power or control over where you live?

The judge really can't order you to move just because Mom has a bug up her backside.

If anything, you may want to consider explaining to the court that not only is there no reason for Mom to object, but living close to Mom will actually HELP the co-parenting relationship.

In other words, it's in the best interests of the children.

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And politely remind her that her attorney should be communicating with you directly.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Does she understand that she's going to be co-parenting with you for a LONG time? Does she grasp that she has absolutely no power or control over where you live?

The judge really can't order you to move just because Mom has a bug up her backside.

If anything, you may want to consider explaining to the court that not only is there no reason for Mom to object, but living close to Mom will actually HELP the co-parenting relationship.

In other words, it's in the best interests of the children.

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And politely remind her that her attorney should be communicating with you directly.

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I agree with that. I think that since we have argued in front of the kids, she doesn't want us close together. She said asked me what if she has a friend over and I disapprove and things like that. I honestly don't care!! She said she feels uncomfortable with me being able to "see into her bedroom window" which is by far not the case. I'm not next door or anything. When I told her my son yelled "YES!!" just as she started yelling at me and saying how much she disapproved. I think she is arguing that we have had a lot of discussions since she left that we completely disagree on and that being that close to each other could result in more of that. I disagree completely. Just hope the judge will be ok with it. My kids are very happy about it. I know my wife just doesn't feel comfortable having me so close just because of things she might want to do that she might not with me living there.

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Quoting RobinSC

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I agree with that. I think that since we have argued in front of the kids, she doesn't want us close together. She said asked me what if she has a friend over and I disapprove and things like that. I honestly don't care!! She said she feels uncomfortable with me being able to "see into her bedroom window" which is by far not the case. I'm not next door or anything. When I told her my son yelled "YES!!" just as she started yelling at me and saying how much she disapproved. I think she is arguing that we have had a lot of discussions since she left that we completely disagree on and that being that close to each other could result in more of that. I disagree completely. Just hope the judge will be ok with it. My kids are very happy about it. I know my wife just doesn't feel comfortable having me so close just because of things she might want to do that she might not with me living there.

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Yeah, the privacy/paranoia thing.

However, if you behave yourself and don't spy on her at all, then that privacy/paranoia thing will eventually go away. I really doubt that her attorney is encouraging her to try to use that clause to prevent you from living there, and I think its highly unlikely that a judge would attempt to prohibit you from living there as long as you are telling us the total truth.

However, again, you need to avoid any indication at all that you are spying her.

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Quoting llworking

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Yeah, the privacy/paranoia thing.

However, if you behave yourself and don't spy on her at all, then that privacy/paranoia thing will eventually go away. I really doubt that her attorney is encouraging her to try to use that clause to prevent you from living there, and I think its highly unlikely that a judge would attempt to prohibit you from living there as long as you are telling us the total truth.

However, again, you need to avoid any indication at all that you are spying her.

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I honestly have no desire to ever spy on her. I only live 2 miles away now and have never desired to know what she is doing or where she is going.

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I just found out last night that my wife now has flown her oldest son (not mine) out from California to stay with her. He is 21 and was recently let out of prison last year for arson on an apartment building and drugs. He is recovering from the drug addiction. While he is my kids brother and of course they love him is this anything I can use if needed regarding our situation. Now my wife will have him and my kids and herself living in a two bedroom apartment and she said he will be able to watch the kids when she works. I love my step son but this does not feel good to me. He smokes and drinks and with his past and background I don't think its a good idea to have him there with the kids. I know he would never do anything to hurt them intentionally. Also, the apartment does background checks etc on residents so she is just having him live there and not letting the office know as well. I think it's only a matter of time before the office staff sees him, he will stand out, he has tattoos all over and even one on his face. Any suggestions or is this irrelevant? Thank you. (Now I'm sort of getting a feeling she may be trying to set up a sole custody thing. She will now have an adult there at all times with the kids when she is working). I may be overreacting but I just want to be sort of preemptive in my moves, I don't want to lose my half time with the kids. If she didn't have a lawyer I might try and see about sole custody for myself, after all she did leave.

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Quoting RobinSC

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I honestly have no desire to ever spy on her. I only live 2 miles away now and have never desired to know what she is doing or where she is going.

