Marijuana and Ecstasy Possession

I think that regardless if i actually need the help or not that entering a rehab program on my own accord would let the judge be a little bit merciful on me seeing that im trying to fix things. I've never been a hard drug user and to be honest i never even tried the ecstasy. I will admit that i do have an addiction problem to marijuana and i need help with that. I changed schools to a city 30 min away from where i live and even got a part time job at a grocery store to save up money for university/college and to get away from the bad influences that surrounded me for the past 3 years and brought me to this point. At the beginning of the year i had a fresh start and everything was going good for me but when my grandma who has dementia moved in over the holidays i found myself getting sucked back into smoking weed and hanging around bad friends who encouraged be to smoke more weed. I feel like all the stress from the grandma (saying hurtful things, yelling/screaming, unable to care for herself, constantly lost, and her constant complaining) took a large toll on me as i had my room beside her and all i wanted to do was escape to a better place. It is truly is painful to see someone slowly die and lose everything they know day by day and even though they know deep down something is wrong with them they find it almost impossible to admit because they are afraid of going to a nursing home. The next day after the incident my grandma was moved to a nursing home and i feel its my fault because i put extra stress on the family by getting caught with drugs again and they just couldn't take the stress of both me and my grandma. I feel like the whole situation has really made me reflect on my drug use over the past few years and as off getting caught i never want to touch drugs again because it hasn't helped me develop myself into the person i want to be and has hurt not only myself but my family and others around me. I pushed away the best people in my life so that i could enjoy using marijuana without the constant pressure to stop and now i have dug myself a hole of criminal charges, lawyer fees, and possibly school and/or job opportunities because i thought i could wipe my problems away by drug use.

I can go over the situation where i got caught a million times and say maybe i should have gone this way or that way to avoid the ride check but when you embrace in criminal behavior on a regular basis (possession in my case) you are bound to get caught one day because you always get screwed when you least expect it, that's how life is and there is nothing one can do about it but to be smarter next time and learn from your mistakes.

No one feels sorry for a drug user who has been charged because they are seen as usually apathetic and the bottom of society. But everyone likes someone who can make a comeback and gives and effort to bounce back from bottom and make an effort to be successful and a good person in society. I know that if i get caught a 3rd time that i will most likely be facing jail time and that my life will be negatively affected in the long run and maybe it already has by me screwing up a second time but i'm going to do my best to try and fix things for good with the law, my family, and school. I am a good person, non-violent, and have aspirations to go to university, i just really hope the judge isn't going to ruin my life over this.

You know when you start getting older in life things get taken from you, i mean that's a part of life but you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You eventually find out that your life is determined by all the small choices good or bad because they will eventually add up and bite you in the ass or help you to achieve the goals in your life. Believe me i'm learning now because i feel that i'm starting to lose my opportunity to a good life and throwing out my potential

I want to go to Western University for Criminology and then go to law school but my counter productive behaviors and now adult criminal charges may have ruined that dream but out of my own fault. But to be honest a spot in university doesn't belong to a drug addict even if he does have the grades to get in because the non drug users will always go on to achieve better things and live a better life and i'm really starting to see that now especially when i look at my graduating class.

Marijuana appealed to me because i always had a tough time in school making friends and a terrible social anxiety and ADD problem which have both been diagnosed by a doctor. It let me be accepted and liked by people for once in my life and it was one of the best feelings in the world at the time to actually have friends i could relate to, talk to , and hangout with instead of being miserable and alone. Using marijuana socially made my life alot better but cost me family issues, legal issues, and my grades so that i had to take a 5th year in high school to fix myself but by Christmas break i was back on the kush train about to go off the mountain and believe me i hit the rock bottom ground harder then i ever though i would.

I used up my get out of jail free card (diversion program as a youth offender) and now i'm facing the real deal as an adult because i didn't stop my addiction for good when i had the chance and now its time to pay the consequences. Learning by mistakes is the most painful way to learn lessons in life, but my god do you ever learn fast and well.

You can't put the blame on the judge. If your "life is ruined" it won't be the judge's fault. The judge is not the one who chose to continue violating the law.

I understand that CBG I just think that by doing productive things for myself like rehab and stopping will maybe let him look more favorably over me because i am making an effort to become a better person on my own accord. The blame is all on me im just trying to make things easier for myself so that i can move on from this

I'm not a huge fan of "Counseling". But maybe it would be a good idea for you?

Look, I had my "Living with/Being CareGiver For" issues with grandmother. She did not have dementia, she was just plain abusive.

I shoplifted in an attempt to have her kick me out. I couldn't just leave or I would face Elder Abandonment charges. You would not believe how 1 misdemeanor has screwed up my life. I don't qualify for Expungment until the end of April...and then it can take another 6 months. It has cost me many job opportunities. Add that to having a hearing impairment which limits your job ops, and a back injury with lifting restriction which means I am further limited. Believe me, I push my limits, but....that Misdemeanor...wow, I applied for a Data Entry job, wowed them with my MS Word and Excel testing....oops, misdemeanor, sorry, we can't hire you.

Get where your life is heading?

As you said: there is nothing one can do about it but to be smarter next time and learn from your mistakes