My child has now not seen Dad or other paternal family members since October due to child's own adamant insistence which is why this Motion was filed in the first place. Grades are the best they've ever been (honor roll, first time!). Child is confident, happy, friendships are growing, and generally an all-around improvement in disposition at home and and school is notable. It's very gratifying as a parent to see my child doing so well! <3
However, Court is coming and with it concerns about whether this current improvement will be allowed to continue. That's really what I want from the Court. My child currently is doing so very well and if Dad can be a part of that great and let's get those services started but if he cannot, my child should have the chance to continue doing this well and feeling this well however that needs to occur. I came to the conclusion and requested specific modifications in order to file the Motion but the reality here is that I really just want my child to remain in a situation of doing so emotionally/mentally well, however that can be accomplished.
What is not yet (as of this post) received by me are records from CPS regarding the incident in January. I am also not planning to call any witnesses for the Referee Hearing, however, would call them if we go in front of the Judge after an objection by either party to the Referee's recommendations.
However, some new information for this thread:
Paternal Grandmother exchanged private messages over social media on last Sunday (child was at a friend's house, didn't know about it until later in the day). After which, we put a block on her ability to send messages. I'm not sure how to adequately explain the relationship dynamic between Paternal Grandmother and my child. This is not the first series of messages they've exchanged. The messages consistently include threats made by Grandma toward my child (or sometimes to my child, but directed at me which bothers my child more). So far we have changed child's phone number and blocked email/social media access with a letter explanation to Dad about the events which occurred. This time, my letter stated that since Dad and child are having relationship problems, that needed to come first and that Grandma & child exchanging negative messages was impeding Dad's ability to heal relationship with our child. I basically said look, the Dad/Child relationship comes first and once that has been restored or healed perhaps we could talk about the Grandma/child relationship but that the two needed to be seperate issues with Dad coming first. I realize that she is not a parent (it is she that doesn't realize this). Transcripts of the last few text/message conversations exist, and are printed in case they are needed or wanted for review by the court. Again, I realize she is not a parent and that perhaps the court won't care. However, she is a big part of the toxicity in the relationships between my child and paternal family. Dad shares absolutely all information with Grandma, who then behaves as though she has a right to parent but in a very negative manner (my child was consistently coming home after parenting time feeling like a "failure" after Sunday dinners with the paternal extended family where they gang up on my child and say all sorts of negative things that were affecting self-worth demonstrably). Paternal Grandmother is certainly a large part of the problem in my eyes. The round of negative messages before this were in late October (when the phone number was changed) and had a heavily negative impact on my child including performance at school, self-esteem, etc. This is documented and Counselors (both School and Private) are aware of the exchange and resulting issues. This time, the messages did not have the same impact on my child. My child used short one-word answers to say "no" to demands and did not answer emotional questions or try to explain or justify but instead simply said "no". This exchange ended with Grandma stating that messages would be printed for Dad's "case against Mom" (I filed the Motion) because "she was sure the judge would like to know what "we" are dealing with" (we aren't going in front of the Judge). My child called me panicked from friends house, to which I assured that Grandma had no standing and nothing that was said would hurt anything. This incident was not as damaging because of my child's one-word responses and quick action to eliminate the ability for private contact and also the feeling of safety of not having to be confronted with Paternal Grandmother.
My Questions:
1) If the Referee makes a recommendation that I (Mom, Plaintiff, who filed this Motion) do not feel is in my child's best interest, do I then opt NOT to sign the Recommendation that is handed to me by the Referee at the close of the Hearing. I saw this information somewhere else and was curious. For some reason, I thought if the Referee hands you something, you sign it. However if I intend to file an objection, should I state that at the close of the Referee hearing and avoid signing his Recommendation?
2) Does the Court care about Paternal Grandmother's role in this situation? Will they even want to hear about or consider evidence related to her conduct with my child?
3) Based on everything in this post, is there any other information you would like to add or questions you would like to ask?
Obviously I am not sure what will happen at this hearing, however, I want to be properly prepared for any outcome and for how to handle myself appropriately.
Thank you in advance. Respectfully, Momof13
Seeking Modification to Supervised Parenting Time
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12-10-2013, 06:33 AMMomof13Re: Modification to Supervised Parenting Time
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12-10-2013, 07:02 AMSuperPopRe: Modification to Supervised Parenting Time
There is a short film actually produced for parents and children of divorce to watch called "Welcome Back Pluto". I believe this will help you, it talks about parental alienation and how to identify it and STOP DOING IT.
Am i the only one that sees mom feeding this fear to the child? -
12-10-2013, 07:05 AMMomof13Re: Modification to Supervised Parenting TimeI expected at least one person to address this issue sooner. I appreciate where you're coming from. However, the Court and our support system is well aware of the family dynamics here. Dad has alienated himself through his own behavior, I am trying to help heal the relationship between Dad and child in a SAFE environment.Quote:
Quoting SuperPop
I understand your concern, and will look up the video. My child is the one experiencing mistreatment and abuse at Dad's hands, not the other way around. Obviously it is difficult to convince someone of this on an internet forum with no knowledge or experience of our family and its real history. -
12-10-2013, 07:06 AMSuperPopRe: Modification to Supervised Parenting TimeEven if you don't believe there is Alienation going on, it is a great video to watch and there is a great book by the same doctor(Of which i can't think of the name right now)Quote:
Quoting Momof13
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12-10-2013, 07:47 AMMomof13Re: Modification to Supervised Parenting TimeI will absolutely look it up and search for the book as well, and thank you.Quote:
Quoting SuperPop
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I also found THIS BOOK in addition to the Welcome Back, Pluto website and ordered the book for my child.Quote:
Quoting SuperPop
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12-10-2013, 08:03 AMllworkingRe: Modification to Supervised Parenting TimeIn my opinion yes, you are the only one seeing this. I think that anyone who had read the entire thread would understand that is not the case.Quote:
Quoting SuperPop
You perhaps need to realize that there are good dads, bad dads and sometimes even toxic dads, just like there are good moms, bad moms, and sometimes toxic moms. -
12-10-2013, 01:30 PMDogmatiqueRe: Modification to Supervised Parenting Time
Seconded, ll. This isn't Mom's fault (if fault has to be assigned).
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12-12-2013, 09:55 AMMomof13Re: Modification to Supervised Parenting Time
Family Counseling was ordered, however, no specific duration or follow-up was put into the paperwork because apparently "that's up to the counselor you see". If one or the other parent decides not to participate in the counseling, the other could file an order to show cause but that it would do little good (according to the Family Counselor).
We didn't go before the Referee. The Family Counselor decided all of this. No Supervised time was granted.
She did acknowledge that my child had feelings and fears that needed to be addressed, however, full normal visitation resumes plus make-up time. I did not request to go in front of the Referee. I had no lawyer.
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Should I have gone before the Referee? The Family Counselor never even TOUCHED the massive amount of paperwork I had amassed including witness statements, etc. Could a lawyer have helped me handle this better? -
12-12-2013, 10:01 AMmmmagiqueRe: Modification to Supervised Parenting Time
If you weren't being heard (in your opinion) properly, then yes, I would have requested to take this further. But there's no guarantee that would have helped, either.
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12-12-2013, 05:15 PMMomof13Re: Modification to Supervised Parenting TimeI signed the order. What do I do now, aside from comply with it? Anything? Or is this question too little, too late?Quote:
Quoting mmmagique