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I just found out last night that my wife now has flown her oldest son (not mine) out from California to stay with her. He is 21 and was recently let out of prison last year for arson on an apartment building and drugs. He is recovering from the drug addiction. While he is my kids brother and of course they love him is this anything I can use if needed regarding our situation. Now my wife will have him and my kids and herself living in a two bedroom apartment and she said he will be able to watch the kids when she works. I love my step son but this does not feel good to me. He smokes and drinks and with his past and background I don't think its a good idea to have him there with the kids. I know he would never do anything to hurt them intentionally. Also, the apartment does background checks etc on residents so she is just having him live there and not letting the office know as well. I think it's only a matter of time before the office staff sees him, he will stand out, he has tattoos all over and even one on his face. Any suggestions or is this irrelevant? Thank you. (Now I'm sort of getting a feeling she may be trying to set up a sole custody thing. She will now have an adult there at all times with the kids when she is working). I may be overreacting but I just want to be sort of preemptive in my moves, I don't want to lose my half time with the kids. If she didn't have a lawyer I might try and see about sole custody for myself, after all she did leave.

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Okay, now you are grasping...and that is exactly why she doesn't want you living in the same apartment complex. You are not going to get sole custody because she left you, and you are not going to get sole custody because her older child lives with her. She isn't going to get sole custody either, so stop being paranoid about that.

Monday night at 11pm I get a call from my daughter saying that her and her brother want to come home. I ask why she tells me mommy left with her 22 year old son (not my biological son) and went drinking. A couple hours went by and they came back with a man in his 40's. They heard a loud sound outside her apartment on the stairs and looked outside to see their mom had just fallen and was staggering when she got back up. Her son ran through the door and into the bathroom and was throwing up all over the room. My wife and this man come in and again my wife falls in the kitchen, hits her head on the counter and has a huge welt on her forehead. My wife and the man then go straight to her bedroom and close the door. I was going to go over there and get them but I immediately thought I need a police escort and called for one. The officers met me there and told me to stay downstairs outside. About 15 minutes past and the two officers came down with my kids. They told me there would be a police report. So yesterday I went down and picked it up. It is not a long report but pretty detailed: It says they went to the door and my 11 year old son opened it and let them in. They went to my wife bedroom door, knocked and announced themselves. It says the door was opened and that my wife appeared to be "grossly intoxicated, to the point where she could barely stand up or walk without assistance", slurring her speech and very red bloodshot eyes and "she had a huge knot on her head" the officer asked how she got it and she said she fell earlier. The officers then state in the report "there was a man there that told them he was her boyfriend. The officer asked my wife if it was ok if I took the kids for the rest of the night, at that point this boyfriend says that he hadn't been drinking and that the kids were fine. The officer then advised him he had no say in the matter. My wife then said go ahead and let me take them. I took them home. She has not called to apologize to the kids or anything. What really irritate me is this strange man who the kids have never met is there with my kids basically alone because my wife and her son have basically passed out. My daughter is pretty tough emotionally and when she had come down to my car I could tell she had been crying as well as my son.
I called the family court and advised them I do not have an attorney. The lady I spoke with told me I could fill out a contempt of the temporary order we have because it states that neither of us are allowed to have anyone else around the kids that we are dating, etc.

Please advise me of what I should do. Should I still move to the apartments? Should I file something? If so what would you advise? Sorry but this is all new to me. My wife is definitely going through something and I am not exaggerating when I say it is not safe for the kids to be with her at this time.

Thank you so much.

If mom is so irresponsible perhaps it is better for you to be so close.

I've decided to keep my townhouse that we were in before she left. The kids like it and they can play outside easier than if we lived in an apartment. I am filing contempt of our separation agreement due to her leaving the kids home and going out drinking and then coming home with her "boyfriend" in front of the kids. Our agreement says all of that is not supposed to happen. Also in the agreement she said she would take our Chevy Tahoe and be responsible for the payments, etc. Well she didn't make 2 payments and it go repossessed today. It was a total of $398.19. Get this, she borrows money from someone and pulls up in a brand new Tahoe that she rented from Enterprise for over $500 a week!!!! But she couldn't make the payment? I tried not to show that I was upset and just turned around and walked in but how vengeful can a woman be?

You said you couldn't afford to stay there. If you can't afford it, move someplace you can. Even if mom doesn't like it.