What Do I Do if My Son Chooses to Live with Me

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas

Hello. I have been divorced for 5 years now. At the time we chose to let our children decide where they want to live rather than drag them through a custody battle and they chose their mother. My daughter is now 18 and has moved on with her life and my son is 16. I have put up with my ex-wife's crap for 5 years now but tonight was the last straw. I paid $1250 a month in child support which dropped to $1000 when my daughter turned 18 in August. My ex-wife refuses to really converse with me at all. She communicates through the kids for whatever reason. I moved to Nebraska 3 weeks ago because I am in the Air Force and my sons grades are really good right now so I didn't want to disrupt that by trying to change his custody when I moved. My ex-wife does NOT support my son in the least. She got remarried to the man she was cheating on me with almost immediately and had a child with this man. She is a stay at home mom generating no income at all. If it wasn't for my child support they would live in a cardboard box. Her new husband is a fire fighter who left his family and he is currently paying child support for his two children. I pay for EVERYTHING on top of my child support to include cell phones, a $4500 car for my daughter a few years ago, a NEW car for my daughter a few months ago, car insurance, college classes and books, school trips, school clothes, taking them to the movies and vacations every few years. SHE DOES NOTHING but use them as a babysitter for her new kid. My son has expressed interest in living with me for some time now but he does not want to rock the boat and I understand that. I feel helpless now that I no longer live in Texas to be there for him if he needs something. He is a good kid, he is not spoiled, he appreciates what he has and is a respectful, quiet kid. When I confront my ex wife about something regarding my son she punishes him rather than talk or text me about it. Tonight, his grandfather wanted to take him to see Thor 2, which is a 35 mile drive one way just to pick him up. My father told me that my son had to be back home TONIGHT after the movie. I texted my ex-wife and kindly asked if he could be brought home tomorrow so my 64 year old father wouldn't have to drive home in the dead of night. (70 mile round trip each time). Her response to my son was because I asked this question to her he could no longer go to the movies tonight and that if I called or texted her about it, he would be grounded. SO....my question is, what do I need to accomplish to get my son to live with me if he gives me the FOR SURE GREEN LIGHT to come live with me and my wife here in Nebraska. There is so much more to offer him here than that small, po-dunk town back in Texas. Do I need a lawyer? Is there paperwork I can file with the attorney general to get things in motion? I don't know where to start if I have to make a move. I love my son and I KNOW in my heart he is better off with me. I truly believe my ex wife only wants to keep my son so she can collect child support. I honestly don't care about the money....my wife and I make six figures a year between the two of us.

You don't have any legal reason for changing custody.

No, but if the law states (like I believe it does) that the child can choose to live with whom they choose after the age of 12, then is a legal reason necessary?

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No, but if the law states (like I believe it does) that the child can choose to live with whom they choose after the age of 12, then is a legal reason necessary?

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You believe incorrectly.

The courts MAY take a child's wishes into consideration during the course of normal custody proceedings, or during modification proceedings if they are merited because of a change in the child's circumstances. That's not happening here, so there's not going to be any change in the child's living arrangements, no matter what he wants.

A court order is an ORDER, and is not to be trifled with.

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Quoting OrthoScotty

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No, but if the law states (like I believe it does) that the child can choose to live with whom they choose after the age of 12, then is a legal reason necessary?

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the law states that #1 basis for any determination what is in the best interest of the child. Then, yes, at 12, the courts do listen to the child's choice but you have to meet that #1 thing first. Given you are military, I can think of a lot of ways that might make you as the primary custodian not in the best interest of your child.

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Sec. 156.101. GROUNDS FOR MODIFICATION OF ORDER ESTABLISHING CONSERVATORSHIP OR POSSESSION AND ACCESS. (a) The court may modify an order that provides for the appointment of a conservator of a child, that provides the terms and conditions of conservatorship, or that provides for the possession of or access to a child if modification would be in the best interest of the child and:
(1) the circumstances of the child, a conservator, or other party affected by the order have materially and substantially changed since the earlier of:
(A) the date of the rendition of the order; or
(B) the date of the signing of a mediated or collaborative law settlement agreement on which the order is based;
(2) the child is at least 12 years of age and has expressed to the court in chambers as provided by Section 153.009 the name of the person who is the child's preference to have the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child; or
(3) the conservator who has the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child has voluntarily relinquished the primary care and possession of the child to another person for at least six months.
(b) Subsection (a)(3) does not apply to a conservator who has the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child and who has temporarily relinquished the primary care and possession of the child to another person during the conservator's military deployment, military mobilization, or temporary military duty, as those terms are defined by Section 153.701.

Added by Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 20, Sec. 1, eff. April 20, 1995. Amended by Acts 1995, 74th Leg., ch. 751, Sec. 47, eff. Sept. 1, 1995; Acts 1999, 76th Leg., ch. 1390, Sec. 16, eff. Sept. 1, 1999; Acts 2001, 77th Leg., ch. 1289, Sec. 5, eff. Sept. 1, 2001; Acts 2003, 78th Leg., ch. 1036, Sec. 19, eff. Sept. 1, 2003.
Amended by:

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Texas is an odd state at times.

While the older statute was repealed in 2009, there still exists a similar mechanism allowing either parent to petition the court and request that the child is heard; there is no "may", only a distinct "shall" if the child is over 12. And though it might seem pedantic, the CoC is not limited to the child, exactly - a change in the parent's circumstances can also be used as the qualifying (for want of a better word) factor.

