Health Insurance Provided by a Stepparent Not Covered by Child Support

My question involves child support in the State of: TN

So, going over the guidelines for child support, there's this little stipulation...

1. The additional expenses for the child’s health/dental insurance premium,
recurring uninsured medical expenses, and work-related childcare shall be
included in the calculations to determine child support.

6. Amounts paid by a step-parent shall not be considered in the calculation.


So, essentially, if the step parent pays the premiums, since he gets better insurance rate, he won't get reimbursed by the person paying child support during a modification hearing? The step parent needs to put the original burden on the mother instead?! That doesn't seem right. What if the mother states she pays the amount of the premium back to the step parent that she is married to?

It looks like Tennessee has chosen to exclude from child support any such payments made a person not legally required to provide support.

Quote:

---

Quoting Mr. Knowitall

---

It looks like Tennessee has chosen to exclude from child support any such payments made a person not legally required to provide support.

---

I haven't known any other state to do that. It hardly seems fair.

Tennesse's reasoning being that if the parent is paying for the insurance, then it gets considered within the CS formula and CS may be modified to cover the expense, but not so if paid by anyone OTHER than the legally responsible parent. In other words, they can EITHER have the parent pay the higher rate and modify CS, or, they can have the step parent pay under a cheaper policy, and NOT have it calculated within CS - but not BOTH - since the step parent has no legal obligation to cover the child.

Also, most company plans (the dozen or so I've been familiar with) charge an individual rate, a rate for individual plus spouse, and a family rate. If the stepparent has a child of their own, or if OP and her new hubby have a child together the rate generally isn't going to increase according to the number of kids covered.

What if the mother states she pays the stepparent back?

Nothing in the formula suggests that will work.

So, the forumula is messed up. Because the income still comes out of the household....whether the mother pays for it or the stepparent pays for it...

The issue is that in many states, it's only the LEGAL parent whose finances matter, NOT the household in general.

OK...so if I pay for his daycare, and not his mother...that's something that doesnt get factored in either...

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

What if the mother states she pays the stepparent back?

---

Really? You honestly think you could present that argument with a straight face? Yes, your honor, I should get credit for this because I'm going to pay my own husband back?

That's a ludicrous argument to make and your credibility will be shot to hell if you try that one.

I've read through your posting history and I the best advice I can give is this: you need to realize that you chose this man to make a baby with. You need to start loving your kid more than you hate the dad. Unless you enjoy going to court on a regular basis. Fight the fights that are truly worth fighting and move on. Dad is dad, whether you like it or not. Otherwise you're going to be miserable until your kid ages out.

Quote:

---

Quoting EA1070a

---

I've read through your posting history and I the best advice I can give is this: you need to realize that you chose this man to make a baby with. You need to start loving your kid more than you hate the dad. Unless you enjoy going to court on a regular basis. Fight the fights that are truly worth fighting and move on. Dad is dad, whether you like it or not. Otherwise you're going to be miserable until your kid ages out.

---

I wasn't going to be personal, since this is a legal forum. But this is the stepparent, not the mother. And, yes, I would be spiteful, who wouldn't be, when dealing with someone who hasn't paid support in four years, out of a total of six yeas. Already found in will full contempt once. He willfully doesn't work, not disabled and not a convicted felon, yet ok with another man picking up his slack. Yet, with no much as a thank you...but constant shit talk, since she doesnt want to be with him...(I only ask about health insurance for the current amount to be in arrears)

And when, he does see him, it's more stress than it needs to be. Can't get ahold of him during the entire weekend he has the child. Calls him the n* word as a term of endearment. Inconsistent when it comes to seeing him. When asked to see him he could talk to him to a doctor's appoint, he reponsded, 'ask your f**&in boyfriend' (back when we were dating).If there is a BBQ or some place to show off his kid, he's probably going to want to pick him up, no one on one time. Constantly picks him up high(Only assume this, since his eyes are bloodshot and his recently did time for a simple possession charge) The child tells us he drives him around, even though he told us his license was suspended previously to the child telling us this..If the child acts up at school, the counserlor's first question is, is Bio dad back in the picture?

I could go on, but not going to on a public forum. He has all of the perks of having a child(showing him off,pictures, bonding), but none of the responsibilities. So, before you give your Dr. Phil advice, realize 9 times out of 10, there are probably underlying issues, that you aren't aware.

Yeah yeah yeah. You think that family law judges and attorneys don't hear variations on the same stories day in, day out?

