Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
How is relying on you during HIS parenting time co-parenting?
The child needs to learn coping skills.
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
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How do I handle the Christmas disput?
If there is no order dictating who what where and when, then you decide between the two of you. If you can't agree, then you don't make a huge issue about it such that the kids become involved. If he has the kids and won't relinquish them, there really isn't anything you can do. Same goes if it is the other way around.
Yes, document that. Given the history, it is a sign of lack of working together in the best interest of the children and fairness. Don't expect it to be a big issue but simply one bit of information a court will use to make any decisions.
just want to toss this out there so you can see I am not coming from a place of ignorance.
I have a couple daughters (no sons). They each had their own rooms. That never stopped them from wandering through the house in various stages of dress, or undress, never being concerned about me seeing them. It never bothered me and it never bothered them. Getting dressed? Whoops, need the bra out of the dryer, just ignore me as I walk through the house 1/2 naked. Yes, they were afforded privacy in their rooms if needed but generally, that was only needed when they wanted to study without interference. If something was going on they really expected privacy, the bathroom offered that. Does dad have a bathroom?
I just realized something. If dad had a 1 bedroom, who do you think would be "assigned" the bedroom and who do you think would be in the living room on the couch or air mattress? I would bet that dad would have the bedroom and the girls would be in the other areas, just like they are right now. So, would you demand he rent a 2 bedroom apartment upon realizing this?
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Lunatink
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Of course he capable but why tell the six year old "stop complaining and asking for mom". How is that co-parenting??!
it's called; fulfilling the role of a father.
Did you call dad the last time either girl was sick so dad could console them? I suspect not. Why? maybe because you are quite capable of dealing with a sick child without their father needing to be involved.
seriously, the more you post, the more you show this is not about dad's studio apartment but you wanting to control the situation.
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
Get the kids some therapy and learn coping skills. You cannot control what dad does or where he chooses to live or demand he continue 50/50 and share custody. Those days are over, you are not together anymore. Be the very best parent you can be on your own parenting time.
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
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Lunatink
It's wrong of my girls to be upset because they....., know that their dad is doing it to save money to live with his girlfriend two hours away?.
You know what's wrong? A 6yo and 11yo thinking that way, because I've got news - kids don't have ANY concept of issues such as this unless it's brought to their attention.
No, you don't get a say re: where dad lives. Two hours away is nothing overall.
You aren't getting sympathetic responses because you're coming across as wanting to dictate how dad parents, where he lives, and want to attempt to take punitive measures because you want him to live and parent according to your terms. You are, however, receiving legally correct responses.
And courts see this crap every single day. You throw all of this at the court you're most likely going to be in for a shock. Tell the judge that s/he is being an ass for calling a spade a spade when you get called out on the carpet.
You can throw a snot bubble fit all you want, doesn't mean that you're right or that the court is going to toss your fit right back in your face.
As an aside, I'm always amused when CPs and NCPs think they know what the other parent can afford.
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
Snot bubble fit? That. Is. AWESOME.
I gotta use that! :D
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
It's all the same people responding and getting off on the rude condescending hateful comments. Who knew such a wacko forum existed! Thanks everyone enjoy your advice boners ;)
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
It is wrong for you to hold others to the level of expectation you feel is appropriate. CA has entire families living in one room hotel rooms. Go find someone else ankles to bite.
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
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Lunatink
It's all the same people responding and getting off on the rude condescending hateful comments. Who knew such a wacko forum existed! Thanks everyone enjoy your advice boners ;)
Translation:
I know I'm in the wrong so I'm going to take a tantrum.
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
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Dogmatique
Snot bubble fit? That. Is. AWESOME.
I gotta use that! :D
LOL
Happy to amuse. :)
Re: Is Studio Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody
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Lunatink
Wow ok I guess kids just need "shelter". Like dogs I suppose. Not my requirements just thinking how how kids must feel about dad getting studio when he can afford more and wont give them what they need. There's more to being a dad than just providing shelter and if the courts don't see that then we have a very flawed and sad system.
Well, since the law doesn't allow us to take kids who are living in cars with their parents, or kids that share a bedroom with a sibling, the kids aren't going to be taken simply because they have to camp out in the living room. If the standard was a room for each child, or even one room for two children, then CPS would be overwhelmed with children in custody. Not everyone has a home where they have the luxury of one or two kids per room.
The law requires shelter for children. The law doesn't generally require shelter for a dog. What your personal requirements might be or what you'd like them to be are not a legal concern.
Now, if the kids were in foster care, they would be required to have a room. But, that's a different situation.
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Lunatink
So it's wrong of me to want the kids dad to not move because he will see less of the kids?
It's not "wrong" to be bothered that he might see less of them, but it's not possible to compel him to stay where he is or even to compel him to get a bigger place. And people make financial choices all the time - even when they have kids. There's no legal or common sense requirement to go broke just because you have kids. If a smaller place saves money, great. Maybe he and the girlfriend will save their money and eventually get a bigger place with the savings. Who knows?
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Lunatink
And because I'm getting some responses I have a second question. Since we have no formal custody agreement at all we are in a disput about the holidays. He had them last Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. He also has had them for the last four Christmas Eves till at least 9:00pm. This year I'm asking for a full Christmas Eve and Christmas morning till 10:00am. He is unwilling to do so. So since I'm in the middle of completing the divorce and custody paperwork to file I'm sure we won't get a custody hearing before the holidays... How do I handle the Christmas disput? Do I just document it and present it before the judge after the fact?
If there is no court order for custody and visitation then neither of you are required to abide my anything. You can simply say "no" ... but, then, he can always pick them up to come with him and play the same game. Ultimately, if the kids become pawns in a pissing match, CPS can take them as there is a provision in CA law for just such a thing.
It's better to work with him in some way rather than go into court with one or both of you seeming intransigent and/or immature.