Can I Refuse Visitation if Our Child Would Have to Fly Unattended

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Missouri

My now ex husband was ordered years ago to re-establish a relationship with our child. Our child at the time was two and he had not seen him since he was about nine months old. Custody worked out well, although a part of the arrangement was he was ordered by the court to make his scheduled phone calls three times a week and all his visits or I would have the right to deny future visits. Now he does live in California, and he has said visits of six weeks in the summer and one week at Christmas, he is ordered to fly with my son during any exchanges, as there are too many wackos in the world and I was not sending my son on a plane by himself. Four and half years ago the phone calls stopped, maybe calls a handful of times a year, and he has not visited since then. My son who is now almost 14, will be in December no longer wants to go to California. So my question is, what do I do? Being that my parenting plan states he HAS to make 85 percent of his phone calls, and all his scheduled visits, can I deny further visits and not get into trouble by the court? I am not going to make my child go 2000 miles away from home, if he does not want to. End of story.

If it really does say that you have the option to deny future visits, you could go back to court for a modification, but I doubt the judge is going to order that the child doesn't have to go at all. Even if the order does say that, I would get the judge to spell out when/if the child has to go see his father. If the judge does order the child to go and you don't send him, you could find yourself in contempt and/or losing custody of your child.

Im not sure if you don't understand my post or what? I am not good at explaining things... The judge already lined it out in black and white, stating he had to make his visits, and phone calls, or my parenting plan states I have good cause to deny future visits. He was ordered to call Tuesday Thursday and Sunday at 730 pm my time.... He was also ordered to visit with my son every Christmas and Every Summer six weeks in the summer and one week at Winter. He has failed to do anything for the last four years. Pretty sure that is considered abandonment.... it was lined out this way, due to him needing to reestablish a relationship with his child, which also it should say he was three years old and not 2 years old up above, he abandoned my son and myself when my son was nine months old. I just didn't know if at this point I needed to go back to court or what, as my son has had barely any contact with him, and I am tired of the back and forth stuff he tries to pull.... it does more damage to a child when a parent goes back and forth, makes the child feel as though they have done something wrong... he complains and says he does not have the money to come see his son, but post pictures of him going all across California on his four wheeler and taking lavish trips with his now girlfriend.....

If your order ACTUALLY states word for word that you can deny visitation if Dad doesn't complete X, Y & Z, then it's pretty self-explanatory.

You should however expect Dad to file for a modification - and if he gets it, you WILL be sending your mutual child.

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Quoting mommaof3inmo

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Missouri

My now ex husband was ordered years ago to re-establish a relationship with our child. Our child at the time was two and he had not seen him since he was about nine months old. Custody worked out well, although a part of the arrangement was he was ordered by the court to make his scheduled phone calls three times a week and all his visits or I would have the right to deny future visits. Now he does live in California, and he has said visits of six weeks in the summer and one week at Christmas, he is ordered to fly with my son during any exchanges, as there are too many wackos in the world and I was not sending my son on a plane by himself. Four and half years ago the phone calls stopped, maybe calls a handful of times a year, and he has not visited since then. My son who is now almost 14, will be in December no longer wants to go to California. So my question is, what do I do? Being that my parenting plan states he HAS to make 85 percent of his phone calls, and all his scheduled visits, can I deny further visits and not get into trouble by the court? I am not going to make my child go 2000 miles away from home, if he does not want to. End of story.

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You stated that dad hasn't attempted to exercise visitation in 4 1/2 years. What is prompting your question now? Is dad suddenly attempting exercise visitation or is this a "what if" scenario?

And honestly - Dad has to fork out for an extra plane ticket because you aren't comfortable sending your teenager on a plane alone?

There are more wackos in the local mall than on airplanes. Come on now.

out of the blue he has started calling again in this last month... my son has expressed to me that he just doesn't want anything to do with him... I try to encourage otherwise but he is pretty mad/hurt by him at this point...

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Quoting mommaof3inmo

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out of the blue he has started calling again in this last month... my son has expressed to me that he just doesn't want anything to do with him... I try to encourage otherwise but he is pretty mad/hurt by him at this point...

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I can absolutely understand that. And assuming what you're written is actually how your court order is written you can call the shots to a great extent.

But again, expect Dad to file something that's more enforceable.

With that said, yours may be one of the (very) few cases where kiddo's wishes will be taken into consideration. It doesn't happen often, but some judges will recognize that a teen who has had a virtually absent parent should be able to have at least some say.

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Ah - is the girlfriend relatively new on the scene? That would explain an awful lot (unfortunately).

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Quoting Dogmatique

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And honestly - Dad has to fork out for an extra plane ticket because you aren't comfortable sending your teenager on a plane alone?

There are more wackos in the local mall than on airplanes. Come on now.

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My son was three when we got divorced no I was not placing him on a plane by himself its not just the plane ticket is was about making my child feel comfortable with someone who is a complete stranger to him

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Quoting mommaof3inmo

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I am not going to make my child go 2000 miles away from home, if he does not want to. End of story.

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Can I ask then what you think you're going to get out of posting here? You've already made the decision.

But let me ask you this, are you just talking when you say that or are you willing to go into court and tell the JUDGE that you're not going to make him do it, end of story?

I just need to see if it's worth me spending my time answering your question

I am just frustrated and do not want to have to go to court... but do not want to allow him to treat my child like trash anymore!! Its not OK for someone to come and go the way he does... its effecting my child... and not in a good way!

Teach your son coping skills. Because, as I said, if Dad DOES manage to get the order modified you will be sending your son.

I had taken him to counseling years ago, for about a year... she was wonderful for him...I am debating taking him back again, I always think it helps to have someone to talk to that is not biased to the situation.... His life here at home is wonderful, he has a great step-dad and a wonderful little brother and little sister... he is the light of his papa's life.. my dad. I really have tried to work with his father over the years... so we would not become those people who are in court all the time... but when do you finally draw the line and say enough is enough... I honestly at this point wish he would just stay away, until my son is older.... for years I prayed he would call and be the dad he was supposed to be, I sent him phone cards, always had my son make him father days cards, call him on his birthday etc... I am that ex wife, I don't like arguing with him.... but he doesn't put our childs well being to heart... just tries to impress who is with at the time, or not impress them at all, and make them his whole priority.... its all very sad.

Unfortunately, it's sad, but legal. Two very different animals. You picked a person whose parenting values apparantly aren't the same as yours or whose value on parenting declined for one or more reasons after the fact. But the courts can't and won't attempt to force a parent to be a good parent, a capable parent, a caring parent, an involved parent, or the parent you wish them to be. Bottom line is that once someone is a parent, they're a parent, period. Good, bad, or otherwise - the exception being if that parent can be proven to be a physical danger to the child, or, if that parent is willing to bless a step parent adoption and willfully cut their ties to their child. Short of that, parents are allowed to be pretty much as craptacular as they're willing to be. When one parent is craptacular, the other parent simply has to respond as best they can, by getting the child the help the child may need to develop coping skills, express anger or feelings of abandonment, etc. You're not going to change dad. Best you're going to do is arm your child with coping skills.

Yes you are right, and unfortunately this is not the first child he has done this to. I met him when I was in high school, he is five years older than me... We started dating when I was 18 by that time he had already gotten a girl pregnant, married her, left her when her daughter was just two months old... I did not find out all the circumstances until well into our relationship... he ended up signing his rights away to his daughter, but now does have a relationship with her. When we got married all I heard about was how much he wanted a child but the bottom line is he liked the idea of having one, but not actually doing the work to raise one. He isn't a terrible person, but he is a awful dad....