A lot of women and men make lousy choices re: who they procreate with then bitch and moan and make themselves miserable by running to court on a regular basis with ridiculous arguments. This one is a loser.

And since this is apparently the stepparent and not mom who has been starting all of these threads about filing for abandonment, losing CS modification requests, etc. - you don't have a dog in this fight.

Dad can be a lousy dad all he wants and rack up support arrears but he still gets to be dad.

Quote:

---

Quoting EA1070a

---

Yeah yeah yeah. You think that family law judges and attorneys don't hear variations on the same stories day in, day out?

A lot of women and men make lousy choices re: who they procreate with then bitch and moan and make themselves miserable by running to court on a regular basis with ridiculous arguments. This one is a loser.

And since this is apparently the stepparent and not mom who has been starting all of these threads about filing for abandonment, losing CS modification requests, etc. - you don't have a dog in this fight.

Dad can be a lousy dad all he wants and rack up support arrears but he still gets to be dad.

---

No dog in this fight?! I don't know how your 'blended family' works but I raise this child as my own, and that is what the mother wants.. It was I, who told her to puruse him being put on child support and then filing the contempt. My word is her word.

Allow dad to still be a dad? Explain what that is again...

He lives in my home, I provide for him emotionally, financially and any other way I can. I make sure he is bathed, clothed, fed, taught morals, study with him, care for him when he is sick.

When the 'dad' drops him off for the weekend, he doesn't hear or see him for two more weeks, let alone go to his socceer games...So, explain to me, what being a 'dad' is...

Still irrelant. You are not dad. Period.

Quote:

---

Quoting Chede

---

Still irrelant. You are not dad. Period.

---

Once again you failed to answer my question, what is your defintion of a dad. Last I checked it takes more than just sperm. A real dad simply doesn’t produce children, but a real dad is committed to his children.

And, I make this statement from the other side of the fence, having a stepparent raise me...

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

Once again you failed to answer my question, what is your defintion of a dad. Last I checked it takes more than just sperm. A real dad simply doesn’t produce children, but a real dad is committed to his children.

And, I make this statement from the other side of the fence, having a stepparent raise me...

---

You're forgetting this is about legalities, not feelings.

You're not the child's father. Legally, a Dad is a Dad when he fathers a child biologically, or when he adopts a child.

Legally, sperm or adoption is all it takes.

Are we on the same page now?

We are on the same page, besides the few posts being dismissive stating I didn't have a dog in the fight.

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

We are on the same page, besides the few posts being dismissive stating I didn't have a dog in the fight.

---

You think you're the only stepparent here? Think again.

Legally you are irrelevant. Like it or not, that is just the way it is.

So far it seems as if that you and mom have been relatively unsuccessful in the courts. But by all means, if you want to push mom into trying to get the court to give her credit for monies that you're paying out for a family coverage plan, despite the laws that have been quoted here showing that this will be unsuccessful, go for it.

This is what you need to realize: the more you interfere, the harder you're going to make things for mom.

The amount of money my husband paid in child support each month with an ex who refused to work was enough to cover the mortgage that she and her new spouse carried, as well as all of their car payments and monthly bills. Everything.

Life isn't fair. If you love mom and love the child, leave it at that and butt out of the court proceedings.

Quote:

---

Quoting EA1070a

---

So far it seems as if that you and mom have been relatively unsuccessful in the courts.

---

Me being inquisitive and asking questions on a public doesn't mean I've been unsuccessful. 'Dad' has already done 90 days in county jail for being a dead beat. Sounds like a success to me. More I interfere, means things will get handled and not put on the backburner...leave it at that...

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

Me being inquisitive and asking questions on a public doesn't mean I've been unsuccessful. 'Dad' has already done 90 days in county jail for being a dead beat. Sounds like a success to me. More I interfere, means things will get handled and not put on the backburner...leave it at that...

---

Actually, the more you interfere, the easier it's going to be for Dad to prove 3rd party interference.

Do you realize what can happen?

It might be a slap on Mom's wrist.

It might be you being restrained from being around the child.

And it can eventually lead to Mom losing custody.

Know. Your. Place. Because I guarantee you, if Mom loses custody because you can't let things sit and admit to being spiteful for the sake of it? You'll be out of the door faster than your head can spin.

Unfortunately doesn't apply, since there is no third party interference clause.

Because they were never married, so there is no parenting plan and no custody order. (And he's obviously never cared enough to pursue one)

What you typed did sound good, till one realizes it doesn't apply to this situation.

