Child Went Hungry After Refusing to Eat Food Offered by the Non-Custodial Parent

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Ohio
Father has complete custody with limited visitations for mother. 3hours on wed and over night on friday. Mother lost custody due to locking child in his bedroom during the day and giving him melatonon to encourage him to sleep. Court ordered father to have custody and set up the visitation times.
Mother has seen said child 4 times since Dec 18 2012 including last night as a over nite. The mother has had 2 other babies since loosing custody of this child. Last night she allowed him to stay up til after midnight and also allow him to sleep on an air mattress because her boyfriend and one of his friend was also spending the night. For breakfast she cooked eggs and ham for her adult visitors but because this child wanted plain scrambled eggs he was told he'd have to go without eating breakfast. Should we be upset that there were 2 men staying there while this little guy was there and had not seen his mom since june 2013 and he had to wait for his dad to pick him up before he could eat. We have no idea who these men are. it would seem to me that this child is not a prority to her when her multiple boyfriends are there.
she had 2 other child yrs ago that she lost custody of. So all together she has had 5 babies by 5 different men and has custody of 2. She has never worked a day in her life but collects SSI which is another sore point. she is on SSI because she has siezure but in more that 8 yrs of knowing her I have never seen this happen. She is not of course so disable she can't have babies.
I am just looking for validation about this. Am I over reacting?

There is nothing actionable here.

Then again, I'm not sure what Dad hopes to accomplish.

And Dad needs to realizes he has absolutely no say in who stays over or even moves in with Mom. She doesn't even have to let him know.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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There is nothing actionable here.

Then again, I'm not sure what Dad hopes to accomplish.

And Dad needs to realizes he has absolutely no say in who stays over or even moves in with Mom. She doesn't even have to let him know.

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The Dad and Grandparents are upset because the child wants the visits with Mommy of course but she puts him off time after time. From every ordered weekend she has seen him 4 times in 10 months and when she finally agrees to have him she is entertaining others rather than using the time to bond with this child who says each nite when being tucked in that he is going to dream about seeing Mommy.
I realize there is nothing anyone can really do about this legally but my vent is that this is very emotional for this child. He just is too young to understand. I am 66 and I don't understand. I just don't understand why her rights are more important than this child.It is bad enought she has had two more babies since loosing custody of this one.
I am not asking for legal advice here I am just looking for validation about how upsetting and unfair this is to this little boy.

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Quoting nunuma

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The Dad and Grandparents are upset because the child wants the visits with Mommy of course but she puts him off time after time. From every ordered weekend she has seen him 4 times in 10 months and when she finally agrees to have him she is entertaining others rather than using the time to bond with this child who says each nite when being tucked in that he is going to dream about seeing Mommy.
I realize there is nothing anyone can really do about this legally but my vent is that this is very emotional for this child. He just is too young to understand. I am 66 and I don't understand. I just don't understand why her rights are more important than this child.It is bad enought she has had two more babies since loosing custody of this one.
I am not asking for legal advice here I am just looking for validation about how upsetting and unfair this is to this little boy.

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...this is a legal forum.

There are many support forums online.

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Quoting nunuma

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Last night she allowed him to stay up til after midnight

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So? It wasn't a school night. Want to see many THOUSANDS of children up past midnight? Go to Disney any day of the week. Letting a child stay up late on a weekend night isn't going anywhere.

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and also allow him to sleep on an air mattress because her boyfriend and one of his friend was also spending the night

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Again...so? Nothing wrong with an air mattress. Or the couch. Or a sleeping bag on the floor or a tent in the back yard, for that matter. All of these are reasonable. When the sleeping conditions are UNreasonable or unsafe, such as in the bed of a pickup truck, on a dirty floor, or in a hammock 10 feet off the ground, THEN the court will be interested.

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For breakfast she cooked eggs and ham for her adult visitors but because this child wanted plain scrambled eggs he was told he'd have to go without eating breakfast

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No gripe here. Food WAS provided for the child. The child refused to eat it. Not gonna bother any judge (many of whom ALSO grew up in homes where you eat what is prepared, or go without until the next scheduled meal). You're talking about a SINGLE meal here - not that the child is suffering malnutrition because mom is refusing to feed the child.

