Can Custodial Parent Refuse Visitation After Non-Custodial Parent Repeatedly Cancels
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois. My daughters father took me to court a couple of years ago to obtain a visitation order. The original order stated he would get her every two weeks and alternating holidays. We later agreed verbally to one weekend a month due to the 1 1/2 hr travel time for our meeting place. In the first year of visitation, the 6th month, he cancelled his visitation which was the weekend prior to Thanksgiving and stated he would just get her for Thanksgiving weekend since it was his holiday to have her. He then cancelled that visitation. The following month, he was supposed to have her on X-mas eve and did not have her but did have her the weekend prior to xmas. However, when he had her, she advised me that she spent her time at his ex girlfriends house, where she only saw him when he picked her up, the next morning when she saw him coming out of the girlfriends bedroom and again when again when it was time to come home. Again, 2 months later in Feb, he requested to reschedule his weekend to the following weekend, only to end up cancelling. The biggest issue started the following August when I actually needed to reschedule due to a death in the family and needing to go out of town that weekend for a funeral. We rescheduled for the following weekend, and he cancelled. he then proceeded to cancel every month after but only after I contacted him to make sure we were going to meet up that weekend. I stopped contacting him in October because I figured when he was ready to see her, he will contact me. I did not hear from him again until March the following year. He texted me to ask when he could have our daughter over for a weekend again as if I'm the one that stopped him from seeing her. I advised him that since he had not bothered with her for the past 8 or 9 months that he needed to come out by our home and spend time with her that way until he could show us that he was going to be consistant in her life and that she was not going to be staying a weekend. I realize, I may have not had the right to do or say this, but him being in and out of my daughters life is unacceptable and disrupts her life continuously. We did not hear from him again until May. Starting in May, he came out to our house and picked her up and spent a few hours with her and then dropped her off. He did this for about 3 months, 1 day out of the whole month. Mind you, he has never made one phone call to our daughter during this whole ordeal to see how she is doing with school or just in general. Not even a call on her birthday or any holidays. I know that its not required, but this is just another part that bothers me. Anyway...finally this past weekend I allowed my daughter to go over to his home for the weekend. I advised him that if he wanted her for the weekend, that he would need to pick her up and drop her off because I was not able to meet him half way due to work and gas money. I advised him on the Friday before he picked her up that if he was not able to pick her up and drop her off that he should just come out her to spend the day with her. I did not hear back from him and he communicated with my daughter that he was coming to pick her up. He picked her up on Saturday, but when Sunday came around, he started harassing me about meeting him. In the end, he did end up dropping my daughter off, but only after arguing with me for 3 or 4 hours via text. He refuses to speak directly to me either over the phone or in person. He will only communicate with me via text which I feel is very impersonable especially when discussing our daughter and visitation arrangements. I'm reluctant to allow her to keep going over there if there is always going to be issues. I feel that his disappearance from her life after the court order that HE took me to court for should be enough for me to say this is enough. He was not involved in her life much for the 1st 5 years. When she was about 5 he started wanting to be in her life again. I forced my daughter to spend time with him so she could get to know him. He was consistant for a couple of years, but eventually stopped and only saw her at his convienence. My daughter is now 13, and I know that having a father in your life is very important. But when that father is inconsistent and does not follow the court order that he asked for in the first place, am I allowed to adjust the visitation to what I feel is appropriate or do I need to take legal action to amend or remove the order? Do I have any rights in protecting my child from his inconsistency and how it effects her personally. Its not fair to my daughter to be on this emotional roller coaster. She loves and adores her dad and has these high expectations that some day he will change and make her a priority. The only time he seems to want to start seeing her again, is when the state of Wisconsin starts making him pay child support again or he goes to jail. She has even told me herself, without me telling her the situation at hand, that she feels he only wants to see her when he wants to make himself look good. How am I supposed to respond to that? How can I keep letting him do this to her? I just need some guidance here so I know what or if there is anything I can do, or does his non-custodial "fathers" rights take over all my rights of protecting my child. Here is another food for thought...If I didn't pick my daughter up from school, day care...if I didn't cloth her, put a roof over her head, feed her, send her to school, provide heat, electricity, water...wouldn't that be considered neglect and have my child taken away from me? How is it that a father who doesn't provided these things to their children and isn't consistently in their life not considered to be neglecting their child and lose their rights? I know I have rambled on but I needed to provide the bigger picture here. Yes, there is more to this story, but trust me, mostly against him. I'm not saying I've been perfect, but I've always had my daughters best interest at heart and never wanted to take away a relationship between her and her father. I don't have extra money to hire a lawyer and I'm just looking for some advise to see what options I have and if I need to take him to court again would I have any chance of being able to be the one to say how, when and where he has his visitation so that I have the ability to stop this madness. He's the type of person that feels that because he is her dad, that he can do what ever, when ever he feels like it with no reprocussions.
Re: Can Custodial Parent Refuse Visitation After Non-Custodial Parent Repeatedly Canc
(Holy Moly - any chance of you using paragraphs?)
The bottom line is that you are the CP and you get to enjoy your child far more than the NCP....and as a result you also have a much different obligation.
You've said nothing that would justify revoking his rights - seriously, he's allowed to be a "come and go" Dad to a huge degree.
You can't stop him for exercising his visitation rights. But if this continues long enough you just might have a reason to modify the current order.
Re: Can Custodial Parent Refuse Visitation After Non-Custodial Parent Repeatedly Canc
I agree, difficult to read without paragraphs.
I would suggest to have the school counselor see your daughter or get her in some therapy sessions if you haven't already. She can learn valuable coping skills in how to deal with all this (his in/out of her life, let-downs, etc).
"She has even told me herself, without me telling her the situation at hand, that she feels he only wants to see her when he wants to make himself look good. How am I supposed to respond to that?"
She is getting older and realizing things... when she asks/tells you certain things.. just be there for her, you do not have to agree with her.. try to stay neutral. Tough situation...at some point when you request to modify the order, try to get everything worded EXACTLY how it should be so there are no questions, like with who is suppose to pick up/drop off for visitation, is there a middle place to meet, etc. etc.