You're not listening.

Dad can file AT ANY POINT for a parenting plan AND a third party interference clause.

And before you ask - yes, I'm a stepparent. I'm a pretty awesome stepparent actually. To the point where my almost 30-year old stepdaughter wants me to go ahead with an adult adoption.

But let me tell you a little story - you'd be wise to actually put your pride aside and listen.

Many years ago, I was The Girlfriend. My boyfriend at the time had custody of his kids. With him having custody, that must've meant that Mom was a complete deadbeat right? I mean, I had to be a better choice. I - unintentionally and misguidedly, truth be told - tried to insert myself into Mom position to the point where it could have actually lost Dad his custody.

It wasn't until after we broke up and I saw her with the kids that we actually talked. And she treated me with a whole lot more grace and dignity than I deserved.

I learned my place.

You're miles away from the place at the moment. And if you honestly believe that you're not harming Mom's custody by your interference, I suppose there's not much more we can say to you other than "See you when you're back here wanting to know if you can demand visitation with your ex stepkids".

That's a pretty sad place to be. You have a chance here. Don't blow it.

You're welcome.

He can...but after half a decade, he hasn't....and the child is about to be a teenager...

I doubt he's going to now..(esp. when she dictates when he sees the child, if she learns of something negative that happened over there, and he does nothing besides send a few drunken texts, and then don't hear from him for a few weeks)

Anyone who really cared about seeing their kids would have taken her to court

Your experience isn't my experience....You're welcome...

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

He can...but after half a decade, he hasn't....and the child is about to be a teenager...

I doubt he's going to now..

Your experience isn't my experience....You're welcome...

---

Obviously I'm getting through to you on one level, since you're getting more and more irritated.

That's a good thing. You can learn from it.

And on that note, just as easily he can file a parenting plan...

I can easily file for abandonment on the child, if I chose to adopt...

Quote:

---

(1) (A) For purposes of terminating the parental or guardian rights of parent(s) or guardian(s) of a child to that child in order to make that child available for adoption, �abandonment� means that:

(i) For a period of four (4) consecutive months immediately preceding the filing of a proceeding or pleading to terminate the parental rights of the parent(s) or guardian(s) of the child who is the subject of the petition for termination of parental rights or adoption, that the parent(s) or guardian(s) either have willfully failed to visit or have willfully failed to support or have willfully failed to make reasonable payments toward the support of the child;

---

http://www.state.tn.us/tccy/tnchild/36/36-1-102.htm



Three years of non support is a little bit longer than 4 months....

The very second Mom files for abandonment? Dad will likely file for a parenting plan. And despite his absence, he WILL be allowed at least one shot.

I suggest you have Mom consult with a local attorney.

:cool:

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

The very second Mom files for abandonment? Dad will likely file for a parenting plan. And despite his absence, he WILL be allowed at least one shot.

I suggest you have Mom consult with a local attorney.

:cool:

---

Doggie, I'm not sure that stepdad is getting it. Unfortunately he's going to have to learn the hard way as most of us do.

Seems to be stepdad is one of the major reasons for all the issues in the first place despite dad's absence.

Quote:

---

Quoting Chede

---

Seems to be stepdad is one of the major reasons for all the issues in the first place despite dad's absence.

---

Vague personal attacks, with no substance behind it.....Please explain...All the issues?

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

Vague personal attacks, with no substance behind it.....Please explain...All the issues?

---

Read your own posts.

And then read them again.

And then buy a book on how to be a decent stepparent

(Or, invest in Kleenex stock so that when custody is changed because you can't or won't keep out of it, you can mop up Mom's tears)

Once again, vague personal attacks with nothing of substance

Nope, no personal attacks. I don't have anything vested in your wife's case. Not my problem.

However, it can become a HUGE problem for her, and you, if you don't learn your place as a stepparent. You're coming across as bitter, controlling and spiteful. That's not going to work out well for you.

Do you have any idea how often this becomes a problem for blended families? Parents can, and do, actually lose custody because their spouse can't hold back from the overstepping. Is that honestly what you want?

Whatever you have to tell yourself...if you don't have anything vested, why do you wasting time responding..

You have yet to state how I'm overstepping....

A 7yo isn't about to be a teenager.

Keep encouraging mom to drag dad back to court and you can bet your sweet ass that eventually he will get pissed off enough to file for a whole slew of things.

