Can You Move With the Children to Another State if Your Spouse Moves Out

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina

Hi, my wife and I have 3 children 6,11,15 they are all born in marriage and are all three biological mine. 3 years ago we moved from Arizona to South Carolina where to my disapproval my wife started stripping. (Please don't say things like you deserve it for letting her do that), I always protested it and hated the job. I work full time as well and she always said it was too close on what I just made. I would always ask her to waitress or something else. She just would never stop. It was as if she enjoyed it.

Let me backtrack a bit, about 9 years ago she was dancing in Arizona and I came home from work one night and found her and the kids gone. At the time we only had the 2, but she had 2 other children who at the time were 13 and 11. So our kids were 6 and 4. She had started an affair with the manager at her club and picked up and moved to Phoenix, about 20 miles from where we lived. She filed for divorce but at the divorce hearing had a change of heart. I had always told her I wanted her back and honestly if we didn't have kids I wouldn't have wanted her back. Her two older children (my step-children) wound up in a very bad situation and the son eventually started using drugs and the 11 year old became pregnant at 15. I really believe that the split up and the move to Phoenix really had an effect on them. That daughter who is now 21 is a stripper in AZ and the son who is now 23 recently got out of prison for arson and is a very bad meth user.

OK back to now. This past Wednesday night she was working and when I woke up in the morning she hadn't come home. No text, no call, nothing. Our schedules over lap a bit and I start work at 4am so she takes the kids to school each morning. This was the 4th time in about 2 months she didn't come home. She claims there is no other guy but said the same thing during the first time she left until I actually saw her with someone to which she just said Im sorry.

We were planning on saving and moving back home to Arizona because that is where all our family is. The kids have tons of nieces and nephews, grand parents, etc. The only relative that is here is my wifes mom who moved out here last November.

My wife texted me Thursday morning at 630am and asked if I was home and that she was too drunk to drive. AT 630!!! and that she was going back to bed. I wound up missing work and taking the kids to school. Well a few hours later she said that she is in a hotel and paid for another night, that she was going to work Friday day shift and I should have the kids go to her moms so she could come home and talk and not be in front of them. I said ok. Well, she responded later and said just so I know she got an attorney and an apartment and her attorney will be filing something this Monday (tomorrow). I am assuming temporary orders from what I have read on this forum. She would consistently drive home drunk from work. Again, I did not approve of her job at all but I couldn't leave and ruin the kids life. I am a firm believer of staying married. I have never touched her, never abused the kids, I have never done a drug in my life. Im pretty much an average boring dad. I love my kids very much. Im going to list a couple of things that show her character and how she acts when she is drinking. One night I had to pick her up from work when she was drunk. We pulled in our garage and she says "hey" I turn and look and POW she punches me right in my left eye. The next morning I had a huge black eye that lasted about 10 days, I lied to the kids and said I hit it on the car door. This was the 2nd black eye she had given me for no apparent reason. Just last week she came home drunk and as I was coming back from the kitchen and getting in bed she purposely kicked as hard as she can towards my face and actually broke my left collar bone. I did not go to the hospital or file a police report if that is relevant. She will not deny these things. I know she wont. Another example and this is when it comes to the childrens safety. We live near a boat dock, one day she had a work friend over and took our 3 kids to the dock. I stayed at home to watch some football. Our littlest one the 6 year old cant swim. Well she sent the 11 year old back up to the house, about a 1/8 mile walk to fill up her vodka drink. I said no way. So he went back down without it. Later when I confronted her about it she yelled and said well what the difference than when you ask him to grab you a beer out of the fridge. I don't even have to answer that I assume. Well anyways, my son went back down there empty handed. About 30 minutes goes by and my son calls me and is upset and says daddy you might want to get down here mommy just left with two guys in a boat!! Remember our 6 year old CANT SWIM!!!! Upon returning on her 5-10 minute boat ride she stumbled up onto the dock and says to the kids in a very drunk voice "hey how did you guys get here?" She had thought she had gone somewhere else on the boat. I am saying that because her excuse was it was only a short ride and right back. But when she asked how did you guys get here to the kids she was thinking that she was somewhere else and the kids had gone there. If that makes sense. SHe had no care in the world of where they were going on the boat. She cant ever have just a drink, she gets plastered!! At work its terrible. That whole environment is terrible. Yes, stripping is legal, but everyone I have ever met that did it or does it currently says you have to drink in order to be comfortable enough to do the job.