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Should we be upset that there were 2 men staying there while this little guy was there and had not seen his mom since june 2013

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I can see how that might be un-nerving, but on what LEGAL grounds do you want the court to find it to be a danger to the child or otherwise inappropriate? Are one or both them them convicted felons with violent histories or crimes against children? Do you know what the relationship is between mom and these visitors, and can you prove those relatinships to the court? You can certainly seek to have the visitation order modified to include a "no paramour" clause, but be aware that they generally work both ways, which would similarly preclude you from having overnight opposite sex visitors.

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and he had to wait for his dad to pick him up before he could eat

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He chose not to eat what he was given. That's not going to be a hit on mom.

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We have no idea who these men are.

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If mom was awarded unsupervised visitation, then the court has given her the luxury of using her own discretion about who she has around the child. Again, that works both ways.

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it would seem to me that this child is not a prority to her when her multiple boyfriends are there.

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So on one hand you have no idea who they are, but then they are both boyfriends? Which is it?

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she had 2 other child yrs ago that she lost custody of. So all together she has had 5 babies by 5 different men and has custody of 2.

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Ok. So a whole line of men, including you, are willing to have unprotected sex with her. But she DOES have custody of some of the children, and has unsupervisied visitation with the child she had with you.

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She has never worked a day in her life

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Which didn't stop you or 4 other men from making babies with her, and isn't going to be a factor in her visitation.

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but collects SSI which is another sore point. she is on SSI because she has siezure but in more that 8 yrs of knowing her I have never seen this happen.

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That's a matter between the social security administration and her physicians.

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She is not of course so disable she can't have babies.

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Obviously.

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I am just looking for validation about this.

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LEGAL validation isn't leaning in your favor.

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Am I over reacting?

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All of your feelings are valid, because they are yours. The facts however, don't support the court intervening to make changes to the current visitation order, unless you can come up with some solid evidence that mom or her multiple boyfriends present some danger to the child or that some ACTUAL occurrance of neglect has occurrd (and no, the breakfast situation doesn't even come close).

Okay volunteers - raise your hand if, when you were a child, you were told "Fine. You don't want to eat X, Y & Z? Go to bed hungry then".

*raises hand*

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Okay volunteers - raise your hand if, when you were a child, you were told "Fine. You don't want to eat X, Y & Z? Go to bed hungry then".

*raises hand*

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Yep. Oma told me "I'm not a short-order cook. Eat what's in front of you, or don't eat at all." That's how the Monsters were raised, too, and at 17 and 21, they seem to be just fine.

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I am not asking for legal advice here I am just looking for validation about how upsetting and unfair this is to this little boy.

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That's not what we do here, and I for one wouldn't be "validating" you anyway. I would tell you to teach the kid not to act like a spoiled brat, and that actions often have unpleasant consequences.

So mom fixed ham and eggs...and the child only wanted eggs. If the child isn't intelligent enough to eat around the ham or pick it out, dad may have bigger problems than he realizes, and a consultation with an appropriate medical professional may be in order.

Other than that, the simple reality dad, is that two things hold true: (a) life isn't fair, and (b) actions have consequences. Legal and fair aren't the same thing, so even if we agreed that much of what you described wasn't fair to the child (most of life isn't fair to children, they don't get to pick their parents), it wouldn't have bearing at a legal level. Decisions made by parents, including whom to make children WITH, are choices made at the peril of resulting children - who then have to endure and survive those decisions and grow up to make such decisions of their own. As it stands right now, regardless of mom's past, you DID find her suitable to sleep with, and the court HAS found it reasonable for her to have unsupervised visitation at this point. I'm just not seeing anything in your post that is going to get a judge to re-think visitation, so at this point your better use of time and emotional energy may be to teach your child to develop their coping skills, broaden their menu, expand horizons, where the real center of the universe is in an age appropriate way, etc.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Okay volunteers - raise your hand if, when you were a child, you were told "Fine. You don't want to eat X, Y & Z? Go to bed hungry then".

*raises hand*

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yep, gone hungry a few times due to not liking what was on the menu.

*raises hand.

My mother never actually used the words, but the message came through clearly: I am not a short order cook. This is what's for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Nothing else is being served. It's this or go hungry.

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Quoting cbg

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*raises hand.

My mother never actually used the words, but the message came through clearly: I am not a short order cook. This is what's for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Nothing else is being served. It's this or go hungry.

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See, exactly!

I had three siblings living with us. So that's two adults and four kids.

And I can count on one hand the number of times my mother cooked separate meals for us - with four fingers and a thumb left over.

We didn't die. Didn't turn out to be Ted Bundy.

:D