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Worried Ex Will Attempt to Abduct Children

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  • 11-04-2013, 07:26 AM
    0303EHM
    Worried Ex Will Attempt to Abduct Children
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    I reside in TX & ex lives in Midwest. We all used to live in CA & he chose to take a job in the Midwest because per him "that's what would make him happiest." A month after he moved, I decided for financial reasons & the best interest of our family, to move to TX which also put us closer to their father.
    Ex was sporadically involved when we all lived in CA. He has documented PTSD, anger management, suicide threats etc. He has now not seen the kids since April & even forgot both kids birthdays. (Ages 3&4)
    Calls are sporadic. He's been going into arrears since June too.

    So besides him sending papers a week ago saying he's attempting to take full custody of the kids from me, (see my other post regarding absent father that now wants full custody) he'd sent a text a few weeks ago AND a letter from his attorney and it said "FYI, I'll be in your area from Nov 4th through the 6th and you WILL let me see the kids and have them with me at a hotel." (Ok, I've never denied him, so the way he went about this was really weird and accusatory)
    I simply text back "ok sounds great...as it gets a little close, let's nail down pick up/drop off locations and times that work for both our schedules."
    He never answered me.
    Then he started inquiring what sizes in all clothing the kids wear and if he was on their emergency contacts at school (in other words, so he can pick up)

    After a bunch of false accusations about me in his request for custody papers and his odd questions, my attorney and I both think he's going to attempt to take the kids. Last week, my attorney sent an agreement to his that if he wants to see the kids, he must pick up by 5pm today, they are not allowed to leave the state of TX and must be returned to me at their school no later than 5pm Wed the 6th. It was given to them last Wed. He hasn't signed it.
    He then called me last night...first voicemail said "uh yeah hi, I'm flying in kinda late tomorrow night so you will née to drop the kids at my hotel at the airport at 9pm or after...then I leave REALLY early Wed so you'll need to drive back and pick them up at 5am...be sure to lack them pajamas etc and all their stuff"

    (Ok, he never said he was flying and he wants me to drive 40mkna to drop them after they'll have been asleep an hour and a half and haven't seen him in almost 7 months?? Then he wants me to pick them up Wed at 5am?!? That's definitely not in the best interest of the kids and lets my forget I work too!

    THEN...I get a SECOND message just 15mins later...he says "hey me again...I was just sitting here thinking and I said "did I just tell her 5am?" That's not what I meant. I meant, just give me the address to their school and ill actually just go drop them off around 1230pm or 1pm Wed...that way you can just pick them up there later at school. And I'll go to the airport."

    (What?!? Anyone else smell anything fishy here?? Your flight either leaves early in the morning like you originally said, or it doesn't!)

    Then a THIRD message last night "hey...I didnt hear from you yet to confirm you got my message...so yeah if you could call or text me anytime...like I said, you need to drop them off to me at 9pm and then ill return them to school Wed by 130 (wait, now it's 130????)
    And he urges for the school's address again too...(I've told him in the past where they go to school)

    So it's all very weird. I didn't respond to him due to the nature of our situation an I'm waiting for my attorney to call in about 15mins. She has told me if he won't sign that agreement by this morning, she doesn't want me releasing the kids to him based on the circumstances. And I trust her...he's never steered me wrong.

    Thoughts? Advice? Any experience with a similar situation? I really am concerned for the health and safety of the kids and he doesn't sound like he's being on the up and up, which is the norm for him.
  • 11-04-2013, 08:12 AM
    llworking
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Quote:

    Quoting 0303EHM
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    I reside in TX & ex lives in Midwest. We all used to live in CA & he chose to take a job in the Midwest because per him "that's what would make him happiest." A month after he moved, I decided for financial reasons & the best interest of our family, to move to TX which also put us closer to their father.
    Ex was sporadically involved when we all lived in CA. He has documented PTSD, anger management, suicide threats etc. He has now not seen the kids since April & even forgot both kids birthdays. (Ages 3&4)
    Calls are sporadic. He's been going into arrears since June too.

    So besides him sending papers a week ago saying he's attempting to take full custody of the kids from me, (see my other post regarding absent father that now wants full custody) he'd sent a text a few weeks ago AND a letter from his attorney and it said "FYI, I'll be in your area from Nov 4th through the 6th and you WILL let me see the kids and have them with me at a hotel." (Ok, I've never denied him, so the way he went about this was really weird and accusatory)
    I simply text back "ok sounds great...as it gets a little close, let's nail down pick up/drop off locations and times that work for both our schedules."
    He never answered me.
    Then he started inquiring what sizes in all clothing the kids wear and if he was on their emergency contacts at school (in other words, so he can pick up)

    After a bunch of false accusations about me in his request for custody papers and his odd questions, my attorney and I both think he's going to attempt to take the kids. Last week, my attorney sent an agreement to his that if he wants to see the kids, he must pick up by 5pm today, they are not allowed to leave the state of TX and must be returned to me at their school no later than 5pm Wed the 6th. It was given to them last Wed. He hasn't signed it.
    He then called me last night...first voicemail said "uh yeah hi, I'm flying in kinda late tomorrow night so you will née to drop the kids at my hotel at the airport at 9pm or after...then I leave REALLY early Wed so you'll need to drive back and pick them up at 5am...be sure to lack them pajamas etc and all their stuff"

    (Ok, he never said he was flying and he wants me to drive 40mkna to drop them after they'll have been asleep an hour and a half and haven't seen him in almost 7 months?? Then he wants me to pick them up Wed at 5am?!? That's definitely not in the best interest of the kids and lets my forget I work too!