*claps hands*

I'm out.

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

And, yes, I would be spiteful, who wouldn't be, when dealing with someone who hasn't paid support in four years, out of a total of six yeas.

---

First example ^^^.

Quote:

---

Already found in will full contempt once. He willfully doesn't work, not disabled and not a convicted felon, yet ok with another man picking up his slack. Yet, with no much as a thank you...but constant shit talk, since she doesnt want to be with him...(I only ask about health insurance for the current amount to be in arrears)

And when, he does see him, it's more stress than it needs to be. Can't get ahold of him during the entire weekend he has the child. Calls him the n* word as a term of endearment. Inconsistent when it comes to seeing him. When asked to see him he could talk to him to a doctor's appoint, he reponsded, 'ask your f**&in boyfriend' (back when we were dating).If there is a BBQ or some place to show off his kid, he's probably going to want to pick him up, no one on one time. Constantly picks him up high(Only assume this, since his eyes are bloodshot and his recently did time for a simple possession charge) The child tells us he drives him around, even though he told us his license was suspended previously to the child telling us this..If the child acts up at school, the counserlor's first question is, is Bio dad back in the picture?

I could go on, but not going to on a public forum. He has all of the perks of having a child(showing him off,pictures, bonding), but none of the responsibilities. So, before you give your Dr. Phil advice, realize 9 times out of 10, there are probably underlying issues, that you aren't aware.

---

You have no dog in this fight. This is between Mom and Dad. Not you.

Are we on the same page now?

Quote:

---

Quoting EA1070a

---

A 7yo isn't about to be a teenager.

Keep encouraging mom to drag dad back to court and you can bet your sweet ass that eventually he will get pissed off enough to file for a whole slew of things.

*claps hands*

I'm out.

---

Your hypotheticals mean nothing, anyone whose already spent 90 days in jail, would have filed when he got out...

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

First example ^^^.

You have no dog in this fight. This is between Mom and Dad. Not you.

Are we on the same page now?

---

Once again, if you have nothing vested, why are you replying. He is a sperm donor, and the mother and I are one...U mad bro?

Raven - if you insist on arguing with everything you're being told (which is way accurate, btw), then why do YOU keep coming back? The right answers remain the right answers, whether they are sugar coated, or smothered with foulness. If you're here looking for confirmation of what you want to hear, I'm sorry to tell you that you're wasting your time. What you want to hear isn't legally accurate.

Until you're in an emotional place where you're able to discern the difference between legal reality and emotional wishfulness, the information you need isn't going to make its way into your thinking. So rather than come here and run around in circles, go get yourself either some counseling from a program that assists step parents, or buy yourself a few books on step-parenting issues, or both. Because you're not understanding how your attitudes are going to cause HARM to mom's case. If you care about HER and the CHILD, then do what you need to do so that you may be SUPPORTIVE of mom's case, rather than DESTRUCTIVE. We're trying to help you, but you are not in a state of mind at this time to be able to ACCEPT help. When you get there, please come back and we'll start over.

I keep coming back cause you keep showing up in my e-mail, I find it funny you spend time to respond....on a situation you know nothing of, and people you don't know...You are just making generalizations....

Quote:

---

Quoting aardvarc

---

Raven - if you insist on arguing with everything you're being told (which is way accurate, btw), then why do YOU keep coming back? The right answers remain the right answers, whether they are sugar coated, or smothered with foulness.

---

*hopes Aardvarc doesn't think I smothered anything in foulness.*

*going off to wash my mouth (fingers?) off with soap*

:angel:

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting XxRaVeNxX

---

I keep coming back cause you keep showing up in my e-mail, I find it funny you spend time to respond....on a situation you know nothing of, and people you don't know...You are just making generalizations....

---

Believe it or not, we are actually trying to help you. Being a stepparent is hard. Most of us know just how hard it is and a lot of us see you making mistakes that we, ourselves, have made. The majority of us also have extensive experience in family law in one capacity or another. Some of us work in the courts, some are attorneys, some are advocates in the family law court system, some have law degrees, and some have simply been around the block a time or twenty.

You think you're helping your wife but you've lost all sense of objectivity because you're too close to the situation. You assume that just because dad was put in the clink for a couple of months that that would have led him to file his own motions immediately upon release and that isn't necessarily true. I've seen situations where one party was convinced that the other would never go for custody, only to be blindsided.

Now I truly *am* done with this conversation. Hopefully you will take Aardvarc's advice to heart.