Is a Studio Apartment Acceptable for Visitation with Joint Custody

Quote:

---

Quoting Lunatink

---

Why is it that everyone thinks mom and dad create issues in the kids minds? I'm astonished! Its not like that in all cases. Kids when raised correctly are taught to think and feel for themselves. They don't need mom and dad to tell them how to feel. They are perceptive, smart and very aware of their emotional and physical needs. My older daughter hit puberty a year and half ago so it does make her feel uncomfortable to be living in a studio and still sleeping with her little sister. And if my ex was half the father he was for the first two years of our separation I would not being pushing this issue.

---

Re-read my response. :cool:

Quote:

---

Quoting Lunatink

---

I want him to have 50/50. I want him to share custody with me. All I'm asking is that he live in the same city, keep them on his custody days, and and least get a one bedroom for the girls. If he cant do those things then i would like to see of I can get full custody and him every other weekend visitation. But your wrong if you think the kids don't care. They do because they can see the parents priority choices.

---

gee, why not ask that he wash your car every week and change the oil every 3 months as well.


You do not get to demand he live in the same city. Guaranteed he will be allowed to move some distance away if he so chooses without there being an adverse affect on the custody issue.

You cannot demand he take the children on his permitted days nor can he demand you take them on yours. After enough of that it would eventually be a basis for a modification but in the short term; not within your control

a 1 bedroom would be nice but not necessary nor legally required. A 2 bedroom would be nicer. A 3 bedroom would allow everybody to have their own rooms. A 4,5,6 or more bedroom would allow for a play room, a room for overnight guests, and anything else they want but the courts are just not going to go there.

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting Lunatink

---

My older daughter hit puberty a year and half ago so it does make her feel uncomfortable to be living in a studio and still sleeping with her little sister.

---

you have my sympathy to have a daughter that entered puberty at 9 1/2. Obviously that is very early and it is hard enough when they are a bit more mature.

but what does that have to do with being uncomfortable sharing a bed with her sister? It's not like her little sister is going to attack because she can "smell" the hormones the older daughter is giving off. At 11, regardless of her entering puberty, her mind is still 11 years old and will have the maturity of an 11 yo. The argument doesn't hold much weight in the overall issue.

Honestly? The 11 year old's feelings may well be valid if push came to shove in court.

If your 11 year old doesn't want to share a bed with her 6 year old sister, buy an air mattress or a sleeping bag for one of them and have them sleep on the floor on the other side of the room. Problem solved. Tell her it's a camp out.

Seriously, if you start making demands like this in front of a judge, you're going to find yourself the noncustodial parent because it will be PERCEIVED that you are trying to give dad unnecessary grief and too much unnecessary grief, whether intentional or not gives a judge the impression that you are not willing to coparent PEACEFULLY... and that means the other parent probably needs to be primary.

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Honestly? The 11 year old's feelings may well be valid if push came to shove in court.

---

No it wouldn't. You know why? Because if dad can't afford a larger home regardless of WHY he can't afford it, he's not going to be penalized for it. Not in CA, he's not. They're extremely bleeding heart when it comes to finances and housing, especially these days.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Honestly? The 11 year old's feelings may well be valid if push came to shove in court.

---

It will probably cause a judge to go;

maybe you need to think about this



I cannot see a judge ordering dad to obtain different housing though.

So it's wrong of me to want the kids dad to not move because he will see less of the kids? It's wrong of me to be upset that he moved our girls into a studio to save money to move away from them when its to live with his girlfriend? It's wrong of my girls to be upset because they have no personal space and know that their dad is doing it to save money to live with his girlfriend two hours away? And it's wrong of me to want full physical custody if he isn't giving our girls at least a one bedroom they share along with several other issues that i brought up. I'm surprised I have to defend myself when it's me only trying to look out for the kids. I don't want them to not see their dad I just don't want them to be unhappy and angry at their father because of his choices. I think their time would be much more enjoyable together if he had them on the weekends.

Quote:

---

Lunatink;755194]So it's wrong of me to want the kids dad to not move because he will see less of the kids?

---

what? How can you even ask that when you are threatening to seek primary custody with dad have every other weekend visitation?

How about making up your mind as to what the problem is?

Quote:

---

It's wrong of me to be upset that he moved our girls into a studio to save money to move away from them when its to live with his girlfriend?