    THEN...I get a SECOND message just 15mins later...he says "hey me again...I was just sitting here thinking and I said "did I just tell her 5am?" That's not what I meant. I meant, just give me the address to their school and ill actually just go drop them off around 1230pm or 1pm Wed...that way you can just pick them up there later at school. And I'll go to the airport."

    (What?!? Anyone else smell anything fishy here?? Your flight either leaves early in the morning like you originally said, or it doesn't!)

    Then a THIRD message last night "hey...I didnt hear from you yet to confirm you got my message...so yeah if you could call or text me anytime...like I said, you need to drop them off to me at 9pm and then ill return them to school Wed by 130 (wait, now it's 130????)
    And he urges for the school's address again too...(I've told him in the past where they go to school)

    So it's all very weird. I didn't respond to him due to the nature of our situation an I'm waiting for my attorney to call in about 15mins. She has told me if he won't sign that agreement by this morning, she doesn't want me releasing the kids to him based on the circumstances. And I trust her...he's never steered me wrong.

    Thoughts? Advice? Any experience with a similar situation? I really am concerned for the health and safety of the kids and he doesn't sound like he's being on the up and up, which is the norm for him.

    You need to rely on your attorney's advice...not ours. It does kind of sound like he intends to attempt a "snatch". You might discuss with your attorney the idea of him visiting the children in your home and finding someone else to watch them that week instead of them being at their regular school.
  • 11-04-2013, 08:16 AM
    LawResearcherMissy
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Pay attention to your attorney, it's why you're paying her.
  • 11-04-2013, 10:11 AM
    0303EHM
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Thank you...he hasn't agreed to sign anything yet, so we're in a holding pattern to see if he'll sign so he can at least have visitation with them tomorrow.
  • 11-04-2013, 10:19 AM
    llworking
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Quote:

    Quoting 0303EHM
    View Post
    Thank you...he hasn't agreed to sign anything yet, so we're in a holding pattern to see if he'll sign so he can at least have visitation with them tomorrow.

    Are there existing custody orders? I assumed their were but in re-reading I am not certain.

    I am not sure what having him sign a piece of paper is going to do. If there are existing custody orders a new piece of paper isn't going to make them more enforceable than they already are. If no custody orders exist a piece of paper that has not been signed off on by a judge isn't going to help you either.
  • 11-04-2013, 12:12 PM
    0303EHM
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Our original CO reflects when we both used to live in CA (hence going to court again soon because we live in different states and he hasn't seen them in almost 7 months) & the order there stated I was primary (custodial parent) & primary household and he had every other weekend visitation (which he sporadically exercised)
    50/50 legal on that CO too.
  • 11-04-2013, 12:21 PM
    llworking
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Quote:

    Quoting 0303EHM
    View Post
    Our original CO reflects when we both used to live in CA (hence going to court again soon because we live in different states and he hasn't seen them in almost 7 months) & the order there stated I was primary (custodial parent) & primary household and he had every other weekend visitation (which he sporadically exercised)
    50/50 legal on that CO too.

    The fact that you moved doesn't change the fact that you have primary custody and he has visitation.
  • 11-04-2013, 12:45 PM
    0303EHM
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    I understand that...but my concern is visitation outside what the order says, which is normally be completely fine with...BUT since he just sent papers in, saying he's attempting to gain full custody of the kids from me, wanted to know all their clothing sizes, is he on their emergency pickup list for school, etc...my attorney's worry and mine, is that he'll attempt to remove them and take them back to his state. He is very angry and spiteful right now...5 months behind on support, etc. I know support and visitation don't go hand in hand, but I'm saying that's part of the reason he's so mad.
  • 11-04-2013, 02:31 PM
    aardvarc
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Simple: if what he's asking for is outside the bounds of what any current court ordered visitation outlines, then you say "no". You don't have to give a reason or defend your answer, just say "sorry, but no"....whether he signs anything or not, because as already noted, there's NOTHING he can sign that can have ANY relevance above and beyond an already standing court order, and in the absence of any order, it's not enforceable anyway.

    He's already initiated legal proceedings regarding custody, so let him battle out his issues in the proper venue in the courtroom, not on the phone and in emails/texts with you.
  • 11-04-2013, 04:35 PM
    llworking
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Quote:

    Quoting aardvarc
    View Post
    Simple: if what he's asking for is outside the bounds of what any current court ordered visitation outlines, then you say "no". You don't have to give a reason or defend your answer, just say "sorry, but no"....whether he signs anything or not, because as already noted, there's NOTHING he can sign that can have ANY relevance above and beyond an already standing court order, and in the absence of any order, it's not enforceable anyway.

    He's already initiated legal proceedings regarding custody, so let him battle out his issues in the proper venue in the courtroom, not on the phone and in emails/texts with you.

    That is a good point...if he had every other weekend visitation per court order, then obviously Monday to Wednesday visitation would not be required under the court order.
  • 11-04-2013, 08:11 PM
    0303EHM
    Re: Urgent.ex Absent for Almost 7 Months.situation Occurring Today
    Yes...my thoughts too, although I'm not trying to prevent him from seeing them (he still wants it to seem that way) so at the end of the day today, we had a stip written up that he will pick the kids up from school tomorrow morning & drop them back off Wed morning at school and are not to leave the state.
    I'll get confirmation first thing in the morning, but so far tonight, I've gotten several voicemails from him demanding the address of their school. (Funny thing is, I gave it to him in Sept...) My attorney said not to give him the address until she confirms he's signed it.
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