Her leaving seems to me to be the most selfish thing she can do. And a week before Thanksgiving and a month to Christmas. She always convinces me that she is a great mom and I see it when she is home with them and not working. It is like two completely different people. Unfortunately the stripper part is taking over. So what should I do. I found out she has a spare phone nicknamed "naughty phone" because her mom accidentally left her phone at my house when she picked up the kids Friday and it rang and the ID said naughty phone. I answered and my wife hung up. I suspected it was my wife anyway. Well I looked through the texts and it was her number. There were texts that said Hi mom are you coming in my work tonight? (So disgusting to me) and one from her mom asking if she was working tonight and the response was Robert (me) thinks I am but I'm not. Then there were texts that said hey are you coming out with us tonight to celebrate Amys (here stripper friend) birthday. We are going to party!!! There were pics of them at a bar. Nothing bad in the pics I mean there was a guy at the table with them and they had drinks. I'm just describing her personality.

Can I still go to Arizona? I have a job lined up there and a rental that my previous pastor there has lined up for me. I asked my wife if she would still go and she said no. She has no idea that I am thinking of going. I just read so many things on here that say I could be charged with kidnapping, etc. I don't want to go out there get them enrolled in school and then have to move them back or even worse be arrested. She wants them half time. She wants to work out a schedule. I don't mean to sound like Im punishing her, Im not, I just seriously am scared for the kids to be around her in that environment. At least here I was here when she would come home from work and stuff. She has never physically abused the kids. BUT I am somewhat scared because of her lifestyle and she has gotten so much worse the past month. She will probably say well it was ok for me to do it when I was with you so why not now. I never said it was ok I just wouldn't leave because I didn't want the kids to go through that. Well since she has left can I and should I still go to Arizona. All of the kids family is there, with the exception of my wife and her mother. I don't want to get in trouble. If something is filed but I am not served or gone to the court date yet or anything can I hurry and get to Arizona enroll them in school and file something there? Just please be honest about what you think. This is my kids life and I don't want to make the wrong decision for them. They love their mom, they want to move back to AZ to family but want their mother to go with us. Which she has no interest in doing. Her leaving was very selfish and has put us in a tough bind financially as well. What should I do? Would I have a better shot at full custody here or in AZ. Is her lawyer filing something tomorrow really bad for me. I had no time to even catch my breath. In an instant she left and hired a lawyer and an apartment that is ready December 4. In the mean time she is staying with her mom. Please help me. I don't know what to do. I don't have money for an attorney but I could possibly go to the church here, or our church in Arizona and ask if there is a family lawyer in the church that would help me. Thank you I cant wait for responses. God bless. Robert

PS I have also gone out to leave for work in the morning and there would be a water bottle on the counter and once in the car and I went to take a sip and it was vodka, she calls it stripper juice.

That's way too long. Edit it, and please stick just to facts.

Mom has only been gone a few days. If you want to relocate, file for divorce (in your current state - not Arizona) & primary custody, and request permission to relocate with the children.

You should have started the court action earlier. You can certainly leave. If you take mutual children, you run the risk of her filing for divorce and custody in SC. Uncontested she will likely be granted full custody and you be required to return them.

Can I file something in Az when I get there? Do you think I have a shot at full custody here? Im honestly just scared about making the wrong choice.

You and the children will not be residents of AZ. If mom files in SC before they become residents and you can file there, she will likely receive full custody uncontested.

Is her filing first important? Do I get a hearing, and can I bring this stuff up, will it help? Sorry the story is so long.

- - - Updated - - -

OK. Im pretty sure she is filing temporary orders tomorrow. Should I wait and respond with this or should I go file something? Thank you so much for your help.

This will be an initial custody determination. "Best interest" will dictate, and if one of you can claim that you're the primary caregiver (as in spending more time, not financially) that will be a strong consideration.

I would advise you though not to start a character assassination of Mom - it won't end well.

So none of this stuff I listed is relevant to the decision making of the judge? I feel I needed to state that for my reasoning of trying to get full custody. Are you saying I should just ask the judge when I respond to her filing for full custody? No reason why? If so is there anything I should say to why I want it. Should I just say I don't want them in that environment? With no specific details of things Ive seen? Thank you

You tell your side, she tells hers. The court decides if you both do not agree.

Ok, but another person on here said don't start a character assassination of mom that it wont end well. So does that mean not bringing up anything. I just say I don't want the kids in that environment?