Of course that doesn't do away with the rest of the criteria ;)

And yeah - Texas is weird :D

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Quoting OrthoScotty

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas

Hello. I have been divorced for 5 years now. At the time we chose to let our children decide where they want to live rather than drag them through a custody battle and they chose their mother.

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That was not a good idea.

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My daughter is now 18 and has moved on with her life and my son is 16. I have put up with my ex-wife's crap for 5 years now but tonight was the last straw. I paid $1250 a month in child support which dropped to $1000 when my daughter turned 18 in August. My ex-wife refuses to really converse with me at all. She communicates through the kids for whatever reason.

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You could ask the court to order participation in Family Wizard.

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I moved to Nebraska 3 weeks ago because I am in the Air Force and my sons grades are really good right now so I didn't want to disrupt that by trying to change his custody when I moved. My ex-wife does NOT support my son in the least.

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Perhaps she simply realizes that a teen shouldn't be making such a huge decision?

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She got remarried to the man she was cheating on me with almost immediately and had a child with this man. She is a stay at home mom generating no income at all. If it wasn't for my child support they would live in a cardboard box. Her new husband is a fire fighter who left his family and he is currently paying child support for his two children. I pay for EVERYTHING on top of my child support to include cell phones, a $4500 car for my daughter a few years ago, a NEW car for my daughter a few months ago, car insurance, college classes and books, school trips, school clothes, taking them to the movies and vacations every few years.

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Your choice to buy Princess a car is not Mom's problem. She doesn't have to work, and by golly if she wants to save up that CS for a holiday in Bora Bora, she can do that.

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SHE DOES NOTHING but use them as a babysitter for her new kid. My son has expressed interest in living with me for some time now but he does not want to rock the boat and I understand that.

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I'm not sure I'd call feeding the child, clothing him and providing him with a roof and utilities "nothing".

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I feel helpless now that I no longer live in Texas to be there for him if he needs something. He is a good kid, he is not spoiled, he appreciates what he has and is a respectful, quiet kid.

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In other words, Mom is raising a good kid who is actually thriving under her primary care.

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When I confront my ex wife about something regarding my son she punishes him rather than talk or text me about it. Tonight, his grandfather wanted to take him to see Thor 2, which is a 35 mile drive one way just to pick him up. My father told me that my son had to be back home TONIGHT after the movie. I texted my ex-wife and kindly asked if he could be brought home tomorrow so my 64 year old father wouldn't have to drive home in the dead of night. (70 mile round trip each time). Her response to my son was because I asked this question to her he could no longer go to the movies tonight and that if I called or texted her about it, he would be grounded.

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Assuming this is not your parenting time, Mom has every right to say "no". It's not her fault your father has to drive there and back. To be perfectly honest, it shouldn't even have been an issue - nobody should be making promises during the other parent's time.

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SO....my question is, what do I need to accomplish to get my son to live with me if he gives me the FOR SURE GREEN LIGHT to come live with me and my wife here in Nebraska. There is so much more to offer him here than that small, po-dunk town back in Texas.

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Well, you lived there too, right? Re-read what you wrote here. Seriously.

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Do I need a lawyer? Is there paperwork I can file with the attorney general to get things in motion? I don't know where to start if I have to make a move. I love my son and I KNOW in my heart he is better off with me. I truly believe my ex wife only wants to keep my son so she can collect child support. I honestly don't care about the money....my wife and I make six figures a year between the two of us.

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This always kills me. Do you HONESTLY believe that being the primary parent is cheaper ? You're dreaming.

You also are dreaming if you really think that your son would want to leave all of his friends to move to Nebraska and start all over, half way through high school.

If my ex tried to micromanage me from the other side of the country I would probably have reacted like mom did too. Seriously dad, think about it? What were you doing even getting involved with when your father had to return the child to mom? That was between mom and grandpa and you shouldn't have been involved with it at all.

It might be more productive to investigate the Texas run away laws. At 17 the child can leave and the balance of power shifted as long as the law is followed.

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Quoting OrthoScotty

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No, but if the law states (like I believe it does) that the child can choose to live with whom they choose after the age of 12, then is a legal reason necessary?

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The law does not so state that. So yes, a legal reason IS necessary.

DogMatique,

A couple of things in response to your colorful replies. My ex wife clothes and feeds him with MY MONEY not hers, as she does not generate income.

I lived in po-dunk Texas because that's where the military sent me....We don't have too much control over where the mission sends us....Seriously.

My son thrives because I drive him...the ex wife is a GED graduate who has no ambition to better herself...I have a bachelors degree in Health Care Management and my wife has a Masters in Biology.

While true she has every right to say "no" to my son about the movies...she had agreed to let him go and then retracted for no good reason. Remember IM the one trying to keep good lines of communication open with my ex wife despite her being a total douche.

I said in my last statement I don't care about the money...don't care if its cheaper or not to be primary. Its about me being be better for my children than waste of space, burden on tax payers dollars ex wife!

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Thank you to those with intelligent, respectful replies. I truly appreciate it. One thing I have noticed on this site is that a lot of the replies appear to be HOSTILE toward the thread generators. I get the impression the site is moderated by a bunch of bitter, single moms who were wronged by their ex husbands, became child law experts and started combing this website to hate on people. I have always been a responsible parent and done by best to minimize the burden of the divorce for my kids. Court order or no court order, my peers will tell anybody that I am the better parent between the two of us. Again, thank you to those who have filled me in on what the options are for this.