---

yep. It's called; controlling

Quote:

---

It's wrong of my girls to be upset because they have no personal space and know that their dad is doing it to save money to live with his girlfriend two hours away?

---

I'll give you partial credit for that one.

Quote:

---

And it's wrong of me to want full physical custody if he isn't giving our girls at least a one bedroom they share along with several other issues that i brought up

---

.Yes, absolutely.

Quote:

---

I'm surprised I have to defend myself when it's me only trying to look out for the kids.

---

but you really aren't. The curtain has been pulled back. You are using this issue to attempt to gain primary custody.

Quote:

---

I think their time would be much more enjoyable together if he had them on the weekends.

---

and there is yet another excuse. Will he magically have an extra bedroom if he has them only on the weekends? Obviously not.

If I was always after full custody I would have done it long ago. Let me again lay it out for you. My ex and I have co-parented beautifully for over two years. No issues at all what so ever. Last year he met a girl in a different city. I have no issues at all as my partner who I've dated for two years lives three hours away. Once my ex started dating this woman he was seeing less and less of our girls. From January to May of this year I had them 80 percent because he wanted to give me the kids instead of him taking them. My daughters started to become more and more emotionally upset. My older daughter was uncomfortable that her dad rushed things with this girl and she was feeling that he made no time for her. Because they were seeing their dad less and he would forget the girls father daughter dance, soccer games, and leave them with me or his family to be with his girlfriend. I talked to my ex over and over expressing that the girls feel left behind, that you don't listen to their needs, and that they are crying and don't feel important. I pleaded with him for months and when he said he would be moving at the end of the school year my heart is broken for my girls. No one wants to see their little girls not feel important to the one person that should always be there for them. Since he decided to move into a studio at the end of this month I have also faced other issues. When my six year old was sick and vomiting she was crying for me. Instead of having her call me so I can calm her down he told her "quit complaining your moms not here". And he also told the girls that I need to get a job so he doesn't have to pay me more child support. Now a year ago I had brain surgery and am on disability for the moment. There isn't anything I can change in regards to child support. However he should have never told our girls that. Lastly, two weeks ago on his visitation days he called me asking if I had the girls. He had left town and had forgotten who had the kids. On the weekends he takes them to his girlfriends place and they sleep on the couch. With my partner living three hours away i will not be moving away from my kids. I also do not take them to my partners place during the school year because its not fair to them and it takes away from the downtime they need. The girls are very upset and so am I that he's choosing to move. If that's controlling well I don't see how that is. He was in a two bedroom and now is in a studio plus I have all these other emotional issues. So maybe now with all this in perspective maybe you can see that I'm not some swindling bitter ex. And yes for me I think that if he doesn't want to give the girls at least their own room then they would be much better off in my opinion not being cramped five days a week in a studio apartment trying to make space and quiet time for school work, personal space for my older daughter, and sleep. Two nights a week on a weekend would be better and more feasible for the kids needs.

Quote:

---

My daughters started to become more and more emotionally upset.

---

so be a mom and console them by informing them that we all have lives to deal with in addition to our children. This is an opportunity to shine as a parent rather than turn it into a lesson on contempt.

Quote:

---

When my six year old was sick and vomiting she was crying for me. Instead of having her call me so I can calm her down he told her "quit complaining your moms not here"

---

and you heard this or was it related to you by somebody that may be giving you their interpretation of what was said?

and dad isn't capable of being a dad and calming her down?



You keep changing your stance; he is a great dad BUT he in incapable of taking care of the kids without me

I want him to have as much time as possible BUT if he doesn't do what I want, I'm going to take away his time

And because I'm getting some responses I have a second question. Since we have no formal custody agreement at all we are in a disput about the holidays. He had them last Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. He also has had them for the last four Christmas Eves till at least 9:00pm. This year I'm asking for a full Christmas Eve and Christmas morning till 10:00am. He is unwilling to do so. So since I'm in the middle of completing the divorce and custody paperwork to file I'm sure we won't get a custody hearing before the holidays... How do I handle the Christmas disput? Do I just document it and present it before the judge after the fact?

- - - Updated - - -

Of course he capable but why tell the six year old "stop complaining and asking for mom". How is that co-parenting??!